The words of his master echoed in Sanzo's mind like the recurring waves of the sea. He stared out into the dismal vista unseeingly as his mind filled with images of that afternoon. The gentle, rain –laden breeze, the chirping of the insects, the fresh mountain air, laden with the scents of pine and wildflowers.
He opened his mouth slightly, allowing the tear he hadn't realized had seeped out to fall on his tongue. He sucked his breath in as the salty taste saturated his tongue, his mind reeling with a potent mixture of pain, reservation and shame for being so weak.
He cursed out loud and flicked his cigarette down, grinding it out of existence viciously and lighting up another one. He sighed hoarsely as nicotine hit his system, inhaling deeply and striving to calm his racing emotions.
The door opened behind him and he jumped slightly. Goku chattered in, saying things that Sanzo didn't register over the siren whisper of that fateful afternoon in his mind. He looked out into the dismal evening, straining to remember again and block out the clatter of Goku behind him.
Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his forehead. Warmth, just like his master. So caring, so considerate, so wise, always there for him. Koumyou, he thought, as tears threatened to prickle his eyes again. And then Goku spoke, shattering the illusion.
'Sanzo, you okay? You don't seem to have a fever.'
And then it hit him. That hand was nothing like Koumyou's. It was the wrong size, the wrong texture, the wrong temperature, the wrong scent, and attached to a worthless monkey with a black hole for a stomach. A monkey who loved him with all his heart, but that didn't register in Sanzo's enraged mind as he slapped the hand away harshly.
'Sanzo!' Goku whispered, his voice betraying the hurt he felt, as though the expression on his face wasn't enough to know how he felt.
The wrong voice as well. Sanzo snarled in frustration, his hand sweeping away the everything on the table. Everything Goku had brought. Goku. Why was he even here, anyway? And why was Sanzo in this dingy room? Why wasn't he dead? Why wasn't he with whom mattered most- his master? Why-
'Sanzo.' Goku whispered again, eyes wide. 'What's wrong?'
You are, Sanzo wanted to say, but all that came out of his mouth was an angry growl. 'Get the hell out',he spat at the cowering boy on the floor.
And Goku did, his eyes beginning to wet as he choked, fighting back his tears and and rushing past Goyjo and Hakkai, who looked at him with shock.
Back in the room, lightning flashed, illuminating one angry monk and a can of peaches on the floor.
Author's notes: summimasen! Honto ni summimasen! I'll upload frequently from here on!
Next chapter spoiler: Goku meets a cocky war god and Sanzo begins to regret what he did.
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