World Enough and Time – Chapter Four

At a Loss

Swish and flick. Swish and flick.

The heavy book in front of Lily rose and fell with the waving of her wand as she idly gazed around the Hogwarts library. Once again, Lily had ventured into the stacks in hopes of finding any information on time travel that could help her. She knew that Dumbledore was working on sending her home but it did not seem right to simply sit around and let him do all the work. Not that her efforts had proven very fruitful. In fact, so far she had come up with absolutely nothing. That was, unless you counted that section in Catastrophic Miscalculations about the wizard who had ended up, through a long series of mishaps, becoming his own grandfather. It said very little about how he actually managed his disastrous time traveling and so the whole thing, while disturbingly interesting, was worthless to Lily.

It had been almost a week since she had woken up in the Hospital Wing in nineteen ninety seven and every day since then Lily had come to the library. But even with a solid week's worth of effort she had nothing to show for it. For some reason though, she kept coming back. Resting her head in the palm of her hand and still lazily waving her wand Lily smiled around at the familiar shelves of books. The library had become, if nothing else, a sanctuary for her, an escape from the sidelong glances and murmured rumors that followed her through the corridors. And it was an escape from the achingly familiar faces that still managed to shock her.

Lily was even less focused than usual today and she knew that trying to do any more work would be near impossible. So instead of returning to the stubbornly unhelpful books piled around her Lily took to observing the other students who had decided their Sunday afternoon was better spent studying for upcoming exams than out in the gorgeous sunshine. There were a few older Ravenclaws a couple of tables over who were huddled together over a large Arithmancy volume. They were speaking in hushed tones, occasionally pointing and gesturing and scribbling notes. There were Hufflepuffs huddled in groups here and there and a random Slytherin browsing the shelves. A group of fifth year Gryffindor boys – Lily recognized them now from her classes – were at a table in front of her chatting quietly but enthusiastically about Quidditch.

Swish and flick. Swish and flick.

Her book continued to hover as Lily casually eavesdropped on those within hearing distance. The Gryffindor boys were recounting, play by play, the final Quidditch match of the season. It had been the day before. Lily had not been to the match but had taken advantage of the nearly empty castle to wander the corridors in peace. But from what Lily had heard, Gryffindor had come out on top despite the fact that their star captain, and Seeker to boot, had been in detention and, once again, had been unable to play in the final.

But Lily did not want to think about that.

Harry's face flashed into her mind, his wet clothes, his red-stained trainers. She had started thinking of him as Harry. It was easier.

Harry had not been playing because he had been in detention for cursing Draco Malfoy so badly… all that blood. Lily grimaced and shook her head to get rid of the image of Severus Snape supporting the bleeding Malfoy boy down the hall.

Although Lily had heard from her father about Severus Snape she had never seen his picture and his portrait in the Headmistress's office was frequently vacant. She had been shocked to learn, in her first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, that that thoroughly unpleasant man was someone her father respected. Not only was he something of an enigma, but he was downright rude and frequently sneered at his students.

What was Dad thinking with that one, Lily thought, Albus Severus…

Lily had taken to sitting in the back of all of her classes, more to avoid Ginny than anything else. She had started thinking of her as Ginny. She had been referring to her parents by their first names in her mind – she had not spoken to either of them – both in hopes of distancing herself and avoiding any embarrassing slip-ups. She never volunteered or answered any of the professors' questions and it seemed that her persistent silence was taken by most as the manifestation of her grief over losing her family.

The only professor who continued to give her odd looks was Snape. He had done so ever since encountering her in the hallway after what Lily quietly referred to as The Bathroom Incident. Because of this she was particularly subdued in Defense class and she was always the first to leave when they were dismissed, practically running from the room. It did not occur to Lily that such behavior would only further raise his suspicions that there was something odd about Lilian McGonagall.

Swish and flick.

Another afternoon wasted.

Sunshine was slowly creeping across her table and Lily watched it before deciding that perhaps she would find a nice place to sit along the lake when a familiar figure emerged from among the many shelves in front of her. At the sight of Hermione Granger Lily just had time to register the disgruntled expression on the girl's face before her focus snapped and the book she had been levitating fell with a loud crash onto the table.

The students seated at neighboring tables shot her dark looks, glaring or rolling their eyes. Lily decided it was indeed time to go and began gathering her things. The dreaded Madame Pince could appear at any moment, ready with a telling off for disturbing the quiet. Before she had pulled everything together there was a loud shriek.

"That's it!"

Damn, Lily thought, apologies half-forming on the tip of her tongue but when she looked up it was not Madame Pince standing before her but Hermione. Lily froze and watched as Hermione grabbed one of the heavy volumes from the table, a delighted look on her face. She smiled at Lily excitedly.

"This is the book I've been looking for," she said to Lily, who could only stare back, her mouth slightly open. Her eyes darted around the library as if looking for the fastest exit. "I've been looking for ages and I thought someone must have checked it out. Are you finished with it? Would you mind if I had it?"

She said all this very quickly. Lily tried to shake past her shock. Question, part of her brain registered. Answer!

"Er…," she started. Lily really wished that people from her present would stop surprising her like this. She shook her head, trying to clear it, and focused on the book Hermione was holding up. It was a collection of old issues of the Daily Prophet, which had proved of no help at all to her.

"I don't need it," she managed and tried to smile but it came off as more of a grimace.

There was an awkward moment during which both girls merely stood there, the old scratched and stained library table between them. Hermione did not leave right away but rather she stared at Lily with a small frown as though seeing a particularly challenging puzzle for the first time. Lily hoped that Hermione would not try to make further conversation. She avoided the other girl's eyes and resumed gathering her things, stuffing books and parchment haphazardly into her bag.

She glanced up to see Hermione still watching her, staring at her robes in fact, her head tilted slightly to the side.

"Is there something wrong with my robes," Lily asked bruskly, not minding if she sounded rude because, honestly, she wanted Hermione to leave. However the other girl did not seem to notice.

"What?" She seemed to snap out of a trance. "Oh, no. I was just – I thought I knew everyone in Gryffindor."

"I'm sort of… new."

Hermione's face lit up with instant recognition. "Oh of course, you're Professor McGonagall's niece. I can't believe I'd forgotten!"

That still sounded entirely strange to Lily. Minerva McGonagall was her Headmistress not her aunt. She had not anticipated how uncomfortable it would feel to claim a close relation to the woman. True, McGonagall had been a family friend for as long as Lily could remember but she had always been, without a doubt, a figure of strict authority. Lily voiced none of this but nodded instead.

Hermione was smiling now in a friendly sort of way and Lily fought the urge to groan. She did not want to be talking about her fake aunt with her real aunt, who was, at the moment a teenager now not much older than Lily herself. It was too uncomfortable. It made her stomach flutter and face flush. It was giving her a headache.

"That must be why you look so familiar," Hermione said, oblivious to Lily's discomfort. "It's almost as though I've seen you before. But…," Hermione studied Lily's face more carefully, "you don't look much like your aunt."

Of course I don't, I look more like your best friends. But she only shrugged. She wished Hermione would leave. She wished there were more room in her bag. It was full to the brim but some of her books were still strewn on the table and Hermione picked one of them up. "Are you going back to the common room? I could help you carry all of this if you'd like."

The thought of more forced conversation made her stomach churn, but she could not think of any polite way to decline the offer.

"Sure," she said and picked up one of the books herself. Between the two of them they gathered all of Lily's remaining belongings and made their way out of the library. Hermione chatted about the castle as they walked and Lily missed all of her curious glances. She simply stared straight ahead, counting the steps back to Gryffindor Tower.

"I don't understand."

James Sirius Potter rolled his eyes and turned to face his brother. "Lily's disappeared, Al. What about that is too difficult to grasp?"

His harsh tone as he so bluntly stated Lily's absence made everyone else in the room flinch, including Albus. He was not mad at James, just as he knew James was not truly upset with him, but they had both been venting their frustrations on each other for the past hour. He, James, and their parents had been sitting together in relative silence, waiting, sitting, doing very little.

"I know that," Al snarled back, unable to help himself. "What I don't understand is why we're all just sitting here, not doing anything about it!"

James's face reddened and he glared at his brother. "Well, do you have any ideas, genius? Any brilliant theories on how to bring Lily back? Because we'd love to hear them, really we would."

"James, that's enough," their mother cut in. Her tone was threatening and her face was strained. Al could not help but notice the tear stains on her cheeks. He felt some of his anger disappear but it came back full force when he turned back to see James glaring at him, a challenge written all over his face.

"Right," he said when Al remained silent. "Well, when you come up with something be sure to share with the rest of the class, won't you?"

Albus was suddenly on his feet and James quickly followed suit. They were nearly the same height now and that fact made Al feel stronger. He wanted to vent his anger on the only outlet he had at the moment. It had been years since he and James had fought like this but part of him was just itching for his brother to throw the first punch. But before either of them could do anything their father was standing between them, an arm stretched out to each and a look on his face that made both Albus and James step away.

"That's enough," he said, his voice quiet and frightening. James returned to his seat. Albus did the same a second later. He avoided looking at his brother and instead watched as his father returned to the couch where he put an arm around his wife.

Everyone's temper had been short for the past two days and while Harry Potter had kept his head better than anyone else in the family the strain was beginning to show. Al suspected that neither of his parents had been sleeping much. Both constantly had dark circles under their eyes and the night before when Albus woke up in the middle of the night he could hear quiet voices coming from their room.

He had returned home with his parents after first receiving the news of Lily's disappearance but since coming back to the house Albus wished he had stayed at Hogwarts. There was nothing here to distract him from the horrible situation they had all ended up in. There were instead constant reminders of Lily - her bedroom, untouched since the winter holidays, her empty seat at the dining table.

James had also been home since hearing the news. He worked at the Ministry in the Experimental Charms Department but had taken a short leave, packed up some things from his flat, and settled back into his old room. Albus glanced over at his brother to see his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. He did not want to think of anyone giving up on Lily, least of all James, and it was this more than anything that made Al want to punch him.

James could not give up. He would not, not really, Albus knew this. But in the long silences it was easy to let his thoughts wander to dark and dangerous places.

Teddy was late. Teddy was always late, but he was especially so today. Teddy did not know about Lily's disappearance but they would be telling him today. He had been out of the country for work and Al's father had not wanted to send an owl. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron knew, but other than that the family was so far unaware and Albus dreaded telling them. It was hard enough dealing with his parents and James – he did not want to imagine all of his various aunts and uncles and cousins converging on the family to share in the despair. Albus was determined that this situation would not turn into grieving, for that would be giving up and he refused to abandon his sister that way.

For what felt like the hundredth time Albus looked up at the clock seated on the mantel and found that only seven minutes had passed since he had last looked. He sighed in frustration. Out of the corner of his eye he saw James roll his eyes. Albus would have retorted but for the angry look their father shot at both of them. A warning that they both understood.

Any time now Teddy would arrive and Albus held out hope that when he did perhaps something would get done. But for now, they waited, seemingly endlessly.

Al gripped the arms of the large chair he occupied, scrunching up the fabric beneath his fingers. He changed another glance at James and saw that now his brother's expression was sad as he stared back. Albus knew that in that moment they were thinking exactly the same thing.

I wish Lily were here.

Although Lily still avoided the dormitory as often as possible she found herself there now, stretched out on her back on her bed, her eyes staring blankly at the red canopy above her. The window was open and a pleasant spring breeze was wafting into the tower. It moved her hair gently and Lily kept brushing it from her face to keep it from tickling her forehead and cheeks. She had been in this state since returning to Gryffindor Tower with Hermione. She practically fled to the dormitory after having made some sort of excuse and made a bee line for her bed.

She had had a good few hours of solitude and quiet now and this was the most relaxed Lily had felt the entire week. It was not a peaceful feeling exactly, but it was at least a departure from the near-crippling discomfort that characterized most of her waking moments. At least when she was alone she could pretend that none of this was happening, that she was back home in her own bed, waking from a terrible dream.

The sky outside was darkening but Lily remained unmoving on the bed. Her feet dangled over the edge, her shoes long since kicked off and her robe tossed somewhere on the floor. As the sun continued sinking the light in the room turned rosier and tinted her hair an even more vibrant shade of red. Lily was just thinking that she might drift off to sleep when she heard voices, two of them, growing louder as the girls they belonged to climbed the stairs.

Please be going somewhere else, Lily thought desperately, her eyes shut and her brow furrowed. Please.

However the next moment Lily identified the voices as belonging to Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger and she groaned, sure that any moment now that door would swing open and the reality of nineteen ninety seven would crash back down around her. She had so far avoided any direct contact with her teenage mother, not an easy accomplishment in such close quarters, and she was not eager to change that. But all too soon Ginny and Hermione were right outside the door. Lily rolled over onto her stomach, grabbed a random book from the nightstand, and flipped it open. She stared at the pages without reading them, trying to look as busy and inaccessible as possible. The door opened.

"I keep telling you, Hermione, we just went for a walk around the lake." Lily could easily picture the smirk on Ginny's face. She did not look up.

"Just a walk," Hermione repeated and Lily could hear the teasing disbelief dripping from the older girl's voice. "Ginny, you were gone for hours yesterday and you haven't stopped smiling since then. And, neither has Harry."

Ginny giggled. Lily was not accustomed to hearing her mother giggle like a teenage girl. But then, right now, she was a teenage girl. A teenage girl who had a new boyfriend from what Lily had heard, but she did not want to think too much about her parents sharing a kiss in the Common Room or dating or doing any sort of teenage activities. Lily winced and glanced at the two girls from the corner of her eye. Hermione seemed to be fighting a smile while Ginny was making no such effort. She was clearly elated.

"I'll never tell," Ginny said airily and spun to sit on her bed. Lily tried to look away before either girl saw her watching them but she was too late. In turning to sit on the bed Ginny was now facing Lily and smiling. "Oh, hello, Lillian."

Lily looked up entirely from the book she was so diligently not reading and tried to look as though she had only just noticed the other girls' arrival. Hermione took a seat at Ginny's desk and Ginny remained on the side of her bed, her feet swinging. Ginny grinned sheepishly. "We haven't really met, have we?"

Lily had made sure of that. But she forced a smile onto her face. "I suppose not," she said, sitting up.

"Have you met Hermione?"

"Yes, we met earlier today in the library."

Ginny giggled again. She seemed extraordinarily cheerful. "Of course, her natural habitat," she quipped, grinning at the bushy-haired brunette. "Hermione rarely ventures elsewhere."

Hermione spun to face Ginny, her cheeks pink. "I'll have you know I spent the entire afternoon with Ron," she protested and Ginny laughed, raising her eyebrows.

"So we know you weren't in the library then. Ron avoids it like the plague."

Lily watched the two of them interact and had to actually fight a smile from creeping too widely across her face. Their banter was familiar and it both comforted and saddened her. Each day she was more homesick than the next and it was moments like this, moments with particular reminders of her present, that made it even harder. Hermione and Ginny continued to chat and giggle and Lily made no effort to reinsert herself in the conversation. Instead she turned back to her book and pretended to read while she listened to their voices and pretended she was home.

When Teddy Lupin entered the room he had a crooked grin on his face and vibrant green hair. He had a traveling bag slung over his shoulder and his skin had a slightly brownish tint as if he had recently spent a lot of time in the sun. Which, Al realized, he probably had. Curse-breakers usually did. He looked happy and healthy but when saw the faces of everyone else in the room the smile slid from his face.

"What's happened?"

Al grimaced, Teddy's worried expression causing a lump to form in his throat. He doubted whether any words would have come even if he wanted them to. He wanted to look away from Teddy's face but found it nearly impossible to do so. Looking at the rest of the family would have been worse – theirs were not expressions of worry or concern but of despair.

"Harry, what's going on?"

Albus dragged his gaze over to his father and saw the pained, hardened expression there that had been ever-present since he had first heard the news about his daughter. His dad stood and walked over to his godson. Teddy was slightly taller.

"We didn't want to tell you in a letter," he started as Albus, James, and their mother watched the exchange. "It's-"

But he faltered and Al winced as his father's expression crumble just for a moment.

"It's Lily," he heard himself say because he was not sure he could bear to hear his father say it.

Teddy's bag fell to the floor with a thud. His attention, along with everyone else's in the room, was now focused on Albus and he wished he had not spoken.

"What about her," Teddy asked frantically, gazing around the room as if he thought Lily was hiding somewhere. "Is she here? Is she all right?"

Albus opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. He closed it again and his teeth clicked.

"Is she all right?"

"We don't know," James answered and his voice, in contrast to his brother's and fathers, was quiet, calm.

Teddy's hair wilted to its natural, soggy brown color and he paled considerably. "What does that mean? Where is Lily?"

"She's gone," Albus croaked out and he found himself on his feet. "She's disappeared – lost somewhere in time and we don't know when. She's gone and we don't know how to bring her back and no one is doing anything about it."

Only after he fell silent again did Al realize he had been shouting. Everyone was staring at him, pale and surprised and a moment later his mother stood and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He leaned into her embrace without thinking about it and felt warm tears soak through the material of his shirt. His mother crying troubled him far more than any of the tense silences or shouting had done. He wrapped his arms around her.

"Harry, what's he talking about? Lost in time, what the hell—"

"She disappeared and all they found was a broken time turner and the Marauder's Map," his dad answered, his hands shoved into his pockets. "We are working on it," he continued shooting Albus a warning glance, "but it's hard to know where to start. We don't have a lot to go on. But we are going to bring her back, Albus, I promise."

Albus felt some of his anger melt away at his father's calming words. There was desperation in his voice but also conviction. His mother tightened her arms around him and then let go. When she stepped away there was hardly any evidence that she had been crying at all except the dark splotch of Al's shoulder. He stared around at his family, his parents dishelved but determined, his brother quiet and serious, and Teddy, bewildered and clearly struggling with the strange and horrible news. He did not know why in this troubling moment he should so suddenly feel confident that something was going to get done, but he did.

He looked around at his family and while Lily's absence stung like salt in a wound it also bolstered his drive to do something to find her.

"We'll find her," he whispered. "We have to."

AN. More plot next chapter. :)