World Enough and Time – Chapter Nine
War Time
Harry hated her.
He had not hated someone in a very long time, not since Voldemort, and it was a terrible feeling – like his insides where rotting. But he could not help himself, nor did he try to stop. He hated the woman sitting in front of him because she had taken his daughter away from him.
For a few minutes Harry and Pansy Parkinson merely stared at each other, Harry's gaze cold and determined. Pansy was doing quite a good job of looking unconcerned under such an intimidating glare but Harry could tell that it was taking some effort. Her expression was stoically blank but the rest of her appearance was disheveled. It was a small comfort that the Aurors who had brought her in had taken no extra care to be courteous with her.
Currently the two of them occupied one of the interrogation rooms in the lower levels of the Ministry. This section of the Ministry was unused for the most part and rarely visited. Harry had shooed the Aurors away after Pansy was brought in telling them it was business of a very secretive and highly sensitive nature. They had not questioned him, but it was only a matter of time before the true nature of this meeting came to light.
Pansy was seated behind a coarse wooden table, her long fingernails tapping against the surface. Harry stood by the door, his arms crossed against his chest, one of his hands clenched tightly around a small glass vial.
As Harry stared at the woman seated across the room he could not help picturing her seventeen-year-old self screaming to the Great Hall to hand him over to Voldemort and save themselves. She would have thrown him to his certain death to save her own life without a second thought. She may have done the same to Lily - Lily, who could be anywhere, in danger, hurting, or worse.
And it was all Pansy Parkinson's fault.
Harry was determined to find out just how exactly his daughter had disappeared and he was prepared to use almost any means of attaining that information. He clenched the vial more tightly in his fist.
What he did know was that it had been a Monday night, after curfew, in the beginning of April when Lily Luna Potter had gone missing from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had left behind the shattered remains of a time turner and a deceptive old bit of parchment. And the only person in the whole world who knew anything more about it was sitting in this room, her pug-like face ugly in the dim light.
Harry knew all of this, but he had yet to prove it. He stood in the barren room, silent, bracing himself. It was time to act and he would not back down now.
With a few short steps Harry approached the table and set the vial down on the wood, his eyes never leaving Pansy's face. He saw her thin eyebrows rise in surprise. Her fingers stilled their tapping and she sat up straighter in the stiff wooden chair she had been provided.
"Veritaserum," she observed with another quirk of her eyebrows.
Harry nodded.
"You administer that serum and you'll lose your job, Potter," she sneered at Harry, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. Still, Harry said nothing.
"It's illegal," Parkinson continued, as though she were speaking to a small child. "You wouldn't want to do something illegal would you? Your golden reputation, your good name, tarnished and disgraced the moment that liquid drips down my throat."
She leaned back in her chair, apparently satisfied with herself and feeling like she had beaten him at something. The ugly expression on her face made Harry's stomach churn unpleasantly.
When Harry made no immediate move toward the vial Pansy raised her chin triumphantly but her expression froze when he suddenly snatched up the veritaserum and moved around the table towards her.
Parkinson swallowed visibly, her composure faltering.
"You wouldn't dare," she said waspishly.
Harry smiled dangerously. "You have no idea what I would do for my family."
"It's your future," Parksinson snapped back, leaning away from Harry.
"No," Harry said, "It's Lily's."
Lily had not expected the noise.
Whenever she had pictured battle from the stories her parents told about the war or from the History of Magic lectures she occasionally listened to, Lily thought of the flashes of spells flying in every direction, a dizzying speed of events, and a perpetual adrenaline rush. All of these were present at the moment but what she had never anticipated the noise.
And now, as she crouched behind a large stone statue of a wizard with an eagle perched on his shoulder, her wand clutched tightly in her sweaty hand, a cacophony flew at her from every side. Shouts of curses, screams of triumph or pain, the shatter of misplaced spell fire on the stone walls of the castle all echoed strangely around her, filling her head to the point where Lily thought she would never hear anything else again.
She had rushed after Harry from the safety of Dumbledore's office into certain peril, unprepared and unqualified for what she would meet. She had watched as Harry rushed in without pause to fight alongside his professors and friends against terrifying figures robed all in black and masked. It was the first time Lily had ever seen a Death Eater.
Lily leaned her weight against the wall beside her as her heart pounded desperately and her head spun from the clamor. Her forehead was sweaty and her hair was even messier than usual, an orange cloud strung out in every direction. As she sat trying to steady her nerves a jet of red light shot past her, skimming the shelter of the statue and causing chunks of stone to fly off in every direction. Lily threw her arms up to cover her face and curled more tightly into herself.
Some Gryffindor you are, she thought acidly but could not bring herself to move. Her legs were not working. Nothing was.
However she was left with little choice but to move when a masked face appeared around the statue, it's hollow eyes fixed on her. Lily screamed and threw her wand up but the Death Eater was faster. Before Lily knew what was happening she was flying away from her hiding place and into the far wall. Pain rippled through her side and she screamed again.
From the floor where she fell Lily raised her wand blindly and shouted the first spell that came to her mind.
"Diffindo!"
She heard a yell and when her eyes focused again she saw her attacker clutching his wand arm in pain, blood draining from a large slice down the middle. Lily staggered to her feet and ran past the man, hoping to get far enough away from any spells he might cast with an injured arm but before she was clear a trip jinx found her and she fell to the floor hard. The fall knocked the wind out of her and for a moment she could not move, could not make a sound.
Coughing, Lily pushed herself up, her arms shaking, and then a hand gripped her hair and hauled her roughly to her feet. She struggled and stumbled and tried to call for help but her voice simply could not compete with the dissonance that surrounded her.
"Stup – " she began but a large hand gripped her wrist and the curse died in her throat as she whimpered in pain. The Death Eater's grip was strong and Lily could feel her bones protesting the pressure he exerted on them. Before she could do anything a flash of red consumed Lily's vision and then her attacker was on the ground, unconscious.
Looking desperately in every direction, Lily noted with a rush of relief that members of the famed Order of the Phoenix had arrived. There were Teddy's parents – Lily recognized them from pictures – and a tall, bald black man Lily knew to be Kingsley Shacklebolt. There were at least a few members of her family there was well. A quick survey of the scene told her that it had been her Uncle Bill that had saved her. Lily marveled at his young, whole face, vacant of scars.
Before she could rush over to him he was already fighting another Death Eater. This one did not where a mask but when she saw his face Lily wished that he had. He was filthy and ragged, his hair long and matted, his sharp teeth bared like an animal and Lily felt sick as she noticed blood dripping from his mouth.
Lily watched in horror as the feral man got the better of Bill and flew at him, his yellow and pointed fingernails slashing into her uncle's flesh as his teeth ripped at his face. Bill screamed and so did Lily; she screamed louder than she had in her entire life and wished for nothing else than for the horrible vision in front of her to stop.
Her wand arm flew up and she shouted, "STUPEFY!"
The power of the spell caused Bill's attacker to be thrown from his prey and he landed across the hall in a heap. Bill was not moving.
So much blood, Lily could not help thinking, the only coherent thing to register.
As she stared at Bill's still form a jet of orange light missed her by inches and Lily was jolted into action. She gripped her wand and tried to run in any direction but duelers blocked her path at every turn as they darted this way and that. Lily saw Ron, Hermione, and Neville were on the far side of where Bill lay and Ginny was to Lily's right fighting alongside Tonks.
Lily made only a few steps progress when she fell to the ground as a spell sliced her side. She had been stationary for too long, an easy target. Her hands went to her side and she felt blood there and gasped instinctively. It was moderately deep and extremely painful but not debilitating. Twisting to find her attacker, Lily saw another masked Death Eater, indistinguishable from his allies, striding towards her with his wand trained on her. Lily could not see through the mask but she had the distinct impression that the man was smiling. She gripped her wand, her own blood smearing on the wood, and tried in vain to utter a curse – she could not think of a single spell to use. She could not even stand.
Suddenly a figure darted forward and blocked Lily's view of the approaching Death Eater. The new arrival fired a curse and its target fell in a heap as it struck. Her rescuer then spun towards her. His hands gripped her arms and pulled her to her feet. She was unsteady but the constant flow of adrenaline kept her upright.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked frantically and Lily stood in shock. Harry had saved her.
She was too focused on the concern in Harry's eyes to respond with words so she nodded. It had been so long since someone had looked at her that way – so concerned about her well-being – much longer since she had seen that look on her father's face, even if it was significantly younger at the moment. Before she could say anything Harry turned and continued firing off curses faster than Lily had ever seen. He did not leave her side.
Emboldened by Harry's presence, Lily began firing off spells of her own and the injury at her side was momentarily forgotten.
"Stupefy!"
"Reducto!"
"Incendio!"
To Lily's left a Death Eater's robes burst into brilliant flames from Harry's spell and she squinted reflexively at the sudden brightness. When the panicked man had extinguished the flames that were rapidly devouring his robes the hall seemed dim in comparision. That changed quickly however when a sickly green from the window illuminated the space.
Something rippled through the crowd of people in the hall as they were bathed in the green light. There was a short hush, instantaneous, and then a new commotion broke out. This was not the intensity of battle that had been palpable before; this was shock, panic.
"The Dark Mark!" someone was shouting, "It's the Dark Mark!"
"Do you know who I am?"
"Yes, you're Harry Potter," came the dull, lifeless response.
"And what is your name?"
"Pansy Parkinson."
Harry was now sitting, leaning forward over the table where his arms were crossed in front of him. Across the table Parkinson sat in the same chair but she no longer wore the smug expression she had earlier. Rather, a vacant, glazed look was on her face, her eyes glassy and unfocused. Her posture was suffering as well; she was slumped in her seat, her shoulders drooping, arms dangling at her sides. Harry was never comfortable seeing people in this helpless condition but he had no choice.
Pansy had not had a chance to struggle. Harry had immobilized her before administering the veritaserum and all she could do was glare at him as she was forced to swallow the potion. He had done the same thing with other prisoners in the past, the only difference being that those witches and wizards had been under trial and it had been legal.
And now that Pansy was in no position to retaliate he could finally find out what had happened to Lily. Harry had broken countless rules in his life, but few as serious as this. While he did not feel any guilt over his actions there was a twinge of worry over being caught. But the thought of seeing Lily's face again drove this feeling into a deep, dark part of Harry's brain and buried it there.
"Have you ever entered the Department of Mysteries without proper authorization?"
His questions would have to build up to the incident. He could not just jump in demanding to know what had happened to his daughter – too much of a shock or too much confusion and the veritaserum-infected mind would shut down. Plus, the more they knew for certain, the better.
"Yes," was Pansy's flat reply, and Harry fought a shiver at the deadened sound of her voice.
"What day did you go there?"
"April seventh," she answered immediately.
"Did you steal a time turner while you were there?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
There was a pause and Harry waited with bated breath. He leaned forward slightly.
"To travel back in time," Pansy said.
Harry sighed and fought down his irritation. He knew that he could not be too complex with his questions but it felt as though, despite the debilitating effects of the truth serum, Pansy was being deliberately short with him.
"How far back did you intend to go?"
"Twenty four years."
Twenty-four years, Harry thought. He quickly did the math and approximated it to what would have been his and Pansy's seventh year at Hogwarts, just before Voldemort fell. As another piece fell into place, Harry became more eager to know how Lily fit into this mess Parkinso had created.
"Have you been to Hogwarts in the last few weeks?"
"Yes," Pansy replied without hesitation.
"Were you there with the time turner," Harry asked quickly. A brief silence followed.
"Yes."
Harry grit his teeth, trying to control his temper that was threatening its way to the surface. "Why were you at Hogwarts?"
"Because it's much easier to infiltrate the school now."
As opposed to twenty-four years ago when Voldemort was still at large, Harry thought.
His voice caught in his throat at the next question. "Did you intend to see Lily?"
There was another pause and Pansy's brow creased very slightly. "My daughter," Harry snapped impatiently, "did you intend to see her?"
"No."
"And why did you want to go back to Hogwarts twenty-four years ago?"
"To make sure you died," Parkinson responded, her voice still lacking any inflection, but her words were chilling all the same.
Harry shuddered, suddenly even more disgusted with the woman across from him and he had not thought that possible. Temporarily brushing aside the fact that she was, essentially, plotting his murder, he was extremely troubled by the fact that Lily's disappearance had been an accident. Pansy had only entered the school so that she would end up there after using the time turner. Lily just happened to be out after curfew and got mixed up in this whole ordeal.
Harry ran his hands anxiously through his already messy hair. An accident.
"What did you do to my daughter," Harry whispered desperately, rubbing the back of his neck and unable to look at Parkinson.
"I made her forget me," Pansy answered evenly.
"Like you made Terry Boot forget," Harry said, more to himself than to Parkinson but she answered anyway.
"Yes."
Having heard quite enough, Harry stood abruptly and left Pansy Parkinson behind in the stark room, the large, polished wooden door closing with a satisfying slam behind him. He would have until the effects of the veritaserum wore off and then it was only a matter of time before the Aurors, his own department, came looking for him.
Harry hurried to the atrium, his footsteps pounding on the stone floors. He had very little time left to get his hands on a time turner.
Lily knew two things about the Dark Mark hanging in the sky – it meant death, and it meant Voldemort.
As Lily stared out one of the large windows in the vast corridor she could just see the head of a glowing green snake. Silhouetted in the sickly green a dark form fell from the sky, plummeting quickly but gracefully to the ground. It was only visible for a second but as Lily watched, her mouth open in shock, her hand limp around her wand at her side, she registered that the form had been a body. And she knew that if they had not been dead when they began to fall, they surely would be when they collided with the ground below.
Harry was still beside her, dueling with two Death Eaters, but Lily rushed from his side to the window, dodging curses that were flying from the cloaked, masked wizards with renewed vigor. The Dark mark seemed to have galvanized them and they were fighting more fiercely than before with new confidence. As Lily ran, ducking and twisting awkwardly, her side burning in pain, she passed a staircase that led to the Astronomy Tower. She had been there just hours before, skipping Potions, and now Death Eaters were pouring from that staircase, surrounding Lily. But they were not firing off spells or even paying her any attention at all.
One Death Eater, burlier than the others, laughed harshly and shouted, "Albus Dumbledore is DEAD!"
Lily fiercely darted around them and sprinted the rest of the way to the window. She tried to block out the scream of triumph that erupted from the Death Eaters but it echoed in the stone hall, heavy, thick and terrible.
When Lily finally reached her destination she leaned forward out into the open air to gaze down at the ground below. Just visible was a dark shapeless form with a white beard that was shining dimly in the light from the Dark Mark and the rising moon.
Lily's head spun and she felt suddenly dizzy from the height. She pulled away from the window and her legs collapsed beneath her. Her eyes stared ahead of her where bright spells still shot back and forth between duelers but all she saw was the image Dumbledore's limp body falling from the Astronomy Tower above.
Over all the other commotion an especially loud shout brought Lily's attention back to the chaos around her.
"IT'S OVER!" Snape yelled as he ran away from the battle and down the hall. Death Eaters began throwing their final curses before following. Lily knew from her father's stories that Severus Snape had just killed Albus Dumbledore.
But had it really happened like this?
This can't be right, she thought stubbornly. Lily had always pictured Albus Dumbledore's death to be dignified, planned and executed to his will, but she could see nothing orderly about any of this. She was suddenly furious with Snape, the coward, throwing Dumbledore from the Astronomy Tower and fleeing.
He was one of the bravest men I ever knew, her father would say. But Lily could see no courage in the hastily retreating Potions Master.
She watched him go, Death Eaters following in his wake, and then she saw Harry sprinting after Snape, faster than any of the masked figures, and Lily tried to stand, to run after them, but gave it up when pain throbbed at her side. She was desperate that Harry not go and she screamed, "WAIT! WAIT!" but a second later Snape and Harry were gone, the Death Eaters following behind.
Lily leaned against the wall beneath the window for support and the hall quieted as only students, professors, and Order members remained. Lily felt tears prickling at her eyes and she pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them close to her. She had never been so terrified in her entire life. The adrenaline that had been coursing through her veins a moment before was rapidly leaving her and her side where she had been injured was still bleeding and more painful than ever.
She leaned her head forward onto her knees and squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out of them.
Most of the voices in the hall were quiet, concerned, but an anguished cry broke out and Lily looked up in alarm, her hand gripping her wand, her vision blurred by tears. She wiped them away roughly with her free hand and saw Ginny crying out as she saw her fallen brother. Bill still had not moved from where he had collapsed. Her heart sped up rapidly, her chest aching from the effort of it.
He can't be dead, she thought frantically. I know him, he can't be dead. She thought about her Aunt Fleur and about their children.
"He's still alive, Ginny. We need to get him to the Hospital Wing," Ron said and relief flooded her. She could not stand, could not rush over to help. She did know if anyone else in the hall was even aware of her presence. Ron and Ginny watched anxiously as Professor Sprout hurried over and levitated Bill's unconscious form onto a conjured stretcher. Lily looked on as almost everyone headed in the direction of the Hospital Wing and she was now almost entirely alone.
Only Professor McGonagall remained and she was walking briskly in Lily's direction. She stared up as her future Headmistress approached, tears still leaking from her eyes. She had never seen Minerva McGonagall so disheveled before. Her hair was free of its usual neat and tidy bun and scratches marred her stern face. When McGonagall reached her she looked down at Lily with obvious concern and Lily looked back.
"I think you had better head to the Hospital Wing as well, Ms. Potter," she said quietly and Lily nodded. She stood awkwardly, her limbs shaking and protesting, one hand on the searing wound at her side. McGonagall waited patiently and when Lily had made it to her feet the two of them left of the Hospital Wing in the wake of Lily's future family.
The walk to the Hospital Wing was long and silent and when the pair of professor and student reached the tall wooden doors they entered to find the room well occupied and somber.
At the far end of the ward were assorted members of the Weasley family, Teddy's parents, Harry, who must have returned from the grounds and whose hand held tightly to Ginny's, Hermione, and Madame Pomfrey. They surrounded a bed where Lily could barely see Bill's mangled and bloody face between the crowding bodies.
McGonagall left Lily on one of the vacant beds and turned to leave the ward again. Lily hoped vaguely that something was being done about Dumbledore's body. There was conversation a few beds down that Lily caught snatches of – speculations about werewolf tendencies and the chances that Bill might have any. He would definitely have scars, just the way Lily remembered him, but she didn't know anything about werewolves being involved. Perhaps that man who had attacked him– the gruesome one – was a werewolf….
She half listened to the conversation but, sitting alone on the white, clean hospital bed, Lily could not stop the repeating image of Dumbledore's graceful body falling through the night sky.
Lily was unsure how much time passed while the others talked and Madame Pomfrey tended to her uncle. Eventually, Professor McGonagall returned with Bill's parents and Fleur. Lily watched as her grandmother and grandfather rushed over to their son and Fleur did the same. McGonagall approached the group more slowly, cautiously, and spoke directly to Harry when she reached them.
"Harry, what happened? According to Hagrid you were saying Professor Snape was somehow involved with Professor Dumbledore's – "
"Snape killed Dumbledore," Lily whispered, more to herself than to anyone else, still trying to wrap her mind around the confusing course of events. Surely it was not supposed to have happened this way. Had she inadvertantly changed something, changed the past? She glanced over to find all eyes on her and sucked in her breath as if to take her quiet words back. There was disbelief evident on almost every face except for Harry's.
McGonagall turned her fierce gaze back to Harry, silently questioning him.
"It's true," Harry said bitterly. "He admitted to it when I ran after him."
"Snape," McGonagall repeated, her hand on her chest, "We all wondered… but he trusted… always… Snape… I can't believe it…."
"Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens," said Lupin, his voice harsh. And although it was the first time Lily had heard him speak, she knew instantly that the tone did not suit him. "We always knew that."
The discussion continued but Lily fell too deeply into her own thoughts to contribute. She could find absolutely no redeeming qualities in the man of Severus Snape but her father had, at some point, found something there worth remembering. So, assuming Snape was on their side after wall, why was everything happening this way?
"I'd love to know what Snape told Dumbledore to convince him," Tonks was saying and Lily's head lifted slightly as she listened in.
"I know," Harry answered. "Snape passed Voldemort the information that made Voldemort hunt down my mum and dad. Then Snape told Dumbledore he hadn't realized what he was doing, he was really sorry he'd done it, sorry that they were dead."
Lily could hear Harry's distressed voice echoing in her head. AND YOU LET HIM TEACH HERE AND HE TOLD VOLDEMORT TO GO AFTER MY MUM AND DAD! She flinched as though she were actually hearing it again.
"And Dumbledore believed that," Lupin asked as though this was ridiculous. "Dumbledore believed Snape was sorry James was dead? Snape hated James…."
"And he didn't think my mother was worth a damn either," Harry put in, "because she was Muggle-born…. 'Mudblood,' he called her…."
But that was not quite right, was it? Snape's anguished face as he stood in Dumbledore's office swam before Lily's eyes. Lily Evans is dead, Albus. There had been pain there, deep pain that had festered in Snape for years.
No, Lily suspected that Snape had cared about Harry's mother a great deal.
And no one knew that.
As Lily sat there and the others continued to talk amongst themselves Madame Pomfrey busted over to her and began inspecting the wound at her side without a word. Lily moved her arm out of the matron's way and tried to pull her shirt away from the gash but the blood had practically glued it to her side and when she tugged a stinging pain rippled out from the injury.
"Just sit still now," Madame Pomfrey reprimanded her and Lily stopped fidgeting. A large hole was cut into her shirt from Madame Pomfrey's wand and a moment later, with some complicated wand movements and muttered spell work, her wound stitched up and the blood cleared away.
"You'll have a mark for a while," the nurse told her frankly and Lily nodded to show she understood. She tried to smile in thanks but Madame Pomfrey had already turned away.
When Lily turned again to the group at the end of the ward, they were still talking quietly, Bill sleeping deeply in their midst. Lily was sorely tempted to lay her head down on the soft while pillow beside her and drift off to sleep herself. Her eyelids were heavy and her body tired and there was something comforting about the presence of her family even if she was stranger to them. She was just leaning over to pull back the sheets of the bed when a distressed voice cut through the quiet.
"You see!" Tonks was saying to Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"
"It's different," Lupin muttered. "Bill won't be a full werewolf. The cases are completely – "
"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Tonks shook Lupin's robes forcefully. "I've told you a million times."
Lupin looked very uncomfortable to be having this conversation in the presence of so many people. All thoughts of sleep vanished as she watched them and she wanted to scream. How many things could go wrong in one night? Teddy's parents had been in love. Why was this happening? Why were they fighting? It was not right, none of it was, and Lily was starting to quietly panic.
"And I've told you a million times," Lupin said, his gaze down at his shoes, "that I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…."
Tonks was looking more upset with every word from the man in front of her and her expression was almost more upsetting to Lily than their words. All the pictures Lily had seen of the couple had shown a bright, happy Tonks with hair every color of the rainbow, just like Teddy. And Remus had looked easily just as happy, his arm around his wife, a smile on his face that made him look ten years younger than he did now.
Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands. "It doesn't make sense," she said in a strangled voice. She looked up abruptly and found everyone looking at her again but she was too exhausted to care much.
"You love each other," she told them, almost angrily. "You love each other, you get married and have a son, and it is not supposed to be this way. Nothing is supposed to be this way!"
She felt everyone's shocked stares on her but she ignored them and continued to look at Lupin and Tonks.
"And how would you know all this," Lupin asked her, his jaw clenched and his expression fierce. Lily flinched a little and leaned away. "Who are you?"
"I – " she faltered, not sure how to continue. Lily looked to Harry, who stared right back at her, visibly conflicted.
What's there to lose?
Only everything I know!
Everyone was staring at her, waiting, and Lily wanted to disappear. Albus Dumbledore was dead and not only had he been one of the most amazing wizards of all time, he had also been her one real hope of returning to her own time. Did she really have anything to lose anymore?
"I know," she began again, her chest constricting painfully, "because I know your son. In a year you'll be married and in another you'll be parents. I know because Teddy Lupin is like my brother because I grew up with him around and because… because I'll be born eleven years from now."
AN: Quite a few lines come directly from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.