Authors notes: Mass effect is the property of BioWare

Chapter 6: A Princess without a Crown

Thane stared at Kat; he pink pixie cut hair was ruffled and messy. Her mascara was running down her face like jet-black roots. She held the high heels she had been wearing in one hand and the other was wrapped around her waist, closing of her body from the outside world. She was crying too. It was so quiet that unless you were as close to her as Thane was you wouldn't have been able to hear it. Shallow, broken cries escaped her lips with each breath while she fought to hold them back, desperately wanting to hide how venerable she was while her body heaved from the force of holding back such emotion. She wasn't looking at Thane; instead she was staring down at the floor, the occasional tear falling between her bare feet with a soft splash. They hadn't moved since Thane opened the door, nor had they spoken. Thane was still in shock from seeing Kat like this. She was always so strong, confident and fun. Seeing her helpless and broken hurt him. Hurt him more than anything had before. He didn't know how he could help; he didn't even know what was wrong. But whatever made her like this he wanted to fix.

"Do you want to come inside?" Thane asked tentatively, trying to sound as soothing as possible. After a long silence Kat finally answered.

"I don't know." Was all he got through rasped breaths and gently sobs.

There was another long pause while Thane assessed the situation. Kat definitely wasn't in the mood for their usually sarcastic jokes, even Thane with his limited exposure to people could tell that. He didn't think she wanted to be pressured under the circumstances either so chose not to ask her again. Instead he decided to use something his father had taught him.

Thane started high school normally, not caring about girls. But when he got older, like many boys at his age, he started to notice girls. Within the space of a few months they turned from things to make fun off and annoy to strange, beautiful creatures. He knew nothing about them at that age. He tried to talk to the girls at school but they were different from the boys. They were like aliens; a whole different species to boys and Thane couldn't understand them. The famous Commander Shepard had come to pick him up from school one day and saw his young son trying to talk to a group of girls. He raised an eyebrow as the girls laughed and ran away from Thane.

"Thane, why were you talking to the girls?" Shepard asked casually.

"Because they are cool and I want to be friends with them." Thane replied with child-like innocence, staring up into his dad's deep eyes.

"Ha good boy." The commander ruffled his son's hair. "You know, you can't make friends with girls the same way you do with boys Thane. Girls don't think the same way we do. A good idea to you might be a terrible plan in their eyes, and they are usually right." Shepard smiled down at Thane as they walked to the shuttle.

"Each girl will think differently and respond differently. Take your mother for instance. Now I love that woman with all my heart but damn she can be difficult, and during the war she did her best to make it hard for me to get close. But I did. Your mother had a terrible childhood; some very bad people did very bad things to her and she still hasn't totally recovered to this day but while we were fighting I did my best to help her through it."

Your mother didn't…" Shepard paused; carefully thinking over how to phrases the next part, "respond well to the overbearing approach. If I was being to forward or crowding her she would politely let me know with some choice words or a left hook. So instead of trying to comfort her with hundreds of hugs and soft words I learnt to give her room and let her come to me. I showed her I cared for her but let her have space when she needed it, when she needed me though I was always there, no questions asked. Slowly she let me in as she began to trust me and I was able to give her the loving comfort she needed, but we had to get through the walls first. Do you get what I'm saying here Thane?"

There was a blank look on Thanes face as he stared at his dad. All that information at once was a lot to take in for him and most of it had gone straight over his head, leaving only brief sentences and words in his mind.

Shepard smiled and sighed.

"Ok, basically I'm saying that some girls might not want to be smothered. To make friends with some girls, you might have to let them have their space for a while before you can be friends. You understand me know?"

Thane nodded this time, understanding what his father meant but not taking it into account.

"None of the girls at school were like his mum." Thane thought. "They weren't covered in tattoos. Dad was silly"

Maybe Kat was one of these girls his father had been talking about all those years ago. It was worth a try, he had nothing else to do and they had been standing in his doorway now for five minutes.

"It's ok if you don't want to come in. I'm going to go in and sit down inside. I'll be right in here if you need me, ok?"

Thane got no response but though he saw Kat nod ever so slightly so turned around slowly and walked into the dimly lit room. He sat down on the sofa, and looked at the shadow cast by Kat standing in the doorframe. Even her shadow looked sad. It moved rhythmically in time with her breaths and sobs and swayed shuddered slightly with each new breath.

A few minutes passed and Thane grew anxious. Maybe she was putting on this façade and really did want to just be held and comforted. Thane moved to get up and rush over to her but movement from the corner of his eye rooted him to the sofa. Kat's shadow moved further into the room, folding over anything in its way. It grew larger as it crept into the room, gliding unopposed over trinkets and furniture. At it's base stood Kat. She closed the door behind her and the powerful shadow faded as the light from behind was shut out.

Kat now stood in Thane's room, small and helpless. She looked exhausted, like she could break down and collapse at any moment. The hand holding her high heels shook independently from her body and her eyes were still fixed on the floor. She dared not walk any further afraid she was not welcome.

Thane was still speechless. He hurt more seeing her inside. The sight of such a small girl stood in such a large room by herself threatened to tear him in half. A princess without a crown stood in front of him, a distraught beauty. Thane wanted so much to hold her, but as Kat had come in by herself he decided to wait for her to get relaxed and make the first move. Minutes passed but Kat eventually broke the silence.

"I don't know why I'm here."

"I wasn't going to ask."

"Thank you."

They stayed in silence for another five minutes or so, Thane watched Kat closely to try and find anything that would tell him what she was thinking. To his surprise though she shifted her weight and slowly, silently walked over to the sofa he was sat on. She placed her shoes on the floor and sat as far away from Thane as she could, legs together with her hands resting on her knees. Thane admired her composure. She had been crying for what he suspected was a long time but since he had opened his door she hadn't broken down once. Yes she was quietly sobbing occasionally but it was steady at least. Kat's whimpers had gotten quieter since she came into the room and her breathing had steadied. She still took in a shaking breath once and a while but held it together.

Kat stayed in her sitting position not moving, looking down into her lap for a few minutes. Thane had lost count; right now to him time didn't matter. Kat took a long, rattling breath in and exhaled like a large weight had been lifted off of her chest. She brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, tying her body into a small ball. She moved her fringe behind her ear and rested her forehead on her knees, the angle causing the hair to fall back down.

"Why can't things be simple?"

It had been so long since either of them had spoken that Thane would have jumped at her words if Kat hadn't spoken in the softest voice he had ever heard. It was barely more than a whisper on the wind.

"Because if it was then what would be the point?" Thane replied, almost certain he was quoting a very bad film he had seen a long time ago.

"Don't talk bullshit Thane." Her words were completely devoid of emotion. "Seriously, for once in my life why can't things just go right?"

Thane realised now that he knew nothing of Kat's life before the academy. They never talked about the past in class and at the party they had only laughed at Kat's stories of drunken friends. All he knew about Kat's true personal life was that she didn't like to be called Katherine now was not the time to ask though. It was clear to Thane that Kat was on a knife-edge. One wrong comment from him could send her spiralling off the wrong side and down to somewhere he didn't want to see. Thane mulled over his words, picking each one and checking it twice before talking again.

"Things don't go right for you because…" His carefully constructed sentenced shattered around him and collapsed to the floor in a pile of broken English and punctuation. Kat had looked up at him when he started talk, her ice blue eyes were red and bloodshot, tears were welling up and her mascara lines were smudged from placing her head on her knees. Even now Thane thought she looked beautiful.

"… Because life is full of walls." Thane's words took on a mind of their own and he talked without thinking again.

"You're a beautiful, amazing, funny person Kat. You're the most generous and kind person I have ever met and you don't deserve any of this, you're too good for all this pain and sadness. Life is hard, it is. But it can also be wonderful. To get through the bad you have to grab onto the things that make getting up in the morning bearable and never let them go."

It's a good thing Thane stopped counting because time seemed to stand still the moment he finished. Kat stared into him with eyes that glowed, their beauty matched only by the sadness they portrayed. Thane held his tongue, fearing he had said the wrong thing. Maybe she wasn't looking for encouragement, maybe she wanted another soul to sympathise with her. Thane's mind was yelling but his body was quiet like Kat's. Neither of them moved nor spoke. Thane wasn't sure if they even breathed. It seemed like an eternity had passed by in the dim light of Thane's room before Kat finally blinked. Her eyes had welled up and looked down, tears rolling down her cheeks. Thane heard gentle, whispering cries. He remained silent, frozen somewhere between fear and anxiety. Kat raised her head to look at Thane again and tried to mouth words but no sound came, she chocked back a sob and looked down again. Composing herself with a shuddering breath she returned to Thane's brown eyes. Kat moved quickly and silently across the sofa, faster than Thane could comprehend. She brought her left hand up to Thane's cheek and moved in close to him. With one swift motion she brought her lips up to his and kissed him softly on the lips.

Thane's mind went from a busy freeway of thoughts to a ghost town. Nothing crossed his mind at all, no worries, no clever remarks, no self-doubt, nothing. He had been taken off guard by her actions but his senses returned quickly and he was flooded with questions. Was he dreaming? Had Kat actually just kissed him? Why was she kissing him? All good questions but Thane wasn't searching for answers, he was lost in the moment, no matter how fleeting.

He could feel the tears that had ran down her cheek, he could fell her breath coming in ragged, torn inhales and he could hear her heart beating away at the inside of her chest. Her lips were warm and soft, smooth like he couldn't imagine and comforting. In contrast he could feel the cold hard metal of her nose ring against his skin, reminding him he wasn't dreaming. He felt so close to her in the one moment, like nothing else in the world matter. That brief kiss was a perfect moment in Thanes eyes. But suddenly it was broken.

Kat's eyes snapped open and she pulled away from the kiss, pressing slightly against Thanes chest to move away. She tried to be strong but could no longer hold back her emotions; Thane could see it all in her eyes. Those icy blue pearls spoke what she never could; she needed help. Kat was completely helpless and lost. Nothing made sense to her anymore and she couldn't take it. Thane put his arm round her back and gently pulled her into his chest. She did not protest; she simple broke down. Tears streamed down her face as she cried like she had been wanting to all night. Thane held her close as she sobbed into his chest, her arms wrapped around him and her hands clenching fistful of his shirt, in that moment she never wanted to let go.

Kat's crying continued into the early morning, her sobs slowly weakening to whimpers as she became tired. Neither of them had spoken, there was no need to. Thane simply held her to him while she cried, protecting her from whatever it was she was scared of. Eventually even Kat's whimpers faded away and she remained silent. Thane could feel her rhythmically breathing in and out, she had used up all the emotion she had left and had finally fallen asleep, exhausted beyond belief. Thane took a moment to check she was fully asleep before carefully moving around and picking Kat up. He carried her like precious cargo towards the free bed and placed the sleeping girl down softly. He pulled the duvet over her shoulders and she relaxed into the mattress. Thane smiled at her, she still looked beautiful even in sleep and it amazed him. He took his own leave and crossed the room to his bed, removing his training pants as he did so and fell back into bed, being careful not to wake Kat. Sleep took him instantly and he fell into the void of slumber he knew all too well.

When Thane finally stirred it was almost noon. Umbra's sun was high in the sky and the light it gave shone through the open window into his room illuminating the clothes littering the floor and the thrown aside rubbish. He was so tired he had slept without dreaming, a peaceful rest that he desperately needed after last night's emotional bombardment.

Last night.

He bolted upright and swung his head around to look at the bed he had placed Kat in after she fell asleep. The bed was empty but the covers were ruffled and Kat's dress lay neatly folded on the floor next to it. Thane wasn't shocked to see and empty bed but he was to see Kat's dress. He hadn't expected her to stay, why would she? Thane would have liked an explanation but from the state Kat had been in he wouldn't have judged her for leaving without a word. But if the dress was here she clearly hadn't left, unless walking through the academy naked was her style, which despite Thane's hopes he doubted it was. Just when the riddled started to annoy him he caught sight of someone wearing a teal hoodie sitting on his sofa, quietly reading a magazine he had left lying around. Sure enough it was Kat in all her pixie cut, pink haired glory.

It took Thane a second or two but he finally realised what she was wearing. Just like that the cogs in his head clicked into place. Kat was wearing his hoodie and some tight black shorts; clearly the dress she wore last night didn't suit everyday dress code. Although still unsure about how he stood with Kat after last night he couldn't help but notice how good she looked in his hoodie. It was baggy on her and long so the sleeves were too large, only the tips of her fingers were showing as she flicked though the magazine. The hoodie didn't stick to her figure like what she normally wore but instead covered her body, ending below the cut off point of her shorts so that from the side it looked as if she was wearing nothing else. She had the zip done up about three quarters so a triangle of skin could be seen showing off her collar bones and neck but ending just short of her cleavage. She looked adorable in his hoodie, comfortable and soft like a massive, furry creature was hugging her.

Kat caught Thane's eye as he looked at her and she smiled. But it wasn't her usual angelic smile, the smile felt forced to Thane and was rife with uncertainty. She put the magazine down on the sofa and walked over to Thane's bed, carefully sitting down on the edge furthest away from him. Something wasn't right.

"Thane…" Kat began, breathing slowly as she did so. "Thank you so much for last night, I was a complete wreck and it means so much that you were there for me. Mark and I had a fight and I was so worn out that I just couldn't hold it together on my own. So yeah… thanks" She looked to Thane and gave him a half smile.

Thane opened his mouth to talk but Kat interrupted him before he even started.

"I'm sorry that I… I'm sorry that I kissed you." Thane's stomach burned, why was she sorry?

"I didn't know what I was doing and I was so confused and tired I just acted without thinking and it wasn't supposed to happen and-" Kat stopped babbling long enough to take a breath and looked at Thane.

"I'm so sorry Thane, but do you think we could pretend it never happened?"

Thane felt like he had been punched in the gut. He finally got to kiss the girl he'd been dreaming of and she wanted to pretend it never happened? How could this be happening? He didn't know what he thought would happen in the morning but he definitely didn't think it would go this way. Thane's mind swept through any files it had on what was going on. He had never seen a holo where the guy finally got the girl and then she tried to erase it from history. He thought he would wake up in the morning as someone's boyfriend, not as a mistake to be swept under the rug and never talked of again. The question had sideswiped Thane so badly he couldn't bring himself to express any objections or argue his case. His insides were screaming at him to tell her how he felt but all he could do was gingerly nod his head in acceptance of her terms. Yet again, like a coward, he had shut his feelings inside, to scared of getting hurt to risk a chance at happiness.

Kat smiled falsely again when Thane agreed and nodded her head to mimic him. She let out a nervous laugh.

"Ok thank you Thane. You're truly wonderful. Is it ok if I borrow this hoodie? A party dress might be a little bit of a give away to any teachers walking the halls" Thane meekly nodded again and Kat stood back up and walked over to her dress and shoes. Picking them up she walked to the door, turning to look at Thane again before she left.

"Thank you Thane. Honestly, you're a true friend" She opened the door and like that she was gone.

Thane was left in the gripping silence of his lonely room once again, still in disbelief of what had just happened. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open slightly, trying to comprehend how he had gone from Kat kissing him last night to now, where he was little more than a shameful secret. Thane collapsed back onto his bed, pushing his palms into his eyes and groaning to himself. He brought his arms crashing down to his sides and stared up at the ceiling, going over what had just happened in his mind. Thane came to the realisation that he had effectively blown any chance of being any more than friends with Kat and his insides knotted into balls.

Thane suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to vomit and rushed to the bathroom, his headed swimming from getting up to fast. He collapsed on to his knees in front of the toilet but didn't throw up. The feeling stayed but no sign of illness, his insides simply burned and heaved with every breath. He gave into the fact that this is how having you're heart broken must feel and turned away from the toilet. Thane was now sitting cross-legged in the centre of his bathroom, staring down at his feet without moving, without even thinking. He stayed like that, suspended in time with and thoughtlessness for half an hour before eventually standing up.

Thane ran himself a shower and stripped off, stepping into the warm water and sighing as it hit his skin, trickling down his body in disjointed steams. The water was soothing and he felt like he was rinsing away his troubles, like nothing else mattered while he was under its flow. That was until he reached for his ice blue shower gel and Kat was brought back into his mind like a searing hot lobotomy spike. Thane snapped, his mind crumpling under the weight of what had been thrown at it in under twenty-four hours and his body sparked with biotic energy. Blue flares flew around his body and from deep within him, a mighty cry started. Thane closed his eyes and yelled out, loud and strong into the humid air of the bathroom. He raised a fist and punch the tiled wall of the shower with all his strength. The tiles cracked and split, ruptures running along them and a crater formed where he had slammed his biotic assisted fist. Loose tiles gave way and splinted as they hit the floor.

Thane stood panting, his eyes still closed. His body was still covered in blue electricity and occasionally a flare would extend from him, burning any surface it touched. Thane took a deep breath and calmed himself, bringing the rampaging biotic energy surrounding his body down to a dim glow surrounding his body before shorting it out entirely. He opened his eyes and looked at the dent in the wall in front of him. There was bare wall showing through the holes in the tile surface and pieces littered the shower floor. Thane looked at the knuckles on his right hand, bloodied and bruised in spite of the biotic energy he had used to protect himself.

"Pull yourself together you fucking moron" Thane whispered to the empty room.

He got out and dried himself off taking special care not to use his right hand, which was still bleeding and tender. He riffled through the medicine cabinet before finding some medi-gel and carefully soothed his injured hand. He heard his terminal beeping at him from the other room and stuck his head around the doorframe to inspect what it was being so loud about. He could see the symbol for a holo call flashing and groaned; he wondered if the person calling would answer in his situation. Thane dragged his feet along the ground to see who it was, the caller ID was showing the name "Jack" and Thane's eyebrow lifted. He put on some boxers and a shirt and answered the call.