Authors note: Mass Effect is the property of BioWare

Chapter 7: What's stopping you?

"Hey mum." Thane said as he answered Jacks call, trying to sound as natural as possible. It didn't come easy having just been through one of the most harrowing experiences of his short life.

"Bout god damn time Thane, been waiting fucking ages for you to answer." Jack's soft voice masked the curse words as if they were normal to Thane, or maybe he had just spent too much time around her to notice them anymore. Thane forced a smile.

"Sorry, I've just gotten out the shower. What did you call me for?"

"No reason really, just thought id see how you're doing. No more trouble from those shitty kids right? Because I'll still come down and rip them apart, been aching for something to fuck up recently, gets boring being cooped up alone after a while ya know?"

"Where's dad gone?" Asked Thane inquisitively. Shepard rarely left Jack alone unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Oh I dunno, some Alliance bullshit. He's speaking to some new general or something." Jack shrugged and rested he hands on her hip. "The guy's got nothing on Hackett though, this one time… Hey! Are you even listening to me or shall I just talk to the fucking wall?"

Thane had been staring off past the holo and out of his window into the calm Umbra sky, absorbed in his own thoughts of the morning's occurrences still. He blinked in rapid succession at his mother's words and looked back towards the holo.

"Oh shit sorry mum. I'm just… never mind. What were you saying again, something about an admiral?" Thane tried covering up how distant he looked but Jack saw right through him.

"You're just what? If something's wrong tell me kid so I can destroy it!" She raised a fist at the holo and threatened the air.

As much as Thane wanted to talk to his mum about Kat and the morning he had had he couldn't bring himself to. He told his mum everything, she was his closest friend but the one thing she couldn't do was sensitive. Whenever he needed to talk to someone about that he had turned to his dad but now he was away there was no-one, well There was Jack but that was sometimes worse than no-one.

"No it's not that, I'm fine honestly, don't worry about me" Thane gave his mother another fake smile to accompany his lie.

"No fucking way. I'm not stupid Thane and I am your mother, it's kinda my fucking job to worry about you. So spill or ill fly over there and beat it out of you."

Thane raised an honest smile for the first time that day; Jack always had a way of making him smile. He weight up his options and summarized that although it wasn't perfect, he had to get all his baggage off his chest and Jack was easily the person he trusted most with it. He just hoped she could take it.

"Ok ok, if you really want to know, I'm having girl trouble."

Jack's face turned from the mischievous grin she normally wore to a something that resembled a shocked deer in headlights. She was silent for a few seconds, her eyes were wide and he mouth slightly open. She shook her head trying to rid her face of the expression and tried to respond to her son.

"Ummm ok well uhhh. What… what sort of troubles? Is it fucking or proper… proper sensitive mushy bullshit?" Jack stumbled on her words and stuttered, very unlike the beautiful biotic. "Because well, I don't know shit about feelings and stuff... you're much better off with your father for that, the man's a pussy."

Thane smiled, half at his mother's casual insults towards his father and half at the obvious discomfort he had put her under. Jack shifted from side to side slightly as she spoke and ran her hand over her faux hawk style hair cut, glancing down at the ground and back up to the holo of Thane before letting her eyes wander all around the room she was in. She folded her arms across her chest and blew a loose strand of hair out of her face and pouted.

"Well? Come on Romeo spit it out, I aint got all day to stand around chatting with your sorry ass."

"The mushy bullshit that you love so much mum." Thane answered, smiling again at her reaction.

"Shit. Ummm well girls… girls like… flowers? Oh who are we kidding I don't fucking know what girls like, look at me. I'm more a man than your father is."

"Yeah he'd agree with you there" Thane laughed as Jack smirked and gave him her signature grin again.

"Sorry I can't be of any help Thane, I never got to experience any of this lovey-dovey teenage love crap. When Shepard finally gets his fat ass home I'll have him call you."

Thane smiled slightly at the flickering image of his mother.

"No actually you have helped, thanks mum."

"Fuck you're a weird kid Thane." Laughed Jack. "Right I better be off, stay safe."

"You too mum, bye."

The hologram of Jack faded out of sight and left only a dull glow from the projector bellow it. Thane switched it off and wandered over to his bed. He fell backwards into the warm covers and clasped his hands over his face. Jack had made him smile and lifted his mood but he was still clueless about what to do with his feelings for his pink haired addiction.

Kat closed the door to Thanes room behind her and exhaled a long breath she had been holding. She closed her eyes for a second and breathed deeply, both to calm her frivolous nerves and to compose herself. She hated leaving Thane like that. Last night had been such a disaster; she didn't even know why she had gone to Thane's room in the first place.

"Yes you do, don't lie to yourself"

"Shut. Up!" Kat violently whispered to herself, trying to discourage the voice inside her head.

She had gone to Thane's room because she needed a FRIEND. Her and Mark had just had a silly fight and she was upset, she needed comfort from a friend. All she wanted was some company right? Yeah that was it. Just someone to comfort her while she cried, it was just coincidence that she had gone to Thane and not one of her other friends.

"But it wasn't coincidence was it?"

Kat growled in the back of her throat, angered by her own thoughts. She pushed them back, back deep into the darkest corners of her subconscious, certain that if she ignored them they would go away. But they refused, exploding even more vividly into her mind.

"Why do you do this? It's obvious you have feelings for him, why are you so scared of them?"

"Because I'm with Mark." The rational side of Kat's brain argued, it was blunt and straight to the point.

"So? You've already kissed Thane, the damage is done"

A small tear started to well up in Kat's eye as she remembered what she had done. She felt awful about it, how could she do that to Mark? And to Thane as well, she had ruined her relationship with two of the people closet to her. Her eyesight began to blur and she felt the flood of tears coming but fought back, wiping her eye with the sleeve of Thane's hoodie. No, no she couldn't cry. Not out here with strangers, they wouldn't understand and try to help, she didn't need their help she just wanted to be alone. She breathed shakily and felt her tears subside as her vision returned.

"It's ok thought, because no one will ever know it happen. I'll just pretend it never happened, that's fine right?" Kat questioned the rational side of her brain now, unsure whether it was on the side of reason or simply trying to keep her calm.

"It doesn't matter if you pretend it never happened because it did. And what's worse is that you liked it, it felt right to you didn't it?"

"SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Kat scrunched her face up and screamed inwardly to herself, trying to force herself to just stop thinking.

"I'm with Mark! I like him, I can't just throw that away."

"You like Thane more though, admit it to yourself Kat, come on it's obvious he likes you too."

She wasn't going to let her mind fool her.

"No he doesn't. He was fine with keeping it a secret as well, probably because he doesn't want to associate himself with someone as emotionally unstable as you. You turned up crying for fuck sake."

"Yet he still comforted you."

Kat's mind stayed quiet for a second as if anticipating a counter argument but none came.

"You were at his door crying and instead of pushing you away he welcomed you. He has always been kind and loving to you, why can't you see. He likes you and you like him, what's stopping you?"

"Because I'm with Mar-"

"Don't start with that bullshit." Kat interrupted her own thought; she pondered whether that was actually possible for a split second before continuing.

"You and Mark are barely a couple, he only see's you when he wants something and it's usually just sex. You know, deep down that you feel more for Thane now than you ever will for Mark, so what is the real reason you can't just go for it?"

There was a pause in Kat's heated argument with herself. She knew the reason why, but refused to think it. It was the same reason she had come to the academy in the first place. Kat hadn't told anyone at UBA yet but she had been one of the last people to accept an invitation to Umbra. Like Thane, Kat saw Umbra as a new start, a way of escaping from her home life but not for the same reason as Thane. Again her mind asked the question.

"Why can't you go for it?"

Kat took a deep breath and answered her own question, whispering so quietly it was not possible to make it out over the background noise of the academy.

"Because you get hurt. Whenever you get close, you get hurt."

The admittance felt like a burning knife had been stuck in to Kat's gut. She hated herself. She hated that she was so scared of being hurt again she couldn't be with the one person she really wanted. She hated her past for interfering with the present, why couldn't she let it all go?

"Look at Cole and Mel, at Dad… look at Mum. No, now is not the time." Her thoughts brought back bad memories she did not want to explore now. Kat had decided that staying detached was the only way to avoid getting hurt. She had close all doors and brought her shutters up to avoid being connected to anyone, that way when things… happened she wouldn't get hurt again. But Thane…

Kat thought about the black haired boy for a second, his vibrant smile, their matching personalities and his beautiful dark brown eyes. She blinked in rapid succession and violently shoved Thane to the edge of her consciousness. He spent a lot of time on the fringes of her mind, pounding at her sealed doors and trying to get his voice heard. But like everyone else, she had to lock him out. She locked him out due to fear, fear she would loose herself in his warmth only to be left in the cold again when it all broke down. Which it would, she was sure of it. She couldn't face more pain; she couldn't risk going through it again.

Kat sighed greatly, realising that the torturous mindset was the only way to deal with the problem. She had no choice; to keep herself safe she had to ignore her feelings. Feelings only led to more pain and she couldn't handle any more pain in her life. Defeated by the solution she had reached, Kat looked up and realised she had also reached her room. Slowly opening the door she peaked in, being careful to check for her roommate Vicky before making her way in. She just wanted to be alone right now and Vicky would do everything in her power to stop that. But Kat needn't have worried; Vicky wasn't going to be a problem. As Kat scanned the room she caught site of her friend, passed out on her bed still holding a bottle of alcohol. It looked as if Vicky had tried to get out of her party dress before falling asleep but failed, as she currently lay on top of her duvet, dress half way up her chest and pink thong on show. The site wasn't pretty but Kat was just grateful she wasn't awake. Quietly Kat snuck into the room and placed her shoes and dress on her bed. She heard a noise from Vicky and looked over in fear but the passed out girl simply mumbled in her sleep and rolled over, letting the empty bottle roll across the floor.

Kat opened the bathroom door stealthily and edged her way inside. She didn't feel like looking at Vicky in the state she was in so the bathroom would have to do. Kat made her way across the room to grab something to sooth her aching head; she now realised how what that much crying could do to you. As she walked towards the medicine cabinet Kat caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror. She stopped abruptly and reversed, keeping her eyes fixed forward. She slowly turned towards the mirror and gazed at her self. Her hair was a mess; the normally smooth pixie cut was sticking up all over the place and her fringe especially stuck out vigorously. Her eyes were red and raw, her checks were pale and her make up was still smudged from the night before. It wasn't her face she noticed however, but her clothes. She had only just remembered she was wearing Thanes teal hoodie and was seeing herself in it for the first time. The colour complemented her light pink hair and brought out her ice blue eyes. Although it wasn't long enough to be considered dress length, (at least by Kat's standards, Vicky may have found it appropriate though) it was a little bit too large for Kat, ending just bellow her crotch. She turned her upper body and looked down her back. She noted to herself that if she weren't wearing any shorts the bottom of her arse cheeks would be clearly visible. Kat looked down at her hands and found them hiding away in the sleeves, small and dainty compared to the long hoodie. She looked down at the borrowed garment in full and did a small pirouette on the spot. She looked back to the mirror to find herself smiling and biting her bottom lip. Kat concluded she looked good; she liked wearing Thane's hoodie an awful lot.