4
"I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again"
-'One Step Closer' by Linkin Park
xxxxx
The Hyuuga heiress departed at the end of the week, her turnover being a jounin male he didn't know and who did or said little towards the Uchiha. Sasuke had preferred it that way to be honest; he was still in a foul mood with the girl's departure. True to his word he had stopped training outside in the cold and spent his days indoors…brooding.
Sasuke was sure that he was losing sight of his goals already, which was sad because he had only been in this house for a total of six months. What happened to all of his prior determination and drive? He had never forgotten his goals or desires when he had been seeking revenge. Was it because, deep down he knew that it was all pointless? With the cursed seal on his forehead he could never, ever be free. No matter how he wanted to defy it, that was an absolute truth. Perhaps he could pursue revenge on the people who had placed the seal on his forehead, try to hate Naruto for not properly killing him. If he tried hard enough he could grasp on something, anything, and use that as an excuse. Perhaps then someone would finally put him out of his misery.
The only problem with that was one simple fact: Sasuke was tired. He had welcomed death in the past, had finished his duties, had avenged his clan properly. Naruto was supposed to have killed him, he had wanted to die. Now he was just tired, tired of fighting, tired of hating, tired of everything. He had completed his mission, he was done. He had wanted it to be over; he had wanted to join Itachi and the rest of his dead clan.
It was hard trying to gather the strength needed to want to die again. It was hard to jump back on a path when you had finally told yourself it was over. He didn't want to die anymore, but he didn't want to be a part of Konoha either. Because of all of this Sasuke's desires, goals, and attempts to accomplish those things shifted and warped. One day he'd want to continue his plan, the next day he just wanted to be left the hell alone and not give a damn about anyone. Even though he had told himself that he should try and fix the situation with the Hyuuga he had ended up going back into the same routine of ignoring her, minus his training routine. Once again, he had cursed himself only after Hinata had left, same as he had with Ino.
Brooding had done little for his mood and he had no one to lash out at. So towards the middle of the week after Hinata had left, Sasuke had found himself grinning almost sinisterly as he sensed a massive burst of chakra erupt near his little home. He didn't even care who it was at this point, he just knew that they were angry and he was in a mood to fight. Verbally, physically, it didn't matter. Getting up, he crossed his arms and put on his best sneer. As he emerged from the hallway he spotted the intruder as they entered his home. The sneer disappeared, however, when he realized the face was very familiar.
The chakra belonged to none other than Hyuuga Neji, and he was definitely in a foul mood. The moment Sasuke rounded the corner pale grey eyes snapped over to him and narrowed. The jounin who was 'babysitting' him had also arrived at this point, eyes wide in surprise.
"Neji…" the man began, but the Hyuuga cut him off.
"Don't worry," Neji began, his gaze never leaving Sasuke's. "I am only here to talk to the Uchiha for a moment. I hope you don't mind if I ask you to excuse us for a few minutes."
Relaxing, the jounin shrugged. "Sure. Just…don't try and kill him okay? Hokage-sama's orders."
The brown haired man did not answer and eventually the jounin left the room.
The Hyuuga cut straight to the point, his posture defensive as he tilted his head and regarded Sasuke "What did you do to Hinata-sama?" he all but demanded.
Well, that hadn't been what Sasuke had been expecting, to say the least. His battle lust receded as his eyebrow rose in slight confusion. He couldn't recall doing anything to Hinata, even in the spar they had went through he hadn't actually touched her. He found himself wanting to be angry but could only be curious. Regardless, he had a part to play.
"I've been considered guilty of a lot of things, Hyuuga," Sasuke muttered, his own eyes narrowing "You'll have to be more specific."
"Oh?" Neji's face was obviously a tad mocking as he fully faced Sasuke, crossing his arms in a manner similar to his own. "Hinata-sama went directly to the Hokage and asked him if her time with you could be extended until the spring. It was granted." 'Explain that,' was clearly implied in Neji's tone.
The surprise on Sasuke's face was obvious. So obvious in fact that when he blinked, he saw Neji's expression tense and then shift into a sigh. He shook his head. Sasuke had heard Neji's powers of observation when it came to people were exceptional. Obviously, there was merit to them.
"You truly do not know." It was more of a statement to himself than to the Uchiha prisoner. Neji turned his gaze from Sasuke finally, his voice lowering to a mutter. "What is Hinata-sama thinking? Doesn't she understand…?"
Both men turned as the front door slid open and the subject of the conversation slowly walked into the house. There was a slight hitch in breath as Sasuke saw her again; he hadn't been expecting to see her for a very long time and taking in her gaze now…
What are you doing? Don't even allow your thoughts to go that route. You're acting like an idiot.
The Hyuuga female set down her rather large overnight bag down on the ground, a slight frown crossing her delicate features as she took in the presence of her cousin. Before she could even open her mouth Neji was there, grabbing a hold of her arm with a muttered "We need to talk Hinata-sama," before casting a glare that was wavering in its suspicion in his direction.
Neji could believe what he wanted, Sasuke had no idea what was going on. Based on what he could gather, Hinata would now be staying in the house with him until the spring, which absolutely floored him. It couldn't have been to honor the deal, she had won, he had admitted to defeat. The way Neji implied there was the possibility that even though Naruto had approved it the idea hadn't gone over well with the others.
"Please don't grip my arm like that," came the soft soprano that was Hinata. She actually managed to pull away from Neji before he pulled her too far. In fact, they were still standing in his living room. "Y-you didn't have to come here…"
"Why did you request to stay with him until the spring?" Neji cut in. "Have you forgotten who this person is? All that he's tried to do? Hinata-sama, you are a kind and forgiving person, I understand this more than anyone, but he is-"
"Standing within earshot." Sasuke snarled, not enjoying being ignored. What pissed him off was that Neji held very valid points and to that effect he didn't want those being the driving force of Hinata changing her mind.
The fact that he didn't want her to change her mind also angered him for reasons he refused to contemplate for the moment. Was she doing this out of pity? If so, regardless of the fact that he was…pleased to see his cook back – which was as far as he was going to allow his thoughts to go – he would tell her to go. He didn't need sympathy or pity, his mistakes had been his own and he had definitely learned from it.
Hinata took a step back from Neji, her head lowering to gaze at her feet. She did this only for a moment before her head lifted to face her cousin. "I-I requested it of my own volition, I wasn't influenced with genjutsu or anything like that," when Neji opened his mouth she shook her head, stopping him. "I know what people are saying but it's not true. Naruto-kun had me examined to make sure. He has my report so…" she trailed off on purpose, her eyes shifting back to her feet. "Please Neji-niisan…"
There was a long moment of awkward silence as the Hyuuga male stared hard at the female, those sharp eyes of his looking over her face and expression for any sign of untruth. When he found none he sighed once more, shaking his head.
"It is difficult to continue to protect you, Hinata-sama, if you constantly put yourself in dangerous situations."
The girl flinched but stood her ground "Being a shinobi is dangerous in and of itself Neji-niisan." It was a subtle reminder and Neji decided to simply drop the matter.
"So be it Hinata-sama," he said calmly, although it was obvious he was anything but happy about the situation. "I only ask that you not allow yourself to be manipulated, through any means, by this man. You and the Hokage may believe that he can be redeemed, but you are very alone with your views and your safety comes before his if it comes down to it." Neji's steely gaze shifted to Sasuke but the Uchiha said nothing.
All of that previous boredom and rage was gone, shifting down as curiosity rose. He wanted to know why Hinata was doing this; he wanted to know what was going on in her head. When the Hyuuga male left Sasuke watched idly as Hinata walked into the room where the other jounin was. It was only after the male had left and Sasuke could sense no other chakra within the immediate vicinity that he moved forward, catching Hinata as she tried to move to get her bags. He cut her off by moving in her path, his eyes narrowing.
"Did you do this out of pity?" his voice was low and dark as he glared down at her, watching her every expression. Her pale eyes snapped to him, wide with surprise, and she opened her mouth to speak, her hands moving in time with her emotions.
"I-I…no! It…it wasn't like that at all…" she hastened to reassure, her hands rising as her index fingers began to poke at each other "I just...we had a deal."
"I had told you the deal was off."
"But…you had only said that because you were frustrated, not because you had lost. And um, in any case, the only reason you made the deal was because you knew you would win. You…you obviously want me around for some reason."
"What." he stared at this girl, his expression something along the lines of complete and utter shock and disbelief. "Then why did you agree if you knew?" he was so surprised he didn't even have the thought to deny her claims that he had wanted her around.
"B-because I wanted to," she answered simply "I-I knew you would underestimate me and so I wanted to see how far my skills could go before you decided to get serious. Um, but we weren't able to get that far…but I knew that it wasn't your fault. I-I mean if I couldn't all of a sudden use my Byakugan after using it for so long I would probably be the same way and the Juuken…it relies on it so I'd be severely handicapped. When I told Naruto-kun of the deal you made with me he actually encouraged me to stay."
This girl…she was very observant. Too observant for comfort at times. She had never been convinced that she would win the bet, but a part of her had wanted to test her mettle against him anyway. Admirable and intriguing concepts for one who looked and seemed so frail and weak.
There was one issue and that was the fact that he didn't enjoy the fact that Naruto had influenced her to stay. A part of him had thought perhaps she had embraced and fought for the idea all on her own. With Naruto encouraging her, it felt more like he was the one being manipulated instead of vice versa. He didn't like that concept at all.
"So you think I'm redeemable? That's what he said right? You and Naruto think that."
There was a small silence. "Once upon a time, I was almost killed by my cousin," Hinata responded, causing Sasuke to stiffen in surprise. That Hyuuga had tried to kill her? It was a sharp contrast to just a moment ago. Suddenly, something Neji had said flickered through his mind.
"Hinata-sama, you are a kind and forgiving person, I understand this more than anyone…" Ah, that's what he had meant.
"I forgave him," she continued, bringing Sasuke out of his thoughts. "But of course, I never felt that there had been anything to forgive. I had understood his anger…his hatred. He wanted revenge and I was the representation of all he wanted revenge on. A-as for being redeemed…I think…I think anyone who wants to be redeemed can do so if they make the effort."
He slowly digested her words. While the horrible things that had happened in her life wasn't even a scratch on the surface to what he had been through; her life hadn't been like Sakura's or Ino's. He remembered how irritated he had been with Sakura initially when she had spoken so brazenly about how Naruto was so irresponsible because he had no parents nagging at him all the time. Back then it had shown him how completely shallow Sakura had been as a person, how childish.
Both Sakura and Ino had grown up in normal, loving households, they would never be able to truly or even lightly grasp onto his feelings. This girl, from what he knew of the Hyuuga's, had not grown up in a loving home, had faced the horrors of a clan horribly arrogant and prejudiced. She had watched as someone close to her, perhaps someone she considered a best friend at one point, go out of his way to murder her. Obviously he had either stopped or had been stopped by someone. During that time in the chuunin exams he had been dealing with his cursed seal and then there had been training with Kakashi, he hadn't had time for the rumors.
What would have happened if Neji had slaughtered everyone she had known, the entire clan? Would she have forgiven him then? Would she have sought the same path that he had? Would she had been able to kill her cousin, someone she obviously loved and cared for deeply? If things had turned out just a little differently, would she have chosen his path?
The fact that he was firmly convinced that the answer was 'no', made him feel angry. No, Hinata wouldn't have sought revenge, she would have done what Itachi had wanted him to do, live out his life in peace, try to move on. It would have been painful for her, but she would have done it.
Sasuke wanted to think her inferior, weaker for it. The fact that he didn't, the fact that he only felt admiration for her was almost enough to enrage him. He refused to believe that she was stronger than him for it, that, if she had been in his shoes she would have done everything differently. Refused to believe that she would have made Itachi proud. That she wouldn't have let Itachi die in vain, that the idiot hadn't had to die at all…
Before he realized it, he had Hinata's arm in a painful grip, pulling her close to him. He could feel small pricks and tingles inside his mind from the seal as he fought not to use the Sharingan. He ignored her soft cry, the way her eyes widened in surprise and with a bit of fear. No, he didn't ignore it, he embraced it, enjoyed how easy it would be to hurt her, to damage her. Break her, as she should be if their roles had been reversed. As he had been.
"What makes you think I want to make an effort?" It was practically a snarl "What makes you think I'm like him?" he asked, referring to Neji "What makes you…"
The Uchiha stopped in his angry tirade, watching her expression carefully. She was frightened, that much was certain, but there was something else in her eyes. It wasn't hatred or anger, it was…
"Sasuke-san I…" she looked away from him "If…if you really…want me to leave I will. P-please just say the word, I will go. D-doing this won't force me to hate you or think horribly of you. Y-you wanted me here for a reason and I…I was okay with that."
And just like that he dropped her arm as if it had burned him. He stared at her for a long time, his expression unreadable. This girl…she was unreal. She wasn't at all physically imposing or threatening but there was this quiet strength about her, a soft determination that emerged only when she felt it was absolutely necessary. The way she looked at him, as if she had already opened him up and read him like a book; it unnerved him. Those eyes of hers, always soft, understanding, accepting. She looked at him as if to say 'It's okay, I know it's not me you're really mad at, so it's fine, I'll accept this'. This nature of hers, he was sure that was what had caused Neji to try to kill her before, it had to be it. The way she could just observe and accept someone's flaws, no, the way she simply just understood that person, understood and didn't judge.
Hyuuga Hinata was a frightening person. Itachi would have been proud.
Without saying another word, knowing that to do so meant that he was welcoming her to stay, he turned on his heel and stalked to his room. As he slid the door closed he leaned against it, dipping his head, his bangs shadowing his face. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides and he was shaking, shaking.
"Damnit…damn you," he wasn't even sure who he was damning at this point; Hinata, Itachi, or himself.
xxxxx
That evening, to his surprise, Hinata came knocking softly on his door. In the times that Hinata had stayed in the house she had always cooked dinner and placed out food if he wanted it, eating by herself and retiring to her room for the night. He had smelled the food earlier as he merely brooded in his room, sometimes thinking, sometimes forcing his mind to become blank. He had meditated a lot that day, finding it easier to try and not to deal with his thoughts now that he had little outlet in which to handle them. He didn't want to think about what had happened earlier. He didn't want to think about her, how her eyes kept haunting him taunting him with something he knew but couldn't put properly in words. In all honesty, he was afraid of what those words would be.
Slowly the door to his room slid open and he caught Hinata's pale face peeking from the darkness of the hallway. Innocent eyes glanced into his room and there was a soft gasp as she realized that he was very much awake and staring at her.
"M-may I come in?" she asked softly, almost a whisper.
"You've already opened the door," Sasuke drawled, rolling his eyes a bit. How he went from angry to wary to amused with her was a complete mystery to him. He leaned against the far wall of his room, his arm raised up on the windowsill, watching as her dainty form whispered inside quietly. She did have a tray in hand, a bento, something that he assumed was miso soup and…
"Are those sliced tomatoes?" he almost choked on the words. How did she know? Who told her?
Her pale face turned an interesting shade of red as she walked forward. When she was a respectful distance away she knelt down in front of him and put the tray between them. Sliced tomatoes. He couldn't believe she knew, she had to know, one just didn't bring someone sliced tomatoes for shits and giggles.
"Um…the girls here…" she began in explanation "They…" she coughed a bit "…make it their business to know these things."
He should have known. Well, he wasn't going to complain. Much. "So? What about you then? Are you going to be another fangirl, hanging on my every word?"
As Hinata shook her head, her gaze a mixture of surprise and disbelief, he wondered why he set himself up for situations like this, where he knew if she answered he wouldn't like it. No, that wasn't true, he was glad that she wouldn't hang on his every word…it was just…
"N-no…I just wanted to do something nice for you."
"Hn," was the response.
He sat there in silence as he ate. Hinata didn't seem as if she was going to leave, yet he didn't really tell her to go away either. While the food was good, he barely registered it, so deep he was in his own thoughts. Sasuke would notice from time to time that Hinata would shift, as if she wanted to say something, think better of it, and then tense up. At first it was just something he noticed off to the side of his thoughts but as she continued to do it, it began to strike at his mind more and more.
Eventually he ended up watching her movements in slight amusement as he ate, wondering what in the world was she struggling to convey to him. A part of it was also his own childishness, wanting her to be uncomfortable, for whatever reason, in retaliation to what happened earlier that day. Finally, when he felt as if she'd 'suffered' enough, he opened his mouth.
"What is it, Hyuuga?" he asked "You look as if you're about to explode."
The Uchiha gave her his full attention, his expression a mask of boredom. She jumped just a bit and looked up at him with wide eyes before she looked down pointedly at her lap. Hinata did this a few more times before she finally rested her gaze on his.
"I um…" she began "I was wondering if…you wanted to go out tomorrow."
He was positive he heard that wrong. "What?"
The flatness of his tone made Hinata raise her arms in a pacifying gesture "I mean…you've been here for over six months…and you haven't left at all. I…was thinking that um, maybe you wouldn't mind c-coming with me when I go shopping. For food, I mean. You know, just to get out. I-I mean…you probably have cabin fever so…"
"Outside." It was soft, thoughtful. He was suffering from cabin fever; he'd never been confined like this in his life. Unable to do much besides think, he couldn't even train. It had been driving him a little crazy. Even if he hated this village with every part of his soul, the temptation of leaving this house and walking around somewhere, anywhere, was appealing.
"O-only if you want to…" she continued, shifting nervously. Numbly, he watched as Hinata's index fingers began to press against each other and her gaze went back to her lap as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
"What's the catch?" Sasuke's question came out without even having thought about it. Of course, now that he was coming down from his initial shock the question was a valid one. Yes, he'd admit that he thought Hinata was a kind person, but no one could expect him to believe that something this significant to him wouldn't come with some sort of catch or deal. Trust wasn't something that came easily to him, no matter how nice one was.
He almost grinned when her expression turned even more disturbed, even though a part of him was disappointed to be proven right. Instead he continued to maintain his bored expression, as if what she was offering him was nothing he really cared about one way or another.
"Ino-chan wants to see you." There went that finger thing she did again. Such a strange girl. "S-so would it be okay to visit her?"
"Wait. That's it?" His tone sounded incredulous. "You just want me to go visit Ino." At her small nod he shook his head, chuckling softly to himself. When she gave him a curious look he waved her off with a hand. "Whatever. Fine. If I gets me out of here for a few hours, I don't care."
Her face lit up which seemed to bring color to her normally pale skin. Sasuke ignored it, instead he thought about how he could use this to his advantage. If he 'behaved', not only would Hinata say something positive to the Hokage, but Ino would as well. This was important, the more people he had on his side the better. They didn't have to directly help him escape, they just had to tell Naruto all sorts of good and lovely things so that he'd eventually let his guard down. Also, the more people he got to support him verbally, the less the negative influences would be. Yes, this was perfect. This would make up for all of the prior mistakes he had made because of his temper.
"Is ten in the morning good for you?" her voice brought him out of his thoughts "Or do you want to leave a little later?"
"Ten is fine." Finishing the last bit of his meal, he pushed the tray to her. Tray in hand she gracefully stood, flashed him one of her small smiles and gave him a 'goodnight' as she closed his door.
The moment the door closed a long slow smile spread over his face. One thing at a time…
xxxxx
Sasuke didn't remember there being so many people out at this time when he used to live here. He trailed behind Hinata as he scanned his surroundings. Some people gasped and whispered. Some gave him hard glares. Most remained indifferent as the two young nin moved through the crowds in the shopping district.
Suddenly he wondered why he ever agreed to go outside. He hated crowds. The fact that he was in a crowd in Konoha only added to his deep irritation. To his credit, he was mostly noncommittal, stopping when Hinata stopped, moving when she moved. They hadn't said much to each other the entire morning but he realized that the silence hadn't been strained or uncomfortable. At least, she no longer seemed to be highly uncomfortable around him. Definite improvement.
Not that she had ended up with any problems addressing you in the beginning.
He had forgotten about that. Their little spat where she had spewed her self-righteous drivel in her own attempt to 'tell the Uchiha off'. Sasuke hadn't realized he was scowling until the sensation of being watched had him looking down at the Hyuuga heir. Her large eyes showed nothing but slight concern.
"Are you alright Sasuke-san?"
"Hn," he forced his face to look more neutral. He remembered how pissed off he had been then, mostly because Tsunade had already put him in a foul mood earlier, but somehow the Hyuuga had made him angrier that day. How could he have forgotten something like that?
That doesn't matter. Focus on your plan, no matter how you feel.
"Um, we're here," she was standing at the doorway leading into the Yamanaka flower shop. Even though he had just told himself a moment ago to focus he brushed past her anyway, irritated.
"Let's just get this over with."
The two were immediately greeted by a cheerful voice. Hinata brightened, Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and pretended to find one of the walls fascinating.
"Hinata-chan! Sasuke-kun!" Ino quickly made her way over to the two and whispered a small 'Thanks Hina' before turning to Sasuke.
He still wasn't looking at her, but he knew she was going to talk anyway. "Are you enjoying being outside for a while? I'm sure being cooped up in that stuffy place was hell. I hated it by the time I left."
Sasuke shrugged. Indifference was fine, it wasn't outright hostility and that would be seen as an improvement.
"So," she continued, preventing awkward silence "Now that you can wander about with an escort, what do you plan on doing for the spring festival?"
He did turn his blank gaze to her then and blinked once. Ino's smile widened as she accurately took that expression as confusion.
"Didn't Hinata-chan tell you? Well anyway, I can't really go see you unless I'm guarding you and I wanted to make sure I talked to you about this before it was too late."
"What are you talking about?" At his verbal confirmation towards his confusion he looked over at Hinata who was conveniently engrossed in an assortment of lilacs. Huh. The Hyuuga had left out the part that Ino wanted something from him which was why they had come. In all honesty, he should have seen this coming – this was Ino – but he hadn't expected sneakiness from his pale eyed caretaker.
She probably thought I would have said 'No' if she had told me the entire truth.
She would have been right.
"Well, you remember how there's the spring and summer festivals here?" When he just continued to stare at her blankly she continued "Well, the spring festival is coming up and I'd like you to be my date. Of course, Hinata-chan will have to come along but I thought this would be a good opportunity for us to possibly get closer."
Ino and Sakura could have been sisters, they way they were so bold about things. There was an arrogance to Ino that Sakura didn't have, but beyond that there was little difference between them.
Instead of answering her, he turned to Hinata. "Hyuuga. I'm assuming you agreed to do this if I said 'yes' correct?"
Her shoulders stiffened and then she turned to face him, looking guilty, head down. "Um, y-yes…" her eyes peeked out from under her bangs and she gave him an apologetic look. He took Ino's bold and brazen personality and Hinata's quiet and somewhat meek one and figured that the Yamanaka probably 'talked' her into it.
He weighed his options. It had only been six months, if he said 'yes' right away it might be seen as him trying to do something funny. However, he also had the fact that he had been cooped up; any excuse to get out of the house would be a good one. Sasuke figured Naruto would probably pick the latter option to believe.
The Uchiha crossed his arms, turned his head to look at the far wall and then sighed, as if it were all such a huge inconvenience to him. "Fine, whatever. If it'll get me out of that box I'll do it."
The Yamanaka grabbed his hand in excitement, looking up into his expressionless eyes. "You'll have a great time, I promise."
He sincerely doubted that. Instead of responding he turned to Hinata, allowing him to slip from Ino's grip. "Hyuuga? If there's nothing else, we should get the food and be going."
"Oh," she said rather lamely before blinking "Oh, the food. I'm sorry to cut the visit so short Ino-san…"
"It's okay!" 'I got what I wanted' was clearly implied.
She was seriously trying to get him to date her. Sasuke couldn't understand or fathom any of Ino's reasoning for why. As they walked out of the shop he had to fight the urge to shake his head. Maybe he…could use the Yamanaka? Given time, if he could get her to really fall for him... Perhaps he had been too hasty to dismiss her as a candidate.
"Um, I'm sorry about that, Sasuke-san." Once again Hinata's voice cut through his thoughts. Glancing down at her, he tried to figure out what she was sorry for. Oh, right.
"You thought I would have said no if you had told me the truth."
"I-Ino-san really likes you so…"
"Ino doesn't know anything about me."
That came out harsher than intended. "Look, forget it. I'm sure she almost literally pulled your arm to do it, and I'm not actually angry. Let's get the food and go."
Pale eyes lingered on him for a moment longer. She looked as if she wanted to say something else, thought better of it and nodded, leading the way. Sasuke watched her for a moment and then looked up at a building. Just then, while she had been talking…
Forget it for now. It's probably not important anyway.
Mentally shrugging the sensation of being watched off, he picked up his pace to catch up with Hinata.