AN: It's been two months, so here's an update. I want to stay ahead but I refuse to keep you guys hanging for months on end. I'm actually starting to get a schedule down, so updates on everything should come sooner and not later. Let's keep fingers crossed.
Anyway, here's the chapter you guys have been waiting for.
xxxxx
8
xxxxx
'The incident' was never discussed again.
In fact, the two pretended as if it had never happened and continued interacting normally. Sasuke was given partial usage of his Sharingan and he was allowed late night walks around the village as long as he was escorted. The walks helped considerably with his mood over the weeks. He began to mellow out and become more stable. He preferred the forests and other locations far away from human life and had made it very clear that he did not wish to be bothered by anyone when he was allowed to be out and about.
They did not speak much to each other during these times, or much at all. Regardless, Hinata's very presence seemed to be sufficient enough to keep him stable. Things stayed like this for a few weeks before he began to notice that there was obviously something on the Hyuuga's mind.
He said nothing, mostly because he had a decent idea of what her problem was. The only reason he had kept silent at first was because it was obvious that what had happened obviously wasn't going to affect her decision to remain with him.
It wasn't out of pity that she stayed, although he wanted to believe that because it would make trying to dislike her easier. He had a love/hate relationship with his feelings concerning her and while they never discussed what happened when he had broken down, he thought about it constantly.
It wasn't love; that was an emotion that had been ripped from him at a very, very young age.
"Hinata-chan," he heard Sakura from outside the front door and paused, hiding his chakra. Why was she here? He hadn't spoken to her since that day in the hospital. "Why are you doing this? Is it because you pity him?"
Oh, so they were talking about him. Why he had thought differently was beyond him – this was Sakura after all.
"No..." From where he was standing he could see Hinata's back and she was effectively blocking Sakura's view of his location. She lowered her head "It's not pity. I just..."
"You should withdraw from the mission, Hinata-chan." She cut in and Sasuke fought down the irrational urge to go over to Sakura and tell her to piss off. Did her meddling know no bounds? "Naruto doesn't think so but I think you've been compromised."
"I...I don't know what you mean, Sakura-chan. Are you trying to say –"
"If you think he actually has any feelings for you, Hinata-chan, you're wrong." It was said coldly and sternly and the Hyuuga stiffened "He's using you; please don't let him manipulate you like this. Sasuke-kun...he's not capable of love. You're...you're only going to get hurt like this."
"Like you were?" Surprisingly, there was absolutely no malice in Hinata's tone, merely an observation.
Instinctively, the pink haired woman tried to strike at the Hyuuga but she caught her wrist and Sasuke's respect for her rose a bit.
"Sakura-chan...I don't love Sasuke-san."
Why...did her saying that bother him? What was this?
"Hinata-chan –" she tried again but the other girl shook her head, letting go of Sakura's wrist.
"Sakura-chan, it's not pity and it's not love that made me extend my time here. I know Sasuke-san doesn't love me, I know that he could be possibly trying to use me. I know he hates the village and I know that given the chance, he'd do everything he could to escape. But that's not why I'm here."
It was obvious that Sakura didn't get it and if he were honest with himself, he didn't get it either. He had been surprised when she had extended 'until further notice'. The first thought that had come to mind had been pity, but Hinata wasn't that sort of person. Pity would not have been enough to keep her around.
With a sigh, she took a step back "I'm here...because he needs me to be here." Both Sakura and Sasuke stiffened in surprise at this "It's...really that simple."
But Sakura's words had affected her nonetheless, for the Hyuuga had become distant and withdrawn ever since that confrontation. He wondered if she knew he had overheard, she was a tracker after all. Trackers were normally more sensitive to their surroundings because they had to be.
He couldn't deny her claims because he had made it more than obvious that it was true – he did need her and in the worst way. He didn't like being so emotionally attached to someone; he didn't like the fact that the thought of her leaving him alone terrified him. She couldn't stay in that house with him forever; eventually she would have to leave, his wants and needs be damned.
Sasuke was more than aware that his feelings were, more than likely, obsession and not of the good kind. He wanted her around but he didn't. He – after finally admitting it to himself – desired her but he certainly didn't want to. She was nothing like him and he hated everything she stood for.
So why? Why her? Why was it that the thought of losing her felt the same as losing a piece of himself?
The questions still plagued him because he didn't have an answer and he desperately wanted to know. What was it about Hinata that was causing these reactions?
Although he had never been with a woman and had always shown no interest it didn't mean that he was asexual or – as the rumors had it – gay. It wasn't as if he had never thought about sex, but passing fantasies to be quickly dismissed after taking care of it was all he had ever allowed himself to have. Romance, love, relationships, none of that had a place in his life – and it still didn't as far as he was concerned.
But it was different with Hinata and he knew it. He obviously had to have her presence in his life, in his mind it wasn't an option. This wasn't something he understood or knew how to deal with because he had never held any real romantic feelings for anyone, male or female.
'It was that simple' didn't make sense to him. She owed him nothing and he wasn't exactly kind to her either. He refused to believe it was 'that simple'; there had to be a deeper reason, right?
"I don't love Sasuke-san."
Why? Why did that bother him? He had never been so confused in his entire life and as much as he'd like to get rid of the problem...he couldn't. He couldn't because his problem was his solution and he just...
"Hyuuga." He stopped walking and she stopped a few steps ahead, her pale gaze inquisitive. He took in pale skin and her gentle expression. "Why have you been skulking around looking as if you've been slapped in the face?"
She stiffened and then turned her gaze away, frowning. "I'm sorry, i-if I've been bothering you..."
"No." he paused "Is it because of what Sakura said to you?"
Her eyes widened and she looked a number of emotions he didn't quite understand. "Y-you...heard?"
The moon was half full and the weather was getting warmer; summer was coming. He looked up at the sky, his thoughts still heavily chaotic. "Yeah." Another pause "She's right, you know. About me. Took her long enough to figure it out."
When she didn't immediately reply he looked down to find her frowning thoughtfully. She didn't seem sad or disappointed and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.
Why do I want her to have feelings for me? That's what it was, he was sure of it now. It was the most bizarre thing ever, because he had never wanted a girl to like or love him. The fact that it was the one girl who had never liked him was annoyingly ironic.
He couldn't take much more of this confusion; it was frustrating him to no end.
"I..." she sighed and turned her back to him. "I feel that...if you want to love than you can and will. I don't believe that there's a person that can't feel pain or sadness, love or happiness. Having feelings is a part of what we are."
"Do you think I'm in love with you?" it was asked bluntly and he hated it that a part of him couldn't answer the question honestly.
Turning, she blinked owlishly at him "Um, well...the only person that can answer that question is you, Sasuke-san."
Why was she so calm while he was confused and conflicted? Irritated, he closed the distance between them in a second, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. She gasped and her face turned several shades of red. Her discomfort made him feel a lot better, although now that he was touching her for the first time since the incident his discomfort increased. Mostly because she felt good pressed against him, all soft curves with the gentle scent of flowers. Memories of the way her lips had felt emerged and he really needed to back the hell off before he'd do something he'd regret.
"What if I was?" he dipped his head, his lips moving closer. Just once more, she had felt so good the last time. "What if Sakura was wrong and I do actually love you? You're the first and only female I've ever been attracted to. You're the only person I want around me, you're the only person that means something to..."
This wasn't happening. He didn't want this, he didn't want her. Abruptly he let go and turned to head back "I'm done walking." He said curtly and without waiting to see if she was following he began to walk briskly back to the Hyuuga district but stopped when something soft and gentle touched his hand.
They stood like that for a moment, his back to her and her hands gently holding his. He closed his eyes, annoyed at himself for enjoying the way her hands felt. He didn't want this. Nothing good could or would ever come out of it
Go.
Don't leave me.
Get away.
I think I'm...
"If this is love..." his eyes opened and he felt her stiffen behind him. "I don't want it."
She let go and he started walking again, his thoughts and emotions all over the place. What did this all mean for him? What about his plan? If he was honest with himself he had pretty much all but given up on it. It wasn't possible for him to leave and even if he could...
I can't leave her. I'm pathetic. Nothing made any sense to him anymore.
Then Hinata had to go and confuse him even more for weeks to come. "Love...isn't something you want...it's just something that happens."
xxxxx
I swear to the gods if I hear the word 'youthful' one more time I will probably kill myself with my own Chidori. Sasuke thought miserably as he sat between the dynamic green – or dynamic gay, as he was dubbing them – duo Rock Lee and Maito Gai. Were they honestly not related? How was that even possible?
Tsunade, I hate you so much.
What had he done to piss her off to where she had Naruto – and Sasuke knew only she would put that idea in that idiot's head – send over both 'green beasts' to give him training? Supposedly 'super important' training at that.
Except the two had done nothing but banter about nonsense for the past hour. Why where they here? Why was he here? The Uchiha resisted the urge to put his face in his hands as he sat on the ground in the backyard of his 'house' – prison – praying for peace. Even death would be acceptable at this point.
"Alright then!" came the sudden exclamation, making Sasuke's head snap up at Gai. Finally! "We'll decide this with Rock, Paper, Scissors! Whoever wins will do this their way and the loser will have to do five hundred laps around the village on their hands!"
I'm going to kill them. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched dangerously and his hand itched for his katana. The level of stupidity he was experiencing should be illegal; it was surely brain damaging. He felt dumber after sitting here with these two and if Hinata didn't hurry up with that food...
Hinata! His salvation! His temporary reprieve from insanity!
"Yeah..." he stood up, inching towards the door. "You two do that...I'm going to go check on lunch." They thankfully didn't even notice as he slipped inside. Closing the door behind him he sighed and then started after almost running right into the Hyuuga. She had a tray of tea in her hands as she blinked up at him.
"Sasuke-san?"
Heat rushed to his face and he turned his head to the side, feeling very awkward. He had forgotten that he had been avoiding her ever since that night...because ever since that night his reactions to her became even stranger. Whenever he saw her his heart did something funny and his face would heat up like it was doing now.
It didn't help that she had started blushing as well. Was it simply in reaction to him or was it something else? Did he want it to be something else? He wished he could understand what was wrong with him; he'd fix it and then move the hell on.
"Those idiots outside are trying to decide who's going to train me via rock, paper, and scissors." He muttered, still refusing to directly look at her.
"Oh." She giggled and something completely foreign emerged within him.
I don't want this. I don't want these feelings.
"I thought they were supposed to be giving you more information on the assassin." She cut into his thoughts.
What? "The assassin?" he turned to her "What did –" looking at her, his face – if it were even possible – began to heat even more. It was so moronic, she wasn't even looking at him any kind of way and yet he wanted to close the distance between them and do something extremely foolish. He was forced to look down and to the side, absolutely frustrated with himself and her. "What did they find out?"
"Um...w-well..."
She was nervous. She only stuttered when she was nervous. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not, Sasuke was in a constant state of confusion around Hinata.
"It has been decided, my friends!" both teens stiffened as the door abruptly slid open, revealing Lee. "For the first time in years I have defeated Gai-sensei!" he looked as if he didn't know whether he wanted to be happy or cry.
A hand rested on his shoulder and he turned to the topic of the conversation. Gai smiled "It was a tough battle, my finest pupil. A worthy achievement! Since it's you Lee, it's to be expected." He took a step back and gave them all a thumbs up "Well, I better get going; those five hundred laps aren't going to walk themselves!"
"Gai-sensei!" Lee turned to him, his expression and posture determined. "Although I won, I would never pass a chance to improve though rigorous training! After this, I will join you!"
Another thumbs up. "That's the spirit, Lee! I'll be waiting! See you folks later!" he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Gone, Lee turned back to them "Alright, lets –" he stopped and blinked at Hinata and Sasuke's expressions "Is something the matter?"
"Some part of my brain that processes intelligent thought died just now." The Uchiha said blandly, still looking a little dumbfounded.
"Um..." Hinata held the tray with a smile that denoted she had no idea of what was going on.
Lee took in the two standing side by side – and rather closely – and smiled. It would appear that Naruto's assumptions were correct. Ah, the springtime of youth in which love blossoms – I will do my best to help! "Ah, thank you for the tea, Hinata-san." He walked over and took a steaming cup "Your tea is always amazing. I am assuming then that lunch is ready?"
That seemed to snap her out of her stupor. "Oh! Um...yes." she turned towards the kitchen "I'll be just a moment..."
"I will assist you!" he took a few steps after her and then stopped, putting a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. The Uchiha looked at him as if he had lost his mind. In response, Lee gave him the thumbs up with the same hand and a wide grin. "Do not worry Sasuke, I understand perfectly." After all, he knew what it was like to be in love. "I will do everything in my power to help so do not become discouraged!"
"What." When Sasuke continued to stare in disgruntled confusion, Lee's smile broadened and he continued to follow Hinata. He couldn't wait to tell Naruto, his friend would surely be pleased to hear it.
They both seemed to be shy though, he would have to converse with the blonde to see if there was something they could do about it. Hinata would be good for Sasuke; Lee could already see the changes in the Uchiha because of her influence. This made him feel optimistic; Naruto's dream of Sasuke becoming a Konoha shinobi again was now highly likely and that made the taijutsu master glad. He had always been a fan of happy endings.
"I will set the table, if that is alright with you." Lee offered and Hinata turned to him.
"Oh, thank you." She said politely over her shoulder. Lee grabbed the plates from the cupboard, taking note of how even though Sasuke stood off to the side he was definitely staring at Hinata with a heavy frown. He didn't look angry, mostly frustrated and confused and mentally Lee nodded his head with understanding. People like himself and Naruto welcomed their heart with open arms, so they were able to know and understand love the moment it hit them.
For people like Sasuke or even Neji – men with a lot of pride who hated feeling vulnerable – love was a weakness to them. While untrue, it still meant that they tended to live in denial longer than others who truly embraced the beauty of love. A conundrum indeed! The Uchiha was very stubborn and tenacious; it would be no easy feat.
But that was the beauty of a challenge! He would just have to proceed delicately and he would definitely need some outside help.
"What the hell is this?" The Uchiha stared at Lee a few minutes later at their little round table. With the way the seating was positioned, Lee was sitting directly across from Hinata, leaving the Uchiha sitting next to her regardless of what side he took. Lee was already in his seat and he smiled inwardly. Had Sasuke sat across, he could have eaten his food without looking up at Hinata. However, in sitting beside her, she would constantly be in his peripheral vision, making him more likely to be tempted to stare. An ingenious plan, Gai-sensei would be proud at being subtle with potentially dynamic results.
"Is something wrong, Sasuke?" he asked innocently and was flashed a glare for his troubles.
Sasuke looked at the table's arrangements, looked over at Hinata, turned red, and then scowled. He looked away, his posture tense "I think I'll eat lunch in my room." He muttered but Lee was already on to him.
Not so fast, Uchiha Sasuke! You cannot escape love's embrace! "But Sasuke, I must inform you about the assassin and the training Naruto asked of us. Now would be the perfect time."
Tensing, Sasuke turned back to Hinata very briefly before looking at Lee again. "It can't wait?" he looked very uncomfortable.
You will thank me someday, my friend. Lee looked confused "What is wrong with discussing it now?"
Nothing, and both males knew it. Lee watched the internal battle within the fallen avenger. He was too prideful to come up with a petty excuse and as Hinata approached with the food he plopped down in his chair, crossing his arms and looking very upset. "Never mind. It's fine." Was the terse reply.
"Excellent!" he waited until the food was given to everyone before beginning. "To start, the assassin that attacked Sasuke at the festival has been caught."
This was obviously news to them and both stared at him in wide-eyed shock.
"When was this?" The Uchiha wanted to know.
"About a week ago. Ibiki-san has been interrogating him and was only able to acquire information yesterday." He shook his head "Unfortunately, the man did not know who it was exactly that hired him as he had worn a disguise, but he confessed that he was not the only one who had been hired. There are at least five more individuals close to his level of strength."
"Tch. Annoying."
"Was that all he confessed to?" Hinata asked, frowning thoughtfully "He didn't know the identities of the other assassins?"
Lee shook his head "No, but Ibiki-san says that he believes the man knows and assures us that he will have the information soon."
"Alright, so what's this training about then?" Sasuke sat back in his chair and was keeping his gaze steady in Lee's direction. He almost smiled.
"Because of the amount of assassins, Naruto felt that you should be taught the more difficult aspects of our mine and Gai-sensei's style. The council refuses to fully unlock your abilities until you agree to become a Konoha shinobi but they do not wish for you to be completely defenseless. So although you will be unable to utilize your more advanced ninjutsu, your taijutsu should compensate since it is you. It will not be extremely advanced but he feels that it will be enough."
At first Sasuke looked highly irritated. Then he frowned, thinking. "Where will this training take place?"
"This area is too small for what we would need to do, so training will be at the training grounds."
"Done. Any excuse to get out of this place is a good one."
"Lee-san?" Hinata gave him an inquisitive look "Will I be needed during these training sessions?"
The question got her a sharp glance from Sasuke before he turned away and Lee shook his head. "Hm? Oh no, it is not mandatory since Gai-sensei and I will be considered his escorts but you are more than welcome to join us! I know that your style and ours is completely different but the Juuken is not without its uses in regards to taijutsu."
Pink dusted her cheeks and she looked down at her food. "N-no I'd...I-I'll remain here or r-run errands."
Lee felt a little disappointed by this but the look on the Uchiha's face denoted he wasn't pleased either. Although he was not a fan of conflict, he understood that sometimes it was good for progression. "I see. Well, that is alright in any case, I am sure being here constantly is stressful sometimes. I do not know what I would do if I was unable to properly train or take on missions."
It was not until he said the words that he realized how they sounded and he realized that he had slipped up. A very strange expression flickered on the Uchiha's face before disappearing and a worried and slightly guilty expression emerged on Hinata's.
"Ah!" he raised his hands in a peaceful gesture "I did not mean –"
"Is that all?" Sasuke cut in and Lee took in the other male's completely blank expression, inwardly scolding himself. He could only hope that his words would not leave any lasting damage.
"No, that is all that I was given as far as information goes."
Standing, Sasuke began to walk away. "I'll be in my room." It was said coldly and Hinata's expression was definitely that of sadness as she watched him walk away.
xxxxx
When he did not come out for dinner, Hinata came to his room and he was half tempted to tell her to go away. He was not in a good mood.
"Sasuke-san?" she slid the door open with a tray in her hands, her expression a mixture of sad and worried. He sat on the floor as he usually did, a book in his hand. Keeping his thumb in as a placeholder, he glanced at her.
"What?" he took in the tray and then his gaze flickered back up to her. She blinked and then looked away, growing embarrassed. The gesture irritated him.
"I don't love Sasuke-san." She had said that, so what the hell was she looking embarrassed and shy about?
"I'll remain here..."
"I am sure that being here constantly is stressful sometimes."
She doesn't have to fucking stay. He thought viciously. I don't need or want her damn pity. If I'm such a burden she can leave anytime.
As if sensing his growing irritation she walked in tentatively, unsure. Ever since lunch his mind had been whirling with chaotic thoughts, conflicted feelings, and anger. Hinata had made her choice; it wasn't his fault that it ended up with her not really having a life or being able to be a proper shinobi. She was his damn babysitter and he knew it.
If she didn't want to be around he didn't want her around. She had seemed so eager to dump him off with Gai and Lee to go do whatever it was she wanted to do.
In a sudden bout of irrational jealousy, the thought of her wanting to ditch him to go be around another guy enraged him. 'Run errands' indeed; everything was brought to them and Hinata's list was always thorough, so that was a lie. Or maybe going to see the guy was her 'errand'. If she was so willing to ditch him it made him rethink the idea that she wasn't there out of pity. What other reason could there be?
"Um, I'll just leave this here." Her voice brought him out of his thoughts but not his anger. She placed the tray beside him as she normally did and as she drew back his hand snapped out, grabbing her wrist in an almost painful grip. She gasped, startled, and winced, tugging lightly. "S-Sasuke-san..."
"Who is he?" the words came out low and cold as he glared up at her. Who's the guy that's gotten your attention now when you won't even spare me a second glance?
The thought stunned him and he almost let her go but anger won out. So what if Hinata never liked him like all the other girls had? He didn't like her so what did it matter? He just didn't want her pity and he sure as hell didn't want to be some sort of charity case for her.
She looked genuinely confused "Who? Sasuke-san I don't...I don't understand..."
He tugged on her wrist to the point where she had to bend her knees or risk being pulled to the ground "Don't play stupid. The guy you're going to be ditching me for when I'm off with Gai and Lee."
"What?" she was shaking her head now, thoroughly lost concerning his thought processes. He stood, not letting go of her wrist, and she took a step back, alarmed. "There's no...there is no –"
"If you don't want to be here, I'm not forcing you to stay." He cut in and took a step forward, feeling a bit of smug satisfaction at how frightened she was beginning to look. He began to back her into the empty corner of his room "If I'm such a burden, leave. I don't need you, I don't even want you."
She was still confused for a moment longer before it clicked in that he was upset over what happened today. "That's not..." she shook her head as her back finally hit the wall and she was effectively pinned in. "I don't pity you. A-and staying here, that's –"
"What is it then, if it's not pity? You said it yourself, right? Being here is stressful. You're not able to go on missions or have a life; instead you're stuck babysitting me."
Her eyes widened. "I didn't say –"
"I'm fine now that I'm allowed to actually go out and do things." he continued "So leave. Go away. I'll be just fine here without you." He was so angry he couldn't think straight at all. He wanted her to leave, to go to whoever it was that wasn't him because he wanted to hate her, he wanted to stop feeling so confused and conflicted.
Hatred was an emotion he knew well and was very easy to embrace. He tried to grasp onto it, because all of the other emotions bubbling up inside of him weren't things he wanted to admit or deal with.
"Sasuke-san...I'm here because I want to be here." She was frowning but she didn't seem angry. But this was Hinata, she never got angry; she never hated, and she seemed to love everyone.
Except him. He hated it. Hated her.
Leave.
Don't. You...
"There isn't...there isn't anyone. I..." she sighed in slight frustration as she tried to find the proper words "It's just that...you've seemed so uncomfortable around me lately that I thought that if I stayed behind y-you would have a break." Her expression became downcast "I know you...don't really want me here. Not if you could help it."
She's lying. She was basically saying that she had wanted to stay behind for his sake? Ridiculous; no one would do something like that for him, he wasn't an idiot. She was just trying to confuse him, something she was extremely good at it.
"You're not going to hurt my feelings, just tell the truth. I'm just a charity case, you feel bad because I had a moment of weakness and you were there." She shook her head and opened her mouth to protest but he continued before she could. "You were real quick to jump on the opportunity when Lee brought it up."
Tears sprung to her eyes but he refused to allow it to sway him "Please, Sasuke that's not true, I don't feel that way at all."
Liar! He wanted to shout at her and realized when she flinched and ducked her head that he actually had. "I'm not stupid Hinata, do you honestly expect me to believe that you want to be here? Why? You said it yourself, you don't love me...I guess now that I think about it the reason is because you already have someone else waiting, huh?"
"N-no! That's not –"
His anger, at that point, had reached the boiling point. Thoughts of her being with another, of her wanting to ditch him, of her not even liking him flooded his mind. His anger, frustration, and confusion concerning his feelings for her only added fuel to the fire. He was tired of feeling conflicted and confused; he was tired of all of it.
And with that, something finally broke loose.
"What's wrong with me?" he shouted at her and she recoiled but was still pinned. "What do they have that I don't? Why is it that you're the only girl I can't get to look at me?"
Her face was already flushed but it began to burn brighter at his words. Now she looked surprised and confused "W-wait...I..."
"I don't love Sasuke-san."
"Why?" he seemed to calm down although he was breathing heavily. He closed the remaining distance between them, forcing her to look up at him. "Why don't you love me?" That question had been plaguing him ever since she had said those words and with logical thought thrown out the window he was acting purely on his emotions. His hand rose to cup her cheek and she gasped as his head lowered.
"You're the first girl I've ever liked, the first girl I've actually wanted to be with."
You can't leave. Don't leave...you...
He framed her face in his hands, his eyes taking in her wide eyes and parted lips. "Don't go to him. You belong with me." A hand delved into her hair and he pulled her flush against his body, crashing their lips together in a heated kiss.