AN: Uploading all the fics I can early. Merry Christmas.
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9
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He was pretty sure that he had lost his damn mind.
At the moment, he really couldn't be bothered to care.
She felt as good as he thought she would; soft lips and all curves. This moment was something he had only lived out in his dreams that he had dubbed nightmares at the time. As his lips slid over hers and his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace he tilted his head to a better angle, coaxing her to part for him.
Right as she did he felt warm hands slide up his chest and there was no helping the moan that escaped because it just felt too damn good. Once again he, unfortunately, had Orochimaru to thank for knowing – for the most part – how to be somewhat intimate. He had absolutely refused to have sex with anyone that had been presented but in other things he had bitten the bullet as the sannin had held more advanced training as the carrot on the stick.
Hinata tasted of something sweet that he couldn't pinpoint but he actually didn't mind. One of his hands slid into silky dark strands and he pressed up more against her, stopping only when her back was against the wall. She was clearly inexperienced so he guided her, a sigh escaping both of them when her arms wrapped around his neck.
It should have clicked in that she was actually returning his kiss but it didn't. Not at all.
They parted, breathless but he didn't give her long for a reprieve before his tongue delved into the sweet cavern of her mouth once more. Another low noise escaped as his grip on her tightened, tongues mingled and she quickly got the hang of it. The hand that had been in her hair shifted as he traced his fingers lightly over her cheek and jaw. Her hand moved into his thick hair, fingers massaging. He shivered.
He wanted her so bad, it wasn't even remotely amusing. He wanted her, had to have her, she was his and he was tired of fighting it. Still keeping her pressed against the wall, his hands began to move down her sides and under the jacket. She had a mesh shirt on so he couldn't feel her skin but he could feel her frame. He had been right about her not being as thin as Sakura or Ino but that was fine; she had the figure of a woman.
He had to have her now; it wasn't even an option at this point. This time when they parted he whispered her name, dark eyes hooded as he trailed his tongue along full lips teasingly. She gasped, hesitant, but he merely began to give her short but hot kisses, his hand moving back into her hair. How long they were like that he had no idea, only that when she pushed forward to deepen their kiss he felt his groin stir and he resisted the urge to rock his hips against her.
Instead, he began to move backwards, never breaking, hands roaming. When he reached his usual spot on the floor one hand flew to her waist while the other slowly unzipped her jacket. His breathing was ragged as he broke and hovered his lips over hers, brushing lightly as he finally moved his hand over one full breast. Both moaned softly when he gently squeezed. Perfect. Everything about her was perfect. Her body fit along his as if she had been made for him and he was absolutely in love with it.
Claiming her lips again, he tugged her as he sat back down on the floor, making her straddle him. Gently, he slid the jacket off her shoulders, his hands gently brushing along her back and back down to her hips. He pulled her closer, wanting to feel her against him. He shivered when he felt her heat against the straining tent in his pants. So good... His hands pulled on her hips again and he thrust his up, needing the friction and wanting the feel of her.
He broke the kiss as his head moved back; his hold on her became borderline bruising as he arched his back. "Oh, gods...Hinata..." it was a loud moan because fuck she felt so good, so hot, he needed more. The Uchiha had never had such a strong reaction to anyone, not even when he first started having sexual thoughts.
He closed his eyes briefly as he rubbed against her a few more times; if he came right now he wouldn't even be surprised. His hand grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down again, kissing her with abandon and swallowing her gasp at his ministrations. His other hand was pressed along her lower back as he continued to thrust his hips up into her heat, wishing he could bury himself inside of her.
If it was anything like what he was experiencing now he wasn't sure if he'd survive. She was given a low noise of appreciation when she began to move her hands up his chest again, although this time it was rather shaky. When she began to move her hips automatically in response to him the grip in her hair tightened and he jerked up, loving the feel.
Why had he fought this? Now that she was in his arms he couldn't understand why it hadn't already happened. She felt amazing, she was amazing; why had he been so adamant to deny it? Now that he had finally had her he couldn't get enough.
In his lust filled haze he hadn't realized that she was becoming less responsive and that her touches had become fleeting. It wasn't until she pulled back that he noticed how red her face was and her heavy breathing.
Hinata looked so beautiful; kiss swollen lips lightly parted, pearl eyes darkened with arousal and hooded. Her chest was rising and falling rather erratically. She swayed in his arms and alarm grew.
"Hinata?"
"I...I..." a rough gasp escaped her as those eyes rolled to the back of her head and she went limp in his arms.
"Hinata!" his arms tightened around her as he pulled up to get a good look at her. He started when he realized what had just happened; he couldn't even believe it.
She had fainted.
xxxxx
It was pitch black when Hinata finally opened her eyes and found herself in an empty room. Her bedroom. Still a little light headed, she slowly sat up, frowning as her mind tried to catch up to her body.
When it slammed back into her with amazing clarity, her face heated and she almost fainted again.
Had that really happened? Did they really...make out? She was too stunned to process rational thought because it should have been impossible.
His hands had felt warm, calloused, and strong as they had moved over her body and a small shiver went through the heiress as she recalled it. His kisses had been...well she had practically melted in his arms after the first one and her brain had taken a vacation shortly thereafter.
"What's wrong with me?" Sasuke words from earlier bounced around in her head, her hands flew over her mouth at the memories.
"Why is it that you're the only girl I can't get to look at me?" She had felt stunned at the admission and had truly been at a loss for words when he had finally snapped. Now she felt conflicted and unsure. Hinata had been convinced that his interest was one that he abhorred because he was confused and stressed from confinement.
Now she knew that hadn't been it at all. Even he hadn't realized it, but his feelings weren't reluctant, he had just been in denial. He did want to be with her and despite all of his claims to the contrary, he wanted her to stay.
How was she supposed to feel about that? For a long time now she had been at a loss concerning him, understanding him but knowing nothing. A year had already passed since his arrival and so far she had spent half of that with him in the house. Despite everything that had transpired between them, there had been a sense of comfort between them. Nothing overwhelming, only that it had never really felt tense or uncomfortable with them both in the house constantly.
"Why don't you love me?" Had it not been for the fact that she had known he hadn't been trying to be conceited she wouldn't have given those words much thought. He had sounded so confused and hurt; two things she never would have associated with him at the same time. He wanted her to love him, which made no sense because he wasn't even in love with her and she knew that.
"You're the first girl I've ever liked, the first girl I've actually wanted to be with." Face heating up even more, she put her cool hands on her face and looked down shyly even though she was alone. That wasn't the first time he had said something like that. There had been the incident a few weeks prior when he had told her he had overheard her conversation with Sakura. His actions had confused her then as well.
With a sigh, she managed to stand and noted that he had actually had the decency to put her jacket back on her. With that came the memory of how it had came off in the first place and she tried to control her breathing.
Her behavior had been...unbecoming for someone of her station and if the others found out they probably would force Naruto to remove her from the mission. She had acted so wonton, his words and everything going on between them had clouded good judgment and sense.
How did she feel about that? About him?
I can't hide in here forever. She took in another calming breath, knowing that she needed to get answers from him but not desiring another confrontation. Steeling herself, she walked out of her room.
It was bright enough outside with the moonlight for her to have immediately seen his silhouette at the back of the house from the door. Biting her lip, she slowly crept over, her mind chanting words of encouragement. Her hand hesitated at the door briefly before she finally slid it open.
He was standing on the walkway, his gaze to the sky. The Uchiha did not acknowledge her presence which made her very nervous. Although she was decent at reading people there was nothing in his expression that showed any emotion.
If she had to take a guess, he was probably regretting what happened and when he finally would speak to her he'd pretend it had never happened like he always did. Holding back a sigh she stood beside him a respectable distance away, clasping her hands in front of her and looking up at the night sky. The moon was full and it was truly beautiful.
I can do this. "S...Sasuke-san..." she began but he cut her off.
"I like you."
He didn't look at her when she stared at him with open shock. Sasuke looked completely relaxed although she was positive he was anything but.
"I might have been in denial," he continued "but I'm not stupid. After you fainted and I calmed down I started thinking about a lot of things."
"O-oh..." her gaze turned away from his and she felt shy. She fought the desire to put her hands over her beating heart, knowing that it would give too much away. It had always been hovering in the air above them, his true feelings, but it had been obvious that it wasn't something he had wanted to deal with.
She had known since that day he first kissed her that he felt something for her, whether he liked it or not. Hinata had also believed initially that it was little more than emotional dependency. However, after talking to Naruto when she had given her report the thought had been dismissed. He had explained to her that out of all the females he had ever encountered – and all of them wanting him – she had been the one he had reacted the most to and it had finally come out when the confinement had become too much.
Hinata had never been so terrified in her life when she had walked in to him destroying his bedroom, dark eyes unfocused and screaming. After that she had all but demanded in her report that he be allowed to go out and do things, assassins be damned.
"Don't leave me."
Those words were what made her ask for the extension. It initially had nothing to do with her personal feelings for him – which had been and still were conflicted – and everything to do with the fact that he had asked. He had wanted her to stay so she stayed.
When she saw him shift from her peripheral , he was looking dead at her. She was barely able to stop herself from jumping at the scrutiny. As it was, his dark gaze reminded her of the way he had looked earlier and she was sure she was as red as a tomato at this point.
"You lied to Sakura." His expression was hard and unyielding; he was searching for something.
"I..." biting her lip, she shook her head "I didn't lie...but I will admit I didn't tell her everything. Why I'm here...that was true. You seemed to need me here so I stayed. But –" her fist rested along her heart "T-there were other reasons. For a while, a-after the bet I think is when it started."
Seeing him like that had been devastating. There had been so many times that her cousin had gone through the same torture and it never got easier to see. Neji would never know it but those times when he would be punished she had always been the one to nurse him back to health. She would put his head in her lap and do the techniques the branch members had taught her for helping with the headaches. Had he been conscious at the time he would have flat out rejected her but she had hated sitting by and doing nothing.
Hinata didn't know what about that day had made her request an extension, she had just felt the drive and so had done what her gut had been telling her. The night when he broke down was the night she finally realized just what her feelings were; but then that had made everything complicated and confusing so she had tried to ignore it. He had been, so why not her?
"What started?" he was still looking at her.
"I started...liking you."
His reaction was to tense, eyes widening slightly. His lips parted briefly before he turned his gaze back to the sky. He seemed to be taking in her words and after a moment he frowned "You don't act like you did with Naruto around me when you liked him." It sounded more like an accusation than an observation and she recalled his bout of jealousy earlier. He seemed so much like a disgruntled child she had to turn away or he'd see the small smile that emerged.
"Um, that's because you're not Naruto-kun." Her tone had been light but apparently it had somehow offended him because he looked angry instead of thoughtful.
"Yeah." his voice was hard and flat "Sorry, I've never exactly been a big ball of sunshine." When she actually started giggling – she couldn't help it at that point – he glared down at her. "What the hell is so funny?" he definitely sounded irritated although his face was slightly red from embarrassment.
Putting a hand to her mouth politely, she looked up at him while still giggling "You're jealous."
A look of surprise graced the Uchiha's features and he turned his head away. He crossed his arms. "I'm not jealous." He insisted and shot her a side glare when she continued giggling.
He was, but she wasn't going to rub it in. "What I mean is that I can't like you two the same because you're different people with different personalities. I...would think that you wouldn't want me feeling for you what I feel for Naruto-kun."
"Whatever." He snapped, which was usually his answer when he didn't have an answer or when he didn't want to admit someone had a point. But it also meant that he had understood and accepted her explanation, which was good. Or was it?
Oh...wait, what am I thinking?
"Hinata." His voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she took in his expression. It was a mixture of emotions that she grouped in him being uncertain of...probably everything. "I still don't understand any of this," he frowned. "I'm just tired of fighting."
She understood the underlying message and nodded. It left a lot of questions up in the air and the answers would only bring about a hundred more. "Sasuke-san, what do you want?" because that was what was really important.
"You." He said it without hesitation, his gaze intense. "That's it. I've gone over it a million times in my head and every conclusion goes back to what...what I said to you earlier." He tensed, looking highly uncomfortable. "You belong with me."
It had taken a lot for him to admit to that, she knew. Silence stretched as she tried to struggle with her thoughts and feelings. It was so much to take in all at once and all she knew was that she had liked him but had been trying not to think about it. Everything else was completely up in the air.
"But it's not that simple." His voice echoed her exact thoughts. "Even if you...even if we...tch." he sounded frustrated "There's your clan, Tsunade," he said her name as if it were something vile. "and the entire village that would be against it."
Mention of her clan made her frown as she recalled their reactions to her extending her time with the Uchiha "The clan...some of the elders actually...wanted me to um..." she began to poke her fingers together "seduce you."
Sasuke stared at her with barely concealed shock before it melted into a scowl. "I should have known. Our clans were at the top and were borderline hostile to each other. You have a sister, so sacrifice the older daughter for a chance to finally have us under their thumb."
"Yes." She had been appalled when they had presented it to her and surprisingly, her father had been the one to deny it. His reasons were still unclear but he neither encouraged nor discouraged her desires to continue the mission. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" it came out tersely but she knew it wasn't directed at her. "If your clan doesn't care and the Hokage doesn't care..." he trailed off and both shifted uncomfortably, avoiding gazes.
If they didn't care, they could be together...except neither one of them knew if that was what the other wanted and if it was, then what? He was still a prisoner unless he decided to become a Konoha shinobi and more than likely there would be a high up battle to remove her from the mission. Tsunade was strongly against it and the council was backing her.
He was right about the entire village being against it as well. She didn't even want to count the number of people that had approached her about her decision, her team mates especially. Hinata had ended up saying countless of times that her decision hadn't been because she held some sort of deep feelings for him...which had been true...at the time.
Not so much now.
The two loudest had been Ino and Sakura, but that had been unsurprising since they had both loved him for a long time. Sakura was somewhat bitter – or at least that's what Hinata was picking up – and Ino saw her as a threat for Sasuke's attention. The strangest part about it was that the Hyuuga was almost positive it wasn't genuine. There was something about the way Ino acted and reacted that made her feel like Ino was just trying to hang on to something. What, she had no idea, but she wasn't in love with Sasuke, not in the slightest.
"Why don't you love me?" the thought made her frown, because she honestly wasn't sure if she loved him or not. Only six months with them together like this had passed and while they had been comfortable yet trying, she had not been unhappy. She knew a bit about him from what he had shown her, but she didn't really know him or about him.
"Sasuke-san," when he turned to look at her she mentally steeled herself once again "I...I don't know if I love you," his reaction was only to blink so she continued "but I...I do like you. It's just...I don't know you."
He leaned back a bit at her statement, looking thoughtful. When he said nothing she decided to keep going, even though she didn't really know what she was saying entirely. "I've only seen bits and pieces in these past almost seven months and everything else is what people have told me. I don't...I don't want to wonder from afar." Not anymore. She had done that with Naruto and she didn't want to be like that anymore. Although it didn't pain her any longer she knew if she had been more assertive or had tried harder to come out of her shell she might have had a chance with Naruto. Maybe.
"There's not much to tell." His voice sounded guarded and she shook her head.
"N-not about your past...I mean..." she really wished she was better with words "What do you like? What don't you like? Um, what are your hobbies...things about you as a person, not your past. I won't...that's not something I will ever ask you about."
Sasuke continued to stare at her for a moment before speaking. "I like onigiri and tomatoes. I hate a lot of things; especially anything sweet. My hobbies are what I do every day; training and taking walks." He looked away "Everything else is questionable. The only thing I've been able to determine about what I want to do with my life is..." he trailed off but she understood. He wanted her to be a part of his life but was it even possible?
"They'll remove me from the mission if they feel I've been compromised." It wasn't something she needed to say as they both knew that, but saying it made it real. "They'll think you'll try to use me to escape."
A pause. "Do you think I'm using you?"
"No." she made sure to look into his eyes when she said it, knowing that he was insecure when it came to her and her feelings for him. "I've never thought that."
His posture seemed to relax slightly at that. "I wanted to escape," he admitted "I still do." She remained silent since his tone implied that he wasn't done. "But I can't and I'm not dumb enough to try. Even if I did, what would I do? Where would I go? It's over, all of it, there's nothing left for me. Leaving won't make my life any less meaningless."
"Sasuke..."
"It all comes back to you." He cut in and she winced, looking away at the harshness of his tone. "My life...has become you. Nothing else has any meaning and I don't know whether to be angry or..."
"I-I'm sorry." Her chest felt tight and she blinked back tears. So then it was what she had figured, he liked her but he didn't want to like her. She had been silly for thinking differently. Hinata didn't believe Sakura's words about Sasuke being unable to love – that was extreme and impossible. Emotions weren't something one can escape from, not even Sai.
When he noticed her expression he went as if to move forward, hesitated and turned to walk inside. "Come on, the trees have eyes."
Confused, she followed numbly. It wasn't until they were fully in the living room and away from any doors or windows that he moved, pinning her against the wall suddenly. Her eyes widened as he pressed his body against her as he had earlier, his fingers raising her chin to meet his gaze. Even in the darkness his eyes were bright and intense.
"I told you, I don't want to fight it anymore." His voice was low, as if he was afraid someone was listening in. "I want you." Lips brushed along hers lightly and his hand cupped her cheek. "You belong with me; I wouldn't be able to stand it if you ended up with someone else."
"S-speaking of that..." she resisted the urge to lick her lips when his were centimeters from hers. "there...there isn't anyone –"
He snorted, leaning back to her relief and disappointment. "I know that. I realized it after I calmed down." Sasuke frowned. "I'll have to make a deal with Naruto if I'm going to have you." At her stunned expression his eyes narrowed. "I'm not going to become a shinobi for this village...but...I'm not going to leave. I can't." he said the last part so low she almost didn't catch it but it made her heart race all the same.
Leaning forward, he pressed their foreheads together, a wry smirk playing on his lips. "Do you even want me, Hinata?"
Once again it was asked softly and she had ended up having to strain to hear and decipher it. When she did her face heated to epic proportions, because she fully understood what he wanted and what he meant.
"I don't..." her breaths were shaky. "P-please don't...don't do this if you don't...I mean you –"
"You don't get it, do you?" he pulled back to look at her and his expression was so...open. He almost looked as if he were pleading with her to understand what he couldn't say. It was the first time he had done this without being angry or stressed.
Don't you get what you mean to me? Was what was underneath the question and she found herself unable to meet his gaze. Although they had been slip ups, he had made it clear that she was extremely important to him. It was easy to forget that he held a serious emotional dependency with her because of his attitude.
Hinata was convinced that Sakura was wrong. Sasuke could love and feel other intense emotions, he just didn't show it. Perhaps he didn't even know how. He said he was tired of fighting his feelings and Sasuke seemed to do things in extremes. He gave it his all regardless of what it was and that was probably the reason he was going to go so far with this.
Still, she felt so conflicted. She did like Sasuke, but she wasn't sure if it was intense as his feelings for her. His feelings were mostly driven by the fact that she was the only constant in his life he wanted, so there was a bit of obsession involved. What if things didn't work out? They were so completely different, what if they truly got to know each other only to discover they couldn't stand one another?
Apparently, he took her silence as a rejection, for he pulled away from her, his posture and expression guarded. For a moment confusion and frustration was obvious but then he shook his head and turned his back to her. "Alright." His hands clenched into fists at his side but he refused to look at her. "I'm not going to push myself on you." He began to walk away and she panicked, reaching out and grabbing his sleeve.
"Sasuke I..." he was looking at her again but he was hiding his feelings from her now. "I just...w-what if you get to know me and you decide that...you hate me? Or that I wasn't what you thought? T-to do something this big for something like this –"
"I've already tried to hate you." He cut in. "It hasn't been working this past year so I doubt it ever will." Sasuke smirked. "And I'm pretty positive there's not too much more I could learn about you that would make me see you differently. You're not really a difficult person to understand."
Why did she want to feel offended? "W-well..."
Sighing, he turned to fully face her, looking exasperated. "Look, let's make this simple, do you want to be with me or not? I know what I want and like I said, I've given this a lot of thought. I have nothing but time and I don't have a life; I'm actually doing myself a favor."
They squared off and Hinata mulled over his words. He made good points and she knew that he really hated living in the house. They could also be free to see each other if they wanted.
"There's just one thing." His look was stern. "No one else needs to know. If they find out, whatever, but the more people know the more they'll think I'm just trying to use or manipulate you. It'll be a constant and annoying battle and I really just want to be left the hell alone."
That wasn't disappointing, because she didn't really want to go broadcasting their relationship...wait, did she just...?
Am I...really going to...be with him? That was when it hit her. This wasn't any person, this was Uchiha Sasuke. She had actually fallen for him and he seriously wanted to be with her. This person who had done so much and hurt so many people; was she seriously considering being with him?
The Uchiha shifted uncomfortably and when he spoke again she realized she must have revealed her thoughts in her expression. "I don't...have anything to offer you." He looked over at the far wall. "I'm not well liked and being with me would make your life difficult." His frown turned into resignation. "Say no if you want, because I can't give you any promises. All I have are these feelings that I'm tired of fighting." That's all I can give you.
"Is that...all?" she looked down. "You're doing this because you're tired of fighting?"
"Should there be another reason?" he gave her a confused frown. "It doesn't change the fact that I have these feelings, just that I'm not denying them anymore. If you want something deep and heartfelt sorry, but that's not me."
Despite his gruff tone she found herself smiling. "I, um, thought you were very deep and heartfelt earlier."
He blinked at her in surprise and then turned his gaze away, embarrassed. "Answer the damn question, Hyuuga."
Fighting the urge to giggle – she was positive he wouldn't appreciate it at all – Hinata took a deep mental breath. His past was sketchy and he wasn't exactly a good person. He hated the village but yet was willing to do what it took to be with her here. For her, he was willing to change just a bit. Hinata could fully relate and understand wanting to change oneself for whatever reason.
So she looked up at him and waited until he met her gaze before answering. "Alright. Yes, I want to be with you."