A/N: Mine is coming for those of you that read that story. I've hit writers block badly. My intentions for today was to sit down and write a chapter for that story but this came out instead oops. So here this is I love you people who are reviewing and putting alerts and favoreting. Your all the best. I've been busy sorry.
A Mind That Sits Still- I really love your reviews you always give me new ideas. I love that you can relate and that i'm doing ok with the characters. thanks so much and I know I told you but your poem is great! Lol I'm sure i don't know anyone disabled or stuff. Oh and I loved that you called everyone out at graduation haha thats hilarious! :D
noodles307- Yes exactly! I love your review too. it was right on. I hope you see the little things that will be coming up. Thanks so much for the review.
Charlee- Lol thanks for reviewing as always lol. I loved your thoughts. I know Spencer was a bit harsh to the nurse. They can learn from each other :D Lol Heres the next chapter.
Miss Davies- I know Aiden EWWW is right. I needed a disposable idiot. lol You'll find out more and more about the girls as time goes by. You were smart and caught that little thing about the autism and Ashley. Oh I loved your review. It was long and thoughtful my favorite kind lol.
LoSTaNdDeLiRiOuS- Thanks a lot for the review. I love knowing peoples thoughts :D
berniivdee - Thanks I'm so glad you like it. Its addicting? It made your day? Wow well that review Made mine thanks so much :D
casalang- Thanks for your review. And I will continue Mine there was to much put into that to be lost. I've hit like bad writers block but I am gonna continue. I'm working on chapter 21 now! Lol thanks.
ChezzLove- Wow thanks for your review. I do my best at writing. I'm glad you like the approach I was kinda worried some people would think it was to different or something lol. I'm glad your hooked thanks for the review :D
Chapter 4 "By Degrees"
Bright sunlight on my face caused my eyelids to flutter. I wasn't ready to wake up. Groaning I reached around for the blanket. I suddenly realized how drafty it was in here. My hands gave up on finding the comforter, so I placed my hand on my cold stomach.
My intentions were to pull down the shirt that had probably ridden up. When I felt nothing but skin and bra I gave up.
With a frown present on my half sleeping form I tried again for the blanket. Hey, I finally found a lose piece of fabric but it felt nothing like my soft quilt. I don't remember my sheets feeling like paper either.
What the he-
Oomph!
Hell, what the hell. Ouch. I kicked my feet like an angry baby. Too early for this!
I forced my eye lids to open. It wasn't as bright down here on the unknown floor. The carpet was dark blue and itchy. I was lying in a way that made the plaid bed sheets touch my nose. Once I moved that I saw something horrifying.
It was gray, brown and FURRY! "Yuck! Yuck! GAH!" I gagged. I tried my best to jump to my feet. Landing rather nicely.
It took my brain a minute or so to get out of its daze. Last nights events slowly started to seep in. I was in Aiden's room. Last night I'd called him to hang out and he told me to come to his apartment. He and his roommates were hosting a party. There was dancing, shots, and ... this ugly, papery bed.
Amazingly I didn't have a hang over. I hadn't taken enough drinks last night. I'd only reached really tipsy. So now here I am, half naked and alone.
I looked over to his messy bed side table and squinted to see the clock. My contacts must have fallen out during the night. I couldn't see the numbers. They looked like green caterpillars. I moved closer till they made sense.
10 am. I'm already late for school. Usually I'd consider ditching but that would result in detention, and detention means missing Community Service, and as good as that sounds, if I miss I get extra time. Sigh...again.
I didn't bother to look for Aiden. I think he had class this morning. He's in... uh... I don't know. Something good, I hope.
It was 10 I'm already 2 hours late whats another 1 hour. I shrugged it off and searched through the dark wooden drawers for some clothes I had around here. I managed to find some panties but I'd have to use the same bra. I think I have my cheerleading uniform in my car, I'll just wear that.
The warm water running down my back felt like heaven. The nots were just unwinding leaving my body like noodles. I looked around for some, body wash but all I got was axe and some other random shit. I rather not smell like that so I just rinsed. I think Aiden has a blow drier in one of the drawers but I don't feel like looking for it.
He went through this shag-skater-surfer-Justin Bieber phase. It wasn't attractive.
I soaked till the water was loosing its warmth. Then I had to get out. The sudden change in temperature sent a chill down my spine. So I scampered off towards the bedroom were my stuff was waiting.
Just about done with my eyeliner and my phone started to spaz out. The dubstep remix of some random song that was the fad at the moment started to blast from my speakers. I let the pencil drop and ran over to get the buzzing item.
"Hello?" I said into the half dead cell.
"Girl! Where the fuck are you?" An angry Madison asked from the other end. I rolled my eyes and placed the phone on the dresser to finish my make up.
"I'm at Aid's I'll be there is a few." I replied not bothering to show my irritation.
"You better. I covered for you for your first to periods, but you better get your ass over here!" She shouted. There was no need for speaker phone with Madison.
"I said I was coming now didn't I? Right. So shut up and let me get dressed. I'll call you when I get to the parking lot." I didn't wait for a response before I ended the call.
I guess Mads didn't deserve that but she knows me. She's not gonna take it personally. She'll act all pissed then it'll be over in a second.
I stopped for coffee since missing my morning caffeine wasn't an option. A few people rolled their eyes at me for wearing the revealing cheerleading outfit. I had a few elongated and unwanted stares. All in all I made it to school in under 30.
I sped to through the small town ignoring the pointless lights and dented stop signs. I had no glasses so technically I shouldn't be driving but I made it. There was no way I'm showing up looking like a four eyed geek. Ugh like Rachel!
I parked my Audi next to Madison's Land Rover and some shitty Wagon. The sassy brunette was waiting for me. I approached as she was leaning against to hood of her car.
"Took you long enough." She commented as I walked over to her.
"Yeah well here." I said handing her a coffee. It was the least I could do.
"Mmm." She moaned taking a sip. "Come on lets go to the quad. Your just in time for free period." She said as we began strutting through the dingy sidewalks of King. Kids literally parted to let us pass.
Unlike Disney channel were all high schools look brand new, shiny and polished. This was real life were things got vandalized and everything looks like shit. Thats just part of the experience though. Dried gum on the sidewalks. Chicken scratch graffiti on the lockers. Uneven paint on the buildings. It all just screams high school.
We walked through the outdoor campus pass the large green and white buildings towards the heart of the campus.
The quad was a large square-ish shape in the middle of the school. It was side walk on the edges with benches to sit on. Then there was a large middle square covered in grass and dirt. The middle circle was paved with gravel. Towering over that was a large tree directly in the center. A few round benches circled the tree with one in the middle built into the actual truck.
That center bench was the only one free of bird crap. So obviously it was off limits to everyone but my friends.
"Hey Spencer!" A few monkey boys called from the low over hanging branch. The actual limb was only three maybe four feet from the table. These were the guys that found it cool to sit up there every day for however long we've known them.
"Hi!" Some of the wanna be girls chirped in sync. They were the girls wanting to be popular. The ones that do anything you want because they are so eager to be your friend.
I walked to the opposite side of the splintering green table and sat next to Madison. She had her arms wrapped around Jordan. This tall Asian kid who I'm guessing is her new toy.
I took a long sip of my coffee and left my designer glasses perched on my nose. The sun was distasteful at this time. Really anytime before 12. Obviously I'm not a morning person. Quite the opposite, I think a good day starts at 12pm and ends at around 2 in the morning.
"So how was the Cripple care?" One of the wanna be's asked. A small strawberry blonde that I don't remember the name of.
Mads let out an exaggerated sigh. "Terrible. I may actually like trash duty better!" She finished with an eye roll.
"Dude I spent the entire time with this kid named Taiyo or something like that. He was so excited he drooled on me then pissed his pants!" Danny spat. His face told it all. He was disgusted.
It was almost cruel how everyone laughed.
"I had this little kid that could barley speak. It was such a waste of time!" Madison whined. Everyone traded stories about how the kid they spent time with was worst. It was to early to hear about complaining. So I ended up drowning them all out in my warm cafe mocha.
"What about you Spence?" Jordan asked with a nod in my direction.
I thought hard. She wasn't anything like the kids they had. "She was a mute." I said with a shrug. They looked at me strange like 'thats all.' I thought quick. "She has some type of Autism or something like that." I said with a forced eye roll.
"Ahh a retard." Danny commented. Everyone laughed.
Not quite. I thought to myself. She was just weird. Not a bad weird. A different weird.
"Yo! Blondie you there?" Vincent shouted waving a hand in front of my face. I spaced again.
"Yeah sorry. I uh..." I don't know.
"She's probably day dreaming about Aiden. Spencey here spent the night." Madison told the group. Its amazing how kids feed off information like this. They all went wide eyed and moved in an inch or two. All the girls were all giggly and stuff. Eyes were on me as they waited for details. The attention felt good.
"It was nothing special." I shrugged. It was such a blast to watch them all start to gush. My vague response just fueled them further.
"Ooh I love that boys abs!"
"He is so hot! A collage boy!"
"Spencer you are so lucky. I'd kill for a guy like that."
They squealed one after the other. I just soaked it all in till the second bell rang and we were all forced to go to class.
I walked with Mads towards the other end of the school. We chatted about stupid things. Gossiping and back talking was out routine as we made our way between classes.
"Bitch!" Madison shouted towards a girl on the ground. Some advanced math and science books were scattered on the ground along with the remains of a caramel macchiato.
"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't see you when I opened the door." The small girl said in defense. Her voice was shaky as were her hands.
"What, can't you see with one of your four eyes!" I snarled flicking her glasses towards her with my foot. I had to be there for my friend.
"I'm sorry!" She said again. It was so pathetic really. She didn't even try to stand up to us. She was literally cowering, about to cry.
"You better be." Madison laughed out. She dropped her empty coffee cup on the ground. Little drops splattered and landed on books and sidewalk. The sassy Latina dusted of her skirt then pranced away.
I was about to follow when I felt eyes on me. I glanced at Rachel on the ground. She was busy picking up her books and trying to get coffee out of her hair. She wasn't the one staring at me.
Something in the distance caught my eye and I lifted my gaze. All the way at the other end of the sidewalk leaning against the opposite building was a small brunette with curly hair. She had turned away before I could meet her eyes, but I knew what I saw.
At least I think I did. I blinked a few times then looked back to see the girl get into a silver highlander. She didn't look back at me. I don't even know for sure if she was the one staring. I stood still until the car drove around the loop, and out of the parking lot.
"Um excuse me." A small voice broke me out of my trance.
"What!" I snapped glaring fiercely at Rachel.
"Y-your stepping on m-my paper..." She didn't meet my eyes just pointed at the crumpled sheet.
There was an irritation growing in me that I could not pin point. No one was to blame for it but myself. It was like a fire nagging at me to lash out or snap at someone.
I groaned and kicked the sheet further away. I didn't stick around to watch her scramble. Instead I stomped away towards my class.
Fuck My Life.
The silver lining of my day was the teacher being late to class. I'd managed to escape detention at least. Classes were boring I stayed awake for two out of three. The information went in through one ear and out the other.
It was funny how I zoned out. There was nothing on my mind. Just me gazing dumbly at the corner ceiling were the walls and roof collided. I think I watched two spiders have sex. Then again they could have been trying to eat each other. I don't understand bugs. A bird chirped out the window. It was a normal dull pidgin nothing special. There was dying cockroach a few seats in front of me. It lay on its back kicking in vain.
I almost felt bad for the nasty looking bug. Such a terrible way to die. I was busy watching it take its last few kicks when some girl with UGG boats stepped on him or her.
"Ahhh bug guts!" Was screamed in the background as I walked out of that class.
Today was Wednesday a short school day. The one time during the week days were I have no Community Service.
My phone buzzed in my back pocket. It was a text from Maddy telling me she and whats-his-face were gonna hang out. A few minutes later I got a message from Vincent and Danny telling me they were gonna go skating. Then some other girls texted me asking if I wanted to go watch the boys at the park.
My options were diminishing text after text. I just sat in my car with my hands at ten and two thinking about nothing.
I just started to drive, not really paying attention. When I came to the clinic I had this urge to turn into the parking lot. Instead I drove by slowly inspecting the grounds. Thats when I spotted the silver Highlander with the flower sticker.
"What am I doing?" I asked myself. I was still gliding slowly along the clinics walkway.
"What are you doing Ms. Carlin? Did you forget it was Wednesday?" A voice asked. It shocked me so much I stomped hard on the breaks.
Mrs. Park approached the car much like she did last time. She always stands in a way that blocks my view but not the sun in my eyes.
"I'm leaving." I replied putting my car into gear.
"If you want to stay you can. We could always use the extra help." She called after me.
Geez, what a waste of time. This time I knew were I was going. The mall was my second home. I parked in front of Macy's and walked to the food court. I guess being a loner here is better than being one somewhere else.
Lazy window shopping took up an hour. Then I retreated back to the food center. It was busy as always. I saw a few freshman a couple tables down. Some kids were doing homework as they sipped their Jamba Juices.
I picked at my salad sitting at the corner table. I just really didn't want to go home yet.
My phone was the most exciting thing I had with me. I'd forgotten my headphones in my car so I could listen to music, but I still had 3G. There was nobody interesting on Facebook. I spent at least 10 minutes going through random peoples photos. Then I clicked news feed in hope that someone was online. The only thing new was a note thing that said: Rachel Stark likes this article on Autism. Off course she's on but no one else.
By mistake my fingers clicked on the link to the article.
To much words! I don't need to know all these details and stuff. I don't really care. I skimmed till I picked up some measly information. There are different types of autism. Some more severe than others. Many people can still live normal lives. Blah blah blah.
Wait. Ashley's does't seem bad. She acted stubborn not just autistic or whatever. Why is she in the clinic. Unlike everyone else her door was decorated with the groth chart things and all those pictures and stuff. Her room was like a room. Its almost as if she lives there. Does she really need to? I mean can't she live with her family?
Hmm. I doubt I can google that.
Bing
Mom sent me a text.
Come home early were gonna have dinner.
Do you know she didn't even call me or anything today. I was out all night and didn't come home. Its been almost 24 hours since I'm around since I stepped foot in that house.
She didn't even ask if I was okay. I doubt she even noticed I was gone.
Bing
NOW!
I'M COMING HOLD THE FUCK ON!
That was my reply before I slammed the phone shut and stomped out of the mall.
x x x
Thursday came to fast. Now here I am outside of Ashley's room. I've been loitering here for about 10 minutes now. I don't feel like going in and being ignored.
"Are you going in?" A cocky voice questioned. I turned to see nurse Lisa.
"Yes," I growled.
"Then what are you doing out here?" She asked with a smug smile.
I didn't have a good answer obviously. So instead I bit my tongue and walked in. If I hear snickers behind me I'm gonna snap.
The nurse went to a different corner in the room, and I went towards the big table. Ashley was sitting there leaning over some nasty looking stuff in a plate. It was all gray, from the chicken patty to the broccoli. The brunette sitting there just pushed the food around with her fork. It looked barely touched if anything.
"Hi." I greeted in a neutral voice. She didn't look up at me that was expected.
I noticed that all her food was neatly separated and no matter which may she pushed it she kept each item from touching the other.
"So, I see your eating lunch now." I commented. "It looks..." Do I say good? Cause that would be a flat out lie. "Different." Lame. So, so lame.
"I just came from school. Our lunch is pretty nasty too." I shrugged. Then I caught myself. "Not that your food is nasty. I mean it may not be five star material, but food is food right?" I laughed pathetically at my own attempt at a joke. I felt like an uncomical comedian.
Wheres the tomatoes.
"So how was your day yesterday?" I asked. I don't know why I asked. "Mine was good you know. I did stuff."
My fingers were starting to do that restless thing. They were tapping rapidly against the wood. I felt like a ghost. At school everyone notices me, everyone pays attention to me, and no one ignores me. Here I feel like I've gone invisible.
I gave up and just looked at Ashley. Maybe I could annoy her into talking.
She was kinda pretty. For a person like this, that you know has to be here. She has this chestnut brown hair. Its so curly, a good kind a curly. Not poodle like at all. Her skin on her arms where really beautiful as well. They were smooth and tanned. She was wearing a white tank top with light blue jeans.
"What are you doing?" The nurse asked and I turned to look at her confused face.
We ended up in the corner again. "I'm just trying to figure her out." I replied defensively.
"By staring a hole in her neck!"
"Well, she didn't seem to mind." She stayed mute!
"You need to learn people skills." She told me bluntly.
"Me? I need to learn people skills? What!" Insulted, there is no other word. I'm popular, she's the one that won't even say hello.
"Yes, have you seen yourself interact with her?"
"No. Obviously not!"
"Well, work on it. I'm glad your putting in an effort but I can tell its not a full one." The nurse replied in a softer voice.
I huffed. Then I did a 180 and remembered something from yesterday.
"Why is she here?" I inquired.
The brunette turned to me questioningly. Her Green eyes full of confusion and partial impatiens. "Why is who were?"
"Why is Ashley here? I saw an article about applehoarders syndrome, and-"
She cut me off with a wave. "Apple Hoarders? Really?"
"Huh?"
"Asp-ergers. Aspergers."
"Whatever." I shook it off. "The article said that it's a mild version of autism, and lots of people live normal lives."
The nurses gaze became sad and she gazed at Ashley. "Listen Ashley has more than just Aspergers...at least we think." The last part was more to herself. "But you are right." I am? "When Ash was 5 they diagnosed her. Her family came here to find a treatment. Since their isn't one they were angry and left."
"Left? As in left her here?" I asked astonished. Not even my parents stooped that low.
"Yes," she replied solemnly.
"How can they-"
"Its a long story, and its not my story. If you wanna know what happened you need to ask her yourself." What?
"Ask her? Her doesn't talk!" I pointed out obviously.
The brunette nurse shrugged. "Then I guess you better get her to." She said innocently.
I was left in the corner with my mouth open kinda mad. Nurse Lisa left and it was just me and Ashley.
She had moved on from picking at her food to folding paper.
Origami.
As I approached I tried to picture her as a 5 year old being abandoned. I have a similar story. Just not as heart wrenching.
"Hi...again." I smiled and sat down on the plastic chair. It made a loud eerie noise as the metal and floor moved against each other. My eyes stayed focused on the table.
"So you know how to do origami?" In my imagination she was responding. So I got a little nod. "Thats cool. My family and I went to Japan when I was really small. Me and my brother glen had a little origami lesson from this lady my parents knew. I only learned how to make a boring crane though."
"Can I?" I asked referring to a plain sheet of yellow paper. I hoped she wouldn't mind.
I took the perfectly squared sheet and stared at it. "I haven't done this since I was really small. I used to love crafts." I folded it half to a triangle then again.
"My crane is done." I announced staring at it. Mine was really fat and crooked but I liked it. In my bag I had a pen so I took that out and started to decorate.
What to talk about. What to say.
I looked around the room hoping an idea would spark. A bed in the corner caught my eye. It had a puprle spread almost like mine.
"You like purple?" I asked. I just like to ask I think. Who cares if she doesn't answer.
"I do." Nothing...yet. "My favorite color used to be blue. Thats when I was really young, I hated girly things and then this happened." I laughed pointing to myself and my shiny tank top.
I was about to start talking about painting but I decided to save that. The silence was actually peaceful and welcomed. There was no awkwardness in it.
We both folded a few more things. She was really good. I might as well have crumpled up paper.
Origami was a good idea. Were both concentrating so it doesn't need any vocal skills. We should do something like this again. Something like cards or a board game. That way we'll have an excuse not to talk. Maybe poker. I wonder if the nurse would get mad if I taught her how to gamble?
"Spencer your free to go." Mrs. Park said as I was busy looking at my crane.
"Huh?"
"Its been two hours." She told me. I glanced at the wall clock. It has! That was so fast. Not that I don't mind leaving, but wow.
"Thanks." I told her and started to clean my stuff up.
"You can keep my cranes." I told her. She didn't move just continued to fold.
I ran through a checklist in my head. I had my bag, phone, uh, pen? Where was my pen? I looked on the paper covered table then the floor then the chair. Hmmm.
It was a good one too. A blue Japanese gel ink. Five bucks for one. Where did I put it? I remember putting eye lashes on my bird then setting it down but-
The corner of my eye saw the blue item come rolling towards me from the other side of the table. It made a muted sound as it traveled to the edge. I glanced up at Ashley who appears to have not moved. I know she did though. Pens don't just come rolling when you call.
She gave me my pen. She noticed I was looking and rolled it to me. No matter how vague and small the act was. It was an act. My insides swelled and a smile graced my face. A wide genuine smile with teeth. The first all week.
"Thanks." I said. Of course she didn't answer.
I stood from my kneeling position and started to walk away.
Wait.
"Here." The pen was rolled back to the brunette. "Keep it. Its made for drawing. I think you'll like it." I did something nice and then walked away. It felt bubbly. Kinda...nice.
My hands touched the cold round nob of the door and I yanked open the heavy portal. I couldn't keep my eyes from drifting back once more before I left. The small girl had the pen in her hand and she was studying it with her head down.
I smiled again.
Bye Ashley.
x x x
I love the reviews. Thanks so much.
I had more to say but I forget now oh well.