Valkyrie was silent in the car, sitting in the back seat with her coat folded over the other side. China sat in front and her assistant drove.
"Your parents were delightful. They seemed to like me. Unsurprising, really, but they didn't even flinch at the little stunt you pulled with the hands." China didn't look behind her into the car as she spoke. "You're leading them on."
"The stunt I pulled?" Valkyrie answered, snorting as she aimed a half-hearted glare at the back of China's glossy dark head. "I didn't lead them on. All I did was let you point out the existence of the path that they happily trotted down in Assumptions About Our Daughter Lane."
"Oh, bringing out the extended metaphors now are we, Valkyrie? Tsk, tsk. You sound twenty again."
Valkyrie rolled her eyes even though there was no one beside her to witness it.
"What I mean is that they were all happy to assume everything on their own part - you know they've thought we were together for a while."
"I'd noticed, yes," China replied dryly. "Thanks for deigning to inform me about my imaginary attachments - I do appreciate it ever so."
"What I mean," Valkyrie carried on, bulldozing over the tide of snark that threatened to fill the car, "Was that they pretty much assumed I spent most of my time in Dublin's gay district or whatever, because of the reflection. I was," here she paused, touching her right index finger to each finger on her left hand as if checking off a list, "distant toward them, I didn't connect at school, moved out as soon as possible, I don't talk about my friends and colleagues much save you and Ghastly, and I never confide in them. To be honest, I'm glad they didn't go the other route and assume I was a teenage drug baron, to be honest."
China hmmm-ed in front of her. "You forgot the lack of interest in any of Haggard's most eligible bachelors, or anyone at your college or work."
"That too," Valkyrie agreed, before her brain caught up with her and realised what she was saying. She hastily amended with, "for obvious reasons."
"Of course," China said with a sideways tilt of her head and a too-neutral tone.
They settled into a comfortable silence, China's assistant expertly navigating the dark lanes on the way to Gordon's mansion.
China drew in a small breath. "Or, you realise, you could introduce Skulduggery."
Valkyrie responded almost before the words were out of China's mouth.
"No. No, absolutely not."
China's voice was silken. "Why ever not? He's more available to come to your little placatory meetings with your mortal family, he's -"
"No. His name is familiar, his build is familiar, my parents have seen him before and my family know who he is because my uncle made it his business ten years ago to warn my family of him, not to mention he has a bloody skull instead of a head-"
"My my, we have rehearsed this."
"Don't be patronising, China. What makes you think it would be a feasible thing to do?"
"Facades can be adjusted. Fake names can be given. I'm sure whilst nowhere near as charming, intelligent or handsome a specimen as me, your conservative parents would be far more likely to leave you alone if he attended a few get togethers under the guise of some dull businessman or other."
"I thought you were supposed to be a brilliant strategist, China." Valkyrie sighed. "Look, my parents aren't stupid. They met Skulduggery at a wake, and while it was years ago, I doubt they're going to forget it - he was my uncle, for god's sake. He's my dad's brother, and my mum's ex-boyfriend. They were close, and he was at the will reading, which I don't think they'll forget any time soon, either. I may as well ask someone else to help me, if you're that opposed to it. Ghastly, maybe."
In the front mirror Valkyrie could see a little frown crinkle the delicate skin of China's forehead.
"Valkyrie, this was never the problem. I admit that I prefer my life of a well read, well dressed shut in to that of a stressed fashion industry mortal, but I'm not that eager to wriggle out of my duties. What kind of a friend would I be?"
Over the last twenty years Valkyrie had heard China use the word 'friend' sincerely only a dozen or so times, and she sensed that China was trying to manipulate her.
"Valkyrie, I just think that it would be better for everyone. Closer to the truth, maybe. I know you have qualms about lying to people, and all that."
Valkyrie snorted.
"Closer to the truth? What are you implying? He's no more my boyfriend than you are my girlfriend, China. I think you of all people should have noticed that. It would be just as much of a lie as what I tell them at the moment, and a disaster waiting to happen!" In the back seat she folded her arms, the good mood from the evening evaporating.
"Well, whatever you say, Valkyrie. I think this conversation's getting rather circular and I do hate wasting words. Where do you want to be dropped off?"
"Where do you think?" Valkyrie snapped. "Gordon's." She instantly regretted it. "Sorry, that wasn't needed. I know I don't stay there as much as a should."
"No problem," China replied in a cool tone. Valkyrie cursed herself for being rude to her - she had come to visit her parents after all, which to the misanthropic bookworm must have been highly irritating. And now she was snapping at her!
"No, I really am sorry," Valkyrie insisted. "I appreciate your visiting the Swiss Family Edgely - we must be terribly boring and saccharine."
"You hit the nail on the head. Think nothing of it, though. I'm just that selfless."
"Fine, I won't," Valkyrie said, jokingly. China laughed.
"I don't think I'd ever be suited to the silent hero, actually. How tedious, never taking credit for your deeds." In the passenger seat, she mock shuddered, and just like that the tension between them eased. As the car reached the end of Gordon's driveway and stopped, Valkyrie got out and walked round to the front of the car, leaning into the open window to hug China goodbye, batting away her protests and waving arms.