See Chapter 1 for warnings & info
Alys had been nsistent on pausing by a stream to partake of his shimmering waters, and Sir Robert gladly took the moment to rest on a nearby rock blanketed in moss. His thoughts turned to Merlin, and the former knight reflected on how the intriguing boy had managed to capture his heart and make him forget his lust for Arthur. His musings were interrupted by the sound of someone crashing through the woods, and Robert was on his feet and unsheathing his sword at once. "Who's there? Show yourself," he called out, only to relax when a familiar figure appeared. "Merlin?" Robert's eyes narrowed, then filled with concern as he took in the state of the dark-haired boy. Hurrying forward, he placed a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder and asked softly, "What happened?"
Merlin was shaking by the time Robert stopped him. He spared half a moment to think on the irony of it being Robert who found him but shrugged it off. It didn't matter. His shoulders slumped, and Merlin fought to keep on his feet for the second time that day. "Arthur... he... he was furious... and then he saw the locket... didn't open it, but he knew it was from you and... and... he said that... He all but threw me out," Merlin murmured at last. He felt faint, sick, and absolutely unsure of what to do. "I don't know what to do." How could he ever go back to Camelot knowing how Arthur felt? How could he face the prince again? Would Arthur simply convey his permanent dismissal through Gaius? The young man was too drained to even be embarrassed by his red eyes and the tears drying on his cheeks.
Sir Robert sighed heavily, putting his sword away and drawing Merlin into his arms. He embraced the shivering boy warmly, his hands caressing the small of Merlin's back in gentle circles. "Oh, Merlin," he started, genuine regret in his voice, "I'm truly sorry." After what seemed like an eternity, he drew back, produced a handkerchief, and cleaned Merlin's face of tears. "When I gave you my locket, I never had any intention of anything untoward happening between you and Arthur." Heart wrenching barely described how terrible it felt to see Merlin in such a state, and Robert was determined to find a way to resolve the situation. "It seems my presence has caused far too damage. I shall return home, but not before having a talk with the prince."
Merlin shook his head mutely, lips pressed together as he fought against another round of tears. The prince had made it very clear just what he thought. After everything, all that he'd done for Arthur, in the end he really was just a sub-par servant and nothing more. "He was willing to send me away because he was annoyed with me over a stupid necklace." Merlin's gaze rose to Robert's face, and he shook his head slowly. The frenzy of sorrow was fading into something dull, aching, and just as hurtful. "What could I really mean to him if he would hate me over something so small?"
"Merlin, Arthur doesn't hate you. He hates what he foolishly thinks he cannot have." Sir Robert returned to Alys and drew her forward once she'd had her fill of the stream. He extended a hand and pulled Merlin up to sit behind him. "That is no excuse for lashing out and hurting you." That was something Robert could not forgive. How Arthur could turn away someone as precious as Merlin was beyond him, and he had every intention of telling the prince so, damn the consequences.
Merlin allowed Robert to help him up and slid his arms around the other man's waist. His head rested on the former knight's back, and though Merlin knew he should be less familiar, the warmth of the solid body was comforting. He needed the reassurance too desperately to deny it no matter how bad an idea he truly thought it was for them to go back to Camelot. Gaius, at least, would worry if he didn't return, and that thought was somewhat soothing. By the time they got back, Merlin's tears were try and he wanted only his own bed. He hesitated after Robert helped him down from the horse.
"If you are going to talk to Arthur, just... be careful. He can have... a temper." Robert probably knew that already, but it still bore repeating. Merlin had seen Arthur be cruel before, but never as spiteful or hurtful as he had been earlier. His temper was likely to blaze, not ease, with the passage of time and Robert's presence. He shrugged and shook his head as if to say he wasn't sure what else to offer before turning and walking listlessly down the hall to the rooms he shared with Gaius, stopping on the way to chat politely with Gwen despite his weariness. Eventually Gwen seemed to notice that her companion was not himself and bid Merlin a good afternoon. Merlin hurried to his quarters and ducked inside, hoping he hadn't been missed, then shut the door quietly behind himself.
Gaius had been rushed off his feet for the better part of the morning. With Merlin nowhere to be found and prescriptions waiting to be delivered, the physician took on the task himself. Once he was finished and on his way back to his quarters, Gaius was privy to some distressing news from one the guards. He hurried into his room, where he breathed a sigh of relief upon finding Merlin safe and sound. Gaius started to chastise the sorcerer for having worried him, but he features softened with concern when he noticed the state Merlin was in. /Has he already heard?/ "Merlin, I'm sorry about Sir Robert," he said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder.
Merlin, bereft of anything to do, had begun cleaning up the room. Doing any such thing voluntarily showed just how upset he really was. Merlin's face darkened at Gaius' words. What could have happened? Surely Arthur wouldn't have... he wouldn't actually *hurt* the man, would he? The thought made him feel suddenly sick. "What? Gaius, what happened?" The young man was on his feet in a moment ready to rush from the room to Robert, to Arthur, to whoever he needed to comfort or scream at to try and vent the building frustration over the whole situation.
"You didn't know? Forgive me, Merlin. I assumed..." Gaius shook his head, his long white hair rustling about his face. Leaving the puzzle of the sad aura surrounding Merlin for later, the older man sat down beside him and started to explain, "It seems Sir Robert insulted Arthur, and the prince had him thrown in the dungeon." Gaius fixed the warlock with a curious stare. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
"The dungeon!" Merlin wasn't sure if he was relieved or upset, so he put the issue aside for later. "He... he was going to talk to Arthur, but... he wouldn't have..." Well, he probably *had* insulted the prince, but it wasn't like Arthur to take such an underhanded means of retribution. Putting someone in jail just for making him angry? "Excuse me," Merlin mumbled as he hurried from the room. There was no way he was going to leave Robert alone in the dungeon. He needed to know what had happened. Arthur must be crazy to throw one of Uther's friends in the dungeon! The king would be furious! Merlin managed to walk for a few steps before breaking into a dead run on his way to the dungeon. He was breathless by the time he arrived. "Came... to see... Sir Robert," he explained to the guards between breaths.
"Merlin!" Robert was on his feet and gripping the bars of his cell when he heard the servant's familiar voice. He was touched and taken aback that Merlin had come to see him. "What are you doing here?" he asked once the guards had taken their leave. "If Arthur finds out, you'll be joining me in this unfortunate place."
Merlin's expression brightened slightly when he saw that Robert was unhurt. At least Arthur wasn't so crazy that he'd caused the other man any physical harm. "What happened?" he asked more quietly as he reached the bars and wrapped his own hands around them just beneath Robert's. He hadn't expected the man's face off with Arthur to go well, but he hadn't expected quite so rough an ending either. "Why are you here?" /What's the matter with Arthur?/
Robert sighed, feeling the weight of his predicament on his shoulders. "Having a civilized conversation with Arthur is damn near impossible," he started to explain. "I went to him, like I promised, and tried to explain things, but the prince refused to listen. Merlin, he actually accused me of trying to steal you away."
"He said something like that to me," Merlin confessed, wishing he'd said so to Robert before. Perhaps it would have helped. "I just... he doesn't seem to want me. Why should he be so angry that you might... that... you're nice to me, and it isn't as if anything... happened." He was blushing at the attempt to verbalize their situation. It had all been very innocent, at least on the surface. Nothing either of them had done was worthy of reproach, let alone Robert being jailed. "He can't keep you here. You were a knight, you're a friend of the king. I'm just..." Merlin trailed off and shook his head to show that it didn't matter. "This isn't right."
Sir Robert appreciated Merlin's defense, and he reached through the bars to give the boy's good shoulder a warm squeeze. "I'm afraid there's more," he admitted, hoping Merlin wouldn't be too angry with him. "I told Arthur that if he's worried that someone might take you away, then he should let go of his pride and admit how much he cares for you." Robert exhaled deeply, "That's when he ordered the guards to throw me in here."
Had Arthur done it because Robert struck a chord or because he was angry at the implication? Merlin couldn't bear to ponder it. "I'll find the king. He should know about this, know how you're being treated. He won't stand for it." For once Merlin felt that approaching Uther would be a safe gambit and a worthwhile risk. "You're a guest of the king, you should be protected, not... not thrown in the dungeons because the prince has a temper tantrum!"
"Indeed." Uther heard the tail-end of the conversation as he strode into the room flanked by two guards. "The prince has exceeded his authority." He turned his attention to Sir Robert, appearing decidedly regretful for his son's rash action. "I apologize old friend. Release him!" One guard, key in hand, set about opening the cell door as quickly as possible, then stood back at attention as Robert was freed.
"Thank you, Uther," the former knight said, moving closer to Merlin. "I hope you will not take offense at this, but I do think it best I return home."
"But Robert-" Uther started to protest, only to stop once Robert held up his hand.
"Please. Your son objects to my presence, and I do not wish there to be further ill-will."
The king considered, then reluctantly agreed, "Still, I will see to it that Arthur formally apologizes."
"That's not necessary," Robert said with a shake of his head.
"Will you be taking Merlin with you?"
Pausing, Robert glanced between servant and king. Of course, Arthur must have informed his father of having let Merlin go and the Uther didn't seem to have a problem with the arrangement. "Yes, sire," he replied softly, knowing how much the dismissal pained Merlin.
Merlin's knees went weak, and only the grip he still had on the bars kept him from sinking to the floor. He was proud of himself for not crying, but he knew he probably looked as terrible as he felt. The thought of leaving Camelot, leaving Gaius, leaving... Arthur... "I need only time to pack, Sire," he stated in a voice that sounded stronger than he felt. At least he could leave Uther with some impression that he wasn't a fool. Time and again, he had made one of himself for Arthur's sake. /Not anymore./ "If I may?"
"Of course, Merlin," Sir Robert answered. Uncaring if Uther thought it odd, he escorted Merlin to the door and had a quiet word with him. "We'll work something out, I promise." He didn't want the boy to give up hope, not when there was still some to cling onto. Sending Merlin on his way, Robert watched him leave with a heavy heart.
Merlin's heart was beating a mile a minute, but he forced himself to go up to Arthur's room. He lingered quietly in the hallway and then took a deep breath. It was all he could do. Arthur wouldn't listen. He might not even take the time to examine the trinket. Merlin carefully lifted the locket from around his neck and lay it just outside the door. It reminded him of leaving flowers on someone's grave, and Merlin shuddered as he straightened again and hurried away.
As it turned out, saying his good byes to Gaius hurt just as much. He was crying in earnest by the time he'd finished packing. For the second time that day, Merlin felt as if the world was shifting beneath him and he couldn't find his footing. It hurt to leave behind the physician who had been like the grandfather he'd never known, guiding and protecting him. Merlin gave Gaius one last, lingering hug and then hoisted the bag that contained everything in the world that belonged to him - minus the spell book which he'd been forced to leave hidden in Gaius' keeping. Soon someone else would take his place as the man's assistant, someone else would be serving Arthur.
Merlin tasted bile as he walked down the hallway. Sir Robert's carriage was waiting outside already. At least the man had understood how imperative it was that they quickly be gone. The driver took Merlin's bag and urged him to get inside the carriage where he found Robert waiting already. "We're off, then," he observed listlessly.
From one of the tower windows, Arthur watched Merlin ride out of his life. He visibly shook, torn over his decision to let his servant - his friend - go. It was for the best, the prince told himself over and over again. Merlin would no longer be putting himself in danger, and with the two of them apart, his feelings would eventually ebb and fade away. Somehow Arthur couldn't bring himself to believe that.
Merlin's sorrow felt like a physical slap to Sir Robert. In all his life he'd never seen anyone as emotionally destroyed as the young man standing before him. Offering Merlin a warm smile which he knew wouldn't help in the slightest, he shifted over and made room for the boy to sit beside him. Once Merlin was safely inside the carriage, Robert gave instructions to the driver, and soon they were leaving Camelot behind. "From now on, you are no longer a servant," the former knight said, "you're my companion."
Merlin looked up in surprise at the pronouncement, though for the first time that day, the shock was not an unhappy one. "Honestly?" Of course he never really doubted the words, he simply wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you." Arthur would never have dared to make such an edict, would never have thought of giving him so much freedom. /Wouldn't have thought me worthy of it./ Merlin tried to push the thought away, but he knew it would be some time before he could get Arthur out of his head. If ever. /The dragon said our destinies are entwined. How is that possible if I'm not even with him?/ "I may not be your servant, but... I'd still like to help however I can." Robert had been handed him as a responsibility to feed and care for as if he were an unwanted hunting dog who couldn't quite catch a fox. It was a damnably uncomfortable situation even without considering his obvious emotional hurts.
"You're very kind, Merlin." Sir Robert cast his eyes away, unable to feel anything but guilt for having been responsible for Merlin's dismissal. "Especially to someone who has caused you such trouble." He patted the boy's leg, adding assuredly, "This is only temporary, I'm sure. Arthur will come to his senses, and you'll be back in Camelot soon."
Merlin wasn't as sure. Arthur tried to be a good man, but he was Uther's son as well and couldn't help but have absorbed some of his prejudices. "I don't know," he confessed, "if Arthur could ever stand up to his father over a servant... let alone one he's furious with." Merlin's pale gaze raised to Robert's face, and he managed a weak smile. "I left the locket outside his door." In retrospect, he didn't know what had possessed him to do it. Arthur would probably just fling the thing out his window or crush it beneath his boot without ever realizing whose image was inside. He shook it off and tried to clear his head. "Tell me about your home."
Sir Robert found himself contemplating Merlin's actions, wondering if the discovery of Arthur's portrait inside the locket would aid or hinder the situation. His reverie was broken by Merlin's question, and the older man smiled warmly as he replied, "My home? It's quite modest compared to Camelot, but I hope you will find it warm and welcoming." It saddened him to think of what state they would find it in after the siege as well as having been ransacked by bandits. Robert clung to the hope that things would be salvageable. Uther had generously arranged for soldiers and servants to be sent ahead to make preparations for his arrival.
"I will do everything that I can to see that it is restored to its former state," Merlin replied. He could see the strain in Robert's face and knew that the man was thinking about his home, about its current trials. "Are there many people there? Servants and the like?" Merlin realized that he knew nothing about the former knight. Despite Robert's obvious desire for men, he could even have a wife, a family. He was a man of means and standing, after all. Men like that often felt pressure to reproduce whether they desired to or not, were pushed into it by friends or family. What ties did Sir Robert have? Outside of his infatuation for Arthur that was quickly fading - /because he likes me.../ - Merlin knew relatively little Robert.
"No, not very many," Robert conceded with a slight shake of his dark, wavy mane. "That's always been one of my follies, Merlin. I've never kept on an adequate number of staff. It's something I'm not comfortable with, but it seems I must change my ways." He cast his gaze out of the little window and watched the afternoon scenery passing by. Their journey would end by nightfall, and by that time, he knew Merlin would be too tired for a tour of his home. "There's a room next door to mine," Robert told his companion. "You're more than welcome to it."
Merlin felt a moment of hesitation and then smiled. "Thank you." He didn't want to be in a strange place without anyone that he knew close by. "I don't remember the last time I had a room that was all mine. I mean, without someone else close. I had my own space with Gaius, but..." It would be lonely. Merlin felt an ache in his heart as he thought of the fact that he was so far from home, so far from... /He doesn't deserve me feeling sad about it./ He took a breath and screwed up his courage to try and put Arthur from his mind. The prince had made his feelings clear in sending them away. "Thank you for doing this, for giving me a place. I don't know where I would have gone... I couldn't go home... not..." There was really no point in going into that, going into the rumors that were swirling in town about what he could do. "Anyway, I couldn't go home, and I don't know how I would've found another position considering I got thrown out."
"It was the least I could do," Robert assured him. "I only wish it was more." His hand covered Merlin's, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to worry yourself with servitude any longer, Merlin. It will be known that you are my companion, my ward, and you shall be well taken care of." When the carriage eventually breached the broken gates of his home, Robert sat forward, and his heart sank at the devastation. It was worse than he'd feared, but there was hope as a group of servants, who had obviously been hard at work, emerged to greet their arrival.
Merlin felt another wave of nerves. What would they think of him? Had any rumors floated across the distance from Camelot through the knights who had come already? He tried to look something like his usual carefree self as they dismounted and faced those assembled. Merlin hoped that he looked more normal than he felt. He felt as if his skin had been rubbed until it was too thin to touch, too sensitive to even hold his organs inside anymore. Merlin plastered a nervous smile on his face and waited for Robert to make the proper introductions just the same.
While the baggage was being lowered from the carriage, Sir Robert kept close to Merlin. He thank them all of the servants and soldiers who greeted them individually and warmly for their hard work, especially upon learning that the living quarters had been made habitable again. He finally escorted Merlin inside and headed up the staircases toward his room. "This is as much your home now as it is mine," he told the younger man, wanting Merlin to feel comforted and secure. Robert bypassed his own room and took his companion to a door across the hall. "After the long journey, I'm sure you must be tired. Why don't you get settled in?"
"Right. Thank you," Merlin answered. He took his bag and went inside. The nervous energy was still a queasy ball in the sorcerer's stomach as he looked it over. The room was huge. It looked more like Arthur's then his own former quarters. His gaze swept it over once and then again, sure at first that Robert had directed him to the wrong place. The strangest part was that despite how gorgeous the room was, Merlin still couldn't help but long for his tinier home with Gaius, the one where Arthur might call him forth for something at any moment.
Merlin wiped away his tears angrily and set down his bag. Unpacking would give him something to do. He squared his shoulders and began putting away his meager possessions in the room to make it feel more like his own. The effort did little toward that end, but at least by the time he was done, Merlin felt enough like sleeping to finally strip off his travel clothes and crawl between the sheets.