See Chapter 1 for info & warnings
Merlin woke hours later, a smile on his lips. He hadn't felt so relaxed since he
first left Camelot. Finally things were as they should have been. He should have
told Arthur ages ago, been honest with the prince. It had been unfair to hold
the information back for so long. Bleary blue eyes searched the bed and suddenly
all the fuzzy feelings dropped away. Merlin sat bolt upright and blinked to try
and discern what had happened.
He panicked for a moment before blushingly realizing that he was being foolish.
/He's getting breakfast, that's all./ The young man climbed out of bed and
dressed as quickly as possible. The sooner he was with Arthur again the better.
By the time he all but sprinted down the cool stone hallway to the dining room,
Merlin felt his heart sink again. Where in the world was Arthur?
Seated at the head of the dining room table, Sir Robert wore a pair of simple
linen pants along with a white Buccaneer shirt flowing open. He sipped at a
goblet of freshly squeezed juice, nervously awaiting Merlin's arrival. When the
younger man appeared, Robert pasted on a warm smile and greeted him with a "Good
morning."
"Um, morning." Merlin was suddenly conscious of how little effort he'd put into
getting ready. His hair was askew, his clothing disheveled, and he wished he'd
bothered to make himself a bit more presentable. More pressing concerns quickly
drove away the young sorcerer's embarrassment, and he ventured, "Have you... did
you see Arthur this morning? He... er..." Despite the fact that Robert had
locked them in together with one obvious end in mind, it still felt lewd somehow
to say that he'd missed Arthur when he woke up.
"Merlin," Sir Robert began, faltering as he summoned the strength to break the
bad news to Merlin, "Arthur returned to Camelot last night." The glass in his
hand suddenly became heavy, and he set it down before he continued softly, "I
was not informed until this morning; if I had known I would have woken you
immediately."
Merlin stared slack-jawed at the other man. "He... what?" Merlin was sure that
he'd simply misheard for a moment or that Robert would recant the statement and
admit that he was only teasing. The look in the man's dark eyes told Merlin
quickly that it was far from the case. He sank down into a chair and felt as if
the world was crumbling around him all over again. "He can't have left. Not
after-" Surely after the things they had said to each other, the things they had
done, Arthur wouldn't simply disappear. "He told me that-" Merlin felt as if he
couldn't breathe, and his head swam. Only the death grip he held on both sides
of the chair's seat kept him upright at all.
Merlin's pain and shock over Arthur's departure was almost unbearable for Sir
Robert. He left his seat and came to kneel beside the younger man. Placing a
comforting hand on his arm, he said softly, "Perhaps something unavoidable
happened and he had to return to Camelot right away? If that is the case, then I
am certain he shall be back." Robert did not like filling Merlin with false
hope. But, it crushed his own heart to see the boy in such a state. "Would you
like for me to send word and find out?"
Merlin wondered if that would matter. If Arthur had meant what he said, he would
have stayed or at least said something before he left. So what did he mean? Why
would Arthur play with him that way? "Yes," Merlin answered without any real
passion. Arthur was gone, and his heart ached with the thought that the prince
had no intention of coming back. /I should never have let him.../ He felt
foolish, like any other man or woman who might have found their way into
Arthur's bed before. /And it seems I'm just as easy for him to walk away
from./
Although Robert's feelings toward Merlin were less than paternal, he pressed an
avuncular kiss to the top of the brunette's head before summoning a steward.
Relaying his instructions, the steward nodded curtly before hurrying on his way.
"Do you feel like eating?" Robert asked, ticking his full attention back to
Merlin. "I do hope so; Cook spent the morning preparing everything you said were
your favorites." It might have been fruitless to distract the boy with food.
But, Robert could only try and take Merlin's mind off the absent Prince Arthur.
Merlin nodded and managed a hint of a smile. He appreciated the effort even if
he did feel sick. Indeed his first impulse was to spill his guts and share the
whole story - but that would only make them both feel stranger about the
situation. "It would probably do me good," Merlin answered resolutely. He
proceeded to shift until he was seated properly at the table. As if on silent
cue Robert's steward came in with the plates. Though he didn't feel the least
bit hungry, Merlin set into the food with as much passion as he could muster.
"It's very good, really."
Robert remained terribly worried about Merlin's well-being even as the boy
tucked into his breakfast. He simply could not fathom why Arthur had left
without so much as a word. Although locking the prince in a room had been
treasonous, Robert had been certain it would resolve things between Arthur and
Merlin. Now, it seemed as if his actions had only made things worse. "When
you're finished, would you like to continue where we left off in the library?"
he asked, hoping the suggestion might provide adequate distraction.
The idea perked Merlin up somewhat if only because he knew it would keep his
mind off of Arthur temporarily. "Yes, I'd like that." A darker thought struck
him, and he forced himself to confess, "Arthur... he... he knows. I didn't mean
to show him or tell him, but... it just happened. I didn't tell him about you,"
the young sorcerer hurried to add, "but he knows about me. I don't think he'd
tell Uther, but I also.. I didn't think he would leave, so..." If Arthur were to
turn him in, Robert would be in danger as well, so it was only fair to make him
aware of the position they were in.
"Oh, dear..." Sir Robert froze as a creeping sense of dread took hold of him.
Would Arthur return to Camelot and report Merlin to Uther? No, somehow Robert
could not bring himself to believe the Prince would do such a thing. Arthur's
feelings for Merlin and vice versa were obvious. So, why had he left without a
word. It soon became painfully clear. Arthur was keeping his distance in order
to protect Merlin. Robert started, "Merlin," only to break off and smile softly
at the young sorcerer. "I think you shall feel much better once we continued
with our spells."
"Yeah... yeah, I'm sure I will." Merlin's smile never touched his eyes, but he
still got up with apparent eagerness and followed Robert to the library. The
sight of the books did lift his mood somewhat. Robert's collection was
absolutely stunning, and Merlin was sure that time would never dull his
enjoyment of it. Magic or no, the man's interests were as interesting as he was
himself. /And how long will that interest save me from thinking of Arthur? Of
pining for him? Of dying every second without him?/ Tears threatened to spill
over the edges of his eyes, and he blinked them away. Robert deserved as much of
his attention as he could muster. "Now, then, where'd you want to start?"
It hurt Robert to see Merlin in such terrible pain. He ached to embrace the boy
and comfort him. But, swamping Merlin with his unrequited feelings would do
neither of them any good. So the former knight selected one of the hidden spell
books, and then placed it gently in Merlin's hands. "Do you think you might
teach me how to levitate?" he asked, offering the younger man a warm smile. "I'm
afraid it might be beyond my skills."
"Might be beyond mine too," Merlin answered with an impish grin. It wasn't as
bright as his usual smile, but Robert's plan was obviously working. The thought
of how to convey the *feeling* of drawing the magic in, how to explain it all to
Robert, did momentarily have Merlin's thoughts focusing in on something other
than hurting. He bit his lip and began flipping through one of the books to try
and find the proper spell. If Gaius knew that he was doing anything like this,
teaching someone else when his own powers were still so raw, he would have been
furious. Thankfully Gaius was in Camelot and would likely never have any idea of
what Merlin was doing with his time.
"Somehow I doubt that," Sir Robert replied, echoing Merlin's grin with one of
his own. "Your talents far surpass anything I have ever seen." Pleased to see
that his plan was seemingly working, Robert stood beside Merlin and helped him
find the appropriate page in the dusty old tome. "This spell might be taking
things a little too far with my meager magic. But, for you, well, Merlin you
should have it mastered in no time at all."
"Gaius never seemed quite so sure." He had to admit that much of the time he'd
been a terrible student. Constantly hiding had built up enough frustration that
Merlin often found it difficult to focus himself in. He'd struggled with the
idea of how to raise his skills while still pretending that he had none.
Sobering slightly, Merlin added, "I know that I may be poor company for a time,
but I... I am still grateful to you. Being in a place where there's no need to
pretend to be someone else... it's nothing I've had before. Whatever's happened,
thank you."
"Oh, Merlin," Sir Robert sighed, raising a hand to cup the boy's cheek. "You
never have to thank me." His thumb caressed Merlin's well-defined cheekbone, and
Robert felt the familiar surge of attraction returning. Indeed, the former
knight felt his whole body tingling with warmth. "We... should continue with our
studies," he faltered, unwilling to press himself upon the vulnerable boy no
matter how much he wanted him.
Merlin considered that. They should, he supposed, since it was something to do.
It distracted him. But, then, there were other things that could be distracting.
Merlin felt ashamed of himself even for thinking it for a moment and then sat up
a bit straighter. Arthur had used him and left him. At least Robert truly cared.
The man had been nothing but kind to him, nothing but indulgent. Would it be so
bad to try and ease the pain by lying with someone who would stay afterward? "We
don't have to."
Robert was suitably taken aback by the insinuation. If it had been Arthur, then
he would have jumped at the chance. But, with Merlin... "No, I cannot," he told
him with a sense of great regret. "You have meant the world to me from the
moment we met. I want you-I ache for you. But, I cannot take advantage of you."
He smiled softly, leaning forward and pressing a tender kiss to Merlin's lips.
"Please, let's see how quickly you can master this spell."
Merlin felt a moment's frustration, but instead of protesting, he looked down
and then nodded. It was hard to think that Robert still saw him the same way. He
didn't see himself the same way. He had been foolish, and he'd shared himself
with someone who obviously didn't really care for him. /Is he telling the
truth, or is Robert less interested now that he knows I-/ Merlin cut himself
off forcefully and stepped back from the table. The dark-haired young man drew
in a slow, deep breath. "Not sure how this will go," he confessed nervously.
"You can do it-I am certain of that," Robert told Merlin with absolute
confidence. He hated himself for having turned down Merlin's less-than-innocent
suggestion. But, how could he possibly give in when the boy's heart belonged to
Arthur. If he was correct, Arthur was trying to protect Merlin. The prince might
not have gone about it in the right way. However, Robert understood Arthur's
actions all the same. "Go on, then," he encouraged the boy with a warm squeeze
of his shoulder, "show me."
Merlin took in a slow, easy breath and began to murmur the words. At first he
spoke quietly and with little passion, but as he lost himself in the task,
Merlin relaxed. The power that had become so familiar rose within him. Golden
warmth spread through his limbs, and Merlin closed his eyes. Focusing on the
floor only made him more tense. By the time Merlin allowed his eyes to open once
more, the shining floors beneath him were a few inches beneath his still-bare
feet, and Merlin's eyes widened with surprise at his own success.
"I knew you could it!" Robert, though unsurprised by Merlin's power, was
wide-eyed with awe. He circled the younger sorcerer, barely able to catch his
breath at the sight he was witnessing. "Merlin, you are truly more powerful than
even I realized." Robert felt the overwhelming urge to snatch the boy out of the
air and embrace him. It was all he could do to hold himself back as he added, "I
fear I shall never be able to achieve such a spell."
Merlin blushed and took a step breath before letting his focus fade and his feet
meet the floor again. The effort had taken more out of him than he realized, and
the sorcerer swayed slightly as he found his balance again. Reaching out, he
found his hand on Robert's shoulder and the man's body close to his own. "Um,
sorry..." Robert had been clear that he wasn't interested - at least not yet -
though Merlin was finding it difficult for a moment to understand why when
Arthur had clearly made his choice. Maybe being with someone else would be just
the thing for putting it behind him. /You know better,/ a chiding voice that
sounded a lot like Gaius whispered in his mind.
Despite his resolve not to take advantage of Merlin, Sir Robert did not mind the
closeness one bit. In fact, it took every last ounce of his willpower not to
crush Merlin against him and ravish that tempting, lovely mouth. "There's no
need to apologize," he told the boy, albeit shakily. /Get a hold of yourself./
"You are truly amazing, Merlin." Robert's touch lingered, and the former knight
realized that he was slowly but surely losing the battle of fighting his
attraction.
Merlin knew that he could kiss Robert and break the silence and the tension all
at once. He could give in even if Robert still held back. /Why? Why push
things?/ Merlin knew in his heart that it was the wrong thing at the wrong
time, and he sighed, looking down to remove the temptation for a moment. "I
think that I may need to take a break. Perhaps some tea?" Merlin suggested,
finally allowing himself to look up. Robert had been too kind to him for Merlin
to play with his feelings - even if he didn't intend to. Robert deserved all of
the consideration that Arthur hadn't given to him.
"That," Robert hesitated, taking a short, calming breath, "is a wonderful idea."
His pulse was racing, and it was all the former knight could do to keep his
composure while in Merlin's alluring presence. He rang for a servant and, once
he'd requested tea, Robert sank down in one of the library's comfy armchairs.
"How would you like a new wardrobe, Merlin?" he opined in an attempt to take his
mind off the boy's charm. "I was thinking that we should get you some new
clothes."
The suggestion caught Merlin somewhat off guard. He'd rarely thought anything
about what he wore past keeping it clean. His mother hadn't had the resources to
keep him in anything more than basics, and in the palace, his clothes had been
decent enough for a servant. Arthur had complained about his lack of style from
time to time but, then, he'd complained about most things from time to time.
"S'pose I could do with something new," Merlin confessed as he sat down near
Robert. "I don't have anything to buy a new wardrobe with, though. At Camelot,
my pay was room and board, really, not anything more."
"You're honestly worried about money?" Robert smiled, reaching across to take
Merlin's hand despite his reluctance to torture himself further. "Merlin, do I
have to remind you that you are my ward as long as you're here?" His tone was
playful as he caressed the boy's knuckled with a light touch of his thumb. "I'll
be taking care of everything, and I'll have no argument to the contrary."
It was on the tip of Merlin's tongue to protest, but the gentle touch of
Robert's hand distracted him sufficiently to kill the impulse. "S'pose there's
no real harm in it." He knew that they both needed a way to get their minds off
of the obvious issue of Arthur. "I'd like that if it really isn't too much
trouble. Afraid... well, I don't exactly... er, I've never much kept up with
fashion."
"Well, you shouldn't have to wear anything fancy if you don't think it suits
you." Robert wanted more than anything for Merlin to be comfortable. It was the
least he could do. "Your well-being and happiness are of tantamount importance
to me." He reluctantly let Merlin's hand ease from his grasp when one of the
servants arrived with a tray. Robert dismissed the older woman with a 'thank
you' and a smile. He poured the tea himself, offering Merlin a cup. "I shall say
it again, Merlin," he started, knowing the words would only deepen the ache he
felt for the boy, "you are the most beautiful man I have ever met."
Merlin took a sip of the tea to steady his nerves before he asked the question
that the words truly brought up for him. "And you don't think I'm... you don't
look at me differently now?" Merlin found it hard not to think of himself as
used goods after how easily he had been taken in. Arthur had used his feelings,
taken what he wanted, and then run off into the night. If he could be so stupid
and easily spoiled, why would a man like Robert still think to give him so much
as a second glance?
Sir Robert fairly spluttered on his tea, "Of course not! Why would you ever think of such a thing?" He stared at Merlin with a sense of total misunderstanding, only to realize the point his ward was trying to get across. "Merlin," he began softly, setting down his tea and moving to kneel before the younger man. "Nothing could be further from the truth. I loved you from the moment we met. Don't ever think ill of yourself because I most certainly don't."
The tears Merlin had been fighting all morning came again. He tried valiantly to
blink them away but didn't quite succeed. "I'm sorry. You've been... you're so
good to me, and... I feel so stupid..." He also felt lost, hurt, and utterly
rejected, but those things went without saying. Arthur was gone. Merlin had no
idea how to process that fact, and the more he thought of even trying, the more
it hurt. "Don't know what to do," the sorcerer mumbled, sniffling again.
His heart bleeding for Merlin, Robert took both of the boy's hands in his own
and squeezed them gently. "You're going to stay right here with me," he told him
softly, "and let me take care of you." Sighing, Robert glanced down for a moment
to steel himself before gazing into Merlin's haunted eyes again. "Merlin, I do
not wish to fill you with false hope. But, I believe I know why Arthur left the
way he did." Another breath, and then, "I think he was trying to protect you
from his father."
Merlin considered that, wondering if it could possibly be so simple. Was Uther
really the reason Arthur had pulled him close only to shove him away again? It
struck him after a moment that it made little difference. "What does it matter
why?" he asked Robert bluntly after a moment of silence. "He left. He told me
that he loved me, he... we... and then he walked away without saying so much as
a word to me." Though Merlin knew he was inexperienced when it came to being
with someone, his own ideas of love were far from leaving someone in such a way.
"I couldn't have done that to him."
Robert sighed, wishing he could find the right words that would soothe Merlin's
broken heart. "I know you wouldn't have. But, I'm trying to understand Arthur's
actions and I hope you can too." He smiled somewhat miserably, admitting to both
himself and to Merlin, "You know how I feel about you, right? The last thing I
want is to push you further into Arthur's arms. However, I can't say I would not
have done the same in order to protect one so precious."
"I didn't want to be protected. I wanted Arthur." It hurt saying the words so
simply, and Merlin shivered. "Anyway... about the clothes? What do you think
would look good?" He just wanted to stop thinking of Arthur. Every time he did,
he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until he couldn't think of anything
anymore. Being with Arthur at last had been sweet and wonderful and perfect -
until he woke from the dream.
"You, my friend, would make a gunny sack positively fetching," Robert said,
releasing Merlin's hands and cupping the younger man's cheek. "How do you feel
about getting ready and riding into the village? It might do you a world of good
simply getting out for some fresh air." The former knight was on his feet in the
next instance, and pulling Merlin up alongside him. "We'll get you kitted out in
anything you like."
Getting out would help, and Robert's unfailing kindness helped even more. With
Robert he felt as if he were at the side of someone who wanted to take care of
him. Arthur had always expected care, expected devotion, and in the end he
hadn't been willing to give it back. Robert... it was hard to decide how he
felt, but Merlin appreciated having a shoulder to lean on. Before the hour was
out, they were dressed and mounted and heading into the village. It was well
kept and, while not as populated as the areas nearest Camelot, a lovely hamlet.
"Lead the way, my Lord," Merlin beckoned with a smile that took any formality
from the address.
Robert happily led the way to the stables, where he and Merlin were warmly
greeted before their horses were respectively cared for while they, in turn,
ventured into the shops. He was pleased to find that Merlin's dark mood had
lightened somewhat, but Robert realized it would take far more than a shopping
trip to mend the boy's shattered heart. "What do you think?" he asked Merlin,
indicating the selection of clothes before them. "Anything here strike your
fancy?"
Merlin bit his lip and looked around at the selections in the store. He'd never
shopped for clothing. His mother had always simply made things or traded for
them. After a long, uncertain pause, Merlin reached out and fingered a velvety
red shirt with obvious longing. "I like red." He looked to Robert for approval
of the choice and any advice the man might have to offer. Sir Robert always
looked as if he was at the height of fashion, perfectly put together. Though he
didn't really hope to reach those heights, Merlin hoped he could at least learn
to present himself as something more than a simple servant.
"Red suits you," Robert acknowledged, holding the rich fabric up to display the
sharp contrast between the color and Merlin's alabaster skin. "That's
lovely-yes, we'll definitely take that." He smiled warmly at Arthur's former
servant. "Don't hesitate to choose anything you like. Money," he reminded
Merlin," is no object."
Merlin had never been set loose in a shop in such a way, and he enjoyed the
moment fully. In the end, however, his more practical impulses won out. Merlin
selected only the pieces that he liked the best and demurred when Robert offered
again to get him more. "It's already more than I've ever owned." Merlin selected
the striking red tunic to leave the shop in. It felt almost too ostentatious,
but he couldn't resist. "Thank you for this. I don't think anyone would
recognize me dressed like this."
"You don't have to thank me, Merlin," Robert assured him with a warm smile. "It
is a pleasure and a honor to look after you." He pressed his hand against the
small of Merlin's back, guiding him along the shops toward a small tavern.
"Shopping always makes me thirsty. Let's quench it before heading home, shall
we?"
Though Merlin generally drank sparingly, the idea of getting just a bit tipsy
definitely appealed to him. He'd had his heart put back together and then torn
out in the space of less than a day, and the sorcerer felt emotionally raw.
"Yes, please," he agreed readily as they entered the tavern. It was typical,
really. Just a village spot to gather and chat and unwind. Merlin followed
Robert's lead to a table toward the back. They were dressed a bit more lushly
than most patrons, and it seemed the responsible thing to put themselves out of
the flow of most attention.
Robert and Merlin had only just stepped inside the tavern when the former knight
noticed that all eyes were on them. He simply smiled warmly at the patrons as he
and Merlin took a seat, and kindly ordered drinks for both himself and his ward
once a buxom wench greeted them. Once she returned to the bar, Robert leaned in
close to speak softly to his companion. "Maybe we should have selected something
a little less striking for you to wear. It only makes you that much more
beautiful, and I don't fancy the way every one's looking at you."
Merlin blushed and looked down at the tunic. If he was willing to be honest with
himself, it wasn't the lush material that caught his eye but rather the color -
a color he was used to seeing on Arthur. "I think it far more likely that they
are watching you if-" A hand slammed down on the table beside them and Merlin
all but jumped out of his skin. The man that stood glaring down at them didn't
look particularly hospitable, and Merlin swallowed hard. "Can we help you?"
Sevcheria, a tall dark man with a prominent nose, sneered down the end of it at
the pair of finely dressed men. "You blokes smell of money," he determined,
eying them both as if they were carrion and he was a circling vulture.
His cohort, Didius, a smaller man but no less seedy, joined in, "Aye, how's
about sharing the wealth with us?"
Robert braced himself for trouble, even as he offered the interlopers a warm
smile and a friendly hand. "I would be more than happy to buy you and your
friend a drink," he told Sevcheria. Unfortunately, this idea did not appeal to
the other man.
"A drink? No, fine sir. I was thinking of something a lot more than that."
Sevcheria reached for Robert's collar, fairly lifting the former knight out of
his seat and landing a well-aimed punch which sent Robert sprawling to the
tavern floor. Didius licked his lips, pouncing on the fallen man when he spied
Robert's money belt.
"No!" It honestly wasn't until he'd already done it that Merlin realized he'd
sent a thrust of magic toward the man prepared to rob Robert of his money and
heaven knew what else. The flash of light that sprung from his hand had been
blinding in the dim light. There was no disguising what he'd done or what it
meant. If it wasn't for the adrenaline coursing through him, Merlin knew his
knees probably would have given out the way they began to shake. Uther would
hear of it. Arthur would hear. He would be killed. The thoughts tumbled through
his mind so quickly that Merlin could barely make any sense of them.
He took a step back and almost knocked over a chair. His gaze swept to Robert.
The most important thing for the moment was to protect the man who had protected
him. "I'm sorry... I should have told you." It needed to be clear to anyone
watching that Robert didn't know, that he was blameless in what had happened.
"And you should run." Already Merlin was tensed to do just that, and he didn't
want Robert hanging around and taking the crowd's anger on himself. "Now."
Sevcheria recovered from the shock quickly and, upon realizing a priceless
opportunity was at hand, crept behind Merlin and clubbed him down to join Robert
on the floor. "Pull yourself together, you fool!" the slave trader hollered at
Didius, kicking him until his cohort was stumbling back to his feet. They had to
work fast as the crowd was already voicing their unanimous call for the King to
be informed of the sorcerer. Didius pocketed Robert's money belt, and then
hoisted the prone Merlin up and over onto his shoulders. "Do not worry,
good people," Sevcheria told the tavern patrons. "We shall deal with this boy
personally." He shot a glance down at Robert. "Do what you will with that one."
Merlin tried to wake, but it was too hard. His head throbbed and his body
remained boneless. The voices that sounded around him were too far away, tiny
squeaks and sounds from miles away. The young sorcerer couldn't tell what was
going on or what was being said. Try as he might to claw his way back up from
the darkness, the shock and the pain were too much. Instead of waking, Merlin
slipped into full unconsciousness as the slavers carried him out of the bar.