Update! Yay!
Rin stared blankly at the wall facing her, she was expressionless but she wasn't emotionless. She could feel his pleading eyes on her. He was tenacious. He had always gotten what he wanted from her, but not this time. She had made up her mind; she's not letting take advantage over her ever again. But right now, she could feel her will power fading with each ticking of the clock. He wasn't yielding to her request and she realized that it was easier said than done. Every single logical part of her seemed to have shouted 'Rin, he's a cheater and a liar' but deep down she knew she still loved him, so much, so much.
"Sesshomaru, leave."
"Rin..." he grabbed her arm once again, almost begging her to change her mind. Sesshomaru never begged anyone. But now, he was pitifully begging for his wife's forgiveness. He was in visceral pain from Rin's rejection. "Give me another chance, Rin."
"No, leave. Now. I mean it."
She didn't have the heart to look at him. It hurt so much. It was almost like someone was taking a knife and slicing her heart open but keeping her alive so that she could watch it shaved into thin slices. How did they ever end up like this? She had great hopes for them but now nothing between them could be patched up again. She could never go back to being his perfect little wife and pretend that there wasn't a blemish in their relationship; it would always be tainted with Sara's shadows. Whenever she looked at her husband, it would remind her of that woman. It made her feel slightly better to hate Sara more than to hate Sesshomaru but she knew they both were equally liable. She clenched her fists; she needed to transfer her agony to somewhere else. She dug her nails into her own hand; Rin concentrated on the pain throbbing in her hand.
'Sesshomaru... why?'
She couldn't afford to give in to his pleading now. She clenched her hands harder; she felt her hand grow clammy and wet. A warm liquid was dripping down her hand and becoming sticky as she rubbed her fingers against another. She wasn't looking at her hand but she was bleeding and she knew it. For some reason, Rin just couldn't hold in her tears anymore; it was suffocating her. It was stifling. She needed release. When it came, it was catharsis.
'Stupid, Rin... stop that... Rin... you need to be strong. Now you're just showing him that you're weak.'
Rin quivered; she was shaking uncontrollably in tears. Her body was shivering with the hodgepodge of emotions. She felt pathetic. Sesshomaru was still there by her bed. No matter how hard she forced herself to stop the tears from falling, they seemed to have all pooled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. It was becoming an endless cycle. She couldn't control her breathing, her rapid breathing made regulating her inhalation difficult. She hugged herself tighter and tucked her head under her arms to press her face against her knees. She just wanted to disappear.
Sesshomaru's heart clenched when he saw Rin in such a wretched state. She was so vulnerable, so susceptible to all of the hurt and malice around her. He did this to her. He brought this onto her. He was the one to be blamed. There was nothing he wouldn't give to fix everything up. But now, she wanted him to be out of her life. She wasn't giving him another chance.
"I don't want you to be here," Rin pushed his hand away from her and looked away once again, never meeting his golden gaze. Her voice was shaky and lacked conviction.
He would damn himself right now if he left her like that. He did many things that he wasn't proud about behind her back but now he was going to prove it to her that he was worthy of her and their unborn child. Sesshomaru shifted closer to Rin. She didn't seem to have noticed his advances. She was preoccupied by her predicament. He wanted to hold her in his arms and stroke her hair to tell her that everything was going to be all right. However, he knew that she would hate him even more if he forced himself on her. Instead, he reached for the tissue box and snatched two sheets of paper from the box and held it by her face.
"Here," he offered.
Rin looked at the tissue paper and turned her glance to Sesshomaru, "You broke my heart, and tissue won't fix it. Just go."
Rin Takahashi curled into a ball and rocked herself back and forth on the hard hospital bed. She stared at the blinds of the window; there was a light piercing through the curtains. It was either the streetlights or the moonlight but she couldn't tell. She didn't really care either. It was such a trivial matter. She buried her face into the down pillow to muffle her cries so the nurses wouldn't flock to her. The last thing she needed right now was all of this extra attention from apathetic strangers. She was vanquished; she lost this battle in reclaiming his heart and him. But did she really want him back? She would always be living in Sara's shadows for as long as she lived with Sesshomaru.
If she accepted Sesshomaru back into her life, every time she would kiss him she would always wonder if that was the same place Sara had kissed him before. Every time he would press his lips against hers, she would always helplessly wonder if it was the same tender kiss that he had given Sara Asano. Every time he would touch her, she would always be able to recall that he had used the same hands to touch his mistress. Rin brought her fingers to her left arm where Sesshomaru's grip had been before; she gingerly pressed her fingers against the spot - she could still the pressure of his hand on her arm. Rin shuddered with pure repugnance. His touch... it was contaminated by Sara Asano. It was... filthy.
She was in pure agony. Rin was upset. She regretted pushing him away, she wanted him to come back but now it was too late. She wasn't as strong as she thought she was. All this time, she had put up a facade for him to see. All this time... Even after she had made up her mind... she still missed his embrace.
Somehow, she convinced herself that if she had cried hard enough, maybe he would change his mind and come back to comfort her. She knew was being naive: he wasn't coming back for her. She had made it very clear to him that she didn't want to see him again. She was trapped in her own paradox. She hated him but loved him. The two polar feelings coexisted within her; she didn't even think that it was possible but it did.
The small size patient gown was still too large for her; it looked as if it had swallowed her whole. Her heartbreak was tormenting her. She wasn't okay. It has been hours, she was sure. She had been crying for the past hours. Rin felt physically strained; her body wasn't reacting too well to all of this stress she had been experiencing. She turned over to press her cheeks against the wet pillow. Her red and puffy eyes were sore from her salty tears.
Rin sniffed and rubbed her eyes; she felt a bit more rational now... just a tiny bit. She leaned in the pillow in pure silence. She listened to her own breathing and consciously made an effort to regulate her breaths. Each breath was contingent. She needed to focus on something. She could hear the ticking of the second hand of the clock in the room.
She brought her hand to her arm where Sesshomaru's hand had been earlier. She felt sordid with the thoughts of him laying his hands on her... Those hands, which had once touched Sara...
'He did all of those things with his mistress... his tawdry mistress...'
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Then, she lost it. Rin grabbed the intravenous tube and tugged it hard, yanking the needle out of her arm and unhooked the monitors from herself.
'I don't belong anywhere... Just let me die. This way, I'll be happier.'
It was the hard truth but she had to swallow it. She couldn't live without him by her side even though she couldn't stand him. She hated to admit it. She would have never admitted to him when he was still around but now that she was alone she had enough time to think. She needed to find a release and hurting herself was the best way to do so at the moment; nothing was making logical sense to her. Everything was just a hodgepodge of nonsense. She needed a fast solution to her problems.
Then, she felt it, that gentle kick. Just once. A small kick. It pulled her out of her emotional destitution. Rin suddenly composed herself and waited for another gentle kick in her abdomen while sitting soundlessly on her bed. There it was, again.
'I can't hurt myself. She deserves better.'
Sesshomaru strolled along the night streets of Minato, Tokyo. The flashing lights of billboards and storefronts illuminated the wide Minato streets and the skyline lit the night sky in vibrant and lively colors. It was four in the morning but the sidewalks were still bustling with merchants and people. Tokyo was a city that never slept. Ever. Loud music was still playing; clubs, restaurants, and stores were still packed with people. Nightlife was just spectacular in Minato especially in the Roppongi Hills. He walked slowly and deliberately watched the young people who were hopping from joints to joints. Young single people. He pondered for a long moment and reflected on his single life: his bachelor days. Did he miss his single life? His life without her? He pondered for a moment. No. Not at all.
'Really, Sesshomaru?' He did a double take for a moment and thought hard for an honest answer. 'I do miss her.'
Now that he went back to think about everything it wasn't that his marriage was mundane. Rin had tried to ameliorate it many times. Instead, he was the source of the problem. He had rejected all of her advances.
He felt the multitude of people crashing against him as he made his way down the street; even with so many people around him, he was still lonely. So lonely. He would have to learn to cope with this loneliness because soon that's all what he would have left to accompany him: loneliness.
'You still have Sara.'
Sesshomaru cringed at that thought; why did... how did Sara come into his mind all of the sudden?
He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and took it out to look at the caller ID on the screen: Sara Asano. 'Thinking of the devil...' Should he answer it or not? He was in a dilemma. He needed to tell her that he wanted out of their affair. He couldn't marry her like he promised before. He would be breaking two promises to two women in his life in the same day.
Ignore.
He needed some time to think; his cloudy mind was unable to form coherent thoughts and make critical decisions at the moment. He was afraid he would make a decision he would regret later on. He felt his stomach growl. That's right, when was the last time he had eaten? He couldn't even recall. He stopped in front of a noodle shop; it wasn't just any noodle shop it was 'their' place. He and Rin had shared so many memories there. It was still bustling with people. He thought long and hard: did he want to revisit their past memories? Would this help him in anyway now that they were getting a divorce? This couldn't be good for his psyche but he was a masochist right now. Inflicting emotional pain on himself was his specialty at the moment.
He diverged from the stream of people and made his way into the noodle shop. The place was almost exactly the same has it had been before: red accent furniture, hardwood flooring, high tables... oh, and a new layer of paint. The fresh paint had completely changed the atmosphere of the restaurant. Despite the visual difference, the sweet aroma that had overwhelmed his senses as he stepped into the noodle shop was still the same. It hadn't changed a single bit.
"Sir, how many?" the waitress asked him as he wandered into the restaurant.
"Hmm 2," Sesshomaru replied out of his usual routine. It had always been 2: Rin and himself. Immediately he realized his mistake: he was alone now. "Sorry. Just 1."
"Right this way, Sir," the waitress led him to a single table in the corner of the room and handed him the menu.
He knew this place so well; he could practically recite the menu, "Large oolong noodle please, extra soy sauce. May I also have a warm lemonade?"
The waitress just smiled - this man was a usual customer, "Your order will be up shortly."
Sesshomaru surveyed his premises; he had never been here without Rin. Not even once.
The office on the 38th floor was dim but a bright light still shone through the door in a small office down the hall. He glanced down his quartz watch again, a quarter past three. He yawned and stretched in sleepiness in the hallway: he was exhausted from reviewing all of the merger and acquisition contracts. He followed the light down the hall and grinned. She was still there. Oh god he loved that woman; he was getting more out of his money by hiring her. She had just put in 9 hours of overtime. She might just be his favorite and best employee.
'That's not the real reason you love her and you know it. You love her because you just do.'
He had a stupid grin on his face. He was smiling ear to ear and felt himself jogging to her office door. He felt his heart pounding against his chest as he brought his hand up to knock on her door.
"Come in!"
He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open before she could finish. Rin Hokkaido was still working. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun held together by a pencil. Her once neat suit was disheveled with the top button undone and she was nibbling on a stack of dry crackers while staring at 4 computer screens with excel sheets simultaneously. This woman was a workaholic and a miracle worker.
Her face suddenly brightened at the sight of him, he could tell she was blushing, "Hey you."
He walked around her L shaped office desk and hugged her from the right, pulling her closer to his chest. She looked so weary and frail from all the hours of ceaseless work. Rin didn't now her limit; she seemed to always be working.
"All work and no play," he teased her with his deep and soothing voice. "I haven't seen you for the past 18 hours. I miss you furiously."
She pushed herself up and gave him a kiss on his jawline, "Budgeting. Due in 2 weeks."
He shook his head and let out a deep chuckle, "Due to 'me' in 2 weeks. I can push the dates around for you so you don't have to work so hard."
"Nonsense, I don't want everyone to know that I'm getting special treatment because I'm sleeping with the boss," Rin whispered in her fiancé's ears and jokingly grabbed his collar to undo the first button. "Although I do like my special privileges."
He kissed the nape of her neck and rubbed his face against her chest while crouching down, "Hmm... you need a break and knowing you, you probably ate 18 hours ago."
"Hey, crackers are legitimate lunch/dinner/snack," Rin joked and leaned forward to reach for another cracker. She bit down on the dried cracker and the crumbles fell into Sesshomaru's hair. "Ha.. ha... haha... sorry honey."
He looked up into her eyes and gave her a deep growl and a devious smirk, "Now you owe me an early breakfast."
"But I need to finish this!" Rin protested as Sesshomaru pulled her up from her comfortable office chair. "I just have two more months to review!"
"Sweetie, it's Saturday morning already. We don't work on the weekends," he pulled her in and cupped her face to give her a quick kiss. "Let's go, grab your things. No work this weekend."
She knew better than to protest with him; she knew she could never win out of this one. Besides, she needed a very well deserved rest. She was beginning to have difficulties distinguishing the columns among each section. Rin held onto the desktop and slipped on her heels and logged out of her files.
"I'm ready, Sesshomaru-sama."
He shook his head at her teasing; he grabbed her hands and led her out of the office and to the elevator. Her movements were sluggish from the long night work.
Ding.
"Ground floor please, Mrs. Takahashi," he was eager to call her by her new last name. Rin Hokkaido turned around to stick her tongue at him and reached for the button. His hands were interlaced with hers and as soon as the elevator door closed, he grabbed her wrist and pinned them to the aluminum walls of the elevator. She gave him a sultry grin and straddled her leg on his waist and tittered. He pulled her in to osculate her and gingerly brushed his lips against hers.
"Here's your lemonade tea," the waiter smiled at him. She was blushing at his handsome features but her face became ashen when she saw the wedding band around his finger. "Here are your noodles. Enjoy."
He nodded at her politely and picked up the pair of chopsticks. He leaned over the bowl and felt the warm steam rising against face.
"Oolong noodles! I love this stuff!" Rin shrieked excitedly when the waiter placed the bowl on the table. "My Mom makes it for me every single year for my birthday. You eat noodles because you want to live a long and prosper life."
He smiled at her adorable quirk: she had something interesting to say about everything.
He grabbed the can of lemonade tea and felt the warm can in his hand. He brought it to his face to feel its warmth. This is what she had always done. He didn't know why but she had done it since she was 5 years old.
Rin Hokkaido sipped the soup base and put down her chopsticks and smiled at Sesshomaru, "Time for my lemon tea!"
She grabbed the tall and slim can in her hand and rubbed her palms on the warm can; she brought it to her face, "Hm... It's so nice and warm. Awwww... Feel this, Sessy!"
He chuckled and shook his head at her gesture. She was so adorable.
"You've never, ever told me why you like warm lemonade tea so much. Care to share? It's one of my greatest mysteries. It's been what? Twenty years?" Sesshomaru was impatient. After all these years, she had never given him a straight answer.
"Hmm... it's a secret," she winked at him and opened the can to take a sip of the warm beverage. "Maybe I'll tell you one day."
Sesshomaru looked dejected; when was Rin ever going to tell him? He gave her a rare and brief pouty face.
"One day..." she gave him another wink.
Has anyone had the lemonade lemon tea? It's SO good... They come in little juice boxes as well. By lemon tea, I don't mean the yucky tea bag stuff... I mean the LEGIT lemonade tea beverage.