Simple Words Chapter 21, a merlin fanfic

See Chapter 1 for warnings & info

Merlin was too taken by the pain of seeing Arthur again to even hear Uther. His heart pounded, and blood rushed in his ears. For a moment he was sure he was going to pass out, but the stable presence of Julian's body at his side provided some support. "Arthur," he whispered too softly for the prince to hear as tears clouded his vision. It had been a stupid idea. The whole thing was stupid. He should have left with Julian when his master offered it and tried to forget about Arthur entirely. /So stupid.../ It hurt so much more than he'd imagined, the sight of Arthur looking beautiful and regal and ready to marry someone else like a knife through his heart.

"Stop!" Julian commanded the guards, who wavered as they approached Merlin with
their swords drawn. "Your Highness, forgive me," he begged of Uther, continuing,
"But, this boy is no longer a citizen of your Kingdom. He is of my province and,
as such, has my protection."

Arthur, slowly regaining his stunned senses, stepped forward and pleaded
Merlin's case as well. "He's right, father," he murmured to a clearly enraged
Uther. "We cannot touch Merlin now." Arthur used the 'we' as a means of
pacifying his father. If Uther believed he had no feelings in the matter, then
it would be all the better for Merlin.

The King seethed on the throne. Things had gone from bad to worse before his
eyes. Not only had a notorious sorcerer reentered his realm, but it was the one
creature in all the world he wanted distanced from his son. "You do realize," he
finally managed through gritted teeth, "this... boy... possesses magic?"

"No longer, Your Majesty," Julian gently corrected. "He regularly takes an elixir which suppresses such powers. He is perfectly safe... and mine."

Arthur turned and glared daggers at Julian. His hand rested on his sword hilt ready to draw and slice the older man's head off right where he stood.

Merlin was oblivious to Arthur's jealousy. He had already averted his gaze, looking at the floor not so much as a sign of submission but as a way to stop seeing how beautiful Arthur was. It wrenched at his heart no less, but at least the evidence wasn't right before his eyes. /It doesn't matter. He doesn't want me and even if he did-/ Merlin cut the line of thought off forcefully and reminded himself that he belonged to Julian. It was better that way. His gaze finally flickered to the man beside him, trying to measure Julian's mood. He could see the tension in his master's shoulders, but Julian didn't honestly seem worried about the outcome, and that confidence bolstered Merlin's a bit. He just wanted to be out of the room and away from Arthur again - preferably far, far away.

As badly as Uther wanted to see Merlin executed, the choice was now out of his
hands. He felt disgusted and betrayed by Julian, one of his oldest friends.
However, there was simply nothing he could do about the situation except hope
that the festivities ended soon and that Julian left with his son's former
servant and never returned. "So be it." The King waved a hand to dismiss the
guards, who sheathed their swords and resumed their duties. "Julian, I wish to
have a private word with you."

"Yes, Your Highness." Julian bowed.

Arthur suddenly spoke up, "I'll escort Merlin back to his room."

This, of course, infuriated Uther that much more. However, Arthur did not give his father a chance to protest. He was hurriedly moving Merlin out of the audience chamber and as far away from the King's wrath as possible. As soon as they were out of earshot, Arthur's anguished eyes fixed on Merlin. It felt as if it had been years since they had last been together. And the prince ached terribly. "Merlin," he began, slightly out of breath. "What happened to you? I thought you were with Sir Robert?"

Drugged or not, Merlin wasn't beyond feeling a flash of anger at that. "What d'you care?" he snapped before sighing and releasing some of the bile that had built up since Arthur left him. "I was," the servant allowed more quietly. "We got attacked in a tavern, and I used my magic. I saved Sir Robert, but..." Merlin shrugged. He hadn't been good enough and that was all there was to it. He'd been bested by street thugs on the search for someone to sell off to the highest bidder. There was no nice way to put it. "Julian bought me." Unable to resist, he added, "I would have thought you'd be too busy getting ready for your wedding to worry about it, *Sire*." Still Merlin barely looked at the prince. He knew if he did that the anger would crumble back into hurt, and he couldn't allow it.

Overwhelming pangs of guilt slammed into Arthur as he listened, horrified by the events that had taken place without his knowledge. "Merlin, you're a slave?" he whispered, shaking his blond head miserably. "I'll make sure you're freed, I won't let you stay with him." He glared at Merlin, determination tightening his jaw. All thought of his forthcoming official wedding forgotten, all Arthur cared about was Merlin's well-being and finding someway of making things better for him.

Merlin looked up at the words and stared hard at the prince for a moment. "Why? What's the use of being free?" He'd spoken the words impulsively, but Merlin realized as soon as they were out of his mouth that he meant them. He honestly didn't see the point in being free when he couldn't ever be with the one person he wanted to be with. Even going back to Robert's kingdom held no real draw for him. "I'm either a slave or a prisoner, Arthur." The familiar form of address slipped out before the weary sorcerer could stop it. "You know what I am, and you know what that means here."

Arthur, who always prided himself on his strength, had never felt more helpless in his life. "I can't simply stand by and watch you leave with him," he protested, resting his hands on Merlin's shoulders. "I've known Julian all my life, and I know what being a slave to him means." It sickened him to think of someone touching-using-Merlin, especially if that someone happened to be Julian. Arthur had begrudgingly accepted that Merlin would be in Sir Robert's arms and not his. But, he would have preferred that above being Julian's slave. "I never meant for any of this happen," he confessed, emotion thickening the prince's throat. "I only wanted you away from here and safe."

"Not away from here," Merlin corrected, taking a step back from Arthur's grasp even though it pained him to give up the small contact, "away from you." His control was breaking, and Merlin had to blink away tears to keep from breaking down entirely. "You left. If you'd cared what happened to me, if you'd cared... if you'd cared about me..." The first sob broke free, and Merlin turned his back on the prince. "Just leave me alone, Arthur. Please. It's better..."

Arthur did not think it was possible for his heart to shatter any more than it already had. His leaving had ruined Merlin's life, and there were no words he could say that would possibly soothe the hurt. "Merlin, that's why I left... Because I loved you," the prince tried to explain. "Father would have hunted you down, or worse if we returned here together. You know what he's like, you saw what he almost tried to do at the mere sight of you." Arthur moved closer, desperate for Merlin to understand. "If I was ever going to protect you, I had to let you go."

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, not daring to turn around. The words were too sweet, too perfect, and still they fixed nothing. Things were broken beyond any reparations he could see. Never before had he found the numbing effects of the drug so painful to endure. "I didn't want to be protected," he mumbled. "You bloody idiot, I just wanted you." The truth was that without the drug, he shouldn't have needed any protection. Only lack of vigilance and how detached he'd been after Arthur's departure had allowed him to be captured. The thought that Arthur did care after all of it and that the prince really had wanted him just made the pain worse. Merlin found that it was difficult to breathe or to think, and he knew that it was more than whatever Julian slipped into his food that caused it.

Arthur thought frantically, trying to devise a way of freeing Merlin as well as keeping him safe from his father's wrath. "Merlin, please? Let me help you. You've helped me so many times-more than I can count-and I cannot stand idly by while you are treated in such a deplorable manner." If Arthur had known-even the smallest inkling-then he would have done everything in his power to rescue Merlin and destroy the men who had taken him. "It seems even without each other, we've both managed to find ourselves in an situation out of our control." Forcing Merlin to face him with a gentle touch, Arthur tipped the brunette's chin up. "There's something you should know. Morena and I-we are already married."

Merlin felt as if the world had dropped out from beneath his feet. It wasn't until that moment that he'd realized part of him hoped that Arthur would cancel the wedding, would swear that he could never marry someone else when he was still so in love. As it turned out, he'd already made his decision. He could barely even feel Arthur's hand on his chin, could barely feel anything but his heart breaking. He finally spoke the only words he could think of that mattered, "Do you love her?"

Arthur winced at the visible hurt in Merlin's eyes. He had gone this far telling the other man the truth, there was no need to back down now. "I feel terrible for admitting this, Merlin. But, no, I do not love her. The night I returned, I missed you so much that I drank myself nearly to death." Arthur sighed heavily, "She, Morena, came to my room that night and... You can imagine what happened." It pained him to admit his folly. The last thing he wanted to do was break Merlin's heart any further. "That's why we had to get married; she is with child."

Merlin shook his head as if that denial might make it all go away. Arthur had left his bed and gone to hers, and now she was going to be his wife and the mother of his child. The whole thing was too much. With the last strength he had, Merlin stepped back. He wanted to hate the woman who had ruined any chance that they might repair the damage done, but Merlin knew better than that. It was a mess from start to finish. They had all erred. "It's too late. I should go back to Julian's room," Merlin finally said. There was nothing more to say, and being so close to Arthur while knowing they were that far apart only hurt more. He couldn't stomach it.

"Merlin, please?" Arthur grasped the other man's arm, desperate to keep Merlin with him for as long as possible. "Don't go. You have no idea how much I loathe my actions. It seems that I have well and truly dug a hole for myself that I cannot get out of." With a gentle tug, he embraced Merlin and sighed at the familiar warmth pressing against him. "I have missed you terribly. Can you ever forgive me?"

The tears fell freely at the words. It was impossible not to let the emotion flow with Arthur holding him. "It would be so much easier if I hated you," Merlin murmured, face buried against his former master's neck. "But I don't." He never had, as much as he'd wanted to. "What do we do?" he murmured. The effects of the drug were becoming more pronounced, and Merlin wondered exactly when Julian had managed to slip in an extra dose. Certainly it was a good idea to keep his powers under wraps, but the aphrodisiac side effects made the scent and feeling of Arthur even more intoxicating than usual.

Arthur felt the tension between his shoulder blades lessen. The enormous burden of having left Merlin to an uncertain fate weighed heavily. And yet, somehow, knowing that his former servant still cared for him made the crushing guilt bearable. "I honestly don't know," whispered the prince, embracing Merlin warmly. "But, I will think of something. I promise you that." His lips brushed Merlin's cheek, and Arthur quickly found himself overcome with the desire to kiss the man he had longed for. Uncaring that they might be discovered, Arthur's hands lovingly cradled Merlin's face, bringing their mouths close together.

Merlin shivered. Just being that close to Arthur made his stomach flutter. "Arthur... the... the drugs that... that Julian gives me..." It was only fair to tell him before either of them did anything too impulsive. "They, have, um... side effects." As it was, he fairly shaking with the desire to crush his lips against Arthur's, to beg the prince to take him then and there in the hallway - both of which would be very, very stupid things to do.

Arthur nodded his understanding. The tales of Julian's... methods... were notorious, and it only served to make the prince that much angrier with the situation. "We don't have to do anything," he whispered his assurance to Merlin. "Please, just let me take you someplace else. Out of the castle. Somewhere we can talk." Arthur could not guarantee that he would be able to control himself. His ache for Merlin had grown so strong that he could feel himself shaking. Whatever happened tonight, he simply could not let Merlin slip from his grasp again.

Merlin knew that he should say no. If anyone were to find them, Arthur might get in some trouble, but he would likely be executed. Uther was just looking for an excuse already. "Yes... yes, please..." Merlin's fingers curled in the fabric of the prince's shirt only to let go a moment later. He stepped away before he could get too carried away. "Your father and Julien...?" If the men came looking and they were gone, it would be more than slightly suspicious.

"Shh..." Arthur pressed a finger to Merlin's lips. "Don't worry about them. Don't even give them a thought." During Julian's visits, he and the King usually engaged in drunken revelry, which Arthur always guessed amounted to two old friends reliving past times. He seriously doubted the nobleman would search for his... It pained him to use the word... slave tonight. "Come, let's be off." Arthur led Merlin from the castle, taking care to avoid any of the guards along the way. His first instinct of a safe haven resulted in the prince deciding on the stable. It was warm and quiet, apart from the gentle whinnying of the horses, and the perfect place to be alone. He had intended on talking, of catching up and making amends. However, the moment they were through the doors, Arthur was taking Merlin into his arms again, kissing him with all the passion and longing he had bottled up inside.

Merlin gasped and possessed himself instinctively against the hot body before him. The drugs always made it feel good with Julian, but with when Arthur touched him, Merlin thought that he might actually pass out. It was like fire against his skin, like being burned and loving every second of it. When their lips parted, he panted and clung tightly to Arthur. He moaned the prince's name. The whole thing was so good that it could have been a dream, a beautiful dream. He half expected to wake up and find himself still in Julian's bed with one of the ridiculous outfits the man so enjoyed on. "Tell me this is real. Please..."

"It's real... I promise..." Arthur barely managed between increasingly feverish kisses. He led Merlin over to a stack of hay gathered in one corner of the stable, gently urging him down onto the warmth of the straw. By now Arthur could not keep his trembling hands off the other man. He peeled off Merlin's coat, slowly opening the brunette's flowing shirt. Merlin's bare chest was even more beautiful than he had remembered. His eyes wandered all over the expanse of pale flesh on display before him... Only to fill with burning fire at the passion marks blemishing Merlin's once perfect throat. "I'm going to kill Julian for touching you," he whispered, barely able to control his anger.

"Don't talk about him. Please, Arthur... just us." Merlin reached for Arthur's face, gently drawing him down into another kiss. The gentility of the gesture was a sharp counterpoint to how badly he wanted the other man. Though the drugs were helping along the way, Merlin knew that it was just Arthur. The prince was the one he was supposed to be with, the only one he ever should have touched or been touched by. There were tears in his eyes as he thought of all that they had lost and the fact that this might well be the very last time he ever held Arthur.

Arthur's anger faded with Merlin's renewed kisses. In fact, everything else became lost in a haze except for the beautiful man in his arms. His lips brushed saltwater, and Arthur tenderly kissed away Merlin's tears. "Be with me, please?" he whispered, the desperation he felt making his voice quaver. "I need you, Merlin... I need you to make love to me..." Arthur had never asked another man to be inside of him before. He wanted Merlin though to be his first, his one and only, more than anything.

Merlin was too stunned to respond for a moment and then groaned his assent. "Yes... of course..." He sighed and found Arthur's lips again. They might not have much time, but he intended to savor every second. They deserved it. They deserved this one last night together. The thought brought tears, but Merlin didn't so much as pause to wipe them away as he touched as much of the other man's skin as he could while simultaneously trying to strip away the prince's clothes. The drugs made him clumsy, and Merlin finally whispered, "Help me. I want to touch you."

Arthur, panting heavily, nodded and murmured, "Right," before making short work of his clothing. His garments puddled around his feet, the prince shivered with the most intense need he had ever known. He reached for Merlin's hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it tenderly before wrapping it around his engorged arousal. Arthur moaned, "Oh, Merlin, I've missed you terribly..." He began to thrust shallowly, unable to resist the warmth of Merlin's touch surrounding him.

Merlin sighed and gave a languid stroke. With an effort he resisted the urge to point out that they never should have been separated, that only Arthur's pride had led to them being apart at all. That was about half the truth, though, and Merlin was enjoying the moment too much to ruin it. Instead he kissed Arthur soundly once again and rolled back onto the hay, pulling Arthur on top of him. "Since coordination's not my strong suit just at the moment," he lamented with a crooked smile before realizing a problem they hadn't addressed. "Um, I don't have any, er, oil or..."

Arthur, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed flushed against Merlin's, considered the dilemma for the briefest moment. He smiled and reached for Merlin's hand again, whispering, "This should more than make up for it..." Closing his lips around two slender digits, Arthur wet them thoroughly before guiding his lover's fingers toward his virginal opening. He groaned heartily at the first touch, his eyes fluttering and his body shivering with excitement. Wetting his own palm, Arthur began to slowly stroke Merlin in an effort to make his length as slick as possible. "Merlin," he gasped, "please... touch me..."

Merlin could barely hold onto himself as Arthur touched him. His gaze locked with the prince's for a moment before it was drawn downward to his fingers disappearing into the velvety passage that he'd soon be sliding inside. Fuzzy though the world was through the haze of the drugs, Merlin's focus never slipped so much that he would consider rushing things. He teased Arthur open carefully and let the wet fingers press inside as carefully as possible. Their first time together had ended terribly, and this would be no better, but he wanted the memory of making love to Arthur for the second time to be nothing but bliss no matter how things unfolded in the end.

The burning stretch of Merlin's fingers soon gave way to a pleasure the likes of which Arthur had never known. His breath caught in his throat and he shuddered uncontrollably. "Merlin... Oh, how I've missed you..." Hand trembling, Arthur continued to stroke the other young man and quickly found that he no longer needed to moisten his palm. The tip of Merlin's swollen cock flared, and copious amounts of glistening honey made the slide much easier. As the moments passed Arthur found himself growing more hotter, more desperate. He even started grinding against Merlin's probing digits, loving the feel of those elegant fingers wriggling inside of him.

Finally Merlin groaned and asked hopefully, "Arthur, please, can we... I mean, are you... ready?" He prayed so because restraint was becoming painful. Already he was too worked up, and the young man wanted to last for at least a little while once they got to the main event. Even the thought of it made him breathe a bit more heavily. He was thankful for the knowledge that the touches would have been every bit as electric without the aide of Julian's little potions. Touching Arthur always affected him deeply. He supposed that it always would. /Don't think about it... don't think about losing him again./ "Arthur..."

"Yes... yes, please... Merlin..." Groaning at the loss of Merlin's touch, which left Arthur feeling decidedly empty, the prince kissed the other young man deeply. Arthur almost lost himself in the moment before the insistent need of passion took over again. He slithered his way down the length of Merlin's beautiful flushed chest, taking his lover in hand again as he slowly lowered himself... The first brush of the weeping tip against his quivering opening sent a shock wave through Arthur, who gasped as inch after inch sank inside of his aching body.

Merlin let out a shaky little sigh and pressed his lips to Arthur's throat once it was in reach once again. He had to breathe deeply just to keep some sort of control as his senses went into overload. The wicked heat of Arthur's body and the sound of the prince's obvious pleasure were almost to seductive. Rather than begin to move at once as his body demanded, Merlin held himself up on his elbows and looked up at the prince's face. He wanted to remember what Arthur looked like in that moment, recall the love and the trust there. As Merlin recorded the image for himself, he finally began to move as much as the position allowed, testing the waters for them both.

As much as Arthur had loved the feeling of Merlin's fingers, nothing quite compared to the sensation of being stretched open and completely filled by the other young man's arousal. "Merlin..." He barely managed his lover's name. Arthur's breathing came ragged and quick, while his shivering body adjusted to the unfamiliar but welcome intrusion. They locked together perfectly. Arthur had never experienced anything quite like it, except when he had been sheathed inside of Merlin. He moaned out his pleasure, almost unable to bear the intense sensation of being with his beloved again.

Merlin just nodded. He understood perfectly what Arthur was trying to say without saying a word. It was too much. Maybe it would have been better for them both if they'd tried not to touch, not to kiss, not to look at each other. Instead they were indulging in something that would soon be ripped away from them forever. The thought alone made Merlin feel sick to his stomach, and he tried to cover the sensation by moving again, shifting and pushing and slowly getting the feel for his new role in their coupling, for which angles seemed to draw the loudest gasps from Arthur. "I wish..." But he stopped himself. Wishes would only hurt more.

"Shh..." Arthur pressed a finger to Merlin's trembling lips. "Stay with me... right here... right now... in this moment..." Pressing a tender kiss to Merlin's forehead, Arthur moaned softly as that wondrous length drove deeper inside of his quaking body. His own intense pleasure was nothing compared to the ecstasy darkening Merlin's eyes. It was the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen. And Merlin was feeling this way all because of him. He shuddered at the incredible new sensation of that magic place inside of him was repeatedly struck. It left the prince shivering and aching for more as he gasped out, "Merlin, please... please touch me..."

Merlin couldn't bring himself to talk, to ruin such a lovely moment by even attempting communication. Instead he obliged Arthur's plea by moving one hand between them and taking the prince in hand. He gave a long, slow stroke and marveled at how beautiful Arthur looked as he shuddered in pleasure. Though he refrained from saying anything, Merlin's eyes shone with love. He wanted Arthur to know everything that he felt even if they couldn't risk the pain of saying it all. When the moment stretched out and became too intense, Merlin sighed and buried his face against Arthur's neck, breathing in the smell of him.

"Oh, Merlin..." With every thrust of that magnificent cock, Arthur came more and more unglued. His hands grew more aggressive, cupping, kneading, squeezing, his fingers caressing Merlin's gleaming body. Both of them were driven wild with passion and desperation by being apart. Arthur quivered and moaned, his pulse raced and roared, and his straining length flooded with honey. His thighs muscles and his backside clenched as the Prince kept building on the erotic plateau he and Merlin were reaching. His eyes were glassy and his kiss-bruised mouth slack as he gazed down worshipfully at the other man. "You're so beautiful," Arthur whispered, kissing Merlin with a scorching, searing kiss.

The sorcerer shivered and let his fingers creep up to press against the short, soft hair at the back of Arthur's neck. He didn't want the prince to pull away. He was moments away from losing it entirely, and he wanted to be tasting and feeling Arthur in every way possible when it arrived. Allowing a moment for them both to breathe, he whispered, "Close," not wanting to say more. They were saying everything they needed to feel through each touch, every passionate kiss. Whatever happened once they'd gotten themselves together and headed back into the castle, Merlin knew he would never regret having spent more time with Arthur. Every second mattered. He used the last of his strength to move in tandem, his hips pushing upward to meet Arthur as they continued their breathless kisses until he finally gasped against the prince's lips. Merlin curled his hand against Arthur's hip, gripping it as tightly as he could manage as the shuddering pleasure of climax overtook him.

As dearly as Arthur wished to stave off the inevitable, he too came with blinding force. His own climax was heart-stopping and raw and cataclysmic. Panting and groaning, Arthur's face torn with sublime ecstasy, he erupted in torrents as jolt after jolt of pleasure ripped through his body. He clutched Merlin, nearly squeezing what little breath the other man had out of him. Punished by the force of his shared orgasm, Arthur slumped forward, panting and gasping for breath, still moaning with aftershocks. "Merlin... Oh, Merlin..." the Prince openly sobbed, enormous tears leaving streaks down his flushed face. "...I can't let you go... I just can't..."

Merlin's arms were wrapped around Arthur at once, holding him fast and letting his own tears flow. "What can we do?" he whispered. He didn't care anymore if someone came in and found them. What could they do? Imprison him? Kill him? He was a prisoner already, and without Arthur and his magic, he felt half dead as it was. "You're getting married," Merlin managed, though he nearly choked on the word. "You're going to be a father. And Uther... he would never... even if Julian would... would agree... Uther would sooner kill me than have me here."

Arthur balked at the prospect. Morena knew that he and Merlin had been closer than any master and servant. But, as far as Arthur could reckon, she had no idea that he and Merlin were more than just friends... far much more. "Let me speak with her first," he finally offered. "I need to talk to her and make her understand... about us." Nuzzling Merlin's throat, Arthur pressed more tender kisses to his lover's skin. He realized he would have to force himself to break away, otherwise he might never let the other man go.

"Then talk to her. I... can I come? I just... if we aren't able to speak again before..." Merlin couldn't bring himself to finish the thought, but he mustered a faint smile. "It would just make me feel better about it." He understood Arthur's hesitation - or at least understood it in part - but he hoped the prince would at least consider his request. He needed to know that Arthur would be taken care of even if he wasn't there. Reluctantly, Merlin shifted beneath the other man. "Let's go now before Julian and your father finish their talk."

With a surplus of water in the stables, Arthur cleaned both himself and Merlin before sneaking back into the castle. He led Merlin through darkened corridors and along winding back staircases, holding the other man's hand from the moment they set out. "Merlin, please wait here until I call for you," the prince urged, leaving his lover in the safety of a curtained off alcove across from Morena's quarters. Then, stealing his shoulders, Arthur rapped sharply on his wife's door.