Thank you all for the reviews! Here's another chapter for your trouble. Zoe.
Nell stood facing Callen in the middle of his sparse lounge. It was only in that moment that she realised she had never actually been there before. She doubted many people had. Callen seemed to keep certain parts of his life private. In the dimly lit room there was a solitary chair, a small table piled high with a chess set, books, newspapers and a lamp perched precariously on the edge. On top of the fireplace there was only a carved box and she wondered what it was he kept in there. His place couldn't be more different to hers. She had more furniture than she could ever use, family photos everywhere and each available space was filled with mementos, souvenirs from travels and gifts from family and friends.
"Nell?" Callen's voice brought her back to the moment and she looked up at him, meeting his intense gaze. He was standing a couple of feet away from her, his arms hanging loosely at his sides.
"What are we doing?" she asked. "Is this just sex to you? Are we just 'friends with benefits?" She could see Callen's body stiffen at her words. "I mean, after last weekend and the flowers, I need to know where we stand." Eric had given her a lot to think about and the more she had thought about it, she realised she was scared. Scared of what would happen if he rejected her, if they tried and failed, if things went south.
Callen was staring at Nell. He was a little taken aback at the directness of her questions and realised he couldn't ever underestimate this woman. She may be petite and young but she was confident.
"Nell, I don't how to answer that." He began. "I mean, yes, so far it's all been about sex, amazing sex." He acknowledged. "But last weekend, something changed for me." He watched her face relax and a small smile tug at the corner of her lips.
"But there are a few things you really need to know about me Nell." He stated. "I'm bad at relationships, I always have been. The two most meaningful relationships I ever had were built on lies." He told her, referring to his relationship with Kristin Donnelly when he was undercover as Jason Tedrow, and his 'marriage' to Tracey Keller when he worked with the CIA.
"I've lived my life alone, no family, few friends. It works for me, but it doesn't work for a relationship. And I swore never to get involved with someone I worked with again." He saw the slight smile on Nell's face disappear to be replaced with a look he could only describe as disappointment.
"Okay, you don't need to say anymore, I understand." Nell said quickly. Her voice was heavy, almost defeatist, and she backed away from him a little.
"Wait, Nell." He closed the distance between them and reached out and caught her arm. "I'm not explaining myself very well am I?"
"No you're not." She shook her head. Callen was usually so sure of himself. When he spoke he was concise and while Nell wasn't going to pretend she knew him well because she really didn't know him at all, it seemed out of character for him to be so lost for the right words.
"Nell, what I'm saying is…" he paused and ran his tongue over his dry lips. "I like you. This may have started as just sex but after spending last weekend with you, I think there might be something more between us and I'm not ready to give up on that right now. But I need you to know that I have no idea what I'm doing, this is all new for me."
"It's new for me too Callen." Nell told him reassuringly. She paused and sucked in a deep breath. "The last relationship I had was in college and it was hardly what you would call serious, you could hardly even call it a relationship."
"Hang on." Callen shook his head. "Maybe we're getting a step ahead of ourselves. Why do we have to leap straight to relationship status? Don't people normally date first?"
"Are you suggesting that we date each other?" Nell asked with little laugh in her voice and a smile curling at her lips. If she were honest, the thought of 'dating' Callen almost sounded ridiculous. They seemed to have moved past the point of doing that given that they were already sleeping together on a fairly regular basis.
"Why not?" Callen reached out and took each of her hands in his. "We get to know each other properly, we find out how we really feel, go slow so we don't screw things up." He looked at her with such innocence in that moment, that she realised he was just as scared of messing things up as she was. The consequences of things ending badly weighed heavily on both their minds given the nature of their work and how hard it could be to work so closely together.
"But we don't tell anyone right?" she asked.
"You don't want the others to know?" Callen asked back.
"I'm just not sure it would be a good idea, at least not right away. I mean it's bound to have implications for the team and…" she trailed off, not wanting to speak the words.
"And maybe Hetty wouldn't approve and make one of us leave?" Callen had thought the same thing.
"We both know it would be me Callen." She shook her head. "I'm just the intelligence analyst, not the Senior Agent in Charge." Callen could hear the doubt in her voice and he raised a hand to cup her cheek.
"Nell, you are just as important to the team as I am." He told her. "Trust me, Hetty wouldn't have kept you around if she didn't value everything you brought. Do you know how many analysts came and went through here before you?" he smiled.
"I know I'm good at my job." She replied. "I just know that if push came to shove, the team needs you more and that's okay. I'd just rather not risk the consequences until we know that there's something there worth risking."
"Okay." Callen agreed. He wasn't going to admit it to Nell but the thought of going to Hetty and telling her he was dating Nell scared him and though Hetty had often talked of the benefit of finding someone to settle down with he wasn't so sure she would be happy to learn that person might be a woman fifteen years younger than him and someone he worked with.
"We keep this between ourselves." Callen agreed. "At least for now."
"So hypothetically, if flowers appear on my desk again and Eric asked why, I tell him I'm dating someone."
"And hypothetically, if Sam asks why I can't go to the game on Saturday, I tell him I'm dating someone." Callen smiled.
Knowing that she had an answer for what she and Callen were doing, that it wasn't just sex and there was a chance it could develop into something real, Nell was satisfied. But Callen had said they would take it slow and there was one part of their 'thing' she definitely didn't want to slow down. As she stared into his bright blue eyes she felt herself getting lost in them, they were quickly becoming her kryptonite.
"So" she said, drawing the word out. "You said we take this slow. How slow is slow?" she asked coyly as she placed her hands on his chest, playing with one of the buttons of his shirt. "I mean, we haven't even been on a first date and you've already seen me naked, several times."
"Easy tiger." He laughed and took her hands in his again, knowing exactly what she wanted. "It's a school night."
"Well I suppose I should go home then." She teased as she pulled away from him and started heading towards the door.
"I didn't say that." He called after her and watched as she stopped, turned and grinned at him.
An hour later and Nell was asleep in Callen's arms with her head nestled comfortably on his shoulder. Callen's fingers stroked up and down her bare arm and he sighed with contentment. He and Nell may not have had their first date yet, but that didn't mean they should give up doing what they were clearly so good at together.