A/N: To all my reviewers and subscribers, AH WUVS CHU! I would tackle hug you if I could. Here's another chapter, it's a longer one because I don't even know when I plan to update again (phail). Hopefully soon, I have some plans for this one.
Anyway, I'll leave you to read. Do tell me what you think.
LxWxL
CHaPTeR II: introductions to the SoCiaLLY ReTaRDeD BaCHeLoRS
LxWxL
"Dude, it's a girl." He says, sounding a little in awe (not so flattering, actually) "And she knows my name."
"Thank you for that clever observation." I say with a smirk. Oh, how I love being annoying. I'm such a jerk. But it's so fun. But I'm such a jerk. Eh. Oh well.
"You're welcome." He says with a grin.
Do they not speak sarcasm here in England?
A goth blondie with a bob-cut shows up next. "What do you want?" He demands with a sneer, breaking a piece of chocolate in his mouth. Click. His features slowly melt to shock, then quickly become cold.
I must be a sight. A girl in a flannel shirt that falls to her fingertips, loose, flappy sweats that are too long, destroyed converse and a trench coat. I have hair that falls just past the base of my neck in a very layery, scene-ish cut that I did myself looking in my bathroom mirror (it sucks because I failed), with my usual chronic case of bedhead.
I look like I try to make my hair imitate that of a mad scientist. It sticks up in random directions to the point of illogicness, and I don't gel it. In fact, I have to gel it if I want it to stay down. It used to be black, but I went gray at age 7 due to demented genetics. Some of it is pin straight, but evenly mixed in with the straight hair is this kinky hair. It looks like I randomly took sections of my hair and braided them, but I didn't. I'm much too lazy for that. My retarded genetics are to blame.
I have what I've come to call L-eyes, wide and inquisitive, unblinking and blank. They're blue with shadows under my them from him messing up my sleeping patterns by demanding I make more cake at some ungodly hour. I have my Harry Potter glasses because they're awesome.
At this point, you must be thinking: 'Oh, she's one of those stereotypical cute anime girls with giant, mesmerizing eyes and huge hair. Cliché.'
No. Try crossing a slob, a deranged creeper, L, a drug addict, and a mad scientist. That will give you a more accurate image.
I'm holding my zombie teddy under my arm, because I love her and I'm not about to let her go in this brand-new horror scene.
I look like I've stepped out of an asylum for the mentally disturbed, probably.
Mello is staring at me.
"Heh. She's cute, isn't she?" Matt says, looking to him.
I want to crawl under a rock. But I just keep staring at him like an owl. Or an L. Owling. I just made up a word, the situation is no longer awkward.
"Dibs." He whispers in Mello's ear.
"If you could step away from the door so I could walk in, it would be much appreciated." I drone contemplatively.
"Huh. And why would I do that?" He asks, leaning on the doorframe and chomping on his chocolate. He looks impassive, maybe slightly annoyed, but I see it's a façade. He's hiding something already, glaring at me a little and eating his candy.
Do all awesome detectives have a possessing obsession for sweets? If so, I can work with that.
"Aw, shut up and let the girl in, Mells." Matt says, shoving him out of the way. He grabs my hand and pulls me in, then shuts the door.
Mello starts throwing punches at Matt, who is dodging and blocking good-naturedly. I'm not really watching, but I think he finally lands a blow, and Matt doubles over slightly.
The suite is huge. The kitchen and the living room are connected and littered with toys of all natures. A TV displays the pause screen of a video game. There's chocolate wrappers everywhere and the room wreaks of smoke though.
The kitchenette is okay, I guess. Stove, oven, microwave, fridge, cabinets, drawers… there's no dishwasher. I feel my eye twitch. Of course, all the awesomeness just died inside because now I have to wash whatever I'm baking with by hand.
"So who are you supposed to be?" Mello demands, like I've just intruded his life in the most unsavory fashion.
"I'm Watari's successor. For some reason, L has decided to abandon me here with you three, because I'll be working with whoever becomes L after him for the rest of my life."
Mello doesn't seem to like the sound of that at all. "So ya worked under L, didja?" He asks, flopping back on the couch and chewing chocolate.
"Yeah. I did. I kind of tracked him down and then Watari prettymuch kidnapped me." I admit, sitting down next to him. It's easier to be outgoing when I'm annoyed, and Mello is annoying.
"I think you're full of crap." He says, chewing on his chocolate.
"Oh you do, do you? Be careful sir, I keep a revenge list." I warn, sitting on the couch too.
He laughs and sneers. "Okay then, who's on your revenge list?" He says sardonically.
I can already tell he's taken an intense dislike to me, maybe even a loathing. That's not a façade. The cockiness… that I can't tell yet. It seems a little bit natural and yet a little forced.
I pull out my sketchbook/notebook. "Let's see. L, for eating all the muffins instead of half of them. L, to blame for breaking Mim. Aunt Loon, which is not her real name so don't bother to research it, for searching for me like I want to be found. L, for shutting down my computer while I was trying to hack into the department of justice… A lot of L. To think I left him an awesome cake."
"She's a liar." Mello says to no one in particular. Matt went back to his video game.
I smirk and lean in to whisper in his ear. "I already told you why I'm here, so I guess it wouldn't help to offer you proof." I breathe. I can tell he's laughing at me on the inside. He won't be for long. "Mihael Keehl. Alias Mello, born December 13, blood type A, arrived at Wammy's House July 17. You were 9, you immediately began ranking first in the weekly exams, topping Matt who was the reigning champion when you arrived. You held first until Near arrived, approximately a year later. Your hair was blonder when you first arrived. Yes, they erased your file. They erased it well. It took me a whole week to salvage it. Believe me now, Mihael?" Oh, I'm so mean. I should be nicer and less snooty about it, but I'm not.
He's frozen, chocolate bar hanging out of his mouth. Then, suddenly he moves to grab my throat.
I react instinctively, twisting to drive my knee into his stomach and groin while seizing and pressure pointing his arm to yank his hand away. I follow through to punch him in the face, knock him onto the ground, and pin him there. Overreaction? I think not.
Add to list of requirements to be a Watari: Self-defense.
"Mells, did you just get owned by a girl?" Matt asks teasingly, pausing his game again.
Mello suggests a painful way to die to him, and I call him a sexist pig. He holds up his hands in surrender and accepts banishment to his video game.
"He's just upset because he's figured out I'm eating his chocolate now, but he should'nt've gone for my throat." I answer with a shrug. I'm straddling him, kneeling on his arms so he's stuck doing a faceplant to the floor. I feel an evil laugh coming on, but if I start laughing evilly I'll fall off him and then he'll steal the chocolate back.
"YOU'RE EATING MY CHOCOLATE?" He starts strugging with a passion and swearing. I hit him between the shoulder blades.
"Why yes Mello, I am eating your chocolate." I say, taking a big bite. "That's also a very clever observation. One would think that you're in the running to be a successor for L with such brilliance."
This isn't such a great start, actually. But it is what it is. I'm not going to do facades with them.
The third boy in the room has been watching with some fascination, though his face is blank. He's sporting an L expression. He's sitting on the floor, putting together a puzzle. Near. Looks like he doesn't get out of his pajamas either.
"If I let you up, will you attempt to attack me again?" I say, sucking on another bite.
He doesn't answer, rigid.
"Okay then, I'm going to sit here and finish your chocolate instead of giving it back."
"Dude, eating Mello's chocolate is crossing a sacred line." Matt says, eyes glued to the TV. "Just saying, he's not gonna let this go."
I shrug, polishing the sweet off. "In case you didn't notice, he kinda just tried to strangle me… So I'm not really that sorry…"
Mello growls and mutters something unintelligible.
Near chooses to speak for the first time. He looks to be around 9, even though his file says him to be 13. "A simple apology will not do. It's a matter of pride, and you've severely wounded Mello's. His personality doesn't allow him to let things go easily."
"I don't start things, I finish them." I say indignantly, letting my lower lip jut out.
…Now, one of them hates me. I think I want to go back and live with L and Watari.
"I would advise you to start thinking of peace offerings, Ms…"
"Alyas."
"Near." He says monotonously as some sort of introduction.
"I know." I say. "Nice to meet you too."
He goes back to his toys without further words.
Matt is glued to his videogame in spite of the passing events, Mello has just assaulted me, and Near is done talking and ignoring me again. Are all great detectives socially retarded? It doesn't seem like a groundless conclusion.
Mello is really thrashing. And it would be rather annoying and slightly awkward to continue sitting on him.
I let him up and spring back. "Temporary truce, because I want to toss my stuff somewhere and if you attack me, I'll just pin you down-
ImpactShockPainShockFalling-
I manage to lash out and land a blow to his chest. And then we're both on the floor, just like that, trying to get the air back in our lungs.
I get up first unsteady on my feet. I don't intend to continue this, for in spite of what a crappy host he's being, I don't enjoy having people hit me.
He gets up with death in his eyes. A second, unidentifiable emotion is shrouded behind the mass of hate. All I can make of it is that it's not something good. But perhaps that's what makes him stomp away with deliberate, heavy steps.
…He's totally planning a calculated revenge. I sigh. "Well, I look pretty screwed."
"Yep, you sure do." Matt says, pausing his game. "But if you want, I'll give you a tour of the place."
"Yes please."
"Well, this is the living room, with toys all over the floor courtesy of Near. Don't let his smartness fool you, he's really irresponsible and stuff." The floor is covered by fuzzy red carpet. The walls are pale gold. The couches are beige. Matt's area is the left wall, because the TV is there. He has a beanbag with controllers and systems and game cases surrounding it. There's a couch at the back wall, that spans most of the wall in the living room area. Then the couch takes a 90 degree turn and runs parallel to the other two walls. There's about 4 feet of carpet to the right of the couch before the floor becomes the tile that was in the main hall.
"This is the kitchen." He says, walking onto the tile. There's a square table, a chair for each side. Dark wood, gold accents. The counters are black granite, the cabinets match the table. Deep sink. I walk over and start opening cabinets. The plates and silverware are covered in dust, there's no dish soap or brillo, and there's one measly sponge buried in the corner.
I pick it up to discover it's afflicted with rigor mortis.
The only things in the cabinets are junk food and chocolate. I open the fridge next. Sodas. There's chocolate and potato chips in the freezer.
Potato chips… in the freezer? Must. Not. Facepalm.
The curse of the socially retarded bachelor strikes back. Definitely. I eyetwitch.
L was worse than this, I can totally handle three fools that are probably much smarter than me. So far, I've made one of them my enemy and probably convinced the other two my intelligence is questionable.
Ah well, who said I would be handling them?
I sigh. "The lack of supplies in this kitchen is rather appalling. How am I supposed to make cake when you three don't even keep eggs in the fridge?" Oh boy. At least at L's I didn't have to scavenge for cooking supplies.
"We don't have to. They make 3 meals a day, all you have to do is show up to the mess hall." He says, grinning.
"I shall not be denied cake!" I proclaim.
"Uh, okay…" Matt says tentatively.
I give him a wide eyed, unblinking stare, biting the side of my pointer finger. My lips slowly curve into a childish smile, kinda like L's. Yes, I am a freak. Shut up and deal with me.
L is a bad influence. I picked up more tendencies from him than I first assumed. Well actually, they probably were always there. L just developed them.
Matt no longer has any idea what to make of me. I'll call that achievement unlocked, I just befuddled the guy who's third in line for the name L.
We ascend the staircase in the back right corner of the room. Down a hall against the back wall, until it takes a 90 degree turn to split the floor in half. Wooden floor. There are 5 doors in the dividing hallway.
"That's Mello's room." Matt says, pointing to the closest one to my right, as I look down the hall. "Mine's across from it, and Near's is the back left, so you get back right." I immediately go and open the door.
I stand in the doorway and gawk. Red walls, dark wood floor, gold accents. "Oooh." There's a lovely queen-sized poster bed with a fluffy red comforter and an abundance of pillows against the right wall. Two chairs and a loveseat around a coffee table, loveseat facing a TV on the left wall. There's a desk in the right front corner, with an empty bookshelf against the right wall right by the desk. The room is spacious and lovely.
"That's the closet." Matt says, indicating a door to the left on the back wall, "And that's your bathroom." He says, pointing to a door somewhat in the middle of the back wall.
"I feel like a sir in a palace. This be my fool chambers and I sit up here and pretend I rule something like a boss." Yes, I like this plan of mine.
"You have to do your own laundry. That's the door at the end of the hall."
Killjoy.
"Do you want help moving any furniture?"
"You could help me push the bed to the desk." I say, laying Mim on it.
"Sure." He says, getting on one side of it and pushing it. I go to help him, but we're both standing on a rug that goes flying out from under our feet like it's attempting to assassinate us. Before I know what's going on, I'm on my stomach on the floor and Matt is on top of me.
"Conclusion: This rug is trying to kill us. Get off me." I mutter.
Matt laughs, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hitting his head rather hard on the bedframe.
"So, why are we pushing the bed to the desk?" He asks, as the bed hits the bookshelf.
"So I have some hope of getting to it before passing out after 48 straight hours in front of a screen. And I can take my computers in bed without unplugging them. All arrangements shall revolve around the computer setup."
"So you're one of those people who lives in front of a screen." He says.
"When I'm not out shooting stuff or cooking or running around or playing with my desk toys or breaking something I'm not supposed to be touching." I say, starting to jump on the bed. "Though I do have a serious addiction to memebase."
I pick up Mim and jerk her up and down. My hair is getting everywhere. Matt watches with a slightly amused expression.
The bed is really bouncy. I do a flip and keep jumping. He whoops, and I cheer, and then we both start hysterically laughing, because, oh, I don't know, jumping on beds is only the funnest thing ever. They're like indoor trampolines.
All the sudden, Mello busts in. "What the-
The words stop. I've dumbstrucked another one! That makes 2 for Alyas and 0 for the socially retarded bachelors! Win!
"Hi Mello~!" I singsong, mid-flip.
"What the heck?" He snarls, looking like he wants to murder me on the spot.
"Apparently someone has outgrown having fun." I remark.
"What's wrong with you?" He demands.
"Oh, an assortment of things." I say, landing lightly on the ground.
He sneers at me. "I conclude one of them is severe mental retardation."
That prompts me to start jumping on the bed again. "You know, I have this terrible feeling that you and I aren't going to get along very well."
"I'd put her IQ somewhere around 65." Mello says to Matt.
"But she's cute." Implied 'so it doesn't really matter.'
I facepalm. Now one of them is drawing incorrect conclusions and the other is using faulty reasoning. How does cuteness make up for intelligence? And besides, I look maniac… and right now I'm acting like one too.
Mello's glare shifts to Matt. "She's as cute as scum of the earth."
"Was that meant to offend me? You may have to come up with better insults, sir." I say drone-ishly.
"I don't need to insult you, you're so pathetic that no one has to point it out." He retorts scathingly.
"Like you just did?" I ask inquisitively. I don't usually try to get in fights, but this is rather entertaining…
He looks like he's currently willing to kill me with his bare hands. No exaggeration.
"Just putting it out there, Mells." I say, owling. I flip again.
"You will not call me Mells unless you want to die." He snarls.
Immediately, the urge to call him Mells again sets in. But then Near appears in the doorway. "What is the meaning of this racket?" He asks, sounding a little bored. What is this foolery interrupting his playtime?
"I'm surrounded by IDIOTS!" Mello snarls, storming out.
"Mello's fun allergies react poorly to anyone jumping on a bed." I explain.
"I DO NOT HAVE FUN ALLERGIES!" Mello shouts from the hall. "Shut up, stupid girl!"
"So do." I mutter.
I hear his heavy, swift footsteps on the stairs.
"I don't believe there is such a thing." Near comments, fingers tangled in his hair.
A door slams. Mello has gone out.
"But his reaction to such a suggestion is quite amusing, is it not?" I ask, giving him my wide-eyed, speculative stare. I don't blink a lot, too many hours staring at an illuminated screen.
"Slightly." He says monotonously, turning and leaving.
Killjoy? Perhaps a little. Near is like an albino L, only less fun. But I'll figure him out.
"Well, that was fun. When's dinner?" I ask Matt, turning to him.
"Six. Dining hall is-
"I know." If dinner is at six, then I have about 3 hours to screw around and get settled in.
"So, do you want help unpacking or anything?" Matt asks. He's the only one who's been nice to me so far. But if these people are like L, their tastebuds are the doors to their heart.
Well, that may only be L.
Matt seems like a pretty open, friendly person. I think we'll get along easily, he's the only one without walls around himself to keep others out. He already accepts me. There's nothing to keep me out of Mattland, it's only a matter of traveling to his heart. Time, bonding, insert cheesy sentimental blather.
Mello will be a little more complicated to get through to though, he's a little rough around the edges. I'd put it down as a troubled past.
He feels vulnerable. I see it in his demeanor, he's a very aggressive, defensive person because he feels insecure. Being second to Near, I wouldn't be surprised if he has low self-esteem or an inferiority complex or both. I have to get to know him, make him trust me, before he'll make any connections with me.
There will be no friendship and then there will be. Suddenly. Mello seems like a bit of an extreme person. Kind of controlled by his emotions.
And at the present moment, he totally hates me. I may never be on good terms with him.
…Perhaps I should be slightly more worried than I am.
Near, on the other hand, will have to open before we can get to know each other. With Near, I'm going to have to get through the wall and then slowly get to know him. He'll have to accept me before he'll even consider hanging around with a weirdo such as myself.
But connecting with Near shouldn't be all that difficult. I already have a place to start. Toys. If I approach him slowly and unintrusively, and present myself as pleasant company (not an idiot, doesn't need to blather to be around someone, likes toys and will make playtime more fun instead of getting in the way,) it will be easy.
… Of course, when I say something will be easy, I'm usually wrong.
Anyway, it will be a little slow. He's a suspicious person. But I have experience with his type (coughcoughLcough).
I may not be capable of L-worthy deduction, but I can usually read people like books. When I'm not totally wrong.
L is better at it than I am (out of principle, assume L is better than me at everything in which I compare us in, unless I say otherwise) but he's sociologically impaired. He can read people, but he doesn't know how to respond to them. That's one of the few things I beat him at.
I shall be friends with ALL the Ls! (except for maybe Mello.)
Matt waves a hand in front of my face.
What?
Oh. Perhaps I should consider answering someone's question when they speak to me.
"Als?" Look! It's a nickname! I feel special!
"Sure." I say, dropping a bag on him. "These are my clothes. You can go dump them on the closet floor or something.
"Thanks." He says sarcastically.
"You're quite welcome."
By the time he emerges from the closet, I have electronics strewn all over the bed, floor and desk.
"I actually dumped them in a drawer- woah." He says, surveying the mess.
"Surely you didn't think that this suitcase was more clothing, did you?" I inquire.
"What is this stuff? Do you really need like 10 computers?" He asks, lighting another cigarette.
"You see, if I kept my personal stuff and all of my work stuff together, I would probably need about three. But seeing that I actually have multiple identities as completely different people in various circles and I don't want anyone to be able to connect them or trace them back to my actual identity and blah blah blah kidnap me, slaughter me, leave my body in a roadside ditch, I have different computers. And sometimes an identity makes me have to use several computers at once."
"Can't you use firewalls and that kind of internetty protection type things?"
"Oh, I do. But you see, I'm paranoid. No matter how amazing your security is, there's always a possibility of someone more talented than you getting through it."
"Has that ever happened?"
"Watari sort of did. Nothing all that bad happened because I caught it early, but now I'm completely paranoid that it will happen again. So I modified all of my security programs and so far I no one else has gotten through them. Really, all the computers are probably an unnecessary precaution." I say, considering this for the first time. Do I really need all 9 of my laptops and my 3 computers?
…yes.
"I'm still paranoid about it though. I have things on these computers that I don't want anyone seeing, obviously."
"Like?" He asks, dragging the word out.
I look at him. "Certainly you don't think I'm going to go into detail over information that I just stated I intended to keep a secret, right Matt? Right? Right?"
He pouts. "Now I'm curious." Oh no, it's a seductive, flirty tone. Time to find a rock to crawl under again.
"I do not take kindly to that, sir." I retort.
"We'll just have to see what we can do about that, won't we?"
… =-= … Apparently a translation is necessary.
"STAY AWAY FRUM MAH COMPUTARZ, FEWL!" I shout at the top of my lungs, hugging one of my laptops.
I glare at him for the entire awkward silence, clinging to the laptop overprotectively.
I think I've made my point. Thou shalt not violate the electronics of your Watari-to-be if one wishes to live to become L.
He holds his hands up in surrender. "Got it. No computers."
"Oh, I don't mind if you pet them, I just don't want you to read my files. Or see my set up. Or… really, just don't touch the power button on anything and you're golden." I explain, putting the laptop on the desk. "Hand me Millicent."
"Millicent?"
That makes three dumbstruckeds for me.
"I've named all the computers, if you haven't noticed." I say, reaching over and holding up Millicent. She's a big, black laptop with her name scrawled on her in my silver sharpie.
"Why did you name your computers?"
"It makes them easier for me to tell them apart. Harriet, Emilio and Gaara are all the same model, and Derpette, Julian, Legolas and Christopher all start to look the same when I haven't slept in 24 hours. Millicent and Sven are pretty distinctive, but it wouldn't be very fair if I named all the other laptops and not them."
"Uh, I guess." Matt says.
"Pass me Ephraim." I say.
"You don't have a laptop named Ephraim."
"Ephraim is a surge protector." I say, rolling my eyes. Duh. If it's not a laptop, it's obviously something else.
He passes me Werner instead. "This is Werner, not Ephraim, Matt." Fool please. The name is clearly written on the side.
"They're both power surges." He objects.
"Ephraim has 16 outlets with UPS protection. Werner handles all the other electronics that can die on the floor when there's a power outage."
He gets it right this time and gives Ephraim. "What's UPS protection?"
"Uninterruptable power supply. You see if there's a blackout, brownout, or power surge, my electronics shall be perfectly protected." I say, hugging Ephraim. "He's like their body guard. Now pass me Laura please, she looks just like Ephraim."
I plug in my two beautiful surge protectors. I get a shiver of pleasure. Oh, I love my electronics. They make me feel so floaty inside.
"Can you do me a favor and start turning on my phones? Some might be out of power."
All my phones are smartphones. I don't like dumbphones. You can't make them record every call you make of change your voice for you. I named them after vocaloids, because vocaloids are amazing.
"I thought I was forbidden to touch power buttons?" he asks teasingly.
"You won't get past the lock screens."
"Wanna bet?"
"Sure, but you don't." I don't even use words anymore. I use random sequences of numbers and letters. I'd like to see him guess h83nsne43v8x3sslkenw04 on his first try. If he can… well heck, if he's lucky enough to guess that, he deserves to discover that I don't keep any games on all but one of my phones.
"Okay, so your password for this one isn't 0000." He says. "It's not 1234 either."
I eyetwitch. Is this guy really an L-to-be?
…I'm starting to think I don't want this person anywhere near my electronics.
"This one is dead." Matt says.
"Oh, Kaito?" I ask, taking the phone by my creepy doll charm. Kaito is my personal phone and more of a plaything than anything else. He's an I-touch and I keep all of my music on him. "Can you plug Werner into the wall and get him charging?"
"How do you remember all of these names? The phones don't even have any names written on them."
"The stickers."
"Yeah, anime characters."
"Actually, they're vocaloids and there's quite a difference. But basically, I named them after the people on the stickers."
"Why do you need so many phones?" He asks.
Matt is doing more than helping me unpack. He's milking me for information.
"Once again, I have a lot of contacts that don't necessarily need to know about each other. So I have different phones for each party, so they can contact me, and in turn I have a non-disposable number for most of them. The dittos are the only phones I replace a lot." I say, pointing to a cheaper smartphone with a blue sticker of the pokemon ditto. "It's possible that someone would trace the phone itself, even if I change the number because the telephone companies make note of the serial numbers, so I have to get entirely new phones when I'm dealing with someone I don't want to contact me once I'm done with them."
He holds up a gallon Ziploc bag with about 30 memory sticks in it.
"10 gigabites a piece. I use them to move information from computer to computer when I don't want something on the internetz because I have my critical case of paranoid." I have to destroy them pretty often, a lot of my acquaintances like to try to give me viruses and it's easier to just throw the thing out than go through the trouble of making it safe.
He unpacks more electronic crap. My tablet, keyboards, mouses, blank CDs, memory cards of all types, a variety of cables, so on and so forth. As we work, we talk.
"You know that Mells is totally pissed off at you."
"No, one would think that he's falling at my feet and begging for forgiveness from the way he's acting." I say, heavy on the sarcasm.
"Seriously Alyas, you don't want to be on Mello's bad side."
I can't help but smirk. Look, it's an opportunity to do something very, very stupid! I'm already on the wrong track, because apparently Mello isn't one to forgive. But I like chaos and I like pressure and I like challenges. Be hated by Mello? Challenge accepted. "I think it may be a little late to apologize."
"Dude, he's my best friend, so…"
He doesn't want to have two friends that loathe each other too much to be in the same room. Well, I don't hate Mello. "I'm not gonna go out of my way to get in trouble." I say, palms up unaggressively. Sure, I'll be nice, but I'm not going to refrain from toying with someone if they start a fight.
I don't stay mad for long though. "I can't hold grudges anyway. I have to keep a revenge list to stay mad about stuff that I was mad enough to want to stay mad about, and that usually fails." I'm supposed to be mad at L for some stuff, but it's not really working. In fact, I don't care anymore.
…He gets away with everything, that stupid L.
"Well Mells can't let things go."
"Then this should be interesting." He's not on my enemy list. I have a very short enemy list.
But I'm on a lot of people's enemy lists, even if they're not all using the same name. I'd imagine I'm even on a few 'kill the instant you find out this meddling fool's identity' lists.
"Just be careful, Als. He's more dangerous than he seems."
No, really? He just tried to strangle me within the moment I walked in, does not deal with anger rationally, and is apparently a super genius. I'd put him down as someone to be paranoid about.
"Thanks for the heads up. I'll start carrying around a gun." I say sarcastically.
He just shakes his head, giving up.
The thing is, I'm dead serious. I own a gun and I know how to use it. If Mello tried to kill me, I would shoot him if I had to. Without a second thought.
"Don't worry about me, Matt." I say. "I don't mind being in over my head."
"Dude, something is wrong with you."
"We went over this with Mello." I say. But according to Mello, jumping on beds is not fun. Therefore his opinions are no longer to be taken seriously. "Where did he go, anyway?"
"Probably to the shooting range. That's where he goes when he's upset."
"You have a shooting range here?" OMG. Awesomeness level has just skyrocketed. Yes! Place to play with weapons!
I'ma start vomiting rainbows or something. "Yeah. You shoot?"
"Here and there." I'm still doing the snoopy happy dance inside my head.
"I do too. We should go together sometime." He suggests. "Though not when Mells is around. He might try to put a couple holes in us." He says with a laugh.
"That might be a problem."
"Maybe, just maybe, you know, if he hit something."
"I don't like hospitals." I say. "They ask for too much information. We'd have to bleed it out on the floor until someone who knew first aid came along."
"They have a doctor here." Matt says. "So I don't think you have to worry about it."
"Oh. That's perfect." I should have known L and Wammy thought that far ahead. And I just came to like this place a little more. I don't have to worry about how refusing to go to the doctor will give me a terminal infection. "Are we allowed to go into town?" I ask, changing the subject.
"Well, you need someone to go with you…"
"Any volunteers?" I drone.
"Sure." He says with a smile. "I'll take you out for lunch sometime."
So I won't have to sneak out, I suppose that's good. I'll just have to ditch Matt if I want to get something done. "For lunch as in we eat lunch together, or for lunch like you attempt cannibalism and I run away flailing and screaming?"
"Uh, the first one."
"Then that's a most kind gesture, sir."
"Hey, if you need anything…" He says, implying he's willing to help me out.
"If you're not preoccupied with videogames." I finish.
He laughs. "Looks like Mello was wrong about your IQ."
"Maybe. I've never been tested."
"Well that will change." He says. "Even though you're not in the running to become L, I think you still have to take the test."
"Test?" Is this the one Roger mentioned?
"Every week they give you a bunch of mystery scenarios that are considered L-worthy cases on Friday. You get the weekend to solve them as far as you can, and you have to turn in your results by the end of the weekend. The results are posted Tuesday, Near is always in first, and Mello is a pinless grenade."
You get too close, you'll get blown up very quickly.
"Oh." Mello doesn't like losing. That fits with the insecurity. "Well, I'm probably going to suck at that, if it will make him feel any better." But I doubt it will.
"He only wants to beat Near. It used to be close, Mello placed first once a month, once every 2 months. But recently, Near pulled way ahead, he's been holding spot number one for 7 months running."
"So Near is always ahead of him."
"There's a monthly test too, for academics and memorization and trivia and stuff like that, but the weekly one is more important." He says. "Mello scores highest in the monthly half the time, but it's Near the other half. It beats me how, he never does anything but play with his toys."
"Do you study?"
"Nah. It's boring. Mello does."
Of course he would. The insecurity… anything to beat Near.
"Nothing pisses him off more than that he can beat the sheep at everything but what he really wants to. Being L." Matt says. "He's one of those people who has to win at everything."
"Mello spends a lot of time being pissed off, does he not?"
"Yeah. It's a little scary what it's doing to him. He used to go out more, play with the other kids and stuff. He used to be less…"
"Likely to try to strangle you."
"Yeah. What did you tell him, anyway?"
"Things he thought no one knew."
"That would do it. Talking to Mello is like playing with a bear trap these days." Matt says.
"Huh. And what do you think of all this?"
"It kinda sucks. He used to be a fun guy. He was always a little rough around the edges, but now-
"Playing with a bear trap."
"Exactly. He won't even play video games anymore! I haven't had anyone to play video games with in months!"
"I'll play with you, if you can show me how to move the guy on the screen." I don't think I've really ever picked up a video game in my life. Other than pokemon. I love pokemon, I used to have all the cards but then they made up another new region and it got kinda stupid. But I still love it.
"You don't know how to move an avatar."
"Does it have to do with those button things on the controller?" What's an avatar?
He stares at me. "Hello, my name is Matt. I'll be your doctor today. It seems that you're suffering from a severe deficiency of electronic amusement-
"So not true. I have memebase."
"Have you ever picked up an X-box controller?"
"No…"
"A Wii remote."
"No…"
"A Nintendo DS."
"Yes. I beat a pokemon game, so ha!"
"A pokemon game?"
"Yeah. I even beat the pokemon league." It took me 5 tries and over 20 revives, but he doesn't need to know that.
"Have you played anything but one pokemon game?"
"I have games on Kaito…"
"I prescribe several hours of intensive therapy every day for the rest of your life."
"Therapy?"
"Super Mario Brothers, sister."
"Is that the one with the blue hedgehog? I think I saw a commercial for that once… no, that was a different one…" I trail off, trying to remember.
"Sonic."
"Yeah. That was it." I say. "Does Near ever do anything at all with you guys? Then you wouldn't have to play with someone as incompetent as me."
"No. I asked him once and he just said he wasn't interested."
Not interested. That's code for 'Leave me alone, I'm antisocial'. L was 'not interested' in a lot of things.
"So you play video games all day, Near ignores everyone, and Mello shoots stuff because of his short temper."
This is not a very promising analysis.
"Pretty much."
They are officially all in the category of 'socially retarded bachelors'. Now it's officially official.
"Well, there's usually some sort of sports going on when it's not pouring rain… there are playrooms here for the younger kids, sometimes Near goes down there when everyone is outside. There's a couple of lounges around. You can go to classes, but there's kind of a loose approach to education here. It's all about the test, you know?"
"Not really." I say.
I shrug. "Looks like you're stuck with me. I'm only good at stuff like parkour and hacking and… not sewing."
"You're better than a bob-cut bear trap that breaks my controllers."
We both laugh a little.
I'm done setting up my three computers, Darth Sidious, Frodo and Naruto, and their monitors, Sam, Golem, Darth Vader, Darth Maul, Sakura and Sasuke. It takes about an hour to set everything up. Matt is a big help. He passes things and moves things and makes me laugh.
Even though he might be a genius, I don't think he completely gets the significance of all the programs and files I have. Some, I created. Others, I stole. But the best and the worst of everything was entrusted to me.
I don't know if L and Watari know about it. They might. They kidnapped me because they caught me hacking and recognized some of the custom software when I sent them a shoutout and a ton of confidential information about their case. So they must have had contact with my teacher at some point. Why, I don't know.
I've practically dug my own grave and the grave of a bunch of other people, just by having this stuff I fear I've made it easier to get to. There are people smarter than me. Much smarter than me. I was left with a bunch of stuff I don't think I have adequate smarts to protect.
I have an all-data delete button for all of my electronics that will wipe every memory system on my computers. Permenantly.
One thing I will never admit to anyone is that I keep hard copies of all my important programs and files.
In a safe of missile proof metal.
I have three locks on it, one that takes a key I keep around my neck (I have the only one) and a combination lock.
The first two are ruses. The real lock is secret. I made the design myself, it cost me and my… previous caretaker several enormous favors to have it built.
They're not going to be able to cut into it without impossibly heavy duty machinery. It can withstand ridiculous amounts of pressure and can withstand much more heat than its contents can. The walls are 6 inches thick, the inner area is 8 inches by 8 inches by 8 inches. It weighs around 500 pounds and I'm the only one who knows where it currently is.
One does not simply open my safe. How's that for paranoid?
I'm not nearly paranoid enough though, I think.
"Well, now that my electronic emporium is functioning, we can unpack the fun stuff." I say.
"What could possibly be more fun than 5 hours of plugging computers in?" He asks sarcastically, even though he totally had fun doing it.
"It only took an hour, Matt. And computers are beautiful things."
"Video games are better."
"Are you having videogame withdrawals?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Go ogle at a screen, Matt." I say, putting my hand on his shoulder and staring at him like I'm informing him of his destiny. "I shall unpack my desk toys myself."
"Oh heck no. I didn't just suffer through 5 hours of your technology for nothing." He says with a grin. "I want to play with your desk toys. Are any of them videogames?"
"Uh… not really." I say, opening my second tote. "I don't play videogames. I mostly just play games on Kaito."
He takes Kaito. "Well then, can I play with that?"
"Suit yourself." The desk is large, but it wasn't quite large enough for all my stuff, so I had Matt help me pull over the vanity table and the coffee table, so I can spread out. We had to pull the bed back a little to make room for all my tables. The bookshelf and my night table are against the wall. Made a little enclosure for me to spend half of my life here in.
"Who's in your contacts?" He asks.
"No one of interest to you." I say evenly.
We moved the evil red rug over into the enclosure, making it all cozy and stuff. The night table next to the bed inside the enclosure. I also kidnapped the footstool, because I actually prefer kneeling to sitting normally. Sometimes I kneel or sit in a weird way in a chair though. It depends on my mood.
"S'it cool if I put mine in?" he asks, holding up his phone.
"I have a password on the thing." I say. What if someone steals my phone because they discover me and threaten my personal contacts? What if I lose it and someone picks it up and calls the numbers? I take out my Galileo thermometer and pull it out of its box and Styrofoam.
"Isn't it suspicious to have a password on your contacts list?" He asks. "Most people wouldn't have a password on their contacts list."
Next, I get out my collection of splat-balls. They're nubby and they splat when you throw them and they stick to the ceiling for a few seconds and I love them. I have an orange one, a pink one, and a blue one. I named them oafus, pofus and bofus. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
"Paranoid tech-savvy teen doesn't want people looking at her acquaintances." There are plenty of those around these days, lucky for me.
I start putting my plasma balls and lavalamps around the room. I prefer these to regular lighting, they aren't too bright and they're colorful. I like the dark. I put my cute little keyboard duster on the desk.
"This phone can tell a lot about your personality." Matt tells me. "You're a teenage girl, you're tech-savvy, you're secretive."
"That isn't enough to make an average person suspicious. And if they're taking measures to get into my phone beyond guessing the passwords a few times, they're suspicious already."
Sand timers, various 3D puzzles, Newton's cradle and other sciencey motion toys.
"You sure you're not an L successor?" He grins. Yeah, that was a test. Not quite that stupid, Matt. Not quite.
"I could probably be a regular detective, but L? No way."
I pull out my buckyballs. I have a gallon Ziplock of the circle ones and a gallon Ziploc of the cube ones.
"Anyway, can I put my number in? What's the password to this thing?" He asks.
We live in the same place… but it can never hurt to be prepared, in case I have to get in touch with him. "I'm not telling you my passwords, Matt." I say, holding my hand out for the phone. He passes it to me, and I type the random 23 number sequence that unlocks the contacts. "What's your number?"
I finish unpacking various little creepy dolls and other toys.
He tells me and I key it in. "What's yours?" He asks.
I give him Kaito's number and reach to take the final thing out of the bag.
"So, now that I have your phone number, you wanna date?" He asks.
I stare at him. Did he just ask me out?
He holds his hands up in surrender, unabashed. "It was worth asking. Your weirdness is kind of attractive."
"Let's start with just friends, Matt."
Maybe stay that way for a long, long time. I don't think I'm ready to be romantically inclined, I haven't analyzed it enough to get involved with someone that way myself.
Heck, I haven't gotten to analyze it at all. All I've ever done is live with socially retarded bachelors.
"Is there somewhere I can get… baking stuff?" I ask.
"The kitchen." He suggests. "If you ask them they'll give you pretty much anything."
"Would they give me poisons?" I ask excitedly.
"Uh, no."
=3= but I used to be able to has poisons, I just left them when Watari kidnapped me. No fair.
"World 8 is calling." Matt says. "This was fun."
"Thanks for helping." I say. What's world 8?
"No problem." He says. "You're an interesting person, Als."
"As are you, Matt." He leaves.
I take out Tim. His boxy, metal body is the same as always.
I place the toy robot in one of the desk drawers.
Tim is probably one of the most important things I own.
No, he is most definitely one of the most important things I own.
Meh. I don't feel like unpacking anymore. I think I'll go find a sponge that doesn't have rigor mortis.
LxWxL
A/N: Wow. Alyas is weird. Rix can only write her character properly when I'm hyperactive. I'm sorry if she was a little more boring this time, contrary to popular belief, Rix doesn't constantly bounce off walls.
Also, I'm sorry that the argument with Mello was kinda crappy, it didn't come out quite as well as I hoped.
It might take a while for us to get to the romance part, because Matt just flirts with pretty much every girl he sees, but please be patient. Contrary to popular belief, these things don't happen overnight.
For now, Rix thinks it's quite a lot of fun to have Mello completely hate Alyas. (Yes, that is what's really going on, Mello doesn't secretly like her already. That would be boring.)
And her soon-to-come interactions with Near… should be rather interesting. Near wasn't really that involved this time, he's not the type to make introductions. He'll play a bigger part in the next chapter.
Oh, how I love to screw with my characters.
Fankschu for reading! RnR for your Rix pwease!
Until next time,
~Your RiXCHaN
P.S. I think I may want to get a betareader/advisor for this series. If anyone is interested, please PM Rix.