Karin was a glutton, that much she could admit. But not for food, god no. She'd kill herself if she became fat. Sasuke didn't like fat girls. She could tell.
She was a glutton all the same though. And she hated it. It was gross and disgusting, and she couldn't seem to stop herself. Everywhere she went, she was getting the attention she craved, living off it, feeding like some giant… deranged… worm or something! And she knew Sasuke despised her for it, looked down on her, and she couldn't stop it. The instinctive latch on to his arm, the shuffling of her glasses, the fist that came up threateningly when she needed to look offended.
Not like Karin wanted to change. Well, maybe she did… But if she did, she wouldn't be noticed. A wallflower. She couldn't be a stupid wallflower. She wouldn't let herself be one again. She'd worked far to hard.
Maybe she did want to change. But if she went back… back to the girl who didn't care, who was intensely focused on becoming her mother, who didn't care what other people thought… What would Suigetsu think? What would her father say? What would Sasuke do? Change, though appealing, was not an option.
So everyday, Karin crinkled her hair, letting the right side lie flat. She pulled on her tight shorts, the boots that were just high enough to show a glimpse of well-maintained, smooth thigh. The shirt that's zipper stopped just above her navel, showing off the lean stomach she had worked on for hours a day, slathering on the thin coat of lip gloss that kept her normally pale lips colored. Karin wasn't a normally pretty girl, but effort could attract attention, and effort was definitely something she had.
She hated it.
She was a glutton.
And Karin wanted change. She wanted those nights she used to spend with her mother, swathed in an oversized sweatshirt under the blankets, shoveling ice cream into her face and reading while her mother did paperwork. She hadn't cared about what she looked like then, content to let everyone pass her by, content to let the insults her father dished out roll off her back with ease. She was happy.
Her mother had been a doctor, skilled in sensory, more of a scientific trait. She worked at the hospital nights, slept during the days, but her afternoons belonged to Karin. Karin may have gotten her looks from her father, but her skill was from her mother. And she wore the glasses as a memory of her.
And when her mother was gone, it was suddenly different. Enrolled in ninja school late. Catching up on two years of experience in 3 months. Suddenly, the words meant a lot more and Karin began to lose weight, began to show stomach, began to look better, act smarter, and sharpen her tongue. And then it grew and grew and grew. Karin began to analyze reactions, looking for what would make her noticed. Anger, frustration, sadness. She could pinpoint the person's weakness, use it to her advantage, wrap them around her finger.
She guessed that was what had attracted Orochimaru's attention.
Work in the labs made it grow. The science began to fuel her need to be noticed, began to control how she viewed other people, made the need to great that she would do anything for that attention. She could rip apart their brains, molecule by molecule. She knew what emotions factored what, what chemicals reacted to what frames of mind. She was made head of the medical analysis team and as a leader; she had all the attention in the world.
Orochimaru knew. He let her have that for a month, before she was transferred to his holding cells, leagues away, and left her to start all over.
As a strategic choice, it was good. Her hunger gave her drive, and drive made her successful. She hated that that was the card Orochimaru kept in his hand to control her. But she did the work. She became the top again. She made the curse marks more adaptable than they had ever been before; she made the poisons that only she held the antidote for. The other doctors regarded her with respect, the guards held her in a state of wariness. They all watched her. She was impossible to ignore.
Then Sasuke came for her and that hunger grew to lengths that she didn't even know existed.
He wore the curse mark she had perfected, used the poisons she had created, had beaten the lord who had controlled her for years with her single flaw. The flaw she used to her advantage and would use to find Sasuke's weakness.
Except he had no weakness. Nothing she did would evoke more than the slightest tick under his eye. Not enough to be anger, not subtle enough to be considered annoyance. She was tolerated, and it made her want to be noticed all the more. She could control Juugo, work on the compassion he held so dearly for her appeal. She could rile Suigetsu up into any sort of mood she wanted. And with Sasuke… nothing. His focus was his brother, then the village. And in all her analysis, the most emotion she came to other than his goals was the Jinchuuriki boy. The one who held the nine-tails.
She was a glutton, and she was starving, because that wretched boy was ripping it all away from her.
God, she wasn't sure of which was worse, the anger at the Jinchuuriki, the revolting jealousy she had, or the hunger that was gnawing away at her stomach at a ridiculously fast rate. It wouldn't stop. It was making her desperate. She was losing control, and a flaw without control was a weakness she couldn't afford. More than ever she wanted to stop it. It would be her downfall, to be perfect, just for him. Something she could never create, no matter how high her drive.
She was a glutton, and it was irreversible, and irrevocable. And Karin was caught between wanting to change it, or loving it the way it was.
Uh... Yeah. Not your typical "Glutton." Because If I wanted a glutton of the general type, I definitely would have gone for Chouji (I HAVEN'T CALLED HIM FAT. ... yet.)
She's a glutton for attention, if you missed the entire thing and stayed a confused mess.
YOU ALL SHOULD BE GLAD THIS IS UP. Cause i coulda used my excuse of nearly dying by choking on a carrot... (no lie. Just came back from the hospital. Cutting off airways and I never want plastic tubes down my throat again... ugh. TMI.) ANYWAY. ON WITH LIFE! YOU'RE NEXT CHAPTER HAS ARRIVED!
I've gotten a total whopping of... NO REVIEWS! YAY!
... is it really that awful? Damn. I'll finish it anyway, but if I don't get any reviews, I'm gonna assume it's awful and take it off the net or something... Cause this is depressing?
WHY THE FUCK DO MY OTHER STORIES GET REVIEWS? THIS ONE HAS EFFORT IN IT! *sobs*
Eh. Read and Review. Your new chapter will be up tomorrow night. Toodles.