Notes: So, finally Sebastian has landed in Lima, so expect more Blaine and Warblers to come. I have also found myself shamelessly atracted to the idea of Sebastian and Joe Hart as some sort of strange couple, so maybe I'll just loose my mind and get some of that in here! Special thanks to Disney's Darling, Warblette and well-i-like-to-read for their amazing reviews, this is all for you guys! Enjoy!

PS. Also, the song Sebastian sings is Just tonight, by The Pretty Reckless

"'Conscience.' It's just a polite word for 'cowardice.' No civilized man regrets a pleasure."

His mother is crying.

It's strange, because Sebastian's mother never cries.

"You're a strong boy, Sebastian. You are going to be okay"

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

He regrets asking the moment it comes out of his lips, because his mother stops crying and just stares at him, with sea green eyes so much like his own, and he just knows.

"No" he whispers, as his eyes begin to tear up "I'm not leaving you"

"I can't take care of you honey, not now, not like this. I promise that I'll go back for you, when I'm better"

"There's nothing wrong with you" Sebastian whispers, and for a moment, he tries to pretend that he hasn't seen the bottles of wine and the pills and all that other stuff she's always failing to hide.

"You are so beautiful" his mother whispers, and he can see she's beginning to drift off "There's no one as beautiful as you."

You are more beautiful than me. He wants to say, but she's not listening anymore.

.

He expects Thierry, or even Mikael to show up at his house when he sends them the text, but, surprisingly, it's Corie, with her long blond hair and smokey blue eyes, the one who's standing on his doorstep when he opens the door.

"Don't forget about us" her voice is soft, as always, but her eyes are not red and her gaze is clearer than Sebastian has ever seen it.

"You're sober" he says, slightly surprised, as he closes the door behind him and sits on the wooden steps.

"If this is the last time I see you, I wanted to remember it" she whispers, sitting down next to him.

They stay in silence for what seems like forever, and Sebastian wonders how someone who looks so fragile can handle such a life.

"Break a lot of hearts" Corie says suddenly, not looking at him "But be always graceful. Fall in love a lot, and do it with all you have, even if it only lasts a second."

Sebastian takes a deep breath and stares at the empty street.

"Has someone ever broken your heart?"

"A girl is always more beautiful when she's heartbroken."

Sebastian wants to tell her she's wrong, but he figures she knows more about girls than he does.

"I think you are the most beautiful girl I'll ever met."

She laughs, the sound is soft and musical, like a bell.

"You'll meet others."

"They won't be like you."

She focuses her crystal blue eyes on him and raises a hand to tangle her fingers in his hair.

"Don't let him take away all that's good in you, Sebastian."

There was nothing good in me to start with. Sebastian thinks.

.

¨We're going home"

Sebastian stares at his father, biting his lip and trying desperately to hold back the tears.

"I am home"

His father just glances at him one last time before shaking his head and leaving the room.

"We leave in two days."

At first, he's angry. He's angry at his father, and angry at his mother, and angry at the world in general, because fuck, why is this happening to him? Hasn't he had enough already?

Then it hits him.

They're going back home.

A fear long forgotten strikes him like a lightning and his legs give out, forcing him to sit down. His stomach lurches painfully and his mouth goes dry and he finds himself unable to breath. All the closed wounds begin to hurt again and all scars begin to ache, and all memories come flooding back; the hate, the shame, the feeling of unworthiness...

"... you're sick, you're corrupted." A shove. Fag. A punch. Queer. A kick on the ribs that leaves a scar. Cocksucker.

Sebastian takes a deep breath and passes a hand through his hair, trying to calm down, but the memories just keep coming back and they wash away everything Paris taught him. Everything he became starts to slowly come undone, until a familiar voice brings him back to the present.

"You look like you've seen a ghost" Thierry says, as he sits down carelessly on the floor before him.

"I've seen a few" Sebastian whispers, voice cracking, as he stares at him from his position on the couch.

Thierry laughs. Sebastian can't stand the thought of not hearing his laugh again.

"They can't hurt you" Thierry says, shrugging "They only have the power you choose to give them. You're too strong for them."

"How do you know?"

Thierry smiles at him.

"You're too hot to be weak" His gaze hardens for a moment, and suddenly, his tone becomes more serious than ever "Don't ever regret what you did here. Don't ever feel ashamed of doing what gives you pleasure. Don't ever let anyone tell you the rules you should live by. Make your own rules, Seb, and live until the day you die."

"I think I might be in love with you" Sebastian says abruptly.

"That's the Sebastian I know." Thierry smiles.

You've got balls, kid.

.

Sebastian has decided that he's never letting his guard down again, because when you let your guard down, it all goes to tell. And hell is called Lima, Ohio.

It's not Texas, at least, but it could be, for all he cares. The same filthy streets, boring houses and overwhelming silence. The same common people, with the same common faces and simple minds.

Everything in this town is ugly, and Sebastian spends he first two days in his room, with the lights off and french music turned up to the maximum.

"Stop being a child, Sebastian" his father commands one day, as they're having dinner, seated at opposite ends of the long, fancy table.

"Didn't you love my mother?" Sebastian asks.

His father takes a moment to answer.

"Your mother is sick. Being around her was not good for you, and God knows you have enough going on with you already."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't think I don't know about your...friends. About the things that you did, about everything. You'll be better of here alone than there with them."

Sebastian opens his mouth to reply, but realizes that there's nothing he can say that will get through his father, so he stays silent.

"I see you understand finally. You will be able to straighten up here, to forget all those mistakes you made and start anew."

We don' make mistakes. Mikael told him one day. We just do things that turn out wrong, but that doesn't mean that they're not going to turn out right some day.

"I'd do everything all over again" Sebastian says, standing up to leave the room "I regret nothing"

The only gay bar in Lima is a horrible place, and Sebastian wishes he had never had come. His eyes hurt by just looking at the people. Who the hell is going to get laid with people like this? But he needs a drink, or two, and even though the alcohol in this place is just as disgusting as the customers, he has nowhere else to go.

Because this is a fucking town and gay people should go to gay bars, separated from normal, healthy people who are not gay.

He drowns is thirds shot of tequila and asks for another one, but the bartender just stands there giving him a strange look.

"We're in Ohio, hun, speak english."

When had he switched to french, anyway?

"Yeah" Sebastian sighs "We're in Ohio all right."

It's almost midnight when he's approached by two guys, and they start to talk to him about the wonders of gay life in Ohio, and how he should let them show him. His alarm, long disconnected, starts to ring again, and he remembers the last time he was at a bar in Texas, and he remembers the scar above his ribs. But then the memories are replaced by Mikael and Jean and laughter and pleasure, and, for a moment, he thinks that there's nothing to be afraid of.

"A handsome guy like you shouldn't be here all alone"

He's heard that before.

"Do you have somewhere better in mind?"

The guys exchange a look, and Sebastian just knows. Because this is not Paris, and this guys are not Jean or Mikael.

So it's probably his fault, really, but he's already too tired and too pissed and to fucking sad to give a damn.

"Look at the fag, too fucking gay to fight back."

Sebastian wipes the blood from his lip and stares at his attackers, expressionless.

"You're not even worth the try."

And this town isn't eider.

.

Dalton is like a totally different world.

He takes it all in as he walks through the marble corridors and his lips curve into a smile. Everything in Dalton is beautiful. From the tastefully decorated rooms, to the beautiful oak doors with bronze hinges.

There's nothing inside this castle-like building that Sebastian doesn't like. But still, he knows that's why his father sent him. This is like a beautiful golden cage from where Sebastian won't even try to escape, because the outside world is so hideous it hurts his eyes.

It's almost dawn, and the music room is as empty as the halls when he walks in and sits on the piano. His hands touch the keys softly, almost fearfully, and he tries to remember the song that's been haunting him in his sleep.

Corie inhales, then exhales, and Sebastian is suddenly surrounded by smoke that smells like weed. She laughs, and then begins to sing, always the same song...

"Here I am, and I can't seem to see straight, but I'm too numb to feel right now..."

He tries to remember, but the memory is vague, and he can feel it slipping away slowly. Fear overcomes him. Fear of forgetting. He thinks harder, and the more difficult breathing becomes, the harder he tries.

"Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now..."

"You have a beautiful voice."

Sebastian turns his head, startled, and smirks once he recognizes the boy by the door.

"Compliments are unnecessary. If you want to fuck me just say so."

Wes rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe and staring at Sebastian.

"You should join the Warblers. It'll be good for you. I've noticed that you haven't exactly been trying to fit in..."

"I fit in all right" Sebastian shrugs carelessly "I'm just not interested"

"You're not interested, or you think that this boring, small town is not worth your time?"

Sebastian's green eyes focus on him, wide open, and he lets a small laugh escape his lips.

"You think you've got me all figured out, don't you?"

"This might not be Paris, but Dalton is not Lima eider. It's a different place, Sebastian."

He sounds like Mikael. It's a different place. Sebastian somehow always ends up in a different place.

"You don't want me in your little singing group" he says finally "I've been told I'm corrupted. I don't think you'd like me if you knew me."

"I'll judge that. None of us were in a good place when we arrived here, but Dalton does have a way of putting the pieces back together."

Sebastian remains silent, and Wes turns to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow at five for rehearsal."

Sebastian watches him leave, and turns back to the piano once the sound of footsteps disappears down the hall.

He remembers the song now.