Notes: I'm so, so really sorry for the delay. My muse has been gone and every time I tried to write nothing came out. I don't know how, but it's finally here. More Blaine, and Sebastian is slowly spiralling out of control. Let me know what you think, because I'm getting a little lost.

As always, special thanks to here . at . the . end, Disney's Darling, and m'j doom, because your reviews are what keep my muses going.

The song Sebastian sings at the beginning is A Team, by Ed Sheeran

The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves. The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

Blaine is smiling.

"White lips, pale face, breathing in snowflakes, burnt lungs, sour taste, light's gone, day's end. Struggling to pay rent. Long nights, strange men..."

Sebastian keeps singing, moving his fingers over the guitar chords, and raises his eyes to stare at Blaine.

Blaine is smiling.

He's looking at him like he was in a trance. There's this gleam in his eyes and this...thing in his smile, and, for a second, Sebastian understands why everyone seems to love him so much.

"You..." Blaine begins, when the song is over, but he seems uncertain of how to say what he wants to say "You have the most beautiful voice I've ever heard."

Sebastian stares at him for a second, taken aback. He scans the other boy's eyes for some sort of lie, a trick, but Blaine's eyes are cystal clear, and his smile is pure and clean and simple. Blaine is beautiful, God, so, so beautiful, just like him.

You're the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. The thought comes to his mind so unexpected that Sebastian gets mad for a second, and frowns.

"Something wrong?"

"You're just so cheesy, Anderson."

Blaine laughs. The kind of laugh Sebastian would like to have. Careless and good and free.

"You're really cool, Sebastian, I just wish you'd let people see it."

"You think to highly of me" Blaine always thinks to hihgly of everyone "Have you ever though that I might be a bad person?"

Blaine frowns and purses his lips.

"Of course not. There's nothing bad in you."

There's nothing wrong with you, Sebastian.

"You're gonna get hurt one day, if you keep thinking the best of people."

Blaine's eyes darken for a moment with an undefined emotion. It only lasts a second, a blink of an eye, and then it's gone, but it's enough to make Sebastian wonder.

.

The wall is hard and cold against his back, and the hands that grip his hips are leaving finger print-like bruises.

He pushes himself off the wall and forces the guy to switch places, then forcefully slams him against it. The guy lets out a groan and grabs Sebastian even harder, pressing him flush against him, biting at his lower lip.

Pants go off and the guy wastes no time. Sebastian usually never bottoms, but this is something he needs to do in order to get what he wants. And he wants everything.

"Fuck!" Allen breathes, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck and biting hard.

Sebastian throws his head backs and bites the inner part of his cheek to suppress a scream.

"They'll think I'm having favoritisms" Allen says, as he pulls his own, and Sebastian's pants back up.

Sebastian just lets him do, too dazed to even care.

"You are" he murmurs, passing a hand through his hair.

"Here" the older boy -almost a man- hands him a small bag with a couple of little white pills.

Sebastian stares at it, and his handsome face contracts into a disgusted grimace.

"I'm not a whore. You could have at least waited until the smell of sex had gone."

Allen lets out a raspy laugh and shrugs.

"Then stop selling yourself so cheap."

"You stop giving drugs in exchange for sex with minors."

He's pressed agaist the wall almost instantly, hands gripping his shit and holding him forcefully in place. Hot breath caress his face as the other guy speaks, tone low and ragged and dangerous.

"Don't push me, posh boy, I'm not one of your private school twinks." He lets go of Sebastian and takes a step back, passing a hand over his face to calm down "You wanted to live on the edge. Well here's something for you; This is not what you're looking for. Drugs and drinks and fucking a dealer, this is not the edge, this is throwing yourself off a cliff with no ropes and hoping to survive when you hit the ground."

He was not expecting this. Sebastian bites his lower lip and stares at him with hards eyes. What the fuck is he doing then, really? What the fuck does he have to do? How the hell is he supposed to know how to live?

"You survived." He says simply.

Allen snorts.

"Because this is all I have. One mistake and it's over." His eyes soften, and he steps closer to Sebastian, as close as he can without touching, but close enough for Sebastian to see the dark circles under his beautiful blue eyes, and the laugh lines and small wrinkles that he's far to young to have. "I know nothing about the crap that goes on with your life, but if you have another choice, leave this place and take it."

.

"I betrayed them"

Sebastian stares at him, surprised.

"When I arrived to Dalton I was..." He raises his eyes, and they are filed with sadness and regret and so many other feelings that Sebastian can't place "I was not me. I was broken, and hopeless, and bitter, and alone. And they...they took me in, the changed me, they showed me how good people could be, and I wanted to be like them, and wanted it so much..."

"You are like them" Sebastian murmurs, dropping his gaze to his cofee, suddenly, feeling nauseous "You are good."

Blaine laughs, and it's the most bitter sound Sebastian's ever heard

"You think too highly of me."

Sebastian stares at the boy before him, and it's like he's seeing him for the first time. His smile is gone and his eyes are hard and there's rage hiding underneath all that gell and bowties and perfect little lips.

"Why did you leave?"

The answer is so simple, it would have never occured to Sebastian.

"I fell in love, I guess."

Sebastian snorts.

"That's not a reason."

"It's not, isn't it? It just took me too long to realize that."

There it is. That is the moment where Sebastian realizes that its not Blaine who he should hate. Blaine didn't leave, someone snatched him away, and that's the person who ruined it all.

"They would be thrilled to have you back."

Blaine just smiles slightly, and shakes his head.

.

"He's whipped."

Sebastian stares at the girl sitting next to him on the barstool and raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Allen" the girl clarifies "I don't know what you've done. I didn't even know he was gay, but fuck, you've done something."

Sebastian turns his gaze towards the dancefloor where Allen is dancing with one and another and passing all kinds of stuff, in between kisses and caress and grinding of hips.

"I've done nothing."

It's just that I'm too fucking beautiful.

But that's not worth shit.

He leaves the bar in a hurry. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol or the drugs but when he reaches his car his head's spinning and his sight is blurry and the bile comes up his throat, until he has to bend over, turn his head, and puke.

This is not what he wanted. He wanted to live. He thought Allen was just a fucked up dealer and he thought Blaine was just a egoistical traitor, but Allen is whipped, Allen is giving him advice, and Blaine has the saddest smile and his beautiful eyes are filled with so much regret and... fuck. Fuck them, fuck everything.

This is not what he wanted, but he has no idea what he wanted at all.

.

Wes is staring at him with a dissaproving look, but he says nothing, instead just sits on the bed opposite his and makes himself confortable.

"You look like shit."

Wes never talks like that.

"You think?" Sebastian sneers, bending over the bed to puke into the wastebasket, but his stomach is already empty and the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a disgusting yellow liquid that burns it's way up his throat.

"What did you take?"

Sebastian whipes his mouth with the back of his hand and lies back down, staring a the ceiling.

"I don't know. Everything."

"You always take it too far, Sebastian."

"What's it worth, if you don't take it as far as you can?"

Wes shakes his head and stands up, dissapearing into the bathroom.

"You need to know how far you can take it before it ruins you."

Sebastian's eyes follow Wes as he comes back holding a wet cloth, and puts it softly over his forehead.

"I'm already ruined."

"If that was true, I wouldn't be here."

Sebastian closes his eyes, and lets the coolness of the cloth wash over him, taking a deep breath, he speaks again, voice low, like a whisper.

"You think too good of people."

Wes smiles.

"Only people who are scared of themselves see the good in people where there isn't any. My judgements are only made based on what I see."

"What do you see in me?" He never realized just how much the Warblers had gotten under his skin, until he notices that he's holding his breath.

"I'll answer that when you show me that I'm not seeing wrong."

Sebastian always thinks the worst of people.

He doesn't really know what to think of himself.