Title: The Sun's In My Heart
Pairing: Jade/Tori
Rating: R
Length: 10, 700
Spoilers: Tori & Jade's Play Date
Summary: Desperate to get out of the house, Tori spends part of her spring break with Jade.
Warning: Underage drinking, drug use, swearing, sex.

Part Two

Tori wasn't surprised she woke up alone, but it still disappointed her. She fell asleep to the smell of Jade's hair, at the sound of her soft breathing, but when she looked around her room there was no trace of the other girl. She sighed and threw her hair up in a ponytail before making her way down to the sound of breakfast being made in the kitchen.

"Can we make them now?" Trina's whine was the first thing Tori heard and it made her roll her eyes. It was never a great way to start the day.

"I told you, no," came the snapped reply from a familiar aggravated voice. Tori tried to remain cool and collected as she made her way down the stairs, but she couldn't stop the smile that broke through at the sight of Jade still in her house, leaning against the refrigerator door. "It's better if you put the batter in the fridge for a little while."

"You're still here," Tori managed, unable to hide the relief in her voice.

Jade glanced past Trina's shoulder. "So it would seem."

"She said she'd make waffles," Trina interjected.

"I'm just surprised you stayed," Tori said as she pushed her sister's face out of her line of vision.

"I'm surprised she did too," Tori's mom said as she walked through the kitchen to the living room with a laundry basket. "I told her you sleep in. She's already showered and she's making breakfast."

"Someone could have woken me up."

"I tried to," Jade responded as she pulled the bowl of batter out of the fridge and set it next to the waffle maker. "You took a swing at me."

"Okay, I did not-"

"Oh, honey. You've been doing that since you were eight." Her mother dropped her neatly folded clothes from the previous evening into her arms. "It's why I never come into your room when I wake you up. You've got a mean right hook."

It was hours before they could talk, before Tori's mom left to have a late lunch with her friends, before Trina went off to stalk some guy at the mall, before Tori's dad left for his shift. It felt weird enough for them to talk about it without fear of someone overhearing them, so they waited patiently. When they were finally alone in the blissfully empty house, they made their way out onto the deck, sitting on the edge of her Jacuzzi and dipping their feet in.

"So," Tori started before stopping herself when she realized she didn't know what she could possibly say to the other girl. The silence had just gotten to be too much.

"So," Jade parroted with a nonchalance that Tori envied.

"I… don't know what it all means," she said honestly running a hand through her hair.

"I hope you know what it doesn't mean," Jade replied with an edge in her voice that made Tori feel defeated before the battle even began.

"It's not like I expect us to skip down the hallways at school holding hands, but it's not like anyone would care. It's an arts school in Calif-"

"So you think we should go steady now?" Jade snapped, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the edge of the hot tub.

"Well, I don't know-"

"Because we would make such a Hallmark couple, right?" Jade was looking at her with an incredulous, humorless smile. "Because we made out, so that obviously means I have to make an honest woman out of you for a few weeks until we end up on an episode of Cops."

It seemed that Jade was always the one with something to say, and Tori the one who couldn't meet her eyes. "I… we could…" There was a weight on her chest and it left Tori scrambling for words. "It's never… been like that before. If you were like you have been while we're at school-"

"I would get suspended for showing up to school drunk or high. Because that's what I've 'been like' for the last week." Jade sighed and looked off into the view of the valley that Tori's deck featured. "It's been nice not wanting to kill you, Vega, but you know why I haven't bitten your head off."

Tori stayed silent for a few minutes, her lungs still feeling deflated. "It's not like… I ever thought…" Tori sighed. She had known Jade was right before she even started talking; they'd probably kill each other. Still. "You kissed me back." More silence followed the statement, Tori's head bowed as she looked down into the bubbling water, and Jade staring off into the distance. When it seemed like Jade was never going to reply, Tori sighed again. "Can we just be honest with each other? Because this whole thing is weird enough."

"I honestly don't want to be your little girlfriend," Jade's tense, yet tired, voice replied.

"You can't say you were just making out with me because you were high."

"It's a perfectly valid reason to blame bad choices on."

"Have you done it before?" Tori asked wearily as she finally turned to look at Jade. "Made out with a girl? Is that just what happens when you get high?"

Jade's jaw worked back and forth for a minute. "The only person I've ever done anything with is Beck," she said almost begrudgingly.

"Then why me?"

"I don't know, Tori. Why me? You're the one who kissed me." Jade's eyes were ice blue in the shade from the house and Tori felt a shiver run through her. "Why did you kiss me, Tori? I've made it clear that I don't like you and then when I finally start to not hate you, you take it as a message of my undying love for you. Get over yourself."

"I just…. it felt right." Tori sat up straighter and looked Jade in the eyes. "And stop making it sound like I… forced this on you, or something. You weren't exactly hard to persuade."

Jade's eyes narrowed. "Oh, so I'm easy?"

"I'm saying," Tori started, her voice not wavering, "that you wanted it too. And no one would care if-"

"I will." Jade shook her head and looked away. "I don't care that you're a girl, you're you. And you're not horribly awful, I guess," she quickly, but reluctantly, followed up when Tori's gaze dropped. "It's just that you and I aren't… that's not gonna happen. So just… get over it."

Tori stared at her lap and played with the hem of her shorts. "Okay."

"Okay," Jade replied as she crossed her arms over her chest and stared out at the valley. The bubbling of the Jacuzzi was the only sound that came from the hot tub for five minutes until Jade's voice deadpanned, "I'll give you five questions."

"What?"

"Five more questions that I will answer honestly. For being bearable this week." Tori smiled a little but said nothing in return. "Do you want them or not? Because this is me being nice and it's not going to-"

"I'm thinking." Tori already knew what she wanted to ask, but she still had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop the embarrassed smile from taking over her face. "So, did you and Beck do everything when you were doing things with him?"

Jade scoffed and looked away, but Tori could still see the pink tint in her cheeks. "Yes, we… had sex, if that's what you're asking," she finally got out after clearing her throat.

Tori couldn't help the snort that escaped her - she had always laughed when she was nervous. "Okay, so you guys did… that. Did you like it?" After her question, Tori gave in and let her smile come through as she raised her eyebrows and nudged Jade's shoulder. She kept a close eye on the color of the other girl's ivory cheeks. She hadn't known that it was in Jade's emotional spectrum to be embarrassed.

"You're such a pervert," Jade muttered, but her cheeks betrayed her again. "It was… fine," she said dismissively. "Wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but whatever. It was fine."

"Wow, what a glowing review of Beck in bed," the Latina teased. "I wonder how many more questions I should spend on this subject. It's pretty juicy."

A smirk overtook Jade's face, making her look more familiar than she had all day. She glanced over and made brief eye contact with Tori for a before shrugging again and letting out a bored noise. "You may be interested to know when our first time was."

"Hmm…" Tori thought about it for a second and then raised her eyebrows as she came to her decision. "Alright, I'll bite."

Her response earned a laugh from Jade, an amused smile on her face. "Remember that time you helped me bring that dog to his trailer…" her voice trailed off into, words raspy as they died on her lips.

"Oh, ew." Tori blanched. "I was probably like a block away since you made me walk home. Ew."

"You said to do something nice for him!" Jade's voice almost seemed defensive, but another laugh slipped passed her lips. "And that was the nicest thing I could think to do after the dog thing blew up in my face."

"Well, I guess that's pretty generous." It was weird how normal this conversation was, when Tori thought about it. Like they were just normal friends, talking about Jade's ex. "Two left."

"Congratulations on passing math in kindergarten."

"Do you regret it?" Tori asked softly. "Now that you guys are broken up?"

Jade's eyes squinted as she looked up at the sky. "Not really. There's no reason to regret something like that if it felt right at the time." Another shrug. "Besides, we'd known each other forever. Better that than some guy you've known for a week."

Tori smiled; Beck probably would have said the same thing, though she was sure that he probably would have said it in a nicer way. She didn't have to think about her last question; it had been on her mind since Jade's willing participation the previous night. "How long have you wanted to kiss me?"

The corner of Jade's mouth twitched like she was fighting back a smile. "I thought about it maybe once or twice since you've been to the school," she admitted with her trademark eye roll.

"Nuh-uh, if this is my last question then I want specifics. Spill it."

"You're such a baby. Fine." Jade took a deep breath and then continued like she was already bored with the subject matter, "The first time was when we were practicing André's Christmas song. It was right before we were gonna perform it and Cat had bounced off to do whatever Cat does, but we were ready and in costume. And you were standing in front of me practicing the choreography by yourself and I just thought, "Not bad.'"

"'Not bad?'"

"That's all you're getting from me, so suck it up."

"Oh, come on-" Tori's whine had been cut short by the other girl.

"Sorry, Victoria. You're out of questions. Thank you so much for playing." Jade's head rolled back over to offer a condescending smile.

Tori scoffed good-heartedly, but smiled when she looked back at Jade. "So, do you wanna ask me five questions now?" She raised her eyebrows and nudged Jade's arm. "All my dark secrets, up for grabs."

"Meh." Jade leaned back and closed her eyes completely. "I don't really care about your life that much."

"There's not one thing you want to ask me? At all? You don't wanna know what I've done with any of the guys I've dated?" Tori continued to nudge her shoulder against Jade's with each question.

"Oh, please. I know you haven't done anything all that interesting."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because you're…" she seemed to be stuck finding the right word so Tori had nudged her again, earning her a reluctant, "you."

"I'll have you know that I have a perfectly healthy sense of… curiosity," Tori winced at her own word choice and managed to force out, "when it comes to sex."

"Oh, I'm sure there's plenty going on in that perv head of yours," Jade replied as she brushed out her hair with her hand. "But there's no way you did it with one of the losers you've picked out."

Tori let out a semi-dramatic mournful sigh. "You're right. I probably would have, though. If any of them had asked."

"Slut."

Tori reached down to brush her fingertips over the water and then flicked droplets at Jade's face. "Shut up. I was with Danny – sorry, Daniel – for a while."

"Well then go jump his bones."

"Nah, not a fan of guys with earrings or plugs or whatever. He did not have those when we dated."

"Ugh, I know." Jade rolled her shoulders back. "So not attractive."

"It's so weird that we're talking like this."

"So, so weird."

Tori smiled at the other girl, though it faded quickly. "So what happens at school on Monday?"

"Well," Jade began in a voice that already made Tori feel dejected, "I'm going to be Jade, you're going to be Tori, and we're just gonna keep on keepin' on."

"So you're just gonna go back to hating me and I have to pretend like we never made out while you do that?" A dull ache had begun to throb at Tori's temples, a result of the tenseness that had overcome her body.

Jade scoffed and kicked her feet in the tub. "I never hated you."

"No, I'm pretty sure you did. I could probably get classrooms full of people to vouch for me too. And god knows that I'm sure that none of them would understand why you do hate me, since I can't figure it out myself." Her jaw clenched and unclenched when she took breath. "So, why do you hate me anyway? Or can I not ask that because I've used up my questions?"

"I hated that you walked in like you owned the place your first day," Jade snapped. "I hated that you got into this school on a whim, while I spent a year getting a portfolio together and practicing my audition, just to be considered. I hated that people were tripping over themselves to do your bidding like you were Cleo-fucking-patra." She paused and took in a much-needed breath, apparently giving herself a second to cool down before continuing, "You just kept making me not like you, but I never hated you. I respected your talent enough, even if I thought mine was better and was just being overshadowed because you were the new girl."

"Well… thank you for not holding back?"

"I calls 'em like I sees 'em," Jade drawled as her smarmy look returned, leaving Tori with a nearly uncontrollable urge to kiss her again. She shook her head and thought back to André and how her attempts to dissuade him had backfired. She really didn't get it then, but she understood it now. She wanted to kiss Jade, and she didn't even care if it was just to earn some approval from the other girl. Tori supposed that probably wasn't the best way to start a relationship with someone, but if Jade was able to stick to Jade Lite, she thought it could work. When she said as much, Jade shook her head and gave an exasperated sigh. "Just stop."

Tori lifted her feet from the water and spun around so she could hop off the Jacuzzi. She enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing across her damp legs and cooling her off.

"We still have tonight," Jade said with a reluctant huff of breath. "I know André doesn't get back until tomorrow, so… whatever."

A smile spread across Tori's lips as she admitted softly, "I'd like that."

"But you have to promise you're not gonna tell… anyone about this." Jade pointed an accusatory finger at her. "And I know to you that means not telling anyone but André, but I don't want him blurting it out to everyone when he gets stressed out or mad or something. Promise. Me."

"I promise," Tori said warily as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. She knew Jade was staring at her, that oh-so-intimidating look in her eye; a glimpse of old Jade that would muddle her view of the new.

"I'll text Lia, then-"

"I'll call her," Tori said, trying to keep her face devoid of emotion. "I like talking to Lia. Who doesn't have a thing for British accents?"

Even in her peripheral, Tori could see Jade's smile tighten. "Well," Jade began, her Judy Garland voice making Tori's own look tense, "isn't that just grand? Tori Vega found a friend."

The windows of Lia's house rattled slightly when they arrived, but it in no way had prepared Tori for the club scene in the basement. Some of the theatre tech kids had set up the lights while one of the music students stood in as a DJ in the corner; her station tight, but enough with its small turntable. And, thankfully, she had been good, moving her hands around her mix board expertly as her eyes focused on her laptop screen.

"Total plus side to going to our school; the parties are always top-notch," Lia laughed as she unbuttoned the top few buttons on Tori's plaid shirt, smiling at as the white tank top appeared purple in the black lights that were set up around the room. "And someone here will be able to get you whatever your heart desires." She pressed a pill in Tori's hand, small and red with cherries imprinted on the front side. It looked like a candy. Everyone around her had been discussing which way hit you the hardest while Tori chewed her lip and debated whether or not she was going to take it at all. Out of nowhere, two strong arms wrapped around her waist and she smiled as Noah held his own pill out in front of him.

"It'll get you harder if you hold it under you tongue, but I usually just swallow it and hit the floor. Helps keep you from feeling weird if you're moving. Dance with me?" She laughed and nodded, allowing the blonde boy to lead her to the middle of the 'dance floor' after they swallowed the pill. She felt safer doing it with Noah than she would have with Jade, whose mood swings could be volatile at best when she wasn't on something.

Noah was a good dancer and he made her feel at ease with his warm smile and baby blue eyes. His arms stayed around her in some way for most of the night until Lia appeared behind them, one hand flying up to Noah's shoulder and the other one on Tori's waist, pressing her front to Tori's back and kissing her cheek.

"I'm glad you came," she shouted over the music, twisting Tori around and pressing her into Noah as she grabbed the Latina's hands. "Having fun?"

Tori laughed, holding their joined hands over their heads as they moved and admiring the several pieces of glowing jewelry the blonde had managed to acquire. "I think I'd be freaking out if it wasn't for Noah." The lights were swirling and every beat of the music seemed to make the air around her vibrate. When she danced with Noah, she could close her eyes and not worry about it.

"He's my second most favorite gay in the world," Lia agreed, reaching into her pocket to hand them each a piece of gum. "It'll help with the teeth grinding a bit."

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm not your most favorite gay?" Noah couldn't really pull off being offended while his head bounced to the beat of the remixed Rihanna song.

"Portia de Rossi. Us imports have to stick together after all."

"Ah."

"I'll see you guys later, I need to fetch my own dance partner." Lia took two of her glowstick necklaces off and put one over Noah's head and the other around Tori's after kissing her cheek one more time. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, love."

She didn't notice the time going by until she caught sight of Noah's over-sized watch as he waved to Lia's disappearing form. "It's been like an hour an half!" she laughed as she leaned back into him.

"Can't help it, you're the best dance partner I've had in a long time." His hand ghosted over her stomach, causing a wave of butterflies coursing through her, and she once again found herself disappointed at his sexuality and that she was so susceptible to the side-effects of drugs. "I'll give you five bucks to go break those two up."

Tori glanced up as he nodded towards the familiar dark haired couple under a blue light a few feet away from where she stood in the crowd. She had always found it weird that Jade could dance so well, that someone with a personality like hers would see it as acceptable behavior, but when she was on, she was on; no matter what she was doing. After Noah pushed her one more time, having stolen her glowstick necklace for himself, she walked over to the other girl, sliding her hands around Jade's waist and smiling into her shoulder as Mike glared.

Even though the music was pounding, she could hear Jade's husky laugh as her cool hands slid down from Mike's neck to Tori's hands on her hips. "Hey."

"Hi," Tori responded, her lips close enough to Jade's ear that she didn't have to shout all that loud. "It's my last night as your friend, I think you owe me a dance."

"Alright," Jade turned, paying no mind to Mike's dejected face as she did. She grabbed Tori's wrists and brought them up to rest on her shoulders, her own falling down to Tori's waist. "One dance."

The DJ was switching up to remix some songs from the 90's and Jade had been like how she usually was when she danced; silly and open and uncaring of who was watching. Despite her personality and dislike of, well, other humans, Jade loved being the center of attention. Tori's hands linked together loosely behind Jade's neck, pressing their foreheads together, though her eyes remained closed; the blue light on Jade's skin too pretty for her to watch any longer than she already had.

She couldn't help tilting her head to kiss Jade again when the beat of the music slowed just slightly. They were crushed together, hips grinding, breath mingling, and Tori wanted one more chance to show her again just how well they fit together; at least in one way. Again, Jade responded without hesitation, kisses still weirdly soft and gentle for such a brazen personality. But when Tori pulled away to look at her again, the dark-haired girl stepped back completely and pushed her way through the crowd before the Latina could even blink. She gaped for a moment and hesitated before attempting to follow her.

Tori vaguely remembered the house from her first night out with Jade, but the last time she had been there, there hadn't been people filling up the downstairs to dance and using the living room and kitchen as a break room. There was always someone in her way, but she knew where Jade was headed. Her suspicions were confirmed when she found the other girl leaning over the sink in Lia's bathroom in just a black tank top, her see-through purple lace shirt discarded by the shower.

She was splashing water on her neck; just like Tori had done the night she got too high and Jade found her. She closed and locked the door as she stepped in, the chrome sconces one the wall making the white subway tiles gleam too brightly for her oversensitive eyes. Tori wanted to say something to cut the tension as she walked in – Jade's shoulders had gone rigid at the sound of the door, but she still didn't look back. And Tori felt fine with their silence, it allowed herself a moment to take in Jade as she fixed her make up and hair in the mirror, taking careful attention to keep her gaze on her own blue eyes and not the girl standing behind her in her reflection. When Jade did finally turn around, Tori greeted her with a hazy smile and nothing more. She wanted Jade to come to her for once.

And she had been the one to make the first step, much to Tori's relief, but she followed that one slowly, like she was giving them both time to change their minds and run away. When Jade got close enough, Tori reached forward and slipped her index fingers into the waist of Jade's skirt to tug her the rest of the way. Jade's pierced eyebrow quirked as she ducked her head away from Tori's lips.

"It's a bad idea, Vega," her blood red lips murmured, though her fingers were toying with the bottom button on Tori's shirt.

Tori bit her lip as her hand moved up to slide under Jade's tank top. "Yeah, it might be."

Jade sighed, her deft fingers flicking the buttons open. "Because I meant it, I'm forgetting about this after this weekend."

"Uh huh." Tori shrugged off her plaid shirt and tugged on Jade's top. "If you can."

"I mean it." Jade's voice was serious but she raised her hands over her head and allowed Tori to remove her shirt, shaking her hair out after she had. "This is-"

"Not going past this weekend, yeah, yeah." Tori tossed Jade's tank top at her face and then proceeded to remove her own, not bothering to watch where it had landed. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?"

Tori cut Jade's reply off by grabbing her cheeks and pulling her closer, kissing her soundly and pressing their torsos together. Jade gave a half-hearted sound of protest, but she was backing Tori against the door before the minute had past. She was rougher than she had been before, more like the Jade Tori thought she knew, forceful and demanding. The shorter girl wanted to respond just as passionately, but it was hard to keep up. Jade's kisses were searing and every one of her carefully placed touches on Tori's overheated skin sent a shiver up the brunette's spine. She jerked her head to the side, desperate for a fresh breath, but Jade wasn't deterred. Her lips pressed to Tori's cheek and jaw and then took their time on her neck.

The brunette took in a ragged breath, slipping her hands down to the jean shorts she had on and fumbling with the button. If Jade had noticed, she didn't react, her mouth finding a spot and working over it; undoubtedly leaving a mark while her hands stayed where they were on Tori's hips, thumbnails lightly scraping across Tori's stomach and making her shudder with each swipe. When Tori succeeded in undoing the button, she lifted her hands back to Jade's shoulders and finally dared to speak again.

"No hickeys."

"Too late," Jade replied immediately as she pulled away to inspect the damage, though her eyes quickly dropped to the undone shorts Tori had on. Her fingertips dragged across Tori's navel and she hummed quietly for a moment. "You'll regret it."

"You will more," Tori whispered back defiantly, a smirk on her lips as she dug as deep as she could to be the actress she knew she could be.

Jade gave her a small look of appreciation before chuckling and leaning in to kiss her again, lips slow and heady. Her hand slid around Tori's back again, lacy bra scratching against Tori's own. She had distracted Tori to the point that Tori didn't even notice sly fingers slipping under the waistband of her underwear until her head smacked back against the door at the feel of them on her. Tori let out jagged breath and her hips bucked up, only to be pressed back again as the other girl continued her movements. Jade's kisses became sparse as she pressed two, then three fingers into Tori; blue eyes steady on her tan face whenever Tori could manage to pry open her own eyes. She gasped sharply, her nails pressing into Jade's shoulders and breath becoming hoarse. Her knees feeling weak, she pulled the dark-haired girl closer, dropping her weight on her and panting in her ear.

"Jade-"

Jade cut her off with a less-than-gentle nip on her earlobe and forceful thrust of her hand, followed by warm kisses peppered from ear to chin on Tori's face. She helped keep the tan girl pressed against the wall, holding her up as her stomach began to quiver. The so completely foreign feeling of Jade sliding in and out of her had Tori's brain on overdrive; her nerves oversensitive from the drugs running through her blood and floor vibrating underneath them. Tori breathed in desperate, sharp gasps against Jade's lips, coffee-colored eyes clenching shut when the heel of Jade's hand ground down against her. It was too much, her stomach knotting tightly as she tried to process everything that was happening to her.

"I can't-" she licked her lips, Jade's peppermint breath on her tongue. "God." Tori's hips bucked off the wall, her lungs growing desperate with each movement of Jade's hand. She didn't remember how long it lasted but every time her eyes could focus they saw Jade's careful and steady gaze, far softer than her frantically moving hand; like the harsh lace bra covering Jade's silky skin. It became apparent to Tori that Jade had been silent and that the high ragged breaths she heard echoing in the room were hers and hers alone. Even as Tori's nails dug into her skin, Jade was enrapt with Tori. Her constant gaze only dropped when Tori finally let out a pained gasp as she tumbled over the edge, Jade's lips attached to hers and made it nearly impossible for Tori to catch her breath as her body melted.

Jade's hand retracted from her shorts, sticky fingers wrapping around Tori's back to help keep her up while Tori's head ripped away to rest on Jade's shoulder, legs shaking as she gulped for breath. She opened her eyes as a realization hit her, but her need for recovery kept her gasping for another minute longer.

"Oh my god," Tori managed finally, speaking more to herself than Jade, "I just had sex."

"Vega-"

"I did though." Tori's heartbeat hadn't slowed down though her legs felt steadier and her throat, though raspy and dry, was still able to force her words out. She pulled back in an attempt to catch Jade's elusive gaze. "I did. You were there. I had sex with you. Or you did with me. You and me."

"Please, don't freak out," Jade groaned as her grip around Tori loosened.

"We just had sex." She said it as if there was someone else in the room she didn't want to hear, but she let out a relieved laugh. "We did. I did. I had sex. With you. I can't believe we did that."

"Can we just get you home? I think you're dehydrated. I told you… I told you that you'd regret it." Jade turned and headed back towards the sink to wash her hand, leaving Tori against the wall.

"I don't. At least, I don't think I do. I just… never thought my first time would be when I was on... whatever those were. Or, you know, in a bathroom. Or with a girl for that matter." Tori felt dazed as she slowly buttoned her shorts back up and continued to babble – a nervous habit she had that usually lead to nowhere. Her tank top wasn't in the immediate vicinity so she grabbed her button up and tugged it on, while Jade was already properly redressed and checking the neat crescent-shaped cuts on her shoulders. Tori walked up behind her and kissed them, a dopey smile on her face. "Sorry."

Jade sighed and looked at Tori in the mirror. "You're an idiot." Her tone had been dry, but she had still been leaning back into Tori all the same.

"I can't believe I just had sex," Tori gave a weird laugh that she didn't even recognize herself. Strained, but warm and happy. "Does it count if you're a girl? I mean, am I still a-"

"Please, for the love of god, stop talking." Jade shuddered and leaned back towards the counter again. "Google it when you get home, I am not getting into that conversation. It'll just lead to… other bad topic sentences."

Tori stared at the angry red marks she had left on Jade's ivory skin, bringing her finger up to trace the scratches lightly. "I could keep it a secret until you wer-"

"I'm never going to be ready. I don't… want that with you. Or anyone right now." Jade's nails tapped against the smooth marble countertops. "You know we can barely stand each other under normal circumstances."

"You can be bearable when you want to be," Tori replied. "Me, Beck and André know that, and it wouldn't be that hard to convince everyone else if you maybe learned to count to ten in your-"

"Wait, shut up." Jade swiveled around and pushed Tori back a step. "What do you mean André knows that?"

"Well… uh…" Tori bit her lip and looked up pleadingly when she couldn't find the words to express herself. "It wasn't like a... thing... and I shouldn't get into it. It doesn't have anything to do with us anyway-"

"Whatever, just… stop. There's no 'us', so don't say that either." The heel of Jade's boot tapped against the cupboard door behind under the sink. "Sorry, but I already told you. So deal with it, because I don't want it getting out to anyone." Jade didn't often show fear, but Tori had been sure she saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes before she pursed her lips and reminded the Latina, "You promised."

"I know." Tori felt tired of being so energized, of feeling everything more than she usually did. She wanted to kiss Jade again, but she was afraid that there wouldn't be a response if she tried. She made a mental note to take a break from parties for a while, until her head was in a good place to sort all her feelings out. But, at that moment, she was stuck being irrational and trying too hard to keep whatever she and Jade had going. "Come home with me."

"No." Clear. Authoritative. Jade.

"Yes," Tori replied with small laugh, readjusting the buttons on her shirt. "I think I'm gonna need help getting around my parents like this and..." She ran a hand through her hair and fixed Jade with a stare and pleading look – though it may have been less effective due to the constant smile she had on her face at the time. "You can't just… do that to me and leave, anyway. You wouldn't do that, I know you wouldn't."

"Oh, yeah, and I'm so known for my kind and giving soul after all," Jade said sardonically, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I didn't just do it to you, you wanted me to, so don't act like-"

"Come home with me." Tired, but happy from both the orgasm and the MDMA slowly coursing through her, Tori leaned forward, keeping her arms hugging herself. She wanted to kiss Jade, she wanted to call André and ask him to drive home tonight and pick her up and take her out for food while she explained her fucked up last few days, but mostly she just wanted to sleep. "Please?"

"Fine, but no more of this touchy-feely bullcrap," Jade warned as she smoothed out her shirt. "And we're not cuddling or whatever. And your sister isn't allowed to talk to me." Tori snorted unexpectedly despite the dizziness she felt and Jade clearly had to fight to keep the smile from her face. "Come on, spaz."

Jade took her keys from Noah's hoodie, which they found on the kitchen table with the blonde boy nowhere to be seen, dragging Tori like a rag doll behind her as they made their way out of the house. It was hard to find Jade's dark car in the night, but when they finally managed they slumped into the seats for a few minutes, neither one of them making a move to do anything else. Tori wondered if Jade thought it was weird that they always knew when to be quiet with one another.

"I wanna be clear," Jade started with a cautious voice, hands gripping the bottom of the steering wheel and gaze set straight in front of her, "that I wouldn't have… done that if I didn't think that you wanted me to. I'm mean, but I'm not… that mean. At least, not after a week off from Sinjin. But, still… I wouldn't… I wouldn't have-"

"I wanted you to, Jade." Tori's head rolled over and she smiled at the dark haired girl.

Jade fidgeted, glancing away and then looking at Tori for a brief second before her eyes turned back in front of her. "Good."

"I don't think a lot of girls our age are lucky enough to actually enjoy their first time, right? Even if it's with someone who's ashamed to be seen with-"

Jade shot her a glare and spoke through clenched teeth, "What did I say about feelings?"

Tori couldn't help laughing at the oh-so-Jade response she had received, which had obviously made Jade angry because she jammed the key into the ignition and cranked it as far as it would go, a scowl on her face. "I'm sorry! It's just… I don't regret anything that happened this week, even if you do." Tori's eyes dropped to the gearshift, though she could still see Jade in her peripheral vision. "Even if that wasn't the first… experience I thought I would have, at least it was memorable."

"Well, that's a very disturbing way to look at it," Jade mumbled, though her movements were less drastic from then on as she pulled on her seatbelt and turned on the lights.

Tori slipped her own seatbelt around herself and replied, "This is a weird conversation."

"You have me there, Vega." Jade turned on the radio and pulled out of their spot, relaxed as she drove, though Tori noticed she was a little more cautious than usual. She smiled when blue eyes caught her own in a confused glare. "Stop it."

"I'm not doing anything," Tori countered, yawning as heat filled the car on another chilly LA night.

"You're staring at me."

"No, I'm staring past you."

"I cannot believe I-" Jade seemed to literally bite her tongue and Tori laughed again.

"What? A little late to be holding back now."

"How are you this calm about the whole thing, Tori?" Jade asked seriously, a genuinely confused and uncomprehending look on her face. "This is so messed up, I-I mean, come on. Do you not get that?"

Tori shrugged and tore her eyes away, looking down. "I know it's weird, but... it doesn't feel weird. And you want it too, so stop acting like I'm alone on this."

Jade didn't respond and Tori didn't have anything left to say, so they both just stared straight ahead. Jade's driving seemed mechanical, like it was second nature to her rather than something she had to pay attention to. Tori usually had no interest in what went on in Jade's head – she assumed it was terrifying – but she would have killed for clue on how to get through to the other girl.

"I've only ever wanted you to like me. And you do, you just don't want to admit it to yourself," Tori said when Jade finally stopped in front of her house, the living room window glowing blue from the television.

"Spare me," Jade muttered as she looked down at her dashboard, having made no movement to get out of her seat.

"You said this afternoon that you would answer my questions honestly," Tori said slowly, her eyes still on her house.

"I did-" Jade started but she was cut off by a rare sharp look from the other girl.

"So how long have you really wanted to kiss me?" Clear. Authoritative. Tori.

Jade fixed her with a glare and then looked off to her left, her jaw working back and forth and her eyebrows knitted together. "When Beck and I… did it for the first time, I thought about it for a moment."

"While you were…"

"Shut. Up."

"Wow."

"Get out." Jade's hand had shot up to the ignition so fast that Tori barely had time to reach up to stop her, an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm not… it's not wrong to feel that way, you know."

"I'm not gay," Jade deadpanned.

"Seriously, no one would dare say-"

"Are you hearing impaired, Vega?" Jade's hands shot up to do a small number of intrinsic moves that Tori assumed was the sign language translation of what she was saying. They continued to move while her voiced droned on slowly and clearly, "I'm. Not. Gay."

"Fine, but… no one's gonna hold it over your head that you have feelings for me just because I'm a-"

"Oh my god!" Jade gave an incredulous laugh and smacked her hand against the steering wheel with each word. She looked at over at Tori with wide eyes and stammered for a clearly frustrated moment before she finally found her voice, "I don't have feelings for you, I don't want you, I was just being nice to you and wouldn't have minded hooking up with anyone considering how long ago Beck and I broke up."

Tori should have felt more hurt than she did, but there was still a part of her clinging to the idea that Jade was just in denial and she was just so tired. "Let's go in." She didn't wait to see if Jade was going to follow her, she just left the car and walked across her lawn, stopping at the front door to double check that the buttons on her shirt were properly done up. She would have been lying if she said she hadn't been a little elated when she heard Jade walking up behind her.

Jade dealt with her parents, who were relieved they had an easier time coming in that evening than they had the previous night. Tori adapted better to the dim lights, but still held her tongue more often than not when Jade gave them an alibi for the evening until they were free to leave. When they reached Tori's room, she grabbed the other girl some sweatpants and a loose Hollywood Arts t-shirt to sleep in and Jade took them without question, leaving to change in the bathroom.

When Tori finally relaxed on her bed her body was relieved, tingling from exhaustion that clashed with the numbness she started to feel from the high. A night of dancing and hooking up with someone in a bathroom had left her with aching feet and surely one or two Jade-inflicted wounds. She stretched out in her hoodie and shorts and tried to remain nonchalant as Jade entered her room and mirrored her position. She wondered if she should try again; push friendship and hope it took away some of the stigma for Jade. But she and Jade weren't great as friends, as evidenced by her past year at Hollywood Arts with the other girl. Jade didn't really seem to be great at friendship altogether, but she had successfully dated Beck for two years with only minor bumps along the way.

Still, nothing had come to Tori, so she gave in and sighed. "Goodnight, Jade."

Jade didn't respond immediately. She didn't respond until Tori's eyes had nearly drooped shut. "Goodnight."

Tori hadn't been surprised when she woke up alone on Sunday morning.

By the time she was getting ready for school Monday morning, the mark on her neck was a little less noticeable than it had been the day before; her day of ignoring her phone and icing the blemish had done wonders. But it was still an angry purple, even if the edges had started to fade, and she was forced to dig out some of her hipster scarves for the next few days; eyes gravitating to anything neutral until they landed on a dark gray one that would do. She had decided that since she felt like a different person, she would spend at least a day in dark colors, mourning the part of her that had changed. A day of self-pity was all Tori would allow herself because she really didn't regret what happened, just what wasn't going to happen.

Tori readjusted the knit hat on her head as she dialed in the combination to her locker, still confused as to how she felt. Different was all she could come up with, no matter how hard she dug, and whether it was different good or different bad, she couldn't say.

"There you are." Warm. Familiar. André.

"Here I am," Tori said as she attempted to do the best impersonation of herself that she could muster.

"I tried calling you yesterday to catch up and talk about your new best friend," he laughed and she rolled her eyes in return, continuing to pull out her books for her first few classes. "Seriously though, I want every detail."

Tori took in a deep breath. Showtime. "She was clearly desperate enough that she would allow herself to be in contact with me, and somehow managed not to murder me while she did so." She shrugged and faked a look of amused indifference. "Really, there's nothing to say. Not much happened. Do you know when Cat's getting back?"

"Tomorrow, I think. They're still in Mexico waiting on them to release her brother from the TSA." She had to fight not to let out a relieved breath as he bought the change in subject without suspicion. "I hear Beck's got a new girl from Malibu. I dated a chick from there once, high maintenance. But I guess he's got experience after dealing with Jade for so long."

Face neutral, Tori looked around desperately for a change of subject and was relieved when Robbie showed up, fighting with Rex. It bought her an excuse to zone out as they walked to their first class where they met up with an all-smiles Beck.

She didn't see Jade until Sikowitz's class, already in her seat and typing furiously on her phone with one hand as she sipped her coffee. Tori sat in the back row, not wanting to have to need an excuse to look at the other girl. Thankfully André sat in front of her, unsuspecting of her unusually blank face, and went off on a rant about his week away, not needing to hear anything but his own voice for and giving her minute to collect herself. It had still been easier than she expected to go through the motions, though her eyes had always found their way back to the barely visible scratch marks under Jade's lacy mesh top.

It filled Tori with a small sense of pride that Jade hadn't gone out of her way to hide the marks, but it had also made her wonder just who Jade wanted to see them. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Tori after the weekend was done, so the Latina couldn't imagine it was some sort of signal to her. Her eyes wandered over to Beck, who was sitting immediately behind Jade, his face trying to remain blank despite clearly being tense as he stared directly in front of him. She couldn't help but wonder if that's what Jade had wanted all along; to get back at Beck, to shove it in his face that she didn't need him. Maybe if she got really desperate, she'd end up spilling the beans about her and Tori and make both Tori and Beck look ridiculous.

But, no, Tori didn't think she really had to be worried about that; Jade's voice had echoed through her head for the past twenty four hours. There wasn't enough between Tori and Beck to make that sting; it wasn't worth it to admit that her dirty little secret wasn't that she cared about liking a girl, just that she didn't want to admit to that girl being Tori. That was what Jade detested. If Tori were a more spiteful person, she might have sacrificed herself and admitted to hooking up with Jade and starting the rumors just to get a rise out of the other girl; if she had more self-esteem she would try to prove that she wasn't a secret to be hidden and that she didn't care who knew what she did, because she was happy with her choices.

But Tori was not happy. She was as conflicted as Jade was about their situation. She had no idea what she wanted, if she wanted to be with a girl, if her Catholic relatives would have something to say to her if she was out and proud, if she wanted that girl to be Jade with all her oddities and anger. Tori's eyes had dropped to her lap as a wave of shame hit her; for pushing Jade when she was getting ahead of herself, for being worried what close-minded people would think of her, for judging Jade who had showed a weird kind of sweetness to her, even if she did have sex with her and wanted to act like nothing happened.

By the time lunch had rolled around Tori felt drained by the inner conflict she had been turning over in her head. It was hard enough having to pretend to be interested in André's attempts to diffuse the obvious tension at the table because of the hostility Beck had been showing toward Jade, especially when Tori knew it was all because of what she had done, having been the one who marked Jade ivory skin so noticeably.

Jade, to her credit, was being more civil than normal, focusing on her salad rather than the heated looks she had been receiving from the boy who was sitting across from her. Still, she didn't put her jacket on to cover the angry red marks that were so visible through her shirt. There was something different about her, though. Tori didn't think anyone noticed but she did. Yes, Jade would bite back when spoken to, but she seemed to drown out most of the talk otherwise; her eyes had always found a fixed spot on the table to focus on until someone directed something towards her, making her refocus again. Tori tried not to overanalyze it; for all she knew she could have just been paranoid or projecting her feelings or something.

Tori had never been more grateful for lunch to end as she was that day. Her Physics class was a breeze; she understood enough to get by, which was good because their teacher generally just read the summary of the assignment, handed it out, and then left for a "coffee break" until the end of class. Thankfully, it was a small class in a school full of artists; mostly architects enthusiasts or kids who had transferred from other high schools and had previously taken it, like her.

"Tori Vega." At the sound of her name, Tori looked up from her spot near the window at the two-person table she was seated at. Lia stood before her; all wavy blonde hair and deep blue eyes contrasting with her bohemian clothing choice; tights and two different colored tank tops, layered with a longer one on top. Ever since she had gotten to school Tori had been observing girls more closely to see if any female other than Jade sparked her interest. The only thing that had stuck out was fashion choices she loved but would probably not like for herself, having always been such a tomboy at heart.

"Lia, hey! You look really cute." Even if she was a tomboy, Tori had liked saying things like that once in awhile. It didn't come up often with her regular group of friends.

The blonde girl smiled and laughed, looking down at her attire and for the first time Tori noticed the smattering of freckles the stretched over the bridge of her nose. "Literally on my last few wardrobe choices. I think I hate doing laundry more than I hate that dreadful mandatory musical instrument rule they enforce. Can I sit with you?"

"Oh, sure. I didn't know… I mean, Jade said you guys don't really hang out at school, so I kind of assumed it was like a 'First Rule About Hanging Out With Us; Don't Talk About Hanging Out With Us' kind of thing, but I think I've seen Mike and Noah hanging out before, but then I guess Jade and I were friends outside of the group too, and am I presuming too much by saying I'm kind of in the group-"

Lia's hand covered her mouth, a perfectly-arched eyebrow raised after having walked very slowly and deliberately over to Tori, her hand raised to clearly show her intentions, only to have Tori continue talking until the blonde finally made contact and silenced her. Through it all, Tori noticed that the blue-eyed girl had never stopped smiling.

"So it's alright if I do, then?"

"Yes," Tori said with a bashful laugh. "Sorry. Sometimes I get stuck on play, I think."

"Better that than stop." Her lips were full and pink and made every smile look like she was ready for a camera to spring up and take her picture. Tori wondered if she was at Hollywood Arts for the modeling classes; she was one of those girls who commanded attention without opening her mouth. She never really knew how to bring those kind of classes up; Trina's appeal to them terrified her.

Their teacher had left five minutes prior when Tori was finally caught staring blankly at Lia's side of the table, not focused on anything in particular. Lia glanced over at her twice before she finally spoke up, her eyes returning to her assignment as she filled in the answers.

"Something you need to get off you chest, love?" she asked, her other hand snapping up to type something into her calculator.

"I love your accent."

Lia laughed and put her pencil down; most kids in the class took their time on their assignments, talked to one another, or worked on other homework in that class, it was part of the reason Tori loved it so much.

"That's quite sweet, but I feel as if that's not the thing that's got you off center."

Tori smiled and played with the pencil in her own hand. "Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who you've had a bad platonic relationship with?"

"Can't say that I have, but I feel as if that's probably how it would start if I were to ever get together with Shia LeBeouf." Tori gave a small laugh but didn't reply, even when Lia had turned her chair more so her back to the middle of the classroom. The blonde girl finally broke their silence as she reached over to rest her hand on the back of Tori's chair. "Listen, I'm kind of the black sheep in the group. Unlike everyone else, I don't really hang out with someone outside of our nights, like you all do. But I think we could get along rather well, so maybe you and I could hang out without having to mix some terribly expensive habit into it all?"

"I'd like that," Tori said honestly; it would be a relief to know someone else at this school outside of the group. She glanced over at the searching gaze that was on the other girl's face and began doodling on the back of her notebook. "So I take it you want to start now."

"No time like the present," Lia replied warmly. "Tell me about this bad romance you've managed to stumble into."

Tori looked around, but with so few people the class was fairly spread out and seemed to be out of earshot. Still, she whispered, leaning in closer to her newfound friend. "It's definitely not. A romance, that is. I don't know if I want it to be, but I know the other person definitely doesn't want that. Because they don't think we'd be able to do it. And I'm starting to think they might be right, but after spending time with them and… doing more with them, I… want to be with them, and I don't care if she's embarrassed about me because I-" Tori stopped dead when her brain had finally caught up to her mouth.

"So we are talking about Jade, then?" Lia asked, her blue eyes as vitalized as the Los Angeles sky.

"You can't tell anyone," Tori whispered desperately, her eyebrows raised and tense.

"I won't, but if I know, I'm sure Noah's picked up on it. And don't think no one's noticed you cuckolding Mike while you've been around. Whether it was intentional or not." She gave Tori a moment to inwardly berate herself before insisting, "Come out with it then."

"She's never liked me," Tori mumbled. "And I wanted her to like me for so long, or, at least, to not hate me. And last week I saw someone I actually wanted to get to know. And then… we kissed. And she told me that she could never be with me. Then Saturday… in your bathroom-"

"And thank you so much for that."

"Sorry," Tori offered before giving a weary sigh. "I just don't know what to think."

"And you don't know if you want her outside of the bedroom anyway, is that right?"

Tori smacked the blonde's thigh but laughed despite herself. "It's not that… or just... that… I mean… that was pretty great, don't get me wrong. But I don't think it's because she's a girl, I think it's just her… I don't know if I want her when we're not alone, I guess. When we are alone, I like being with her and I'm not even sure why, but I just do. But when we're not alone, you know, outside of your little Fight Club thing, we don't exactly mesh."

Lia reached over and tucked Tori's hair behind her ear, her accent adding class to the naturally lazy and droll way she spoke and her eyes remaining sincere. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I knew what I could do to help."

"I don't think there's anything to do except forget it," Tori replied, her smile sad. "But, thanks."

As the week continued, Tori found herself becoming more and more tightly wound. Faking her way until her class after lunch had begun to weigh on her and she was running out of excuses not to hang out with her friends after school.

To her relief and worry, she noticed Jade had begun showing some sort of reaction. She still seemed to need to put effort into paying attention to what was happening around her, and Tori could see she had begun using more make up under her eyes. Still, other drama in the group had been pulling focus from either girl: Beck's new girlfriend turned out to be André's ex, and two of them, as well as Cat and Robbie, had become too enrapt to notice the half-hearted responses from either Jade or herself.

But by Thursday evening her routine of sitting alone in her room and thinking about every detail from the week before had finally become too much for Tori to bear. She grabbed her phone and clicked passed all the texts from André and Beck, searching through her contact list until she found the number she had been looking for. Tori took a breath and hit dial before she could second-guess herself.

"Tori Vega." Lia's voice was akin to those early movie sex symbols, a low breathy pitch that seemed every bit as forceful as a shout. "What can I do for you, love?"

Author's Note: Well, it seems this is not going to end just yet.