Notes: First of, sorry for the delay! The end is near and, well, I'm not sure I want this to end just yet. I have a lot of people to thank now, the amount of reviews for last chapter was amazing, I kind of still can't believe it! So thank you to Heaven's Archer, Elisima, xCarlax, Comppliffy, Carbon65, Lauren, Anon, ABundleOfDaydreams, Here . at . the . end and Disney's Darling, you are all amazing, really, this story wouldn't have come this far if it hadn't been for you, Sebastian has come to a crossroad where he either pulls himself back up, or breaks down forever, and just want to thank you again for being following him all the way here.

Really special thanks to Swing Girl at Heart, because, well, she takes time to fix all my mistakes, and makes this story better everytime.

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.

"We won't make it without him."

"What are we going to do?"

"What song are we singing?"

Sebastian stares at them from his spot on the sofa, and the scene before him is so fucking pitiful that it makes him want to vomit – literally. He vomits a lot these days.

"Who's singing lead?"

"When are we holding the auditions?"

With Wes and David absent due to college admissions, it seems like the Warblers can't make their minds up about anything. But it's not really Wes and David, Sebastian knows, it's him. It's all we won't make it without him, we're not good enough without him, him, him, him...

This guys are so fucking good, they're so fucking talented, but still, they seem to be unable to function if they're not under someone's shadow. Under his shadow.

Sebastian stares at them, arguing and yelling, but the only thing he hears is Blaine, Blaine, Blaine...

It's amazing how just one person can ruin something that could be so amazing. Not even Sebastian, who messes up on daily basis, has managed to achieve that.

Now he remembers why he hated him.

"Okay, shut up, here's what we're going to do."

And they all grow silent, staring expectantly at him, as if whatever he's about to say could give them the answers they've been looking for.

Sebastian doesn't have any answers, but they did something for him, they cared, and he's going to show them that he cares, too, the only way he knows how.

He's going to make them invincible.

.

The scene plays before his eyes in slow motion, like a clip from a bad movie he would never want to watch again.

This was not supposed to happen. This was not what he wanted.

"Blaine! Blaine!"

He stands paralyzed as the world comes crashing down around him, and everyone moves too fast and talks too loud and he can't seem to keep up. His sight begins to get blurry and nausea begins to fill his throat, and, for a moment, all eyes are fixed on him.

What have you done? they scream, full of hate. What the fuck have you done?

This was not supposed to happen.

He should know by now, he has a talent for turning even his best intentions into something bad.

But he really, really, didn't want this to happen.

.

"One more."

The bartender eyes him warily and fills his glass again, and Sebastian drowns it all like water.

He closes his eyes as the liquid burns its way down his throat and the memory flashes through his mind; he sees Blaine's face, he sees the ice, feels the cold in his hands, he hears Blaine's scream, he feels the looks, the anger, the disappointment.

But he doesn't feel the guilt.

He stands up, swaying a little, and heads to the music machine to try to put on something softer, something that doesn't make his head pound even more.

What the fuck was he thinking? Was that really what he wanted to do? Why the hell did he always have to fuck it all up? Why couldn't he just...

"So, how do you get a guy to like you?"

You have to look like me.

Sebastian turns to look at the guy, sight blurry and senses fogged by alcohol and cocaine, and all he sees is a fat guy with the self-esteem of a trashcan. He's seen him around before, keeping his head down, always too shy and too scared.

So he breaks him.

He tears him apart piece by piece, until he's too scared to approach him again, because this guy is still somewhat salvable, and Sebastian could ruin him so easily.

He's ruined enough things already.

.

"You could get expelled for this."

Sebastian stares at Jeff and tills his head to the side, trying to remain focused.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Yeah, I..." He forgets what he was going to say almost instantly, and he has to close his eyes to make the room stop moving.

"God, you're high aren't you?"

Stupid question.

Sebastian sits up slowly and stares at Jeff from his spot on the bed. He wants to tell him. He wants to tell him that he didn't mean to, that he wanted to help them win, that he wanted to help them step out of Blaine's shadow, he wants to tell him that he's not as evil as he seems right now. He wants to tell him that he's good - he was good, too.

"What else can I do?" is the only thing that leaves his lips.

Jeff shakes his head and takes a step into the room.

"We trusted you, you know? We thought you were different."

Sebastian looks away, and his eyes land on the ashtray full of half finished joints that lies on the carpet next to the bed, and the small bag of pills that's tossed under the nightstand.

"I thought I could be different, too."

But some people just don't know how to be good.

.

"Blackmail, really? Really, Sebastian? What the hell were you thinking?"

It's been a while since Sebastian has thought about anything.

"You know what? Fuck this! Fuck you! This is just...fuck!"

I did this for you.

And as usual, it blew up on his face.

He leaves the room, and he can feel the disappointed glares from the Warblers follow him until he shuts the door behind him.

Nothing good can come out of someone like him. What the fuck does it matter if he's gorgeous on the outside, if everything he does ends up being rotten?

"I tried to fix it, you know? I tried to fix it and it just..."

The guy he's talking to is almost passed out, but he keeps staring at Sebastian like he's in a trance.

"You're so hot..."

Sebastian grimaces and looks away.

"No, no, really." The guy keeps looking at him with wide red eyes and a drunken smile curving his lips, and leans forward slightly. "You are like, fucking beautiful."

"Yeah well, you know what happens when you look like me? You fuck everything up, because, well, that's all I know how to do, apparently, I just keep hurting people, and I don't even have the guts to feel guilty, you know? Because fuck, he deserved it, he did, really, he traded this...this amazing people for some guy, some guy! And all I wanted was to...to help, somehow, you know?"

The guy nods, smiling slightly and for a moment, it really seems like he understands.

"You're really hot."

Sebastian sighs. "Whatever, let's go fuck somewhere."

.

He's smiling so hard his lips hurt. There are tears streaming down his face, and the sound of laughter drowns every other sound around them.

"God, I don't want this to end."

Corie stares at Mikael with a frown, but she's still smiling.

"This will never end. We will stay like this forever."

"High and reckless and having so much fun!" Thierry adds with a laugh.

"Moving only forward and never looking back!" Sebastian ads, raising his glass.

They all burst laughing, and Corie falls back on the grass, her hair spreading around her like golden threads, and Sebastian thinks that he's never seen anything so beautiful.

This place, the grass, the trees, the laughter. This is all that counts.

"It's just..." Mikael starts. "It's just here and now, whatever comes next will never be better than this moment."

And Sebastian believes him. "My life would suck without you"he thinks, staring at them through blurry sight.

And then he wakes up.

.

He's been staring at the little green mark on the screen for almost an hour.

What is he going to say? How can you explain something like this without looking like an evil bastard?

But that's what you are.

No. It's not. I could be better. I was better once. I could be better again.

He changes his status, and the moment he's online, the familiar sound of the Skype ringing fills the room. It's the first time in a long time that he picks up.

"Seb? Seb, are you there?"

"Corie..." He begins, but he chokes on the words and he has to take a deep breath to keep himself from crying.

"God, Seb, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

I miss me, too.