title: the one with the porn
author: ohwhatsherface
note: I went to my community to check for updates and saw that my archive number went down. Why? Because Schon, by angel-puppeteer, has been deleted. WHY IS THE SMUT GONE?
disclaimer: disclaimed.

Also, thanks for the reviews! :D

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Kakashi was not pleased.

He was not pleased at all.

"Okay, kiddies," Kakashi began, losing the humorous drawl he usually used with his little genin, "give it back now and no one gets hurt." The three had the gall to stare back as if they had no clue what he was talk about. Kakashi bristled and narrowed his lone visible eye. "I said now."

"Give what back, sensei?" Sakura asked. Kakashi stared at her suspiciously. Her head was tilted, as though was examining something. Her lips were pursed and her eyebrows were raised. She looked like some curious little girl being lectured to about something she didn't understand in the least.

Tch.

"You know what I am talking about," Kakashi replied tersely.

Sakura's mouth opened into an o-shape. "What? But, Kakashi-sensei, we don't know—"

He held up a hand. "Sakura, the innocent act will not work on me." (Apparently only the I'm-about-to-cry-so-do-as-I-say one did, if that mission a few weeks ago said anything.) Her cheeks turned pink when she realized she'd been caught. She opened her mouth, most likely to protest, but did the wise thing and said nothing instead. Kakashi smiled. "Good girl." He might have patted her on the head had she not undergone a rapid mood swing, judging by that scowl and the way she looked ready to bite his hand off if it neared.

Or, more importantly, if his porn wasn't missing.

"Now, back to the matter at hand—"

"Sasuke did it."

Both the boy in question and Sakura looked at over at Naruto, who made his accusation so breezily and uncaringly. Naruto shrugged off their gazes and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"We don't even know what Kakashi-sensei is talking about," Sakura pointed out, using the shut-up-now voice.

"Icha Icha," Kakashi said. "One of you—or all of you—stole my book."

"Oh." Naruto looked thoughtful for a moment. He spared Sasuke a glance before repeating, "Sasuke did it."

"I did not," Sasuke indignantly denied. "Why would I steal porn?" He looked at Kakashi with utter disgust written all over his face. "Your porn, at that."

Sakura nodded. "Yeah. Who knows what you've done with it?"

"Oh, man, ew!" Naruto suddenly shouted. He covered his eyes, as if he could see in front of him whatever he was picturing in his head. "Oh, god!"

Kakashi frowned when the three shared similar looks of disgust. He prepared to defend himself but Sasuke spoke.

"Really, Kakashi, don't blame us if you lose your porn."

The tone the boy was using didn't sit too well with Kakashi. All of them, actually. They all said "porn" like it was some sort of disease!

Brats.

"I did not lose my erotic literature," Kakashi said calmly, though, inside, he was most likely deciding which one to kill first. "I am an elite jounin, Sasuke-chan. I don't lose stuff."

Naruto grinned. "Yeah, you just let them get stolen by genin! Nice going, Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Ah, so you admit you stole it?"

A shiver ran down Naruto's spine as Sasuke and Sakura sent withering stares his way. Naruto cringed, hearing a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Sasuke tell him he was freaking moron, and one like Sakura's that promised death. "Oh, crap."

"Indeed." Kakashi leaned forward, taking pride in the fact that the three backed up a fraction. It was nice to know they still feared him somewhat. "Now," he drawled, smiling. "Which one of you little brats has my book—"

"Sasuke did it."

Kakashi blinked. Unlike last time, this accusation had come from Sakura. She was looking down, playing with the hem of her dress and shifting her weight from one foot to the other. When she finally did raise her head and glanced at Naruto and Sasuke, she winced and turned away guiltily. Kakashi narrowed his eyes in suspicion. On one hand, she was telling the truth and felt guilty for turning in the boy she had a crush on. If anything, Sakura was smart, Kakashi had gathered in the time he spent as her sensei. If both she and Naruto admitted that Sasuke was the one who stole the porn, it was most likely the truth.

But on the other hand...

She might just be letting Sasuke take the fall for all of them, Kakashi theorized. He looked at Sasuke, who seemed equally livid and shocked, and Naruto, who was simply surprised by Sakura's words.

"So Sasuke stole my book, hm?" Kakashi asked, staring at the boy in question. In return, he glared, and Sakura and Naruto nodded eagerly.

Kakashi considered punishing them for a complete lack of teamwork. Or something. Really, it would not do to teach them it was okay to give up one teammate so that the other two could get away unscathed. What the heck had these kids learned from him?

"Do you have anything to say, Sasuke?"

Sasuke scowled and raised his chin. It seemed that denying and begging to be believed was beneath him.

"I see." Kakashi sighed heavily and took a firm grip on Sasuke's shoulder. "I hope you're ready for your punishment then, Sasuke."

Bring it on, the boy seemed to say. At the telltale signs of a suppressed smirk (and, more importantly, complete, utter lack of respect), something in Kakashi bristled. That little shit—er, Sasuke was going down.

Kakashi smiled.

All of them were.

"Well then, has anyone taught you guys about sex?"

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