Chapter Twenty-Nine
The Ugly Face of Truth

It started when my math teacher asked me if I'd take Luke his homework. Well, she actually dumped the job on me before I could protest. And I guess since he'd been so uncharacteristically nice lately, I figured I'd do him a favor and get the rest of his books and assignments.

I figured it'd be easy enough – go to his house, drop off homework, talk a little bit, leave, and repeat the next day.

I managed to make it two weeks before I'd messed up. I'd come with worksheets and a list of assignments, expecting to be in and out. But as soon as I said I had to leave, Luke put on this pathetic face and asked if I'd stay and help him with chemistry.

Whatever. It'd seemed innocent enough at the time.

So I was trying to explain the difference between alkenes and alkynes when Luke's short attention span reached its end. He squeezed my wrist; I hated that the little gesture made my heartbeat accelerate. "Hey, can we talk?"

"About?"

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. I miss you…having you…as a friend. To talk to." It was obvious what he wanted to say in the pauses. "I mean, I don't know…"

So I couldn't decide if he looked cute or pathetic, with chickenpox and a conflicted look on his face. I decided to focus on the pathetic aspect of it – it was probably safer that way.

"Yeah, well, neither do I. I have to go."

He got up with me and stood in my way. "Please." Before I could protest, he leaned down and kissed me.

"Now I really have to go." I brushed past him and was out the door before he could say (or do) anything else, trying really hard not to feel about how that one kiss had made me feel.

If I had any common sense, I would have just texted him the assignments the next day. After all, his locker was basically empty now after being out of school for a few days. But I was stupid. That's the only possible explanation.

"Hey." Luke smiled when I walked in, apparently not feeling the same tension that I was. "Can you actually stay for a while today or do you have to go right away again?"

"If that's code for do you want to stay and make out or just leave now? Then I definitely have to go right away again."

His smile wavered. "I only kissed you because I thought it might make you stay. I get to go back to school soon," he added.

"You have a girlfriend."

"Only because I was mad at you for…you know."

I wanted to tell him that he didn't know. I wanted to ask him to really look at me and tell me he didn't see anything different. I wanted to go back in time to the moment I'd told him I'd gotten an abortion and change things – better yet, go back to the moment we'd slept together.

"Hey, it's okay." Somehow he'd gotten up and wrapped his arms around me without my noticing. God, I had to pull it together. "It's done now. We can't change it."

I shoved him off. "How can you be so fucking stupid? It's like you think you can just wave a magic wand or something and everything goes back to normal."

His face turned red, and just like that, his emotions completely changed. "I don't get it. I hate you and you want me. And now I'm pretty much begging you to take me back and you don't want anything to do with me. So what do you want? I'm sick of having to guess."

"Yeah, you hated me so much that when I threw myself, you didn't even have to think twice before-"

"I was wasted! And you knew that."

"You could have used a condom."

"You could have told me before you went and got an abortion."

"Well I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you."

He was shaking with anger. For a second, I was scared he was going to hit me. "Get out."

I didn't need to be told twice.

I got in my car and drove around Shallow Lake for a while, not quite ready to go home but not having anywhere else to go. Finally, I ended up pulling in front of the di Angelo's house. There weren't any cars in the driveway, but I thought it was worth a try.

Nico was the one who answered the door. "Hey. Bianca's not here. Go away." Deductive reasoning told me something was wrong. "Seriously, she had some music thing. Go away."

"You look like you need someone to talk to."

"Whatever." He stormed down the hallway into the living room, where he had a giant glass bottle of something alcoholic open.

"Nico, you're in 8th grade. Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"

"You're a junior. Aren't you a little young to be pregnant?" he shot back. "I'm not drinking a lot, and I'll water it down so Dad and Bianca don't know. But it's not like Dad's ever home anyway – and Bianca never is anymore either."

"What's wrong?" I sat down on the couch. He tossed his phone at me.

A message from Grover was opened up. I don't want to be anything more than friends ever. My parents would kill me if they knew.

"You know what I can't stand? People who fucking can't be honest with other people. It's like, who cares if people hate you? I'd rather not have any secrets and have everyone hate me for it. Because eventually people find out. And when they do, it's never pretty." Nico sighed. "Whatever. I didn't really like him anyway."

I don't think he was aiming at about me during his little tirade, but it didn't stop me from feeling guilty. "Sometimes it's better for people not to know. Would you rather be lied to or hurt?"

Nico glared at me. "Luke's going to find out. And when he does, he's going to be pissed you didn't tell him. So you might as well get it done with."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, probably not. But then again, you're probably just saying that because you know I'm right."

I left a few minutes later, after making Nico put the alcohol away and promise not to get it back out once I was gone. And then I did what I really didn't want to do. I got back in my car, drove to Luke's house, and rang the doorbell before I could think too much about it.

"What do you want?" Luke narrowed his eyes at me, looking like he was debating slamming the door in my face.

"Can I come in? I think we need to talk," I said.

"About?"

He wasn't going to make this easy. I guess I deserved it. "Remember when I told you I got an abortion? Well…" This was it. "I didn't."

All of the color drained from his face. "Oh my God."

He slammed the door, then opened it again a few seconds later. "I'm sorry. Oh my fucking God. You're pregnant. Do you…do you want to come in?"

I stepped inside. Luke shut the door and looked at me. I saw him look down at my stomach, eyes wide with fear. Out of all the reactions I'd thought he might have, this wasn't one of them. I expected a lot of shouting, for one.

"Do you need anything? Like, are you hungry? Thirsty? How many weeks along are you? Have you seen a doctor yet? Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening. Do you want to sit down?" Luke asked, looking absolutely terrified.

I tried to keep up with him. "No, I'm okay. I'm 16 weeks along. And there's another thing, Luke. We're, well, going to have twins."

Luke looked like he might pass out. We sat down on the couch, and he took both my hands in his. "I can't believe this is happening. Why…why didn't you tell me?"

"It was easier not to. I was scared, Luke. And then you cornered me and it was just simpler to lie…" I couldn't stand the look he was giving me – not angry, but incredibly hurt. "I'm sorry."

Luke was quiet for a long, long time. I wished he would say something, anything. Finally: "What are we going to do?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"I have an idea." He had this look in his eyes that I didn't like. "What if we get married?"