AN: I have been writing documentation, proposals, project plans and lengthy delicate emails for years, but nothing prepared me for the minefield that is dialog.

I need to mention that this story has a M rating just to cover any eventualities. I do like a little bit of nooky in my fiction and I start dropping a bit in with this chapter.

Also, my spouse has been drilling it into my skull that I need to stop swearing out loud, so sure enough, all that pent up hick is popping out in my writing.

All copyrighted materials, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. No copying, translation or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

All honor and glory to Stephenie Meyer for giving us these unforgettable characters.

Chapter Two

Honestly, I think I was a bit scared. For a second I revered back into a scared little boy on his first day of summer camp. My stomach clenched up and I could feel the flush of blood behind my ears. Nice to know that my primal flight or fight instinct was still alive and well.

I was curious too. I reveled in those moments in life where you have no idea what fate has in store. Those moments when the dice are in the air; when the ball is still bounding around the roulette wheel.

For the next ten months I was going to be living with the random person that was trying to shove the ass end of an over-sized suitcase through the heavy wooden door. The self closing mechanism was powerful and I could see that he was having trouble trying to shove the suitcase while holding the door open with his other hand.

I rolled out of bed and grabbed my shirt off the chair before throwing it over my head. It only took about three steps to reach the door and pull it the rest of the way open.

"Hey man, thanks! I'm Tyler," he said as he pushed his suitcase in the rest of the way.

I stuck out my left hand in a backwards handshake as I tried to get the heel of my foot around the door to prop it open.

We stood there for a second sizing each other up. He was seeing a tall, tan, muscled up country boy with disheveled bronze hair. I was looking at an even taller skinny guy with tight black curly hair, an earring and a huge grin on his face.

"Howdy Tyler, I'm Edward. Looks like we're roommates."

I mentally slapped myself. I wondered when I received this gift for stating the obvious and just exactly when I could return it to the store.

"Yes, I guess so," he chucked. "You a freshman here?"

"Yah. Just got here a couple hours ago. You?"

"Naw, this is my second year. I'm studying accounting." He scrutinized me again. "Maybe we can go out later and I can show you around campus" he offered.

Damn, he seemed like a nice guy. I guess fate decided to cut me a break.

"Do you need help carrying anything else in?" Since he had offered so nicely to show me around campus, I figured manners were the order of the day. Plus, Mom had raised me right.

"Hell yeah! I learned the hard way about minimalism last year. This year I brought a ton of crap."

I followed him outside, making small talk while he lead me over to his van. It was blue and black monstrosity with wide, jacked up tires in the back, huge speakers, and a mini disco ball hanging from the ceiling.

"Nice ride?" I snarked.

He spun around with his hands up. "Hey man, don't knock Black Beauty. It carries all my shit, gets me to the grocery store and the ladies love it. Best damn thing my dad ever bought me."

I nodded in agreement. "Touché. I can't say anything, I drive a complete piece of shit with sparkles on the cab."

He barked out a quick laugh. "Sparkles? What are you, some kind of vampire?"

I shook my head. "Damn man, that was low." He was asking for it now. I decided to bring out some of my better material. "You know, the girl I bought it from had one of those sparkly vampire dildos."

"Holy shit dude," he gasped, "how did you know that?"

"We were good friends. We made out on a couple of dates. She showed it to me when we were in her bedroom one afternoon." Damn that was a nice memory. I ended up using it on her that same day and judging from her moans, I got it right.

"Hah, I bet you used it on her judging from that grin on your face right now."

I felt my face heat up. "Yeah man. I did. That was a hell of a day, right up until when her dad walked in on me while I was diddling her bug."

Tyler doubled over laughing. "How the hell did you get out of that one?"

"The same way any red blooded American boy would," I quickly replied. "I dropped that dildo like it was a hot rock and ran. I wasn't exactly welcomed around her place after that."

Thinking back at the lack of retaliation by her father I realized he was probably glad it was a dildo in her and not my schlong. Heh, schlong, what a great word.

Tyler had lost the use of his legs by this point. He was laughing too hard to breathe and had slid down to the ground with his back to the van. He sniffed and wiped a tear off his cheek. "Goddamn man, that's a hell of a story."

I reached down and helped him back up. "Yah, it was a valuable experience" I sagely replied. I nodded toward the back of the van. "Now lets unload the rest of your shit. It's hot as hell out here."

Tyler reached in the van and handed me a microwave. I was surprised. I was pretty sure I had read that cooking was not allowed in the dorms.

"Dude, why do you have this? I thought they weren't permitted?" I asked as we turned to go back inside.

"Nah man, it's cool. I hide it up in the closet and cover it with a towel. As long as the RA doesn't smell anything burning its alright."

A couple more trips took care of the rest of Tyler's crap. I relaxed in the room while he went to go park his van.

I had to admit that I was amazed at the change in the room. He had made a loft by stacking his bed up on top of the dressers and filled the space underneath with a mini fridge. The fridge shared the space with stacks of milk cartons on their sides filled with books. It was an elegant use of what would have otherwise been wasted space.

He'd thrown up a couple generic posters for bands I did not really care about to cover some of the stark white walls. But most importantly, he had attached a very nice centerfold to the back of the door.

He did not go for the standard blonde bimbo with giant fake tits, but rather put a tasteful back shot of a brunette with long dark brown wavy hair. She had great natural looking tits, and there was just enough side boob to see some pink nipple.

When he finally wandered back in I complemented him on his taste in women.

He laughed, "Yah man, I didn't want to stick anything up that would offend our mama's, but I don't want any chicks to think we're a couple of prudes."

I had to agree with his reasoning. "That makes sense. Speaking of... are you gonna have a lot of women in here?" I was curious. "Do I need to buy earplugs? Hang a tie on the door?"

"Nah man. Most of my girlfriends have their own apartments. Trust me, its a lot nicer to go over to their houses." Girlfriends? I wondered just how big a player this guy was.

"Oh, and Edward, if you have a girl in here for the love of God don't open the window." At that point I realized that our ground floor window probably made a great door. "I jumped in the window last semester to grab a book and my roommate and his girl gave me quite an eyeful."

I burst out laughing. "That's priceless man. I would have paid good money to see that."

"Well," he replied, "I don't know about good money. He kinda had a hairy ass. She was fuckhawt though. Gold hair, blue eyes, great legs... just unf."

"Hrm, not my type," I stated. I had problems with blondes in the past. Fucking Lauren and Jessica. "I like 'em like little Miss September over there. Brown hair and brown eyes."

I thought for a second, and realized that I was sounding like a girl. I backtracked quickly. "But hey! A show is a show."

Tyler scoffed. "Damn right brother. Good recovery by the way. I was about to revoke your man card."

He looked around the room and nodded to himself. Apparently he was satisfied with how everything came together. "Now," he said, "hows about that tour?"

O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O~o~O

The jumping through the window story is true. Actually happened.

A word of warning, I think I speak for fathers everywhere when I say that teen pregnancy is a STD. So don't stick a dick where it doesn't belong, use a dildo instead of a schlong.

It will probably be a couple days before another update. All that dialog was exhausting to write.

Please review!