AN: I want to start off by saying I absolutely effing love you guys! All you who've read and enjoyed, and took the time to leave a comment, or review, or a whole damn essay! I get disheartened writing, and then one of you guys fangasm over this and I just have to write! So thanks! You're my inspiration! -chokes on cliché-
Secondly; this is the penultimate chapter! After this, just one more installment and we're done! OMG! Buut, fear not. There WILL be sequels and things. I can't just leave it where I plan to leave it :P
Oh and thirdly, lots of you are worried about Dean sleeping with someone else, he won't! I promise you! He's a saint! And that story line is going to come up properly in a sequel, I just wanted to get it out there, and it'll be brought up a couple more times, but fear not guys! Dean shall forever maintain his #1 boyfriend status.
That evening everyone huddled around the campfire sharing stories of what they'd been up to. Dean sat on the floor in between Cas' legs, enjoying the feeling of Castiel softly scraping his nails against his scalp. Sam looked smitten, his arm wrapped protectively around Jess' shoulders as Gabriel regaled a story of one of his many pranks. It was a generally nice atmosphere; the air was warm, everyone was enjoying themselves and got on well with one another.
Balthazar glanced over at his younger brother and his boyfriend and smiled. Castiel and Dean made a genuinely adorable couple, and he was proud of Cas for coming as far as he had. He was also admiring of Dean's patience and devotion to Castiel; Sam had told him of their "arrangement" which Dean was vehemently against. A fact which had honestly surprised the eldest Novak, but after discovering Dean's abhorrence at the idea of sleeping with anyone but Castiel, his respect for the Winchester had increased. He smiled as Cas leant down and pressed a kiss to the top of Dean's head.
"I'm so lucky," Cas mumbled, burying his nose in to Dean's hair. Dean smiled, stroking a finger up and down Cas' thigh.
"At the risk of sounding conceited, yes, yes you are."
Castiel chuckled, pressing another kiss to the top of Dean's head; "I love you. So much."
"I love you too, beautiful."
Smiling, Castiel stroked his hand over Dean's chest, glancing around at his friends and family chatting happily around him. Gabriel caught his eye, grinning and giving him a quick thumbs up.
"When do you want to go to bed?" Dean asked, looking up.
"I know we're on vacation, but I'd like to go to bed before midnight? I'm trying to sort out my sleeping pattern."
"That's fine. Just let me know when."
Dean pulled his t-shirt off, smiling down at Castiel who was already under the covers; "you sure this is okay?"
Cas nodded; "yes..."
Still smiling in an attempt to reassure his boyfriend, Dean crawled under the covers, leaving a sizable gap between the two of them. Cas' breathing quickened as he felt the warmth radiate from Dean's body. Closing his eyes, he began groping to his side until he grabbed Dean's hand, lacing their fingers together. Dean gave them a quick squeeze.
"You're doing great, Cas."
Castiel smiled meekly and cracked an eye open, peering at Dean through the dark, managing the make out his outline. Dean pulled Cas' hand up to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to his knuckles.
"Don't over-think it..."
Cas nodded, stroking his thumb softly against Dean's, trying to build up the courage to scoot closer to Dean. He sucked in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Dean."
"Yeah, Cas?"
"I can't do it."
Dean frowned; "do you want me to put my top back-"
"-No, I mean I can't move... I want to, but I can't and... Could you come closer?"
Dean smiled; "sure... Say when..."
He began shuffling closer, inch by inch. Cas' breathing got heavier but he said nothing. Dean paused when it began to sound like Castiel was having a panic attack, but Cas just tugged on his hand.
"Carry on. Please."
"You're all right?"
"Yes. Please."
Nodding, Dean continued shuffling ever closer, until their arms were pressed together. Cas began regulating his breathing, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, keeping a tight grip on his boyfriend's hand. Dean smiled and lifted their intertwined fingers, kissing each one of Cas' softly.
"I'm proud of you, Cas."
Castiel smiled, opening his eyes ever so slightly; "I think the worst is over... Though there's a lot further to go."
"We'll take it at your pace... You doing okay? Need a bag to breath in to?"
Cas chuckled; "I appreciate the thought but no... Could you... Hold me?"
"Of course!"
Letting go of Cas' hand, Dean slowly slipped his arms around his waist, pulling him a little closer and pushing their bodies together, feeling the heat of Cas against his skin. Cas let out a long breath, getting accustomed to the warmth along his side, slowly beginning to enjoy it.
"This is... This is nice... I'm not feeling uncomfortable so much..."
Dean grinned, kissing Cas' shoulder softly; "well done, Cas. Really."
Cas turned his head to squint at Dean through the dark, a small smile playing on his lips; "I know you're just going to shout at me, but thank you."
Dean chuckled; "I won't shout at you... You're more than welcome, Cas. I'd make a shitty boyfriend if I left you to go through this alone."
"I love you, Dean."
"I love you too, Cas."
Still smiling broadly, Castiel nuzzled his face in to Dean's neck, pressing a few soft kisses in to the skin. Dean hummed happily, stroking his fingers up and down Cas' back.
The next morning the two boys woke up, their limbs tangled together, Cas' face smushed against Dean's shoulder. Dean smiled, gently stroking his fingers against Cas' hot skin, making him squirm when it tickled. Cas was too tired and too blissed out at the feeling of Dean's warm body pressed against his to move, or even talk, resorting to quiet moans and hums to communicate. Dean smiled, seemingly able to understand what Castiel was saying. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of his boyfriend's head, giving him a gentle squeeze.
"Are you planning on leaving the bed today?"
Cas moaned against Dean's chest; "not if I can help it."
"I wish I could be all for that, but I've got needs. I'm not sure how thrilled you'd be about me peeing the bed."
Castiel chuckled and peeled himself from the warm body next to him; "fine, go. Hurry back."
Grinning, Dean grabbed the back of Cas' neck and pulled their lips together, humming appreciatively before scrambling out of the bed. When he returned, Balthazar was leaning on the door-frame, chatting happily with Castiel, who had the sheets pulled up to his chin. Balthazar saw Dean and grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes said enough. Dean shook his head pulled out from Balthazar's grasp, slumping down on to the bed next to his boyfriend.
"Be safe," the eldest Novak sang, shutting the door behind him as he left. Dean sighed.
"I leave you alone for two minutes!"
Cas chuckled nervously; "he was just extending his congratulations."
"...Go us."
"Indeed. Are you joining me or what?"
A grin spread across the larger boy's face as he ducked under the covers, sliding closer to Cas, enveloping him in his arms. Cas smiled, slipping his arms around Dean's waist, resting his head back on his chest, humming happily.
"You're so warm, Cas," Dean sighed, burying his face in Cas' messy hair.
The couple were finally coaxed out of bed by midday; Gabriel wrangled Dean in to agreeing to climb trees with him whilst Balthazar insisted Castiel make dinner with him and have a brotherly chat.
"So you're comfortable?" Balthazar asked, peeling the skins from some tomatoes. Cas nodded, chopping an onion.
"It was much easier than I initially anticipated... And Dean..."
Balthazar smiled widely; "he's a freakin' saint, Cas."
"He is... Do you think I made a deal with the Devil without realising?"
The eldest Novak laughed loudly, wrestling his younger brother in to a one-armed hug; "don't be stupid, Cas. You deserve him; you work hard, you ask for nothing... You're a good person. And as a reward you've been given the perfect boyfriend."
Castiel frowned; "but in return he gets stuck with me."
Balthazar scoffed; "and he should be so lucky! You're giving him something he's never had before; an actual honest-to-God relationship. Which no matter what you say, means more to him than a rampant sex life. I promised I wouldn't, but that boy is so easy to psycho-analyse; he has so many issues! So do you. You're shaping each other in to normal functional human beings... Though I'd hate to think what will happen if you ever separate."
"You think he's happy with me?"
"Shouldn't you ask him that?"
"He could easily lie."
Balthazar smiled; "you're my brother and I love you, but you really are a blind fool. He lights up at the mere mention of your name. I don't think he truly knew what happiness meant until you came along... And as sappy as that sounds, I would bet you my Corvette it's completely and utterly true."
"...You have too many cars, you know that?"
"Is this pity parade over now? You and Dean are meant for each other, deal with it baby bro!"
Cas smiled and put a pan on the stove, pouring in some oil; "I shall deal."
"Good, because I have some... Not so much advice... You're all right to snuggle up with Dean topless, right?"
Castiel nodded.
"So, I was reading the book... I suggest your next step to be to lie together naked."
Cas' eyes widened; "what?"
"Under the covers. No touching. Plenty of space between you... You can hold hands if you like. Just for like, half an hour? You can get dressed afterwards, you don't have to sleep naked... I promise you it will help. It'll show you there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, completely normal. And I'm sure with Dean there with you you'll overcome your fears in a few minutes!"
"...I'm not sure."
"Doesn't have to be tonight, but I honestly think that's the best next step for you. I've read about people in your position who've just been thrown in at the deep end."
Castiel looked down at the pan, watching the oil heat up; "I'll think about it."
"Oh, and just assure me, you're doing this for you, right?"
"It's a bit of both... I gave Dean permission to sleep with other people, but I'd rather he didn't... This is a way for me to give him something he needs."
"On that note Cassie. You're an idiot. I know you're thinking of him and don't want him to get frustrated, but giving him permission to sleep around is a damn stupid idea!"
"There's only so much he can take, he's bound to snap at some point."
"You really think he'd cheat on you?"
"No, but isn't that what everyone thinks about their partners, until they actually end up committing adultery?"
Balthazar sighed; "you have a point, but really Cas... Do you have any idea how much you upset him, telling him he could sleep around?"
Cas frowned; "I'm vaguely aware, yes."
"Take it back, tell him you only want him thinking of carnal deeds with you, and you only."
"Not until I'm comfortable giving him what he needs."
"There's no arguing with you, is there? You'd better be considering my suggestion!"
Outside, Dean and Gabriel had found a decent branch to lounge on, spending some time catching up as best friends.
"College junior, huh? She pretty?" Dean laughed, twirling a lolly between his fingers. Gabriel grinned.
"She's fucking gorgeous. A bit feisty, well, a lot feisty... She's got this dick boyfriend, a Contemporary Poetry major, fucking douchebag."
"It's going well, then?"
"Guess what his name is."
"Is it some dick name?"
"You have no idea!"
Dean smirked; "Willem?"
"Worse."
"...Bartholomew?"
"Close, it begins with B."
"Dude, I have no fucking idea."
Gabriel grimaced almost unable to spit the word out; "fucking... Baldur," he scoffed, emphasising the last syllable. Dean barked out a laugh.
"What the Hell?"
"I know! They come in to the shop sometimes, he's such a fucking stiff. He wears suits, and not in the quirky way Cas does, in the 'I'm better than you' way."
Dean laughed; "does he know you're a Novak?"
Gabriel laughed too; "maybe I should mention it. Then Kali would see I'm way better than fucking Bal-dur."
"Well good luck with that. Want me to have a word with her? Tell her you're a good guy?"
"Nah, I have a few tricks up my sleeve... I was actually thinking of employing Sam to 'accidentally' knock something on one of the douche-nozzle's suits so he'd have to go get cleaned up... Leaving me to seduce the pretty lady."
"You tried making her laugh? Don't chicks usually dig funny guys?"
Gabriel frowned; "not Kali. I don't think I've ever seen her smile... I bet it's gorgeous! I bet her teeth are perfect! Everything else about her is!"
Dean chuckled; "someone's got it bad!"
"Shut up!"
"Hey! Not judging! I know what it's like!"
"Ah yes, Cas-tee-el... How is my socially retarded cousin?"
Dean shrugged; "fine? We're overcoming some of his issues."
"So the book's been helping? I have to admit, I was sceptical. I thought Balth got it him as some kind of piss-take."
"Nope, it's working. We slept topless last night."
"Fuck me! Really? Get in there, Dean-O! You'll make a man out him yet!"
Dean laughed; "that's not my intention, it's all on him."
"Then again, Balthazar is a terrible, terrible influence! I was just a humble but horny guy, but he just adds fuel to the fire! Taking me out to saucy joints, he emails me websites, want me to forward them to you?"
"No thanks."
"Suit yourself, more porn for me... But really, Balthazar is just, awful! Did you know he hosts regular orgies at college?"
Dean barked out a loud laugh, scaring some birds perched on higher branches; "seriously?"
"Oh yeah!"
"...Wow."
"He's my hero."
Everyone gathered in Cas, Dean, and Balthazar's cabin for dinner, sitting around on the sofas discussing their days and lives in general. Dean brought up Kali, subjecting Gabriel to Balthazar's familial ridicule. The Winchesters laughed, entertained watching the usually-self-assured Novak squirm as Balthazar asked inappropriate questions. Jess just giggled, snuggling up to Sam once she'd finished eating; Castiel was too deep in thought to even pay attention to his family.
"So she's at the local college, huh?" Balthazar grinned. Gabriel scowled.
"Yeah, she has family to look after and can't go too far..."
"Aww... But what about this man of hers?"
Gabriel scoffed; "man? Puh-lease!"
"Maybe I should do some interfering."
"No! You're not going near her!"
Balthazar frowned; "I'm offended! Last time I interfered I brought about the biggest love story in human history!"
"Hey! Sammy and I did all the leg work!
"Whatever..."
Dean glanced over at Castiel, who was zoned out, staring at the opposite wall. He gave him a small shove, snapping him out of his daze.
"You ok?"
Cas nodded, looking around at everyone; "fine... Are you finished?"
Before Dean could reply, Cas took his empty plate, gathering everyone elses and took them to the kitchen area. Balthazar took a few minutes out of his time mocking Gabe to follow Cas, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to whisper something in his ear. Gabriel, Sam, and Jess paid no attention, unlike Dean, who watched his boyfriend flush red and nod, biting his lip. Balthazar had a subtle smirk as he gave his younger brother a pat on the shoulder. He suddenly clapped loudly, dragging everyone's attention to him.
"Come on guys, let's eat dessert outside! Smores!"
He grabbed the necessary food stuffs from a cupboard and threw them at Gabriel. Everyone went to move outside, when Balthazar grabbed Dean's sleeve, pulling him away from everyone. Dean looked at him confoundedly.
"Not you, hot-stuff. You and Cas are having another bonding session."
"...Oh?"
"I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I need to know, what's your recovery time?"
Dean's eyes widened; "what? A little personal!"
"Ok... You're going to get naked for Cas, and you don't need to be scaring him off!"
"Right?"
"He's not going to do it for long, so theoretically if you go clean the pipes beforehand..."
Dean nodded, feeling a blush creep up his neck; "oh... Makes sense I suppose."
"Yup, so off you go, I'll distract Cas."
"Yeah, not really in the right frame of mind."
Balthazar sighed loudly; "oh you big girl! Just go and touch yourself!"
He gave him a hard shove towards the bathroom, ignoring the odd looks Cas was giving them as he cleaned the dishes.
"What's going on?"
Balthazar grinned, wandering over to his little brother, picking up a towel to help drying the dishes; "nothing to worry about, you just get your head in the right place."
"I'm just... A little apprehensive."
"What of?"
"...I don't know. I think I'm afraid of Dean reacting badly."
Balthazar smiled; "don't worry about it, you know he won't. Just tell yourself it'll be a great experience, a big learning curve... It'll bring you closer... I also have the feeling you'll like the sight of Dean naked."
"Oh, I'm not going to look at him. I'm not ready."
"Lights off? Fair enough... Seriously though, Cas. One day something's going to happen down in your pants! Dean will make sure of it."
Castiel scowled; "please stop talking, you're not helping."
"Just remember, nothing you do will make Dean love you any less, okay?"
The dishes were done, and Castiel went to wait in his bedroom for Dean, looking around at the room. In his nervousness, he tidied around, straightening out the sheets, putting dirty washing in a separate bag, putting things away. Dean finally entered the room, his hands buried in his pockets.
"You all right, Cas?"
Castiel nodded, looking over Dean's body; "I was wondering..."
Dean chuckled when Cas trailed off; "anything you want, Cas. Anything."
"I uh... I don't know how to... Um..."
Still smiling, Dean took a step forward, cupping his hands around Cas' face, pulling him in to a soft kiss. They rest their foreheads together, closing their eyes, taking in each other's affection and warmth.
"I'm not sure how to articulate it," Cas mumbled against Dean's lips. Dean quirked a small smile, pressing a kiss to Cas' mouth, opening his eyes.
"Good job you have a meddling brother then."
Castiel managed a nervous laugh; "he told you?"
"Of course he did, like he can keep a secret."
Cas opened his eyes, looking in to Dean's captivating greens; "and? What do you think?"
Dean began stroking the back of Cas' neck softly with his thumb; "I think... So long as you're comfortable with it, and want to do it, then let's do it."
"I think I'm okay... You don't mind if I turn out the lights though, do you?"
"Whatever makes you comfortable Cas. Do I need to get that on a t-shirt?"
Cas chuckled and went to flick the lights off, bringing the room to almost total darkness; the only light being from the fire outside seeping through the gap in the curtains.
"So once more, you're sure?" Dean asked. Castiel took a deep breath and nodded.
"Yes."
The sound of clothing rustling as it was pulled off and dumped on the floor sounded loud in the silence. Dean fell on to the bed first, crawling under the covers, his heart thumping in his chest. Cas nervously peeled the covers back on his side of the bed, sliding underneath, keeping at least a foot and a half of space between himself and Dean. They lay in complete silence, listening to the sound of each other breathing and the laughter from outside. Cas could feel his skin tingling all over in anticipation, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He jumped slightly when he felt Dean's hand cover his own.
"You all right?"
Castiel gulped around the lump that had formed in his throat; "yes, I think..."
"Remember, just say the word and we'll stop."
"I think for now, I just need you to hold my hand."
Quiet surrounded them again; Castiel stared up at the ceiling through the dark, trying to even out his breathing. The situation wasn't too bad; he didn't feel pressured, the warmth radiating from Dean's body was actually quite pleasant. There was still the underlying fear of intimacy for no reason, but the longer he pushed the thought of 'oh God I'm naked' from his mind, the more comfortable he became.
"Dean?"
"Hmm?"
"Can you come closer? Not too close, but, a little closer?"
"Sure, of course."
Dean shuffled a few inches towards Cas, smiling when Cas gave his hand a gentle squeeze. For some reason the experience was nerve-wracking for him. He'd lain naked with plenty of people in the past; however he'd never been head-over-heels, completely and utterly, pitifully in love with any of those people. And none of those people had any issue with getting naked. Castiel trusted him; he was afraid he'd accidentally somehow push him too far, make him uncomfortable, which would in the worst-case-scenario cause them to break up.
Cas' thumb stroked Dean's, almost as if he was reassuring Dean on the situation being okay. Dean sucked in a breath, holding it as he waited for Cas to say or do something.
"Are you all right Dean? I'm sure you're more nervous than I."
Dean let go of the breath he'd been holding; "I just... I want you to be as comfortable as possible. I don't want you to feel... Pressured."
Cas smiled, giving Dean's hand another soft squeeze; "don't worry, I'm not. I am nervous but... This is a big step for me. The only thing keeping me sane is the fact I have you to go through this with me, so... Please relax."
Dean chuckled; "sorry."
They lay in a content silence, squeezing each others hands softly, turning to look at each other through the dark, squinting to look in to each others eyes. It suddenly hit Cas that everything was ok, that nothing bad was going to happen, and that Dean was easily the best boyfriend, and possibly human being in the world. Smiling, he tentatively pushed his foot closer to Dean's, pausing, before stroking it softly. Dean grinned.
"Cas. Are you playing footsie with me?"
Castiel chuckled; "perhaps."
"Are you feeling better?"
"Much... I'm naked and... It's not bothering me. Do you want to come closer?"
"How much closer?"
"Um..." Cas blushed, feeling his skin prickle; "all the way?"
"What? Seriously?"
"Yes. Hurry up before I change my mind."
Still grinned, Dean closed the gap between himself and Cas, careful not to push their bodies together, but close enough for certain parts of their bodies to touch. Castiel rolled on to his side, draping an arm around Dean's waist.
"I think, no matter what happens, I'll always enjoy lying with my head on your chest," he sighed, resting his head over Dean's heart. Dean smiled and gently wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, cradling him against his chest.
"You know... This feels almost natural."
Dean chuckled; "yeah?"
"I know the human body is natural. It's nothing to be ashamed of... And you're very warm... Welcoming... It feels right... Don't get me wrong, my heart is still beating around 120 beats per minute, but... I don't know... I'm not so nervous."
"That's... Awesome."
"Yes."
"Do you think you could sleep like this? Or would you like to put something on?"
Cas lifted his head, peering through the dark to look in to Dean's eyes; "...Maybe we should put our boxers on? I think I've overcome the fear of your bare legs, now."
Dean chuckled and pushed his head forward, capturing Cas' lips with his own, softly nibbling on his bottom lip before sitting up. They both quickly found their boxers in the dark and pulled them on before cuddling up again under the covers.
"By the way, Dean, I'm sorry."
Dean frowned; "for what?"
"Bringing you on this vacation, with your brother and best friend, and stealing you from both of them."
Laughing, Dean pressed a few kisses to Cas' forehead; "don't worry about it! Sam's had his fair share of me in his life-time, and Gabe and I caught up earlier, it's all good. I'd rather be here, helping you. It's you I'm planing a life with, not Gabriel... Dear God, the mere idea of it makes me cringe."
Castiel laughed too, squeezing Dean softly.
Castiel began to surprise himself with how quickly he was overcoming his fears. In front of everyone the following day, he pulled a wet and half-naked Dean in to his arms, kissing him hard. Gabriel would have called out if it were anyone else, but with it being Cas he instead tried to stop himself drowning in shock. Similarly, Balthazar and Sam were sat with their jaws almost on the ground, whilst Jess just giggling, tugging on Sam's arm. When they pulled away, Dean was just as shocked as everyone, but instead of spluttering in embarrassment he just smirked and pecked Cas softly on the lips.
"All right, stud?"
Castiel laughed and pulled Dean in for a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder; "you're wet."
"Yeah, well you didn't let me get dry before you jumped me."
"I'd apologise if I were sorry."
"Good, don't be sorry. Anyway, I'm going to get changed. I'll leave you to get a grilling from your brother."
Cas pressed a couple of kisses up Dean's neck, humming; "you're so considerate."
"I try..."
Dean held Castiel at arms length, smiling before pulling him in to a soft kiss and marching back up to the cabin. Cas sighed happily and slunk back over to where his brother was sitting, slumping on to the log bench beside him. Balthazar finally found his tongue.
"So. Cas... What was that? Did you take my advice?"
Castiel sighed, looking up at his brother; "I did... I'm feeling much better... More comfortable. If just for now."
"Well what are you doing here? Go embrace it!"
He gave Castiel a quick shove in the direction of the cabin. Dean was getting ready to hop in to the shower when Cas bumped in to him. He grinned, and without thinking slipped his arms around Cas' waist, yanking him closer.
"I thought you were receiving the third degree?"
"He told me to come claim you."
Dean couldn't help the larger grin that spread across his face; "yeah? Are you here to do just that?"
"Of sorts. What were you doing?"
"I was going to hop in the shower... You planning on joining me?"
"Not today."
"Ok, well...?"
Castiel paused, looking Dean over before grabbing his hand and dragging back in to the bedroom, pushing the door shut. Dean stared at Cas confoundedly, a little worried.
"Cas?"
"I want to see it."
"What?"
"I want to see... You."
Dean paused; "me as in... Me?" he asked, motioning to his body. Cas bit his lip, nodding.
"Yes. Please."
"Very well...? You're not going to laugh, are you?"
"Why would I-?"
"Nevermind... How do you want me?"
Castiel looked around, nervously playing with his hands, before pointing at the bed. Dean nodded and looked around the room himself; the curtains were closed, the door was shut, and Castiel was stood patiently with his hands behind his back, waiting for Dean to make a move. Taking a deep breath, Dean hooked his fingers in to the waist-band of his shorts, pushing them down his thighs. Cas' eyes almost bugged out of his head when the shorts pooled around Dean's feet; watching his boyfriend shuffle back on to the bed, resting his head on the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. After a few long moments, Castiel tentatively stepped closer to the bed, perching himself on the end of it, focusing on Dean's legs for the time being.
"Dean. Could you... Cover your face? The knowledge that you're looking at me is making me nervous."
Dean chuckled; "fine, but no funny business."
"You know I'd never."
Dean grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his head, feeling Cas' watchful stare. He felt the bed shift beside him as Cas shuffled further up, stopping at his thighs. He started to lose track of time; he could have been lying down for a minute or ten. The skin on his left thigh began prickling, the hairs beginning to stand up; the sudden press of warm skin against his thigh almost made him jump.
Very mindful of what he was doing, Castiel began stroking Dean's leg with his fingers, keeping his palm flat against his skin. The thin wiry hairs felt strange, almost grating, especially in comparison to Dean's soft hair on his head. He cautiously let his hand trail up to Dean's hips, tracing a finger around where the bone jutted out; Dean gasped as Cas' finger pushed in to the sensitive spot just under his hip-bone. Moving on, Cas stroked up to Dean's waist, his fingers playing over the soft skin. He could feel Dean's muscles flex and relax under his touch, reacting to everything he did.
After a long time of exploring Dean's lower torso, touching every inch of skin experimentally, Cas finally resolved to look down at Dean's crotch, not surprised to find him half-hard. Softly stroking a finger up and down Dean's hip, he sat perfectly still, just looking, watching it twitch and thicken.
Dean had his eyes scrunched up, his hands fisted in the pillow over his face, worried about how Cas was feeling, whether or not he was going to bolt any second, the situation too much for him. He'd tried his best to think un-sexy thoughts, exercising every ounce of self-control he had, but Cas' gentle, tentative touches was too much for him to resist.
Castiel wasn't going anywhere; quite the opposite. He gulped quietly, giving Dean the once over as he collected his thoughts, before throwing a leg over Dean's, sitting just above his knees, careful not to hurt Dean. He began rubbing soothing circles in to Dean's thighs, feeling them begin to twitch nervously. He couldn't help but smile at Dean's worrying, finding it endearing.
"I'm ok, Dean. Calm down."
Dean's chest heaved as he took in a deep breath, easing the grip he had on the pillow; "you're sure?"
"...Yes. Your understanding relaxes me, I'm not nearly as nervous as I should be..."
Dean smiled; "well that's good... Sorry about... Mini-me."
Cas chuckled; "it's ok, it's not your fault."
"Very well."
With his new-found confidence, Castiel lifted one hand from Dean's thigh, slowly inching it closer to his crotch, pulling back when his erection twitched. Taking a deep breath, Cas gave himself a quick mental pep-talk, squinting until he could barely see, reaching forward until his fingers brushed against the burning hot skin, feeling it pulse at his touch. He could hear Dean suck in a sharp breath. Undeterred, he traced a finger up the large vein on the underside of Dean's member; circling the underside of the head. He stroked and squeezed tentatively with just his fingertips, just to get his head around the idea that he was actually doing what he was doing.
Dean's arm had flopped down to rest at his side, his hands clenching and unclenching, fisting the covers underneath him. His other hand had crept under the pillow so he could bite down on his fingers to stop him making any kind of noise, afraid it could put Castiel off. However, once again his self-control was no match for Cas; he let out a low, gutteral groan when he felt Cas' slender fingers wrap around him, giving a soft squeeze.
"Jesus, Cas."
Castiel looked at Dean's erection, feeling it pulsate in his gentle grasp; "am I right in thinking this is pleasurable?"
Dean choked out a laugh; "God, yeah."
"...And this is what you do to yourself?"
"Um... Kind of."
Cas rubbed his thumb up and down the underside of his boyfriend's dick; "how, then?"
Dean grunted, his knuckles beginning to turn white; "do you want me to tell you? Or show you?"
Castiel paused, still getting used to the weight of Dean in his hand; "...Show me. Please."
Dean released his vulcan-like grip on the sheets and curled his hand around Cas', gripping it firmly, but gently. Castiel watched intently as Dean pumped their hands up and down his shaft, squeezing occasionally, using his thumb to smear the precome that beaded at the head. He became somewhat distracted by the musky, slightly salty smell that filled the room, letting Dean control his hand movements.
"You all right Cas?" Dean grunted, squeezing Cas' hand. Castiel nodded.
"I'm okay... Is this... Okay?"
"It's great, Cas. You're doing great."
Nodding, Cas continued to let his hand be used carnally, listening out for the small noises Dean made, smiling when he choked out "Cas" several times. After a while, Cas' arm began to tire, feeling sore and achey.
"Dean?"
Dean groaned again; "yeah?"
"I hate to ruin the moment, but my arm hurts."
Chuckling, Dean let go of his hold on Cas' hand, and pushed the pillow from his face; "come here."
"What?"
"Come up here."
Shrugging, Castiel shuffled up the bed, leaning down closer to Dean. Dean huffed out a few sharp breaths as he returned to gripping and squeezing his erection, but keeping his eyes locked on Cas.
"You okay?"
Cas nodded, finding it hard to keep his stare fixed on Dean's face as he pleasured himself; "fine."
Dean's eyes were blown, his breaths coming in short pants as he raised his free hand to cup Cas' cheek; "kiss me, Cas. Don't hold back."
Castiel gave Dean a sharp nod, letting himself be pulled down, their lips crushing together messily. Cas moaned in to Dean's mouth, gripping his shoulder tightly to regain some semblance of balance. Dean carded his fingers through Cas' messy hair, clenching occasionally, pulling sharp gasps from the smaller boy. This was by far the dirtiest kiss Castiel had partaken in, even without Dean masturbating at the same time. His heart was thumping harder than ever, he found it hard to breath and his skin was tingling all over. He was sure he was getting a little light-headed from the lack of oxygen, but he didn't care enough to pull away. He was 'in the zone' and he didn't want it to end prematurely.
"Shit, Cas. I love you," Dean mumbled, pressing kisses across Cas' cheek as he took a few deep breaths. Castiel hummed in appreciation, digging his fingers in to Dean's shoulder.
"I love you too, Dean."
"Fuck!"
Dean possessively grabbed the back of Cas' head, pulling him back in to a searing kiss; he was close, and this was easily the least sexy but hottest thing that had ever happened to him. He made a mental note to be the best boyfriend in the whole world afterwards as his tongue tangled with Cas', groaning at all the sensations bombarding him. Cas' fingers were digging in to him hard, there was bound to be a bruise there; but it was all worth it as he arched up from the bed, Cas' name on his lips as he came. The two of them slumped down across each other, panting heavily in to the other's necks. Dean idly began stroking his fingers through Cas' hair. Castiel sat bolt upright, looking around the room.
"Oh my God."
Dean's eyes widened; "Cas? Are you-"
"-I can't believe I did that!"
"I'm sorry," Dean sighed, chewing his lip, a slight frown on his face. Cas shook his head, taking Dean's clean hand and entwining their fingers together.
"No, Dean. It's a good thing. I feel like an agoraphobe who's just taken their first steps outside. I'm... I'm a little shaken, I feel quite dirty, but... I feel good! ...Accomplished even!"
Dean smirked; "all right?"
"I mean, a week ago I'd never seen another human being naked. And here I've just... I just did that!"
"No regrets?"
Castiel smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Dean's forehead; "none whatsoever. Maybe if you were someone else, someone less understanding... But you're perfect, Dean. You really are the best thing for me."
"Well, glad to hear it."
Cas looked down at Dean, his chest still rising and falling quicker than normal, a slight sheen of sweat covered him, semen striped up his stomach and chest. The air was even muskier, but now it didn't bother Castiel; it wasn't exactly pleasant but at this moment it represented the smell of success.
"Dean?"
Dean smirked; "yes? Oh love of my life."
Cas chuckled; "you really need a shower now."
Dean laughed; "yeah, thanks... You going to let me go?"
"I suppose I'll have to."
Dean sat up, slipping his arm around his boyfriend's waist; "I fucking love you, Cas. So damn much! You know that, right?"
Cas smiled, resting his head on Dean's shoulder; "well, I do now. I love you too Dean. And please don't tell me off, but thank you. You don't need to help me through this but... You're amazing."
"I am pretty amazing if I do say so myself. But seriously Cas, I do have you help you; you're my boyfriend! I love you. I'm not letting you go through this alone. Now excuse me, not that you'd know, but dried come is horrible..."
He pressed a quick kiss to Cas' lips, wrapped his towel around his waist and hurried to the bathroom. Castiel flopped down on to the bed, smiling, proud of himself for coming so far in such a short space of time.
That evening, the two of them slept with nothing between them, wearing only their birthday suits.
AN: So... I just wrote that! I actually wrote that! I feel dirty! Our little Cas is growing up! Gah, it feels wrong, but it feels so right, y'know? Anyway, kind of spoiler-y-ish, I need help with general opinions; you can leave comments or send me a PM or whatever, but I want to know... At what point does a man/boy lose their virginity if they're gay? (or in this case in a gay relationship). As in, what "act" is their virginity lost during? I have no clue and I'd just like opinions - or facts? Anyway. Do leave comments, they're the arc reactor to my Tony Stark! (if you get that reference I bloody well love you!)