Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Except Hannah. She is. So back off.
I woke with a start, sheets tangled around me only adding to the rising panic. Once I detangled myself from my bedding I looked around and saw I was still in the room I shared with Hermione and Ginny, that I was still safe and no one was trying to hurt me. In that exact moment anyway. I quietly slipped out of the room, making sure not to wake my roommates and wandered through the hall to the stairs, being extra careful not to wake anyone, or anything.
I found myself in the library and curled up on the window seat watching the moon and the stars, my mind racing through everything that had happened the past few months, what was going to happen, and what could happen. Harry's trial was in a few days, something we were all freaking out about. Sirius was growing restless, something the meetings did nothing to quell. Mrs. Weasley a little more stressed, everyone a little more tired but all doing okay. Everyone else seemed pretty normal. We all had our roles down. Except me it seemed.
I sighed and looked down at my hands, not stained with paint for once, and wondered where I fit in. I didn't have much time to wallow in self pity because a light came on and I all but leapt off the window seat, my heart racing.
"It's just me." Sirius said as he walked towards me hands up, warding off an attack. Not like I could hurt him, I didn't even have my wand. My muscles relaxed a bit and I sat back down.
"Sorry, I'm a little on edge."
"No need to apologize." He sat next to me looking at me with a worried look. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine." The words rolled so easily off my tongue, as if they were second nature.
"No, really Hannah," Sirius looked me in the eye. "How are you." I looked back into those dark eyes and contemplated coming clean, telling him about the nightmares that plagued me, my constant fear that Harry was going to be ripped away from me. What could it hurt?
"I'm tired, that's all." I said quietly. He looked at me, debating whether to call my bluff or take that at face value. "I've told you I don't sleep well in this house."
"Must be the elf heads." He said with a sigh. I giggled and he smiled, one of his rare true smiles. "You should go back to bed."
"No use. I doubt I'll sleep. I was thinking about making some tea." I looked at him again, the light making the dark circles under his eyes very prominent. "You should get some sleep though. You look like shit."
"Hey now! Better than you."
"Sirius that is simply not possible." He smiled again and pulled me into a hug.
"Have your tea then try and get some sleep okay?" I nodded into his chest. "Goodnight love."
"'Night Sirius." He stood up and left, turning the light off. I sighed and made my way to the kitchen. Tea usually did help me sleep so maybe I'd be able to get another few hours. I was not the only one with the idea of a late night kitchen adventure though.
I walked into the kitchen and saw a tall, muscular redhead over the stove. I froze, praying it was George, but I knew it wasn't. He turned around and smiled.
"Hey there."
"Hey Fred." We stood awkwardly for a minute before I noticed the spatula in his hand. "You cook?"
"Don't say it in such a disbelieving tone Potter." he said haughtily. "I am the sun of Molly Weasley after all."
"That is true. I guess I should give you more credit." He grinned and I couldn't help but return it. Then I became very self conscious of the fact that I was in my p.j.s, which consisted of a flimsy camisole and a pair of incredibly tight shorts. I crossed my arms over my chest trying to cover any skin that was exposed. And suddenly covered in goosebumps. "What are you making anyway?"
"Pancakes. Want some?" He glanced over at me. "You look like you could do with some food. Have you eaten anything all summer?"
"Yeah I have. I just don't eat enough."
"Well let's fix that shall we?" He beckoned me over to the stove before turning back to his task. I walked over and hopped up on the counter next to the stove. "Why are you up anyway missy?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"Yeah, this house creeps me out too." He looked intensely at the bubbling batter in the pan. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Look who you're talking to Fred. My life is made up of secrets." He nodded, thinking. "What's up?"
"I can't sleep because of nightmares." He sighed. "My family being killed. Harry, Hermione. You. Everyone dying around me. Me dying. All of it." He looked up at me, waiting for my reaction.
"Can you keep a secret?" But before he could answer I went on. "That's why I can't sleep either." The ball was rolling now and I couldn't stop it. "I'm almost scared to go to sleep now, the things my subconscious projects into my dreams are...terrifying. Harry being ripped out of my reach and hurt. Hermione and Ron being killed trying to protect him. Me, not being able to do anything." I ended quietly, looking at my legs. I suddenly felt Fred's hand on my shoulder, then he was standing in front of me.
"At least they are only dreams right?"
"But there is no relief in waking. The danger of that happen is so real. Especially with Harry." I shook my head. "Anyway. You don't want to hear about my problems."
"No, Hannah it's fine."
"Well I don't want to talk about them then."
"Okay." He nodded and went back to his cooking. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"Teach me how to make pancakes." He smiled at me, and I wondered how anything could go wrong when you were around a smile like that. An hour later I headed up to bed, with a lighter heart and knowing how to make pancakes. I crawled back into bed and curled up trying to relax into sleep. Maybe this whole getting over Fred wasn't actually going to happen. Like I was really trying. I finally drifted off into a much more peaceful sleep, thinking about a certain Weasley.
"Hannah. Hannah." A hand gently shook my shoulder, rousing me from that in between land of dreams and reality. I cracked one eye open and saw Harry sitting on my bed.
"What time is it?" I mumbled from my pillow.
"It's really early. You made me promise to say bye before I went to my hearing." Hearing? What hearing? Oh. THAT hearing. I sat up a little more and looked at him. His light smile was not masking the anxiety from me.
"Harry, you'll be fine. They can't expel you. They've got to see reason." He looked at me, with no hope in his eyes. "Promise me you'll stay under control okay. Think before you speak."
"Says you."
"Yes says me. I know the trouble it gets you into. Please Harry." He nodded. I wrapped him in a tight hug. "I love you, you know that right?" He squeezed me tighter.
"I love you too kid. Now go back to sleep. I'll see you when I get back." He let go of me and I snuggled back into my blankets as he quietly left the room. 'He'll be fine. He has to be.' I thought as sleep pulled me under again.
About three hours later I was pacing in the kitchen, too anxious to do anything else. Mrs. Weasley had tried to get me to eat something but the thought of food made me sick. So I paced.
"Hannah, relax he'll be fine." Sirius said from his seat at the table.
"You don't know that."
"And you don't know that he won't be. So relax. Come eat."
"Ha. Easy for you to say. If he's expelled you'll have found yourself a new roommate, so I can see how you'll be fine if he's not alright." I snapped. He looked at me, eyes dark and hurt. But did that stop me? Of course not. "So excuse me for not being selfish and wanting what's best for Harry. Which is to be at Hogwarts under Dumbledore's protection!" The room had gone deathly still, all eyes locked on me. Even Kreacher who had slunk into the room looked at me. The weight of the words I had just uttered hit me as Sirius clenched his fists and rose from the table.
"Sirius, I'm sorry." I walked toward him but he held his hand up.
"No, you're right." And with that he turned and left. I made to follow him, but a look from Mrs. Weasley made me hesitate. Damn my mouth.
A few hours later Harry was back, he was cleared and all was well. Actually Sirius was sulking and I felt extremely guilty but otherwise everyone was great. I wanted to go talk to Sirius, but before I could Mrs. Weasley handed us our school letters. I ripped mine open and looked at my list not too surprised by the titles.
"Oh my God..." Hermione breathed from her bed across from me."Hannah..."
"Hmmm?"
"I'm Prefect." I looked up at her over my list hiding a grin.
"Oh great. Just when you needed to be more neurotic about rules." She looked up at me with a dazed look and I laughed. "Congratulations Hermione!" I jumped up and hugged her tightly. "Let's go tell the boys!"
She clutched her badge tightly in her grasp and we ran to the boys room, where Harry was standing with a pin in his hand, Ron, Fred, and George standing looking confused.
"Did you-did you get-?" Hermione asked before seeing the badge. "I knew it! Me too, Harry, me too!"
"No," Harry said quickly giving the badge back to Ron. "It's Ron, not me." Now I understood the confused looks.
"What?"
"Ron's prefect not me." Harry said, a dark edge in his voice.
"Ron?" Hermione's jaw dropped drastically. "But-"
"Congratulations Ron! That is fantastic!" I said and hugged him. He smiled slightly, but his eyes were still on Hermione.
"Yes! Well done Ron!" Hermione finally managed. "That's really..."
"Unexpected," George said nodding.
"No it's not! He's done...loads..."Hermione was having a hard time justifying this event, but was saved by Mrs. Weasley coming in. Taking this distraction I slipped out and went up to find Sirius. His door was closed so I knocked carefully.
"Sirius?" I heard no response. I turned the doorknob carefully but it was locked. "Come on Sirius let me in." A moment later the door opened and Sirius was standing in front of me.
"What."
"Hi nice to see you too." He simply looked at me waiting. "Okay, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. That wasn't fair. I know how much you care about Harry and how much you want the best for him. I know you're lonely too. But that was uncalled for and I'm sorry." He looked at me, eyes narrowed and sighed.
"You know I never could stay mad at your mother either." I blinked at him confused before remembering he had known my mom.
"Well lucky for me I seemed to have inherited that trait huh?" He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug.
"Lucky for both of us." He said into the top of my head.
"Does this mean we're okay?"
"Of course. You're just about as high strung as they come and incredibly stressed. Maybe more than some of us." I nodded into his chest and squeezed tightly.
"We'll be okay right?"
"I don't know," he said. "I wish I could tell you. I wish I could promise you that all of this would turn out okay. But I can't. And I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. We don't have to worry about that right now," I whispered. "Come on. Hermione and Ron are prefects and Mrs. Weasley wants to celebrate." I pulled away from the hug and smiled up at him. He looked at me with concern. "We'll be okay." I said again taking his hand and pulling him downstairs. "Let's go be in the happy moment."
We don't know how many we'll have left.
A/N: Desperate attempt number 2 to keep going. I think it went a little better. Summer is finally here so I'll try to get more chapters (and stories in general) up. Read and review if you would!