Title: The Voices

Rated: M (Mature)

Genre(s): Romance/Angst

Pair(s): Randy/Adam, Phil/Jeff, etc.

Summary: Randy has been keeping a secret from Adam, and it is threatening to destroy their relationship. What is that secret? And when all is out in the open, will their love survive?

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, besides my OCs.

Warning: Slash, Violence, Mpreg

Part: 18/20 – Come Back to Me

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The doctor had removed Randy's ventilator and for the first time in seventy-two hours, Randy's vitals were stable without the assistance of a machine. His chest was a little sore, but that was understandable. Currently, he had the bed situated so that he could sit erect, with a bunch of pillows stuffed behind his back to add support to his shoulders. He had a Styrofoam cup filled with icy cold water, which was all he was allowed to take in at the moment to see how much his stomach could handle. The doctor assured Adam that once Randy could stomach solid foods, he would be released into Adam's care.

However, Randy had other ideas. Once he was released from the hospital, he intended to check himself in to the St. Louis Psychiatric Clinic for a full evaluation. He was fully aware of all of the pain that he had put Adam through, from hitting him to jumping off of the bridge, and he wanted to ensure that something of this scale never happened again. Adam tried to assure him that he wasn't mad about the fact that Randy had hit him, that he understood, but Randy wouldn't listen to him. Randy had convinced himself that he was a monster, and he didn't want to hurt Adam like he had been hurt.

"Randy." Tentatively, the blond reached out and touched the sheared brunette's hand. When Randy didn't flinch away, he intertwined their hands and looked directly into Randy's eyes. "You're not Stu. You're not a monster."

"You didn't see the look in your eyes after I hit you, Adam. The fear. The hatred." Randy shivered. "It was the exact same way that I used to look at Stu. You deserve better than me, Adam."

"Why don't you let me decide what I deserve?" Adam snapped back.

"Can't you understand that every minute you're around me, you're in danger? I'm not rational, Adam. I never have been. I stabbed a man with a glass shard before he even laid a finger on me!" Randy exclaimed.

Adam shook his head, blond locks tumbling over his shoulders. "Randy… it was self-defense. You knew that Stu would kill that baby. You had no other way to defend yourself."

"I could have killed him." Randy confessed sullenly.

"But you didn't," Adam said, "think on that. Think on the positive."

"How can you not be afraid of me?" Randy asked.

"I'm not afraid of you because I love you. You say that you saw the look in my eyes when you hit me? Well, I saw the look in yours. Terror. Fear. Self-Loathing. A real monster wouldn't hate himself for hurting the ones he loves!" Adam exclaimed. "You love me and that's why you did this to yourself. If you didn't love me, then you wouldn't care."

Silence fell over the room like a ton of bricks. Randy looked down at the table in front of him, his eyes following the elaborate designs on the wooden surface. Anything to not have to look at Adam. But Adam's calm, knowing green eyes bore into his side. They burned holes into his skin, letting him know that he wasn't about to give up on him anytime soon. Finally, Randy turned back to him. His own icy cerulean orbs were filled to the brim with tears, tears that would never be shed. He took a breath and held it. Finally, he could admit to himself that he was afraid. Hell, he was damn well terrified of the truth.

"All of those dreams that I had, those horrible nightmares… all of them were about Stu." Randy confessed. "I would lash out into the darkness and break alarm clocks, lamps… fall out of bed… and one time, I almost hit you."

Adam frowned; he didn't remember that at all. "When was that?"

Randy chuckled bitterly. "You honestly don't remember?" Adam shook his head. "You were six months pregnant with Kimberly at the time. You tried to wake me up from my dream and, well, I open my eyes to find my fist centimeters away from your face."

"That wasn't your fault." Adam denied. He still didn't remember the occasion. "I should have been more cautious about how I woke you from your dream. Instead, I just rushed in and I scared you."

"You should've been more careful?" Randy scoffed. "I should be the one who is more careful! I don't… I don't trust myself around you anymore, Adam. Hitting you was bad enough, but what if I… what if I do something worse?"

"I know that you won't do anything worse, Randy, because I trust you. I trust the doctors at the St. Louis Psychiatric Clinic to find out what's wrong with you and to make it better. And then, you'll return to me and we can be a family again. You, me, Kimberly, and Alannah. Maybe we'll even have more." Adam said.

"You… you met Alannah?" Randy sounded surprised; astonished, even.

"Yes, I did." Adam confirmed. "And she's a beautiful little angel who looks just… like… you."

From the way Adam talked about Alannah, Glenn hadn't told him the entire story. But that was okay. Randy preferred it if he were the one to tell Adam that story, anyway. He and Adam talked for a little while longer, the atmosphere between them slightly more relaxed now that Adam had laid all his cards down on the table. Finally, Adam excused himself down to the cafeteria for some dinner. He asked if Randy wanted anything to drink, since he wouldn't be allowed to eat for another hour or so, but Randy declined. Adam kissed his boyfriend's forehead and left for the basement.

OOOO

Phil, still extremely worried about his husband after the brief conversation that he had had with Jay, had decided that drastic times called for drastic measures. He packed what little he would need and shipped himself off to Cameron, North Carolina. When he arrived several hours later, he rented a car and drove it to the house that they had rented together. It was down the street from the house that Jeff and Matt had lived in as a child, and next door to the house where Matt lived with his long-time fiancée AJ Lee.

Phil used his spare key to enter the house, seeing as all of the lights were off inside. Jeff's car wasn't there, but Phil hadn't expected it to be. After all, the Enigma had just been in a major accident and his car was in the junkyard getting ready to be turned into scrap metal. Phil entered the den and threw his suitcase down by the staircase, kicking off his sneakers in some random direction as well. His olive eyes fell on the form curled up on the couch. The man's breath was labored and uneven, there was a bloodstain on the couch, and Jeff was unconscious.

Quickly, Phil knelt down beside his baby and set his hands on the man's swollen stomach. His worry mounted as Jeff let out a pained moan just from his tender touch. Slowly, Phil stroked the swollen stomach as he tried to think of what to do. He called out to his husband, but Jeff couldn't hear him. He lifted Jeff's shirt a little bit to see a thick, dark red mark on the tattooed skin. Frantically, he reached for his cell phone and dialed 911. He took hold of Jeff's hand, thankful to at least feel Jeff's fingers weakly twist around his.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I think that my husband is losing his baby."

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A/N: Please Review!