Little bit o' Steve and Clint interaction in this one – at first when I saw the prompt, I was a little stumped, but after a few minutes of thinking it just came to me: PHIL. D': Here you are! And thanks so much again for the reviews (:

prompt five: seeking solace

word count: 831

Clint had heard Cap's hesitant footsteps approaching him from behind. He had expected a nonchalant clearing of the super soldier's throat, or perhaps a light tap on the shoulder – not for a cascade of bloodied trading cards raining from the heavens.

"Hello to you too, Rogers," Clint said calmly, gathering the cards and handing them over his shoulder without a single backwards glance.

Steve sidled up next to him and sat, sighing softly as he settled into a comfortable position. "Barton, I—"

"We pretty much saved the world together. Let's do first names, 'kay bud?"

Steve sniffed uncertainly. "You called me by my last name, I guess I just thought—"

Clint chuckled dryly. "I was just giving you a hard time. Now stop saying ridiculous things so I don't have to interrupt you anymore. I don't like feeling like Stark, I want to hear what you have to say." Clint turned to look at Steve with an expression of such genuine interest that Steve almost began to wonder whether or not he should trust the assassin at all. But if what he'd observed of Clint since the man had been released from Loki's spell was accurate, he was a good person – the kind of person Steve could talk to easily.

Steve nodded and ran a hand through his hair, frowning at his shoes. "I just… I wanted to talk about Agent Coulson. Uh, Phil."

Something unrecognizable flashed in Clint's blue-gray eyes. Steve wasn't sure if the assassin had actually stiffened or if it was just his imagination. Clint didn't reply for what felt like a very long time, and the air crackled with tension – when finally the archer spoke, his tone dark with emotion. "What about Phil?"

"I didn't really get to know him for very long. Certainly nowhere near as long as you knew him. But I've been thinking about him, and I don't know, you just seemed like the guy to go to about it—"

"I don't really want to talk about Phil, Steve." Clint maintained eye contact flawlessly, and Steve suppressed a shudder. The archer's stare was intense. Clint cracked a small, humorless smile. "Didn't I say I didn't want to interrupt you anymore?"

Steve didn't know how to respond. He sat there sheepishly and tried not to break the silence by breathing too loudly.

Clint shook his head slowly. "You didn't offend me, Cap. It's just hard, you know? I blame myself," he explained, raising a hand as Steve opened his mouth to interject, "for all of it. And don't try to talk me out of that. You won't be the first one, and you wouldn't be the last. But it's not going to help."

"Natasha?" Steve questioned, wondering why he bothered to ask the question when he already knew what the answer would be.

"And Fury. And Bruce. And Pepper. Hell, Tony even tried to cheer me up – tried, mind you," he added with a hint of amusement.

"Well, ever thought that maybe they're onto something?" Steve raised an eyebrow, and Clint scoffed.

"I'm touched by everyone's concern, really I am, but I'm kind of a wallower. I like to wallow. Right now, I'm wallowing in a large pool of guilt. More like a lake, really. Maybe someday I'll stop the wallowing and start to wade towards the shallow end – but for now, I'm going to wallow on." He inhaled deeply. "It's how I cope."

"If you don't mind me asking, how on earth is that any sort of an effective coping mechanism?"

Clint laughed at this. "So much of my job involves turning my feelings off, pushing my emotions aside – I like to remind myself that I've still got them. That I'm still human, you know."

Steve watched the archer for a moment, thinking. Then, "You know how Natasha says that thing, about the red in her ledger?"

Clint cocked his head, signaling for Cap to go on.

"She's wiping that away, gradually. And you can, too."

"A nice sentiment," Clint said quietly, "but that's thing – can we really do that? Does it really cancel out? Can we ever truly make up for the pain and tragedy we've caused? Or are we only fooling ourselves?"

In that moment, Steve realized many things – how broken Clint and Natasha truly were, why they felt such a need to avenge, and why they were so perfect for each other… he put a strong hand on Clint's shoulder and smiled warmly. "Doesn't hurt to try."

Unexpectedly, Clint said, "You were Phil's hero."

Steve averted his eyes, suddenly feeling a bit weepy. "I know." He fought to keep his voice from breaking.

"Sometimes I even thought I felt a little jealous." When Steve saw Clint grinning, he couldn't help but do the same. "Thought I felt it. Never said I really did. Don't let that genetically modified vintage head of yours get any bigger, you don't want to be the next Stark, Captain."

"Thanks, Barton."

"Anytime, Rogers."