Chapter Four

As Jac entered the small country pub she noticed how busy it was for a Wednesday night. She began to look around for Joseph, hoping that it wouldn't be too hard to find him. She spotted him sitting at a small table in the corner next to a big log fire. Making her way over to him he quickly noticed her. As she approached him she stopped dead, looking directly into his eyes he saw fear as she raised her hand to her mouth and headed quickly back out the door.

"Typical!" Jac groaned. This had been the first day in weeks where she hadn't felt or been sick. 'Spoke too soon' she thought as she bent over once again and emptied the contents of her stomach over the pub car park. She felt a familiar voice smoothing her as he rubbed her back gently.

"Sorry," she groaned looking up at Joseph's concerned face.

"That's ok, girls tend to throw up when they look at me," he joked.

She gave him a bemused look before turning back to be sick once again.

"Ugh," she moaned, "This baby hates me,"

"Why do you say that?" Joseph laughed.

"Because I haven't gone a day without either feeling sick or being sick. Whoever said morning sickness goes after the first couple of months has obviously never been pregnant,"

"Would you rather go for a walk instead of a drink? The fresh air may do you good," Joseph suggested.

"Please," Jac nodded. Joseph led them down the country lane back towards the small village below.

"So," Jac began trying desperately to break the silence "You enjoying country life?"

"It's ok," he said a little less enthusiastic than Jac had expected.

"Just ok?" she probed a bit further.

Sighing he rubbed his hand through his hair. "It's a nice village, a great place to bring up a child…or children," He looked affectionately down at Jac's swelling stomach. Meeting her eyes, he stopped still and took her hands in his. "I miss Holby a lot though,"

Jac kept his gaze "Just Holby?" she asked.

"No not just Holby," he said smiling "I've missed you too,

"I've missed you too," Jac repeated.

"Jac," Joseph said his voice sounding serious "Can I ask you a question?" They began walking again, Joseph's hand still firmly in hers.

"Yeah,"

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby?"

He sounded hurt. Jac hated the thought of upsetting him. "I never meant to hurt you Joseph," she began her voice quiet and reflecting, "At first I was in shock, I had been told years ago that I wouldn't be able to have children. Once I got my head around the thought of being a mum I thought about contacting you but I was scared,"

"Scared?" he repeated confused.

"I was scared that you'd reject me. Tell me that you wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. Or worse you'd think I'd planned this to trap you, keep you with me in Holby. I couldn't bare the thought that you'd be disappointed or angry with me," Tears began to fall fast from her face "Damn these stupid pregnancy hormones,"

"Oh Jac," he sighed, "Never think that I could be disappointed in you," he pulled her into him, wrapping his one arm around her waist as the walked on.

"I thought about a termination," she looked up at him, noticing his horrified reaction she continued, "It was only for a brief second. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking this was my only chance to be a mum. And even better this baby was ours. I would have a part of you with me, to make up for what I had lost.

Joseph lent his head forehead against hers as they walked. "Come back to mine," Joseph said, "It's not far and it's a lot nicer than where your staying at the moment,"

"I don't know," Jac answered unsure. This was taking them into dangerous territory. They hadn't even discussed them yet.

"I promise to behave myself," he grinned "No funny stuff,"

Jac laughed, "Well then, how can I refuse,"

It only took ten minutes to get back to Joseph's house even at the speed of a waddling woman. Joseph greeted Mrs Walker as they entered the living room. "How's he been?"

"Perfect," Mrs Walker answered "Harry is always an angel,"

"Thank you for today," Joseph said handing her several notes from his wallet. "Is it ok to drop him around about eight thirty tomorrow?"

"Yes that's fine," she answered "But Mr Byrne this is way too much money," She tried to hand it back but Joseph would not accept it.

"No keep it, you did me a great favour keeping him this evening. Something really important came up and I'd have been lost without you,"

"Important?" she questioned, looking directly at Jac.

"Mrs Walker this is Jac, Jac this is Mrs Walker," Joseph began introductions " Mrs Walker looks after Harry for me during the week,: he told Jac "And Jac is…..," His what? How could explain his relationship with Jac to Mrs Walker when he had no clue himself. What could he refer to her as? My ex girlfriend, the mother of my unborn child. In the end he opted with just friend. Mrs Walker didn't sound all to convinced, especially when she noticed Jac's condition. However she didn't say anything, she just thanked Joseph for the money and bid him a good night; barely acknowledging Jac was even present.

'Stuck up cow,' Jac thought to herself watching Harry's child minder leave.

"I'll be back in a moment," Joseph told her "I just want to check on Harry. Can I get you a drink?"

"Yes please," Jac answered, "Can I have a cup of tea?"

"Certainly, I shall be back in a couple of minutes,"

After Joseph had left the room Jac began to survey the surroundings. It was a small home, but it was very cosy. Styled with old furniture and simple décor it had the feel of an old English cottage to it. Jac began to wonder around the room. She made her way over to the fireplace. She noticed several photos placed upon the shelf above the fire. There was one photo of Harry in an Easter bunny outfit, ears included. Jac laughed poor kid look less than impressed. Even barely a year old and he knew what was unfashionable. Shame his father didn't, Jac was sure that Joseph had been the one to subject the poor child to the humiliation of having to wear that costume.

The photos were a mixture of different portraits and snap shots of both family and friends. Jac picked up a photo that caught her eye and thumbed the glass where the two figures lay. It was a picture of her and Joseph that had been taken years ago, the first time they'd dated, before all the mess with his father had occurred. They looked genuinely happy in the image. It was a close up of the two of them and Joseph had his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. They were kissing and looked very much in love. Where did it all go wrong? Why did she always have to put her career before her personal life? She should have chose Joseph both back when she was trying to advance her career and when he left with Harry. Instead she had listened to her head instead of following her heart and that was the biggest mistake she had ever made. She began to cry, tears falling down onto the glass making the image look slightly distorted. Distorted is how everything felt right now, she was so alone. Sure Greg had been there supporting her, but she wanted Joseph, she needed Joseph. Nothing made sense without him.

Joseph could tell she was crying the moment he walked back into the living room. Her whole body was shaking violently and there was no way she was able to silence her sobs that were coming quick and fast. Saying nothing Joseph put down the drinks and approached her from behind. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her to him and rested his head upon her shoulder.

"Don't cry," he whispered. He noticed the picture she was holding in her hands and a sad smile reached his lips. He knew why she was crying. She missed them, he missed them too. There was a hole in his heart and he needed Jac to fill it.

"Sorry," she cried "I hate being pregnant, it's turned me into a right girl. I'm always crying,"

He turned her around in his arms and kissed her forehead. "I must look a mess," she whispered.

"You look beautiful," He answered sincerely. Tenderly he placed a gentle kiss on her lips, calming her instantly.

Taking her non-horrified reaction to his lips as a positive Joseph became brave and kissed her again, and again, each one becoming more passionate. He began to trail his lips from hers and down her neck, placing sweet soft kisses where he knew he would get the reaction he desired. The reaction he was looking for came quickly as Jac let out a soft low moan, telling him that she was enjoying what he was doing.

"Joseph," her breath was getting shallower "We can't do this,"

"Why not?" he asked taking a brief moment to question her reservations before returning to her neck. She gently pulled away from him, looking directly into his beautiful bright eyes.

"Things are such a mess right now," she began "We need to discuss where we stand before we do anything. Besides getting naked and showing you that I look like a whale isn't something I want to do right now. My heads all over the place,"

Sighing gently he knew she was right. He didn't want to do anything that would mess everything up. There was a chance that they might get things back on track and Joseph was going to take it. "Ok," he said kissing her head "We'll talk properly tomorrow. Stay the night," Off Jac's look he explained himself in more detail "Just stay with me in my bed. I'm not expecting anything. I just want to hold you and keep you and our baby safe and warm. Please Jac,"

Jac nodded "Ok Joe, and we'll sort everything out tomorrow?"

"Yep," he pulled her into his arms and for the first time in forever she felt like she belonged.