Chapter Five

Jac had been soundly sleeping in Joseph's arms when she heard her phone vibrating in her handbag. Looking at the clock she groaned. Who the hell would be calling her at 1.30 am? Whoever it was would get both barrels for pulling her from her peaceful slumber.

Quietly pulling herself out of bed in the hope not to wake Joseph she quickly made her way over to where the noise was. Pulling her mobile out of her bag she read the caller id. Greg! What the hell could he want at this time of the night?

"Hello," she whispered making her way out of the bedroom.

"Jackie," Greg squealed down the phone "Your awake?"

"I am now," she hissed "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Sorry," he apologised "I just fancied a chat,"

"At one thirty in the morning! Are you drunk?"

"Maybe," he giggled like a schoolgirl. Yep he was defiantly drunk.

"Greg I was enjoying sleeping," she sighed.

"You are very lovely. Do you know that Jac?"

Jac rolled her eyes; Greg Douglas drunk was a sight to be seen. She had witnessed his drunken antics before. Usually she was of the same disposition. Holby work outings could get pretty epic. There had been many a night that she and several of her work mates had carried each other home drunk. She had seen Greg's drunken phone conversations before, yet she had never been on the receiving end of it.

Greg's incessant chatter interrupted her train of thought. "I know that you put up this 'Ice queen' persona and let everyone think you're a cold hearted bitch."

"Gee thanks Greg," Jac said sarcastically "Tell it like it is,"

"I hadn't finished," he chastised her "But underneath it all you is very lovely, and very pretty, and you is my bestest friend in the whole world,"

Jac smiled finding this drunken soppy side of Greg quite endearing "Even more bestest than Ollie?" she asked mocking him slightly.

"Even more than boy Valentine," he said seriously "I love you Jac,"

"I love you too you," she said chuckling to herself "Now go to bed and get some sleep. We'll talk properly tomorrow when you're not so drunk and giving out the love. Ok?"

"OK,"

"Oh and make sure you end up in your own bed Greg Douglas," she warned him "I don't want to hear that you've broken some poor nurses heart when I get home. Or worse catch something nasty that I have to prescribe you antibiotics for,"

"Ok mom," he mocked "Night night,"

"Night Greg," She hung up the phone, it was probably best if she turned her mobile off altogether. She wouldn't put it past Greg to try calling again. The sound of Harry's soft cries pulled her from her thoughts. Her voice must have woken him. Bloody Greg! She doubted if she'd get back to sleep at all tonight. She opened the door to his bedroom and made her way over to the cot. His cries were getting louder. Not wanting Joseph to be losing sleep as well she decided to try and calm Harry's cries herself. Picking him up, she gently shushed him until he began to quieten. As much as she had always given the impression that she hated children she was always good with them. It was from spending years in foster homes, there was always a baby that you'd have to be a surrogate sister too. She spotted the rocking chair in the corner of the room and took Harry over to it. Sitting down she lay him down in her arms and began gently rocking him back and forth.

"Hey there," she soothed "Did Jac wake you up? I'm sorry but Uncle Greg thought it was a good idea to have a chat at stupid o'clock in the morning. Isn't he silly?"

The boy in her arms smiled up at her and giggled. Warmth spread through her heart as she looked down at the image of Joseph.

"In a months time you will have a little brother or sister," By now Harry was being to fall asleep but Jac didn't care, it was nice to talk to him, he was a good listener. "You've got to promise that you'll be a good brother and always look after him or her,"

Sighing she looked back down at Harry "If I tell you something Harry you have to promise to keep it between us. I'm scared Harry. I'm scared of becoming a mum." Sensing no reaction from Harry she carried on. "I'm frightened of pain, what if I can't handle it," She paused briefly "But most of all I'm scared of not knowing what to do. What if I'm just like my mum? What if in the end all I can do is run? I spent years wondering what I did wrong, not understanding how she could abandon me. I don't want my child to ever feel like that. I don't want them to think they are unloved like I do,"

"You are loved," Joseph's voice startled her "And you will make a great mum,"

"How long have you been there?" she asked.

"Pretty much since you told Harry that Greg had woke you up," He answered "Why did he call by the way?"

"God knows," Jac answered, "He was drunk. I was probably the first number he recognised in his address book,"

Joseph sat down on the floor next to Jac and Harry "You're a natural with him,"

"Living in foster homes you get used to looking after kids," Jac answered sadly.

"You'd don't have to be scared Jac," Joseph told her putting a reassuring hand on her knee "I'll be with you every step of the way,"

"Every step?" she questioned.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be Jac," he told her

"What do you want to be?" she asked him seriously "I know we said we'd talk tomorrow, but as you've brought the subject up,"

He looked up into her beautiful eyes; even with the limited light he could see that she was searching his for an answer.

"Honestly?" He asked

She nodded. "I want you," he told her "I want you, I want us and Harry and the baby to be a family,"

"I want that too,"

Joseph's smile was a mile wide "That's great Jac. You'll love it here, we can be a proper family at last,"

"Wait," Jac looked at him puzzled "Come here and live with you. You mean while I'm on maternity leave right?"

"Well yeah," Joseph told her "But not just then, I mean forever,"

"But what about my job?" Jac asked.

"What about it?" Joseph answered "You won't be going back to work will you? The sensible thing to do is resign once your maternity leave is up,"

Jac could feel her blood boiling. How dare he? How could he expect her to give up everything she had ever worked for? Having Harry in her arms was the only thing calming her down. Frightened she was going to wake him again she spoke quietly "Do you really expect me to give up my career?"

"Well how do you expect to carry on Jac? You can hardly take a child into theatre can you"

"The baby can stay in the crèche when I'm working," Jac told him "Granted I'll have to reduce my hours but if Connie Beauchamp can do it I can't see why I can't,"

"But this can be a new start for us," he implored "We can finally be happy,"

"Not if it's all on your terms,"

"Jac this won't work any other way,"

"Oh so now you're emotionally blackmailing me?" she asked angrily

"No," he answered frustrated "I'm just asking you to think sensibly,"

"Is it sensible to give up a career that I love?" she asked distressed. "To sacrifice everything,"

"That's what you do when you have kids," he told her earnestly.

Standing up abruptly Jac put Harry back into his crib and headed back out the room. Joseph grabbed her arm "Jac please," he begged "I don't want to fight,"

"Then support me," she answered.

"I'll always support you," he told her "But you can't expect me to sit back and watch you make a big mistake. You grew up without a mother, do you really want the same thing to happen to our child?"

Jac felt like she had been winded. Tears welled up in her eyes and she could feel both her resolve and voice breaking "How. Dare. You. I am nothing like my mother," she sobbed "I would never do that to my child. I will be there for them, but that doesn't mean that I have to give up having my career," She pulled her arm free from his grip and left the room.

Joseph could hear her crying in his room, he knew he had hurt her but still he couldn't go in there and comfort her. He knew it wouldn't be what she wanted. Pregnancy had softened Jac but when she was angry it would always be best to stand well clear. Things wouldn't look so bad in the morning; he would talk to her then.