Title: Don't Say That!
Characters: Ron, Harry, Pansy
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Characater's are JK's and I make no profit from this. And song is by Enrique Iglesias
Summary: Harry and Pansy warn Ron about his poor use of words.
"So, what is it?" Ron asked.
"Well, I can't be sure yet but you and Granger won't be shagging any time soon," Pansy replied, as she checked Ron's bits.
"What!"
"Ron, calm down. It's only logical," Harry said, as he looked away from his friend.
"What do you mean logical? How is that logical?" Ron gestured wildly and Pansy had to move out of the way to avoid being hit.
"Watch it, Weasley," Pansy said, glaring at him.
"Ron, look at it. That's pretty swollen. You can't... you can't do anything for a while." Harry grimaced, as he thought about what it would be like not being able to give a good shagging.
"Weasely, someone probably hexed you or slipped something in your underwear. Pissed anyone off recently?" Pansy asked, as she rummaged through a cabinet.
"No. I don't think so anyway."
"Hm. Well, there's a salve I could give you but it'll take a few days to brew. In the mean time keep it in your pants. And try not to wank."
"What? Why?"
"Well it's going to be a bit painful. But if you're into that sort of thing then-"
"Fuck my ass!" Ron exclaimed exasperated.
"What?" Harry exclaimed, as his head snapped towards Ron's direction. Pansy was visibly trying not to laugh, too much that is.
"I can go get a strap on for Granger if you'd like," Pansy smiled at him.
"What?" Ron had a confused look on his face.
"Well, you did say to-"
"I didn't mean it like that!" Ron yelled, as his face turned red. "I just meant that it's a horrible situation."
"Ron, you realise that that could be seriously misinterpreted," Harry chided.
"I picked it up from the guys at the office."
"Really, Weasley, you're so impressionable," Pansy said, as she handed him his pants. "Anyway, I'll owl you when the salve is ready."