I wasn't going to continue with this story, since it got very little interest, but I got a lot of messages asking me to finish it, and I've got time so I wrote another chapter! :) This is harder to write than I thought, so sorry if it goes slowly. Please Review!
Emma sat on the huge fluffy bed, holding a wrinkled piece of paper tightly in her hands. The house was dark, and seemed even bigger than it really was due to the overwhelming emptiness. Emma had never been completely comfortable in Carl's large home, but his strong presence always made her at ease. Now that he was gone, the house seemed scary and empty.
She blinked away tears, so overwhelmed by the day's events. She unfolded the small paper in her hands for the zillionth time, rereading the ten digits scrawled onto it again, even though she had already memorized them. Holly Holiday. The only person left that she had. Emma had either pushed away or hurt everyone else in her life. And in the car less than an hour ago, she had actually talked to her about her true feelings. That hadn't happened in a long time.
Emma closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a moment. She didn't know what was going on. She didn't know what road her life was going down. A tear slid down her cheek as Emma realized how badly she had messed up.
Suddenly, the front door banged shut, jolting Emma from her thoughts. She opened her eyes and quickly wiped away her tears, stuffing the wrinkled piece of paper into her pocket. She stood up, still sniffling, just as the bedroom door creaked open and Carl walked in, looking hesitant and worn out.
"Emma…" His voice was hoarse and tired.
"Ca…Carl…" Emma stuttered nervously, not knowing what to expect.
"Look, Ems, I'm sorry. I've been a terrible husband. I shouldn't be pressuring you to leave your comfort zone. I just… I get so frustrated sometimes…" his voice trailed off.
Emma nodded, a pained look on her face. "I… I know. I'm sorry too Carl, I just… I don't know, I guess there's something wrong with me…"
Carl shook his head. "No… Em, there's not… ugh. Come here." He pulled Emma in for a hug as she began to whimper quietly. She was so dejected, and so confused.
Why can't I just be normal? Why is my body so…behind… everyone else's? She thought. After a moment, she pulled away from Carl and wiped her eyes, sniffing one last time.
"I'll give you what you want, Carl. I… I just need a little more time. I know it's hard. But… I just don't want to lose you," Emma begged, knowing it was a lie, knowing she would never be able to give herself to him, to a man she knew she was not in love with.
"I'm willing to wait, Emma. I love you."
And so it was resolved in words, but neither of them felt resolved emotionally. That night, the bed seemed bigger than ever as the two slept facing opposite directions, a mile separating their bodies.
The next day, Emma drove herself to work, arriving early as she often liked to. It gave her extra time to organize paperwork, figure out her schedule for the day, and just get situated in her well-organized office. As she sat in her office, preparing for her first appointment, a light knock could be heard on her glass door. Holly's smiling face appeared through the glass and Emma instinctively smiled back, bringing Holly to open the door and slowly come inside.
"Hey," Holly said with a smile.
"Hi," Emma replied tentatively.
"I… I hope it's okay that I stopped by. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Since… you know, last night…"
Emma looked down at her desk and swallowed.
"Um… yeah. I… no it's fine, um… Carl came back last night. He um… he said he would wait for me. And we… we worked it out." Emma chewed on her lip.
"Oh! Really? That's… great." Holly was surprised. She didn't expect Carl to give Emma another chance. "So are you…. so everything's good?"
Emma bit her lip nervously. So many emotions were built up inside of her, and she didn't want to cry at work. But there was something about Holly's sincere face, her warm voice that convinced Emma to talk honestly.
"No," she admitted. "Everything is not good. I… I can't keep doing this, Holly. I'm lying to him, and I'm lying to myself." Her voice had gotten a little hysterical and she lowered her voice a bit, taking a deep breath. "I will never be ready to be… intimate… with Carl. That's the truth." She blinked quickly, avoiding eye contact with Holly.
"Why is that?" Holly said, moving closer to the small counselor and putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I… I don't know," Emma cried. "I just don't… I don't feel it with him."
"Feel what?"
Emma shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered. It was unexplainable.
Holly nodded, and began to rub Emma's back comfortingly.
"Hey. It's gonna be okay. It's not the end of the world."
Emma looked up at the tall blonde with a small, grateful smile. She wasn't used to being counseled. She was used to being the counselor. It was nice to have someone else be the one to help her.
Holly continued to gently rub Emma's back, glad that she seemed to be making Emma feel a little bit better. She didn't know why she was doing this, and she didn't know why all of a sudden she felt a sort of magnetic pull towards the insecure ginger. But for some reason, Emma was opening up to her, like she had never done with anyone else. And Holly wanted to help her.
Emma let out a shaky sigh, trying to calm herself, reminding herself that she was at school, with students walking around.
"I… I think I just need some time to figure everything out. I'm so… confused right now…" Emma said softly.
"I agree," Holly nodded. "You need some time to think about yourself. And what you want for yourself. And… you know you can always talk to me, if it would help." Emma looked at Holly and gave a grim smile.
"Thank you…" she whispered. Holly smiled and patted the petite ginger on the back one last time before leaving Emma alone with her thoughts.
3…2…1… beeeeeep.
Holly brightened when the microwave beeped and eagerly opened the metal door, taking out the small TV dinner and placing it on the counter. Unwrapping it and taking a whiff of the spicy aroma, she grinned and dug her fork into the creamy pasta. Just as she was about to bring the delicious bite to her mouth, her phone buzzed loudly. With an annoyed grunt, Holly put her fork down and looked at the name on the phone.
Emma Pillsbury.
Holly's eyebrow arched as she read the name and she quickly accepted the call, bringing the phone to her ear.
"Hey girl, what's up?"
"Um, hi Holly, I uh… I'm sorry to bother you. I just… um… could I come over for a little bit?" Emma's voice trembled through the receiver. Holly could hear a mix of desperation, anxiety, and terror in Emma's soft voice and although Holly didn't know the cause, she knew she needed to help Emma.
"Of… of course. Come right over. I'll be here. Is everything okay?"
"Um… yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right over. Thanks, Holly."
The line went dead, and although Holly wasn't fooled one bit by Emma's last line, she closed her phone and waited impatiently for the cute redhead to arrive. She threw away the TV dinner, finding herself too nervous to eat, and sat on the couch watching a TV program she didn't care about at all.
Finally, a knock on the door. Holly rushed to open it, and there stood Emma, looking as scared and insecure as ever. Her big brown eyes were even wider than usual, and her cheeks were slightly reddened.
"Emma…" Holly breathed. "Emma, what happened? Are you okay?"
"Uhm… yeah. Yeah, I um… I'm fine. I just wanted to… to talk. Is that okay?" The redhead gave a small, unconvincing smile and shrugged. Holly's concerned feelings did not go away, but she mirrored Emma's smile and invited her in.
Walking into Holly's small apartment, Emma looked around curiously. It was a cute little place, small but cozy. Holly led them into the living room, where there were a couple of armchairs and a sofa.
"Do you want anything to drink, sweet cheeks? Are you hungry? I could make us some coffee." Holly offered with a smile and a wink.
"Yeah, um, coffee would be great. Thanks, Holly," Emma replied softly.
As Holly went to the kitchen, Emma hesitantly sat down on the sofa, her back completely straight and her legs perfectly aligned with the rest of her body. She smoothed her skirt out and tucked her hair behind her hair, nervously looking around the room. She was still subtly out of breath, not from physical exertion, but emotional exhaustion. She tried to calm herself down, counting in her head, but nothing worked.
Why am I here? What am I doing here, at Holly Holiday's house, when I barely even know her? Emma asked herself. But the answer was evident. She had no one else to turn to. And for some odd reason, Emma felt comfortable in Holly's presence, felt safe talking about her true feelings to the confident woman. What had just occurred, though, she wasn't sure she was ready to discuss with anyone.
After a few minutes, Holly returned to the living room with two mugs of steaming coffee. Handing one of them to Emma, she took a sip out of the other and plopped down on the couch beside her. Emma had calmed down noticeably, though her eyes were still wide.
"So what brings you to my lovely abode on this fine day, Emma Pillsbury?" Holly began with a smile. Emma giggled quietly and swallowed before speaking.
"I…. um, I don't really know…" she stuttered, looking down at her coffee.
"Em… what happened? You can tell me." Holly leaned close to her reserved friend and put her hand under Emma's chin, lifting her face up and looking into her big brown eyes. Emma bit her lip and shook her head, willing herself not to cry. With a sigh, Holly realized she would have to take this slow.
"Okay, look, here's the deal. I don't really understand your predicament too well, considering I'm pretty much a sex monster, but I'm gonna try to help you, okay? But that means you have to help me understand. You need to talk to me, Emma. Do you think you can do that?"
Emma took a deep breath and gave a small nod.
"All right then," Holly said. "So… what is it that scares you about doing the deed with the hot dentist?"
Emma looked up and let out an exasperated sigh, putting her hand on her burning cheek. Holly was so… out there. It made Emma uncomfortable, but at the same time she wished she could be as carefree and confident as Holly.
"Sorry," Holly apologized. "I'll try to be more sensitive." She reprimanded herself inside her head, knowing Emma needed sensitivity, especially now.
"Um…" Emma began in a soft voice. "I… I don't know if it scares me, exactly, um… I just don't… feel the desire, I guess."
Holly raised her eyebrow. "Go on…"
"Well, I mean, I love Carl. I do, I just… there's no spark, you know? No… flame." Emma struggled to find the right words to describe what she was feeling.
"And did you feel that spark with Will?"
Emma breathed out slowly, surprised by this curveball.
"Uhm… I don't know. I thought I did, at first, but… I don't think anything was there. I think I just enjoyed feeling… wanted." She gave a sideways glance at Holly, who was staring into her eyes intently, listening attentively.
Holly nodded, understanding Emma's emotions just a little bit better. She subconsciously scooted closer to Emma on the couch, so that their legs were almost touching.
"So… what you're telling me… is that you're not attracted to guys." Holly stated. Her hand was on Emma's knee, trying to employ her with confidence and security.
"I… I don't know. I'm so confused…" Emma sighed.
"Okay. Hold on. I want to try something."
Holly tucked a strand of Emma's soft red hair behind her ear, and brought her face even closer to Emma's. She could smell Emma's sweet perfume wafting off of her, and she could practically feel the heat radiating off of Emma's pink cheeks. Her face continued to move closer to Emma's, until their faces were only inches apart. Holly's hand moved up Emma's leg to her thigh, resting their innocently.
Emma closed her eyes. She didn't know what was happening. But she felt like there were a thousand suns sizzling in the tiny space between the two women's lips. Her thigh was burning with anticipation under Holly's firm hand, and it spread to her whole body. She had never felt like this before.
Holly inched her lips closer and closer to Emma's until the space between them was miniscule. All of a sudden, Holly's eyes opened wide and she pulled away.
What the hell am I doing? She thought. Emma's talking to me about how she's afraid of sex and here I am trying to kiss her? What kind of whore am I?
Emma's eyes flew open as the sizzling sensation went away as quickly as it had come, and she realized Holly was standing up. She couldn't explain what had just occurred even if she tried, but for some reason she was disappointed. Very disappointed.
"Ah…" Holly began awkwardly. "I… I'm sorry. I um… I think you should go. It's late."
Eyes still wide, Emma stood up slowly. Her legs feeling like jello, she walked towards the door, Holly following behind her. Once she reached the door, she turned around to face Holly, not knowing what to say.
"I… I'll see you at school," she stammered, then rushed out the door.
Holly ran her hands through her blonde hair and sat down on the couch, unsure of what had just happened. Less than two minutes later, there was a light knock on the door. Confused, Holly stood up and opened it. There stood Emma, her cheeks blushing and her hair windblown.
"I forgot something," she stated confidently. Without another word, she stepped inside the apartment, deleted the space between their bodies and rapidly brought her lips to Holly's.
Holly's eyes opened wide, then closed as she kissed Emma back, wrapping her arms around Emma's small neck.
It was fire, pure heat, as their lips molded together, just as they had always meant to. Emma felt a burning sensation all over her body, and she realized there was indeed meaning to life.
Finally, Emma stepped back, looking into Holly's clear blue eyes.
"Bye, Holly," she breathed, and left the house without another word.
Sitting in her car outside Holly's house, Emma replayed the kiss in her mind a thousand times. She was awed by this new feeling, but now more confused than ever. She licked her swollen lips tenderly, Holly's sweet taste lingering on her lips.