Hi guys xD lol this would have been up a bit earlier, but ff seemed to be having issues tonight...

I really love this chapter, even if it's bittersweet 3 don't forget to read and review!

CHAPTER 13: SO WHY CAN'T YOU STAY JUST LONG ENOUGH TO EXPLAIN?

June 10, 2013

A Subway Stop in Battery City, California

8:00 AM

"Rise and shine!" Jeremy called as he shook Hayley's shoulder.

Hayley groaned and rolled over in her sleeping bag, pulling her pillow over her head. "Five more minutes…" she grumbled.

"Nope, it's eight already!" the older boy said brightly, standing and making his way over to Alex, his next victim. Jack and Taylor were already sitting up, rubbing their eyes blearily.

The redheaded girl yawned and stretched her arms over her head. She knew the eight a.m. waking time was mandatory, one of the camp's new ground rules, but she still didn't see why it had to be so early…

"What's for breakfast?" Jack asked tiredly. His head was an amusingly disheveled mass of bed head.

"Same as usual," Jeremy called out from where he was busy waking Sierra. "What, did you expect an IHOP to magically appear in the middle of the night?"

"Ugh…" The brunette boy stood up, yawned one last time, and poured himself a bowl of dry cereal. Thanks to Mikey, the six of them could now have two semi-full meals per day, and they were forever grateful—even if there was far too much of the breakfast food and no variety.

Hayley reached for her hairbrush and sat up to try and make herself presentable. Just thinking about Mikey could do that to her, giving her a sudden need to fix her appearance. Was it a crush? The young girl wasn't sure yet, but she knew he was one of her closest friends and he'd saved her and the rest of her camp's lives many times over. Even better, he was such a funny, friendly, warm person around her, a bright light in her dark, cold life. They could talk for hours sometimes when he came to visit her as he did almost every day.

"Trying to look good for Mikey?" Jeremy teased, walking past her to get to the food.

Hayley stuck her tongue out. "Of course not!"

"Ooh, she's defensive!" Alex called out jokingly. "That's a sure sign of a crush."

"Oh, shut up, you!" she yelled, turning bright red.

Alex and Jeremy laughed. "You're far too easy to wind up," Jeremy grinned, patting her head. "Love you, Hay."

The young girl pouted, but eventually relaxed and smiled back. "Love you guys, too."

"Now come on, get some food before Jack eats it all," Jeremy joked.

With one last yank at her hair, Hayley slid out of the sleeping bag Mikey had given her and straightened the t-shirt and jeans she always wore. On the streets, they didn't have the luxury of changing clothes whenever they woke up—Hayley woke, ate, walked, slept and lived in that outfit. Occasionally she would switch it out if she found something else, but for the most part it was always the same.

The young girl was halfway through her bowl of cereal when Taylor called out, "Hayley's got a visitor!"

Hayley sprang up, dropping the bowl to the sidewalk and frantically running for the mouthwash to at least rid some of her morning breath.

"He's early today," Jack commented, squinting down the street. "And looks like he brought his whole entourage with him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she called as she checked her reflection in a store window.

"Ray, Frank and Gerard are there too," the boy called back.

Weird. Hayley had met them before, of course, but it was usually just Mikey who came to visit…

"Hey, Taylor," Mikey's deep voice said, and Hayley spun around, smoothing her red hair one last time.

"Hi, Mikey," her friend responded. "Looking for Hayley?"

"Yep."

There was something weird in his voice, Hayley reckoned as se slowly approached him, grinning widely. He wasn't happy like he usually was. There was a sorrowful note there, and the usual smile was gone from his face.

"Morning, Mikey," she said as she reached him. "What's up?"

Mikey took a deep breath, taking her hand in his. Surprised but not uncomfortable, she glanced down at their lightly intertwined fingers before looking back up into his chocolate irises.

"We're leaving," he murmured quietly.

"What?"

Hayley was sure she had misunderstood his statement. By leaving, surely he must have meant that they were going on an overnight trip or something! Or maybe he and his friends had gotten an apartment in the city center…

"We're moving to the desert," he continued, gripping her hand tightly. "There's a rebel army forming out there, and we're going to join. We have to do something to help. We have to."

Desperation. That was the word. Mikey's voice was unbearably desperate as he stared at Hayley, begging her to understand, to accept his decision.

But he was leaving!

"Forever?" she gasped.

"As far as I know…" he exhaled heavily. "Yes. Forever."

Hayley's eyes began to brim with unshed tears, and she stared up into his eyes, searching for some sort of sign that it was all a joke. But he was completely serious—she could see that now. And to her shock and utter horror, he was beginning to cry, too.

Almost roughly, Mikey pulled Hayley to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, murmuring "I won't ever forget you, Hayley. Remember me."

"Always," the young girl sobbed back, clinging to him like her life depended on it.

He pulled away a little, still maintaining their embrace but able to look her in the face again. "Be safe," he whispered, stroking her cheek lightly.

"I'll come with you," she gasped out.

He shook his head slowly, holding her gaze. "It's too dangerous," he murmured. "You can't risk it. You're far too young…"

"And you aren't?" she questioned desperately.

"This is something I have to do, Hayley. It's what I believe in," he whispered passionately. "I need to have a purpose, and this is it! I'm meant to protest!"

A new emotion had been added to his words—determination. He was desperate to have her understand his motive, but so incredibly determined in his goal. Nothing she could say would stop him from going, and Hayley found that she no longer wanted to. She couldn't stop Mikey from joining this mysterious rebel army. It was what he wanted to do. She would have to be one cold-hearted bitch to hold him back.

"I believe you," Hayley said quietly.

Mikey smiled through softly shining tears. "Doesn't mean I'll miss you any less, though."

"S-same," she choked out. "C-can you at least t-tell me where you're going?"

"We're not even sure ourselves," he told her. "And even if I did know, I can't tell you right now—I don't want you to get in trouble with BL/ind if they ever come asking about us. But if things ever get too desperate…"

He slipped a small white envelope into her hand, folding her fingers around it with his own. It felt full, as if multiple pieces of paper had been shoved into the tiny container. Hayley glanced down at it: her name had been scribbled in messy, narrow handwriting with the words In case you ever need me—Mikey underneath.

"I don't want you to have to read it," he murmured. "I hope you find a home soon, and live as normal a life as you can. But if there's ever an emergency, and you need me—" he lightly touched the hand clutching the envelope he had given her—"I might not be with you physically, but I'll always be right here. Read it and do everything that it says."

"I will," she whispered.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Neither one wanted to let go, but finally, Mikey pulled away from Hayley. "Move into the mall," he suggested. "It's not the warmest or the most convenient, but it's better than this. And please, please promise me that you'll stay safe, Hayley. Please."

"I'll try," she grinned weakly.

He studied her face one last time as if trying to memorize it before he left her. Slowly, he bent down and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"Love you," he whispered.

"Love you too."

And with one last sad, brilliant smile, Mikey Way walked out of Hayley Williams' life.

Hayley was numb for the rest of the day. She watched him walk down the street, waving at his back until he was completely out of sight, and then plodded back over to her sleeping bag, throwing herself onto the makeshift bed. She buried her face in the pillow and clutched his letter to her chest.

Mikey. Gone. He'd been one of the few constant things in her life. She'd always seen him as her protector, someone she could count on. He'd been right up there with Jeremy and Taylor on the small list of people she still loved. And how he had gone to join this army neither of them knew anything about, leaving her behind.

And now? Well, she still loved him, but would she ever see him again? From the way he'd been talking, she doubted it. But she still had that letter…

That letter that was all she had left of Mikey.

Over the coming years, Hayley would keep that letter safe under her pillow. She would take it out every night and hold it as she said her prayers, making sure to include Mikey Way, wherever he might be, each night with the rest of the list of her loved ones. But she never told anyone about it, its' contents, or who gave it to her. That was private.

For now, she could only clutch the letter to her chest and think of him, picturing his face, the sound of his voice, the feel of his warm hand in hers. She'd told him she wouldn't forget him, and she meant it. Hayley always kept her promises.

On the third day after Mikey left, Hayley finally got out of her sleeping bag, brushed out her hair, and began her day as if nothing had happened. Two days was all she would allow herself to mope. Mikey would hate for her to be this way. She had to carry on—for him.

So she told her friends everything, from the start of their conversation to the very end, omitting only the letter from her explanation. She finished with "He wanted us to move into the mall. I think he was right—at least we'll be a bit safer there."

"Agreed," Taylor piped up.

"And as soon as possible," Alex added.

Hayley nodded. "What about today?"

The members of her group nodded their assent, Sierra curiously questioning, "Do we get to go home?"

"From now on, it can be our home, honey," Taylor answered. A large smile grew on the young child's face, and she grabbed Taylor's hands and pulled him up, cheering. He laughed along with her exuberantly.

As the group dispersed to pack their things, Hayley hung back, remaining cross-legged in front of the empty can they used to make fires at night. Nobody noticed but Jeremy, who turned around halfway to his small sleeping area to check on his friend.

"You okay, Hayley?" he called out softly.

"Huh?" The young girl looked up, lifting her chin off of its' resting place on the folded knuckles of her hands. Her intense concentration on a spot on the gray sidewalk had been broken. "I'm fine, don't worry…"

But there must have been something in her voice that alerted Jeremy to knowing that she was not, in fact, fine, because he made his way back over to her slowly.

"You miss Mikey, don't you?" he asked softly, sitting down next to her.

She nodded silently and placed her head on his shoulder.

"I do, too," he murmured. "I know I wasn't as close to him as you were, but he was still a good friend to me. He helped us all."

Hayley was still mute. Whether by choice or because she legitimately could not speak, Jeremy wasn't sure.

"But he wouldn't want you to be like this," he continued.

"How do you know what Mikey would have wanted?" she muttered petulantly.

"Because Mikey was your friend, just like I'm your friend. And friends hate to see their friends feeling sad. Especially because of something they had to do."

The words were the same thoughts she'd been turning over in her mind since he left. She knew that Mikey wouldn't have wanted her to act like this and she was trying to get over it…but he was gone.

"He would want you to carry on," Jeremy murmured, standing again. Hayley looked up at him, slightly confused.

"Be happy again," he advised her, placing a hand on her shoulder briefly. "Be that happy Hayley I used to know."

"I'll try," she whispered. She tilted her head farther back to see him better.

"Good." Jokingly, Jeremy ruffled her red hair. "And pack your stuff!"

"Sure thing," she sighed, finally rising from her seated position slowly.

In that moment, Hayley made a conscious decision to try and forget about Mikey as completely as she could. It wouldn't be easy, but she managed to think of him less and less that day as she and her small group packed up and moved out. Over the course of the three-block trek to the mall, she smiled three times and even laughed for the first time since he left.

Taking the first step through the broken-glass door was a bit harder. It felt sad to know that he had stepped over this very threshold every day on his way to visit her. But never the less, Hayley steeled herself and led her friends through the entryway, plastering a fake smile on her face.

"Welcome home, guys," she said loudly.

Sierra squealed and ran forward, grabbing Hayley's hand but not slowing down. She tugged the older girl farther into the mall, the four boys following behind them and laughing. Hayley giggled freely at the child's unabashed exuberance.

"Where are we staying?" Jack called out as he jogged to keep up with the pair.

"He talked about there being a mattress store on the second floor, right by the food court," Hayley mentioned, careful not to say his name.

"Look! Escalalalalator!" Sierra exclaimed, pointing one stubby finger ahead. "Can we ride the escalalalalator, Hayley?"

"I don't think it works, honey," she laughed.

Sierra pouted for a moment, but ran towards the tall metal transportation devices all the same. "I wanna see upstairs," she announced as her five guardians rushed to keep up with her.

The upstairs portion of the mall showed obvious signs of not only disaster, but other people living there previously, as well. Food wrappers were scattered around haphazardly, mud was tracked in the form of footprints, and various discarded objects from surrounding stores lay abandoned on the ground. In the center of what had obviously been the food court lay four mattresses.

"I think we found our new home," Alex grinned.

Sierra ran ahead, pulling a suddenly apprehensive Hayley after her, and flopped down onto one of the mattresses, snuggling into the black down duvet. "Comfy," she murmured.

Hayley, however, could only stand in silence and observe the scene. Three of the makeshift beds lay in obvious disarray, covered in clothes and unmade, but the last was clean and neat. Only one item lay on top—a black t-shirt that was instantly recognizable as Mikey's favorite.

This was where he had lived, where he had slept. It took all of her emotional restraint not to burst into tears at the sight.

"Hay?" Taylor asked quietly, coming up behind her.

She paused for one more second, her eyes locked on the t-shirt, and then turned her head away. "I'm fine," she said brusquely.

"Want to go get a bed from the store?" he suggested. "It's where Alex and I are going."

"I'll just take this one," she whispered, walking slowly over to Mikey's old bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Easier than moving another one out," she shrugged, trying to inject a flippant note into her voice.

"Alright…" he said doubtfully.

Gingerly, Hayley lowered herself onto the edge of the navy blanket. The worst part about this whole thing was that she could still imagine him here—sleeping, making food, laughing with his brother, writing that letter to her. It was like he'd left a small part of himself behind when he'd left.

And, really, he had. Hayley was seized with an uncontrollable urge to pick up the item of clothing lying ever-so-innocently on the bed. Was there any of him left in the fabric? Was it possible that by holding it, she would be able to reclaim a small part of her friend?

But wasn't she supposed to be trying to forget about Mikey?

She knew that grabbing his t-shirt would cause nothing but pain for her, but she missed him too much…

Forget him, Hayley, she told herself forcefully. He's gone.

With every ounce of strength her tiny body possessed, she got up off of the bed and left his t-shirt lying where she had found it. Jack and Jeremy had claimed Frank and Ray's beds, Sierra still lying on what she assumed to be Gerard's old mattress from the familiar clothes and magazines lying around the area. Alex and Taylor were dragging another one out of the collapsed entrance to the Sleepy's mattress store.

"Give us a hand, Hayley?" Alex puffed out.

Oh, good—at least now she'd have something to take her mind off the sorrow. She tripped over to where the two boys stood struggling with the unwieldy piece of furniture.

"This thing is fucking heavy," Taylor groaned, pushing on the end with all his might. Silently, Hayley took her place next to him and began to shove at the mattress as well. With the efforts of the three of them combined, they managed to shift two more twin-sized mattresses out and into the food court, laying them parallel to the four already spread across the floor.

There wasn't a ton of food left in any of the small fast-food kiosks lining the large area, but there was more than enough for the six of them that night. They didn't mind that most of it was partly rotted—it was more than they'd had to eat in a long time, and after a long, happy lunch, they spent the afternoon exploring their new home. It turned out that a shopping mall was a pretty great post-apocalyptic place to live. The abandoned stores held nearly everything they would ever need to live comfortably—clothes, space heaters, blankets, one miraculously-working bathroom, and even more food that Mikey and his friends had left behind.

"I think Mikey just saved our lives," Jack commented over dinner.

"Thank God for him," Alex agreed, grinning. "I just wish he didn't have to leave, though…"

"Will he be back?" Sierra piped up.

Hayley sighed. "I don't think so, honey."

"Is he with Mommy and Daddy and Zack and God?" she asked innocently. The older girl gasped loudly.

"No, no, Mikey's very much still alive," Jeremy reassured her frantically. He threw a glance at Hayley, making sure she acknowledged the comment and didn't freak out. She, on her part, was doing her best to dispel any notions of a dead Mikey from her mind.

"I'm sure he's just fine," he soothed. "He's probably found the rebels by now. I bet he's safe and sound out in the desert."

"I hope so," she responded warily, holding his gaze.

Jeremy smiled softly. "Don't worry about it, Hay. He's fine, and so are we."

He's fine, and so are we. The sentence lingered in Hayley's mind all evening as she cleaned up after dinner and walked over to Mikey's old bed, sitting beside it a moment while trying to work up the nerve to actually slip into it.

Don't worry about him, Hayley. He's fine.

Cautiously, she pulled the sheets back from the mattress and slipped beneath the covers. Warmth enveloped her instantly—and something else, too. The bed still smelled like him. It felt like him.

Hayley suddenly regretted her decision to sleep in his bed. Wouldn't it be better to leave it untouched, preserved, as if he would indeed be coming home soon? But she was there now, and it felt almost as if he was holding her once again…she couldn't give it up. Not now.

So Hayley drifted to sleep where Mikey used to lie, surrounded by the memory of him as she let herself free from reality. She was finally safe, safer than she had been in months, at the cost of one of her best friends—but at least they were both fine.

She hoped.