A/N: Okay, I am a terrible person. In my defense, I have been terribly busy with school and other writing projects for the past few months. But I'm back and ready to write! Thank you for all the lovely reviews and messages (especially to Mijo- Merci beaucoup pour votre message!).
Chapter Eleven- Waiting
It had been hours since Jess had arrived at the hospital. As soon as the ambulance had pulled up to the doors of the emergency room she had been whisked away from Connor and Abby to have her hands properly cleaned and bandaged. They had wanted to stay with her, but the nurses had been very insistent that they wait in the lobby. Jess had assured them that she would be all right and asked them to find Matt and Lester and find out what was happening with Becker, promising to join them as soon as she was done. The nurse had done her best not to hurt Jess, but she quickly decided that there was probably no good way to remove pieces of glass from someone's hands. After that, a doctor had come in and had examined her for other injures. After a never-ending series of questions about her medical history and specific details about what had happened in the explosion, she was finally released from the room.
She quickly located the nearest nurses' station and asked about Becker. She had expected them to refuse to tell her anything because she was not family, but to her surprise they gave her a detailed account of what was happening and where to find her friends. Seeing the shocked look on her face, the nurse explained that she had been ordered by a "short, angry little government man" to tell her everything and to give her something. She produced a small duffel bag from behind the desk and then gave her directions to a room where she could change clothes and shower if she liked. Jess thanked the woman profusely before taking the bag and following her directions to the small room.
Opening the bag, she found a fresh set of clothes from her locker at the ARC, soap, shampoo, a hairbrush, and even her makeup bag. Mystified as to how Lester would have known to pack all that for her, she carried the bag into the bathroom. After several moments of pondering how to shower with her hands wrapped in bandages (eventually she gave up and returned to the nurses' station to ask for two plastic bags to wrap around her hands), she jumped into the shower, forgoing shampooing her hair and focusing on washing off the dirt, grime, and blood that covered her. After brushing out her hair, pulling on the clean clothes, and dabbing on a touch of makeup to cover her pale face, she was ready to face reality again.
She returned to the nurses' station to find Matt waiting for her.
"The nurse called me to let me know you were finished," he explained before she could ask. "We're in a waiting room upstairs."
"Of course," she said, forcing her face into what she hoped was a convincing smile.
"You should go home for a little while. I know you must be exhausted," Matt said, looking concerned. "You've certainly been through enough tonight."
Jess glanced at the clock on the wall and noted with surprise that it was almost four in the morning.
"No," she said firmly, "I'm not leaving until I know he's all right."
"That's what I thought," he said, taking the bag from her and leading her toward a bank of elevators. "I just wanted to say it out loud."
A short elevator ride and two hallways later, they arrived at the waiting room near the operating rooms. It was a small room, which only looked smaller because of the large number of people crammed into it. Lester was leaning against the wall, pointedly ignoring the sign beside him that read "No Mobile Phones Please" as he barked instructions into his mobile, most likely to an unfortunate tech at the ARC. Abby and Connor were seated next to each other in a pair of uncomfortable looking chairs, Connor's head resting on Abby's shoulder as he quietly dozed while she flipped idly through a magazine. Across the room, Jess was a little surprised to see Emily, who was inspecting an ugly painting hanging on the wall. There were other people in the room, either pacing or sitting quietly, whom Jess did not know and she assumed they must be waiting for their own loved ones to come out of surgery.
"Jess!" Abby exclaimed loudly, jumping out of her seat and allowing Connor to fall over unceremoniously. "You're looking better."
"Thanks, Abby," she said as Abby led her over to the vacant chair next to hers.
"Glad you're back, Jess," Connor said, sitting up and stretching his arms over his head. "Lester's no fun to wait with."
A moment later Lester ended his conversation and Jess was suddenly aware that the attention of the whole group was now focused on her. The silence of the room made her nervous and she turned to Connor, asking the first question she could think of.
"How's your head?" she asked, settling back in the uncomfortable chair.
Connor smiled ruefully and reached back to press his fingers against the loose bandages.
"Hurts like hell, but only when my eyes are open or I move."
"Maybe you should get a doctor to look at it while we're here," Jess suggested, looking concerned.
He shrugged. "There's not much more they can do. Some aspirin and some sleep and I'll be fine."
The room fell silent once again. Jess could sense that they were all itching to ask about what had happened but were forcing themselves to wait for her to bring it up. They deserved to hear the whole story, she decided, but she really wasn't up for telling it at that moment. Not until she knew Becker would be all right.
"Who brought my things here?" Jess asked, trying again to engage someone in conversation to distract her from her own musings.
"I did," Emily said, turning away from the horrible painting to face her. "Lester called me at the ARC on his way here and asked me to get together some clothes and things for you from your locker. Speaking of which, you will need to secure a new locking mechanism."
That seemed to break the spell that had fallen over the group as everyone turned to face her, Matt regarding her with a mixture of surprise and bemusement.
"I'm sorry?" Jess asked.
"There was no time for me to find the combination to open it properly. So I broke in," Emily explained calmly, taking a seat and smoothing out her skirt demurely, oblivious to the group's reaction to her story.
"Well, thank you, Emily. I really appreciate it."
"Not at all."
The tension in the room seemed to ease slightly and Jess began to cast around her mind once again for a new topic of conversation to keep them distracted. Luckily, she was saved from this by the sudden entrance of a doctor in a white lab coat. The entire room instantly fell silent as they turned to face the doctor, waiting for him to speak.
"Is there a James Lester here? I have an update for you on Captain Becker."
"Yes, that's me," Lester said, stepping forward.
"Who lists their employer as their emergency contact?" Connor whispered loudly to Abby, but the whole group heard.
"He must think very highly of Lester," Emily stated simply.
"Or he doesn't have any friends," Connor muttered in return, but Emily ignored him.
"I'm Doctor Thompson, I performed the surgery on your colleague. Perhaps we should speak in the hall, for privacy," the doctor said, nodding toward the group.
"Anything you tell me, I'm just going to turn around and tell them, so you may as well tell them yourself," Lester said. "How is he?"
"Captain Becker suffered from a major loss of blood. We took him into surgery to repair the damage. He had suffered some fairly severe wounds: broken ribs, a concussion, and, most significantly, the shrapnel he took to his side. The blood loss in particular was-"
"You can skip the narrative, please, Doctor, we know how he was when he came here," Lester interrupted him. "We're much more interested in how he's doing now."
The doctor looked slightly put out at being spoken to in such a manner, but shrugged it off and continued. "Of course. He's out of surgery now and in recovery. We'll have to wait for him to wake up before we know for sure, but he should be fine."
"Can we see him now?" Jess asked quickly.
The doctor nodded. "Of course. It will probably be at least several hours before he wakes up, but you're welcome to sit with him if you like."
"Thank you, Dr. Thompson," Matt said gratefully, shaking his hand.
"I will ask that you visit him in groups of three at a time- hospital visiting policy, I hope you understand."
Matt nodded, "Of course."
The doctor gestured over his shoulder to a waiting nurse. "Ellen will show you to the room."
The group followed her up to Becker's room, growing somewhat impatient with her slow pace. There was an uncomfortable moment standing outside the room as they silently pondered the question of how to decide who could visit first, and then they all began to speak at once.
"Obviously, I should-" Lester began.
"Jess should probably-" Abby said, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"I want to be there when-" Matt interjected.
They all broke off awkwardly as swiftly as they had started and the silence returned.
"Oh, for heaven's sakes," Emily said impatiently. "I think we'll all agree Jess can stay with Becker for as long as she likes. We can draw lots for who gets their turn in the other two chairs. She shouldn't have to wait while we squabble out here like schoolchildren."
Matt looked at her gratefully. "Good idea. Jess, you can go on in. Two of us will join you in a few minutes."
She nodded absently, suddenly feeling uncertain and nervous about seeing Becker alone. She paused for a moment to collect herself before entering the room. She was immediately struck by the drastic change in Becker's appearance since she had last seen him in the ambulance. He had been cleaned up, no longer covered in dust and dried blood as she had been. His wounds were bandaged and stitched; he was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor that beeped steadily in the silence of the room. He looked so much better compared to how he had looked earlier, an observation that frightened her when she realized how close he had come to dying only a few hours earlier. She sat in the chair closest to the bed and wondered what she was supposed to do. If she had thought the silence in the waiting room had been uncomfortable, it was worse in this room. The machines beeped softly in time with his breathing and every noise she made seemed louder than usual, as though she were intruding. Somehow, waiting for him to wake up in the hospital- in this room- was even worse than waiting to be rescued had been.
"We've got the first shift," Matt announced, startling her as he entered the room with Lester.
"You won the draw?" she asked, trying to cover her surprise.
Lester sniffed imperiously. "Certainly not. Rank has its privileges, after all."
She nodded. "Of course."
The three sat awkwardly, all staring at Becker. Every once in a while, one of them would speak, trying to engage in conversation, but they were so tired and the room was so quiet none of them felt like talking for long.
Finally, nearly an hour later, the end of the first shift arrived and Matt and Lester stood and prepared to leave.
"Can I get you anything before I head back to the ARC?" Lester asked. "Tea, perhaps?"
"I've never seen you get tea for anyone. I didn't know you knew how to make tea," she said, teasing him.
"Don't get used to it," he said, making a face at her.
"I'm fine, really. Thank you, Lester. For everything."
Lester nodded and cleared his throat awkwardly. "When he wakes up, tell Becker I expect him back at work as soon as his doctor clears him for duty- and not a nanosecond earlier."
"I will. Thank you, Lester."
He patted her shoulder awkwardly. "I'm glad you're safe, Jess." He turned and walked to the door. "And that goes for you too, you know. I don't need to see you at the ARC for at least a week."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Lester."
"I'll be nearby if you need me," Matt said, as he turned to follow Lester out the door. "It's Connor and Abby's turn next."
Alone again, her mind immediately turned back to the questions that were plaguing her mind. She had confessed that she cared about Becker. To his face. And he had told her that he cared about her. Not only that, he cared about her as more than a friend and more than his job required him to. But what did that mean? She began to wonder if her imagination was running away with her; if her girlish crush was preventing her from understanding his true meaning, preferring to invent some wild fantasy in which Becker had romantic feelings for her as well. But what was she supposed to do now? The last thing she wanted to do was pretend like it never happened, though that did seem to be the most likely thing for Becker to do.
"Is everything all right, Jess?" Abby asked as she entered the room, interrupting her thoughts.
Jess turned and flashed her a small smile.
"I'm fine, really. Just… worried about Becker."
"You heard the doctors; he'll be fine. It'll just take some time for him to wake up." She held up a Styrofoam cup. "I brought you some tea."
Jess nodded, awkwardly taking the tea from Abby, trying to find a comfortable way to hold the warm mug in her heavily bandaged hands. "I know. But still."
"Still." Abby said, nodding in agreement. She was quiet for a moment as she observed Jess' face as she gazed at Becker. "Jess," she began slowly, "did something happen down there? Between you and Becker?"
"We… talked. Maybe something. I don't really know."
Abby raised her eyebrows. "Maybe?"
"I don't know what to think right now."
Abby just nodded her understanding and sipped her tea thoughtfully. Jess was thankful that Abby was the kind of friend who knew when to pry and when to let things be.
"Sorry I'm late," Connor said, walking into the room. "Lester wanted to ask me about a temporary replacement for you while you're off work. I told him I'd take care of the ADD until you're back. I know how you feel about people touching your computers."
Jess nodded and smiled. "Thanks, Connor."
"So, tell us," he said, dropping down heavily into the chair on the other side of Jess, "did Action Man get all confessional on you when you were down there?"
Jess wrinkled her brow in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You know," Connor explained, propping his feet up on the edge of Becker's bed, "like in the films when the hero thinks he and the pretty girl are about to die, so he tells her he loves her or whatever just in case?"
Jess felt her face begin to burn with embarrassment. "I don't- He didn't-"
"'Cause I always wonder," he continued, failing to notice Abby glaring warningly at him from behind Jess, "what happens later, you know, after they survive? Like, does he regret it? Did he really mean it? What happens now that he's stuck with her? How do you take something like that back? That's got to be an awkward conversation," he said thoughtfully, taking a long sip of tea.
Jess could feel tears welling up in her eyes. "Excuse me, she mumbled, jumping up and rushing out of her room before Abby or Connor could see them.
"Well done, Connor," she heard Abby scold him as she turned down the hallway.
She walked quickly with her head ducked down to avoid drawing attention to herself, Connor's words echoing in her head. She pushed past the nurses and doctors, ignoring their inquisitive looks and slipped into the first bathroom she found and locked the door behind her. She leaned heavily against the door, tipped her head back and allowed her tears to spill down her cheeks.
She was not upset with Connor. She knew he had not meant to upset her and would be horrified if he knew what his words had meant. He had only given voice to her own fears and insecurities that had been plaguing her since Becker had confessed he cared for her. No, she decided, he could not have truly meant it. He had been badly injured and had not known what he was saying. Perhaps, in the confusion of his mind, he had believed he was talking to someone else. Or maybe, as Connor had suggested, he had only confessed he cared for her because he believed he was going to die and had not meant it. He would most likely be terribly embarrassed as soon as he woke up, if he even remembered the conversation. She knew he would be kind to her about it. Becker was a gentleman, she reminded herself. As soon as he remembered what he had said, he would sit her down and explain that he had not meant it. She could already hear his voice explaining to her that they were coworkers and that he cared for her as a friend, but nothing more.
Yes, he would be kind. But his kindness would not make the blow of his rejection any softer or easier to accept. For one brief moment, she had allowed herself to believe his words and had begun to hope that they could have a future together.
She pushed herself away from the door and crossed the tiny room to check her face in the mirror before she returned to Becker's room.
"You're a silly girl, Jess Parker," she scolded herself sternly as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. "A silly girl with a silly crush."
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter- I think it was the longest one yet! My beta and I hope to complete "Heavy" over the winter break since we're both out of school. Look for the next chapter very soon!