Chapter Thirteen- Time Out
Becker decided he had not truly known boredom before his stay in the hospital. There had been times when he had grown tired of the monotony of life, or listless because of the lack of action, but he had never experienced the truly mind-numbing ennui of his confinement. He had been injured before- more times than he cared to count- but his recovery had never required an extended stay in the hospital. The doctors insisted it was necessary to keep him under close observation to look for signs of infection or further complications from his injuries. He suspected they were also under orders from Lester to keep a close watch over him lest he attempt an escape. By the third day, he was begging Matt to help him break out. He really thought he might have succeeded, too, if his doctor had not chosen that moment to stop by and "check up" on him and warn him against such action. The threat of being put in isolation with no visitors if he did not behave himself was enough to put an end to those plans, if somewhat begrudgingly on Becker's part.
Becker was tired of hearing how lucky he had been. He was tired of nurses fussing over him and insisting that he could do nothing for himself. He was tired of the terrible food and the bed checks and the infuriatingly snobbish doctors. More than anything, he just wanted to go home to his flat and sleep in his own bed.
He had plenty of visitors to keep him company during his stay. Either Connor or Abby stopped by to see him each day after work for a brief visit. Lester had even come by twice to get Becker's official statement for his report to the minister and to order him to follow the doctors' instructions. Becker had offered several times to come back into work if Lester was having trouble managing the security personnel only to be informed that the ARC had gotten along just fine without him before he came along and would find some way to carry on in his brief absence.
Matt, however, had quickly become his most frequent (and most welcome) visitor during his confinement. Once or twice he even brought Emily along who was fascinated by the marvels of modern medicine and questioned the doctors and nurses endlessly about everything she saw, much to Becker's amusement. More often Matt came alone, sneaking off during his lunch break or when he had nothing better to do at the ARC than paperwork. He kept Becker updated on the situation at the ARC, how his men were getting along without him, and the continuing search for Ethan. Becker was also relieved that Matt seemed to know enough not to pry about anything that might have happened between him and Jess and never mentioned their previous conversation.
But the one person Becker really wanted to see never came to visit him. He could not figure out how to ask any of the others why she had not visited him without arousing suspicion and unwelcome questions. Admittedly his memory of their time spent buried was a bit hazy in some places, but his memories of their final conversation, at the end of which he had confessed some of his feelings for her, was clear. He remembered nearly every word that had been said in somewhat embarrassingly vivid detail. He was still unsure if he had really heard her tell him that she loved him in return or if he had been hallucinating by that point. But judging from her lack of visits, he had to assume it had been in his imagination. What was more likely, he decided, was that she had listened patiently to his declaration of love out of compassion, pity, and a desire to keep him awake and was now uncomfortable being around him.
His time alone in the hospital had, at the very least, afforded him plenty of time to think about Jess' words. No one had ever dared to call him out on his behavior in the field before. And she was right- he took risks he would never have allowed his men or the team to take as a result of his guilt over past events. No matter how many times he heard it, he still had difficulty accepting that others did not hold him accountable for those tragedies as he did.
Finally, the day of his release came. The doctors had determined that he had healed enough to leave the hospital and go home, though he would not be allowed to return to work for any reason for at least several more weeks. Though Becker personally felt that he could return to active duty much sooner than that, both the doctors and Lester were insistent that he take the extra time to rest and heal before putting himself at risk again. The nurse had brought him his discharge papers early that morning and Becker had refused to let them out of his sight since, as though he feared they might change their minds about allowing him to leave.
Connor and Abby came to visit him over their lunch break to make sure he had made arrangements with someone to take him home when he was discharged and to bring him a fresh set of street clothes to wear.
"You're not going to take a cab home are you?" Abby asked. "Connor and I have to work, but Jess might be able to-"
"Matt said he would be happy to pick me up," Becker answered quickly. Abby raised her eyebrows at his hasty reply. "Speaking of," Becker began, trying to sound casual, "how is Jess? Is she all right? I haven't seen her since my first night here."
"She's fine, doing well," Connor assured him quickly. "Bit bored, really. She can't use the computer very well on account of her hands still being bandaged up, so she's going a bit stir crazy. Lester has her on forced medical leave for another week before he'll even consider letting her come back to work. I think her hands are the only thing that's stopped her from hacking into the ARC computers from the flat to keep an eye on all of us at work."
"Her hands?" Becker asked in confusion. "What happened to her hands? I thought she wasn't hurt."
"She wasn't- not seriously, anyway. She cut them up pretty bad and had to have stitches. She said it happened while she was trying to signal us- right before we found you."
Becker nodded, remembering how Jess had kept the sleeves of her sweater pulled down over her hands the only time he had seen her. He would have to ask her about that later if he got the chance.
"Yeah, speaking of Jess…" Abby said looking meaningfully at Connor.
There was a moment of awkward silence as Abby and Connor met eyes. Becker rolled his eyes, always annoyed when the couple had one of their "silent conversations," as Jess called them, in front of him. Connor shook his head slightly, as if disagreeing with whatever Abby was telling him and she threw up her hands in frustration.
"Quit stalling." Abby pushed Connor towards the bed. "Go on," she threatened, "tell him what you did."
Becker turned his full attention to Connor. "What did you do?"
Connor turned scarlet and ducked his head to avoid Becker's gaze. "I wasn't trying to-" He mumbled under his breath, carefully examining the cuffs of his sleeves.
Abby sighed in frustration and cut him off. "Connor asked Jess if you confessed any feelings for her while the two of you were trapped down there and then assured her that you probably didn't mean anything you might have said, considering your injuries and the situation."
Becker felt his face turning red. "She told you about all that, then?"
Abby nodded. "It took a lot of questioning, and a fair amount of wine, but she finally told me everything last night."
Becker turned back to Connor and glared dangerously at him. "And that's why she hasn't been to see me since I woke up?"
"Quite… possibly. Yeah," Connor admitted nervously, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
"Connor, when I get better, I am going to hurt you."
"Oh, go wait outside," Abby ordered, giving him a light shove toward the door. Connor gave Becker another terrified glance before retreating to the safety of the hallway. "Now," Abby said, sitting down in one of the chairs, propping her feet up on the edge of the bed and leaning back to survey Becker, "like I said: Jess told me everything."
"Abigail," Becker warned, not feeling up for one of her lectures. Even though she had not known her for very long, Abby was very protective of Jess, and Becker knew she would take her side. Not that he could blame her, he thought sullenly. Somehow he knew this whole mess was completely his fault. "This is really none of your business."
"Well, I'm making it my business." She held up a hand to silence him before he could shoot off a sarcastic remark. "Did you mean what you said?"
He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms stubbornly. "Did I mean what, exactly?"
"It's no use trying to play dumb. Jess told me that you said you love her."
He hesitated, considering the situation and weighing his odds of escape before nodding mutely.
"Becker. Do. You. Love. Jess?" Abby asked again, carefully emphasizing each word.
He averted his eyes to stare intently at the rail of his bed before nodding curtly.
He glanced back up at Abby to see her reaction to his silent admission and was surprised to see her smiling knowingly at him.
"Then you should tell her that. Soon. Before she has any more time for her imagination to run away with her."
"Abby, she hasn't come to visit me. I tried calling her a few times but she didn't answer her phone. I think it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to talk to me right now."
"She does want to talk to you," Abby explained. "She's just afraid of what you're going to tell her. Whether you like it or not- whether you've noticed or not- Jess has had feelings for you for a very long time. If nothing had ever happened between you, they might never have gone away. But now she thinks you're about to break her heart and end her fantasy and she can't handle it."
Becker wanted to believe her, but found if difficult to accept that he might still have a chance with Jess. "Still, how am I supposed to talk to her if she-"
She held up her hand again to cut him off.
"My understanding is that you're soon to be a free man, Becker," she said, motioning to the discharge papers on the bed beside him. She stood and walked to the door, pausing in the doorway before turning back to face him. "Connor and I won't be home until late tonight, so Jess will have the apartment all to herself. Just something to keep in mind." She winked at the slightly stunned expression on his face and then disappeared.
"Go on, you can say it," Connor groaned, running his hands through his hair in frustration, making it stand on end, as Abby joined him in the hall. "I'm an idiot."
"You're an idiot," she agreed with a nod. She smiled at his crestfallen expression and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "But you're my idiot. Becker will sort it all out, you'll see. He's crazy about Jess and he's not going to let your big mouth mess that up." She smiled at him again and wrapped her arm around his waist. "Now, come on. I promised Becker we'd be out late tonight. You can buy me dinner after work." She laughed at how his eyes lit up at the mention of food and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and let her out of the hospital.
A/N: We're so close to the end! Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck with me so far!