Alice has been moved out for 2 week now. The house has been empty no doubt. She stops by as much as she can but I get that she has a life. It's mainly Edward and I now, and I'm still not sure how that's working out. We've gotten quiet. Something Rose says is normal. And that I shouldn't worry. We just had to adjust.
But Alice has been over a lot this last couple of days. Jasper's went on a business trip for a week. Alice is beside herself, really. So, I invited her to come with us to the baby shower. She is crazy excited, she even went to Port Angles to get a gift. And the day of, I only had about a ounce of courage left. Alice and I are now getting together and thinking about it had me hyperventilating.
"Are you sure you want to do this? We can cancel." she said to me as I sat on the toilet with my face in my hands.
"No, no. It's alright. I can do this. I just need a m-minute." a deep breath, "Don't tell Edward about this, okay? He'd insist that we stay home."
She nodded and waited patiently as I took my moment. I got up from the toilet as fast as a huge pregnant woman can. I planned on using this last ounce I had before I loose it. As if he was called Edward knocked on the bathroom door.
"You girls ready. We better leave soon if we don't want to be late." he said.
Alice looked at me with questioning eyes. I took a look in the mirror. I was dressed simple, elastic wait bland jeans and a longs sleeve sweater. It wasn't much, but I had to admit I liked it. Giving Alice a nod, I headed for the door. When I swung it open, Edward was on the opposite side of the hall leaning against the wall. He smiled at me as I walked out.
He reached for my hand. "You look amazing."
I rolled my eyes at him as I flushed.
"Come on love birds." Alice said bouncing down the stairs.
Much much slower and with less energy, we followed behind her. The fear didn't hit me until we were in the car and it was full force as we turned onto the reservation. I had to force every image I had set in my brain. I had to not count how many times I had been down this road. Keeping my head clear was my goal and not letting Edward see how crazy I was going. Despite all my effort, I began to get dizzy.
Leaning my head against the rest, I closed my eyes. I put my hands on my bump and rubbed it gingerly, trying to remember why I was really doing this. This was for the well being of my fast growing baby. Focusing on that seemed to make it easier. I forced this into every thought. My head slowly began to stop spinning. I opened my eyes slowly. Edward was watching me closely. I could tell he was very worried.
He didn't even watch what he was doing as we pulled into the driveway. Not that anything bad happened. He was good at multitasking. Many cars were parked outside. Mostly ones that didn't belong to people on the reservation. I hadn't been here in almost 5 months. The last time I was with Jacob. My heart started beating faster.
Edward parked, automatically turning to me.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asks.
I looked at the house for a minute and then back at him. "Yes. Let's do this."
Alice opened the door for me and Edward helped me out, something that seemed more and more necessary. He took my hand and squeezed it gently. All three of us walked to the door with courage. All mine was lost when we actually reached the door. I held on to my stomach tight as Edward knocked. In the next second Rachel swung the door open with a squeal.
"No way! Bella, Edward, Alice!"
She hugged them tight lingering on Edward a bit. Then she came to me. Looking at me and then at my stomach. She smiled huge. A gorgeous one I might add. A pang of jealousy ran through me. She really had grown up. To be more than beautiful.
"You look amazing!" she hugged me now.
"You too." I said around her squeeze.
"Who knew my brother had it in him." she said carefully poking my stomach.
I didn't laugh like she did. Neither did Edward, he just looked at me, I could feel his eyes on me. Rachel's smile quickly faded as she realized what she said and things got awkward real quick.
"Um, well, come in." she said gesturing us in.
Edward went in first, pulling me behind him and Alice behind me. The house was already crowded with people. And when everyone turned to look at us, mostly at me, I wanted to run and hide. Quil, Embry, Sam, Paul, Jared, Seth, everyone of my old friends was here. Rebecca sat on the couch in the middle of everybody. Billy on one side of her and then Sue Clearwater on the other. Samuel stood next to Billy observing everyone's reaction. He must not be fully informed about me. Rebecca talks first.
"You guys came, that's wonderful!" and the silence was broken. People still starred but they began to talk again.
"Samuel," Rebecca got her husbands attention, "will you get Bella a seat?"
He followed orders and got me a kitchen chair. I sat and Edward hovered behind me, keeping his hands on my shoulders.
"You dad should be here soon, Bella." Rebecca said over the noise.
She was right, about 5 minutes later, he and Rene came in with a present in their hands. They set it next to ours and stood beside us, not saying a word though. They baby shower came and went and I didn't pay attention much. I just watched everyone. Trying to smile or laugh at the right times. I had to ignore the pictures of Jacob on the wall. And when all the present had been open people started coming to me.
First was Seth, who was crazy excited, talking a thousand miles a minute.
"How far along are you anyway?" he asks after a while, and the whole room goes quiet, all turning to look at me.
I kept my eyes on Seth. "Um, I'll be 5 months the day after tomorrow."
Everyone gasped and came closer.
"Your joking!" Rachel shouted.
"Uh, no." I chuckled.
"Your huge!" she said. "You're bigger than Rebecca!"
I flinched at that, trying not to take offense. My baby was just a fast grower.
Then the questions came a mile a minute. And I could barely keep up. I probably would have passed out if Rebecca didn't step in.
"Back up you guys." she said "Give her some space."
It worked at first but then they just came up one at a time. Quil came next.
"Do you think it's gonna look like Jake?" he asked, almost somber.
I bit my lip lightly. "I don't know." I mumbled.
Sam and Emily appeared now, to which Quil backed away. They both were smiling at me. Emily was the first to speak though.
"You look wonderful Bella." she smiled, "You really are glowing."
"Yes, I'm sure if Jake were here he would be very proud." Sam said, glaring up at Edward.
Emily shot him a look and slapped his chest. She turned back to me while shaking her head.
"Jacob doesn't know what he's done." she said, quiet.
She pushed Sam to the side, waving goodbye. I waved back but felt paralyzed. I held on to my baby as it was my reassurance now. Edward kissed my head and I closed my eyes. I could hear Billy's wheel chair before I heard his voice.
"Bella?" his voice echoing Jake's.
I opened my eyes slowly. "Hey, Billy."
"I was hoping to talk to you. Alone."
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I nodded. I looked back at Edward, trying to keep him from worrying. My face gave it away though, he knew how truly frightened I was. He didn't make a move to stop me though, he just tried to hide his worry with a reassuring smile. I looked at Alice that had a more seriously look. She didn't seem to look worried but she did watch me closely. Is was my turn to turn on the fake charm. It was simple, but she smiled and nodded toward Billy.
I followed behind him. He lead us out the back door. The air was cold for summer, a typical thing for Forks, I was used to it by now. I continued behind him until we reached the old barn where Jake and I used to hang out. In the corner, where we spent many afternoons, was my motor bike. His normally sat right next to mine, but it was missing. Again, my heart stopped and I reached for my bump. Billy spun around toward me.
"You want to pull up something to sit on?" I obeyed and pulled over my cooler that I sat on with Jake.
He waited for me to get comfortable before he started. "I can only imagine what your going through. You and Jacob had something. I've never seen him look at anyone like he did you. It's much like how Edward looks at you. So I don't much understand why he left. But, I want to apologize for him. You didn't deserve this."
I couldn't look at him, I just looked at the at my feet. My tears could not be hidden.
"Something must of happened to make him leave. It couldn't have been you. But nevertheless, he is gone, but I don't believe this child should be ignorant to his other half. It is part of the tribe."
"I know, I know." I said around tears.
"Have you thought that maybe Jacob will come back. He can't stay away forever."
My head snapped up and I looked at him. I have never thought of that. I was spinning again.
"I didn't mean to upset you. I just want you to know, I'm here for you and seeing the baby would be a blessing." he smiled, "You always have this family. It's yours now, as well."
That was surprisingly comforting. Next thing I knew I was clinging to him. He let me squeeze him with a gruff. He kissed the top of my head like a loving father.
"You're always welcome here, Bells." he said.
I took one last whiff of his husky scent before pulling away. Smiling, I wiped away my tears.
"You ready to get back in there?" he asked.
"Actually, I need a minute to compose myself. Will you tell them I'll be in in a sec?"
"Sure, sure." he said, rolling away.
I knew as soon as he delivered my message Edward would be right out after me. So my emotions remained intact...for now. I hated that it was true, but I couldn't block Jacob out, he was going to be with me forever. I just had to learn to deal with not being with him. I had to learn to be completely happy without him. I began chewing on my lip as I pondered this.
A pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I knew immediately it was him but he seeming to try and convince me, he placed a soft kiss on my neck. Smiling, I closed my eyes and leaned into him. His hands came to my stomach where rubbed gentle circles.
"Are you alright?" he said, his lips still on my neck.
Slowly I turned to him, bringing my hands to his neck. "I am now."
He smiled before placing a kiss on my cheek. Before he could pull away, I pulled his lips to mine. He pulled me closer and kissed me softly. I pressed against him as much as I could, considering the circumstances. My fingers found their way to his hair and tangled there and soon the kiss became more urgent, needy. Way to soon though, Edward pulled away with a gasp. I also felt myself breathing hard. His smoldering eyes met mine as he rested his forehead against my own.
"I-it's cold. We should probably go back inside." he said through breaths.
I nodded as he placed one last, chased, kiss on my lips. Bringing my hand from his neck, he lead us into the house. People mingled in every corner of the house. Even Alice was talking with Embry and Paul. I smiled at my best friend and the effect she had on the boys, who both we're sent invitations to the wedding. Rachel, Rebecca, and Rene sat admiring her gifts. Which sent me searching for Charlie. He was in the kitchen, Billy talking to him at his side, he wasn't listening though, his eyes were on me.
He half smiled at me mouthing a "hi". I wanted to be mad at him but I couldn't. I turned to Edward.
"I'm gonna go talk to him." I nodded toward my dad.
He smiled. "Okay."
He bent to me for a quick kiss, I gladly gave one to him and as I turned I noticed everyone's eyes. They all looked away quickly. I waddled to Charlie. Billy smiled and rolled away as I approached.
"Hey." I said lamely.
"Hey, Bells."
"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I-" he cut me off.
"No, that was my fault. Your just...growing up so fast. It scares me to think I wont be able to see you."
I couldn't help but smile at him. I knew how hard it must be to say that. We both hated talking about our feelings. Softly, I punched his arm. We laughed together and I felt whole.
"So, they day after tomorrow, I get to figure out what the baby is. I thought you might want to stop by and visit."
"Sounds good. Just let me know what time." he said.
Alice bounced to my side. "We're thinking about heading out. Are you ready?"
"Uh, yeah. I'll meet you guys outside."
"Okay." she turned to Charlie "It was nice to see you again, Charlie."
"You too Alice, you too." He said back.
Quickly, I stepped into him. Hugging him tight I said, "I love you Dad."
He put his arms around me tight. "You too Bells, always have, always will."
I held on for a bit longer before letting go. Again, I gave him a soft shove in the arm. It must have been my crazy pregnant-woman-hormones but as I turned my vision blurred with tears. I gave simple goodbyes to everyone I passed. The door, felt to far away. The more steps I took toward it the farther it was away from me. Just as soon as the door came close I was stopped by Sam.
He stepped right in front of me. "Bella," he made sure I was looking him in the eyes before he continued, "I know Jacob didn't leave because of..." he trailed off, glancing at my stomach.
I swallowed, "Excuse me, Sam."
I went to step around him but he grabbed my wrist. I looked back at him and his eyes burned into mine. If his message hadn't been clear the first time it sure was now. I couldn't look away, his eyes held mine. It felt like it took forever for him to let go and when he did it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders which ultimately left me feeling cold. I was suddenly aware of the rest of Jake's old group staring at us. After a second, they too, looked away.
Again, I turned for the door, this time reaching my goal. It was dark now and much colder, the only light came from Edward's headlights. The small breeze nipped at my skin. I stepped off the porch, prepared to put this behind me. I had made it out alive, and possibly gained the other half of my family back? I maneuvered my way into the front seat, feeling almost normal. Edward's hand automatically found mind. I rested my head on the seat and looked over at him.
He was perfect, it made my heart ache. Bright green eyes hidden behind thick black lashes that in no way matched his red-brown hair. A perfectly chiseled jaw that matched my favorite crooked smile. Removing my hand from his, I reached for his face. Sliding my fingers, gingerly, down his jaw line to his chin. He leaned into my touch as I repeated the process. I paused again just before his lips before grazing them lightly with my fingertips. He kissed them slightly.
I almost forgot Alice was in the car until her phone rang loudly, causing me to jump and drop my hand.
"Hey Jas!" she answered, happier than ever.
A short pause later.
"Oh, we're just headed home from the shower."
Another pause.
" No, she did really good."
I hated that they talked about me like I was gonna up and blow a gasket one day.
"I don't know. The house is so empty without you. I'm not used to being alone. Completely alone." she said somber.
Pause.
Long pause.
"I know, I miss you. Mhm. Love you. Sleep well." she said, hanging up with a sigh.
"So what's knew?" Edward asks immediately.
"They're close to an arrangement. He should be home in a few days."
"So, are you staying at the house tonight?" he asked looking at me from the corner of his eyes.
"I don't know. What do ya' say, Bella, girls night?" she popped up between us.
I looked at Edward, wanting nothing but him tonight but had no way of saying no so...
"Yeah, sound's good." it wasn't as enthusiastic as I intended.
A girls night, maybe, more like a pamper Bella night. I think they really did believe I was going to blow. I mean, here I was, sitting on the couch, Alice rubbing my shoulders, Rosalie rubbing my feet. I had to admit, it felt nice but my mind didn't seem to want to rest. Edward was in every single one of my thoughts. More than usual. He and Emmett have been sentenced to their rooms. And after I tried to focus on the movie, I really did. Even tired to get into the scared mood to match but nothing seemed to work. Soon it became unbearable.
"I'm gonna call it a night. It's been a...trying day." I had to applaud myself for that one.
"Yeah, you need rest." Alice said as she and Rose got up to help me.
Edward sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He heard me coming. When I entered the room he jumped to his feet and swiftly walked over to me. Grabbing my face in his hands he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't have time to kiss back before he pulled away to kiss every inches of my face.
Around kisses he said, " You did so good today."
He continued from my jaw line to the nape of my neck. I put my hands on each side of his neck as well, and started kissing him. My lips couldn't move fast enough, I wanted to kiss every inch of him as well. He pulled away to stare deep into my eyes. His gazed burnt my own so much that I felt like I would be sick.
"What's wrong with us?" his voice was almost pleading.
"I need you." I said, pulling him closer.
His lips found mine again and he directed us backward, closer and closer to the bed. My fingers fumbled with his shirt buttons. They shook with nervousness, making it almost impossible to work with. Noticing my obvious struggle, Edward helped quickly, his lips never leaving mine. I slid his shirt down his arms, feeling every toned muscle on the way down. My hands explored his body, the bare warm flesh.
Edward lifted my shirt over my head, pulling away for a short moment to admire what he saw. Now he came to my neck his lips covering me with kisses. He paused just before my jugular and bit there lightly. I groaned, pulling his lips back to mine. I pulled off my sweats and Edward scooped me in his arms as if it was effortless. He set me in the middle of the bed gently and held himself above me. I looked up at him and him down at me.
So much love in those emerald green eyes I thought I would cry. I was in my bra and underwear, completely ready for Edward. I held his face in my hands rubbing gentle circles with my thumbs. We smiled at each other. Much gentler now, he kissed me, tracing the bottom of my lip with his tongue. Again, he returned to my neck, slowly descending to my chest. I reached for the already growing bulge in his pants. His breath caught from my touch.
"Bella..."he whispered, only it wasn't his voice now.
Jacob had said it. I opened my eyes, searching. Edward wasn't there, it was Jake, his tan toned body hovering over mine. I started to panic, trying to blink him away. Each blink alternated from Edward to Jake. Every time Jake appeared my baby was gone.
"Bella...what are you doing? You're mine. Forever. Remember ?" Jake said.
Now all I saw was him. He clouded my vision.
"Go away !" I screamed, putting my hands on each side of my head.
"Bella!" he kept on
"Jake!"
"YOUR MINE!" he screamed back.
"GO AWAY!"
And everything went black but one thing wouldn't go away...Jacob's voice.