Raven: *hums the Legend of Zelda opening* Welcome back to this parody including substance abuse, parties, lunatics, and various monsters of all types!

Gohma: Get on with it you bum!

Raven: I own nothing.

Chapter two

Party with the undead!

Link, Gohma and Navi made their way across Hyrule field.

"Why is the field so damn big?" Link complained as he trudged towards the castle. "You'd think that the game developers were trying to make us get bored and quit!"

(NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! I THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR LAST CHAPTER!)

"Shut up Raven" Navi snapped. "No one cares what you think."

(I could kill you all…) Raven's voice hissed.

"You just try it!" Gohma boomed.

Suddenly a Peahat burst out of the ground and attacked them. After the longest possible battle against a non-boss/miniboss monster, the Peahat was dead.

"Okay," Navi moaned. "From now on, what Raven says, GOES. Agreed?"

There was a general air of agreement for the rest of the day.

When they reached the castle town, it was night.

"What?" Gohma muttered. "It was afternoon five seconds ago!"

Before this mystery could be pondered, a massive gang of Stalchilds burst out of the ground.

"Yo, peeps!" Called one. "Wanna join our party?"

"We got beer and weed!" Called another, who was wearing sunglasses.

"Chips and dip and a DJ and the works!" Another called, breakdancing.

"A party?" Link asked, glancing at Navi and Gohma.

"HELL YES!" They all yelled at once.

"ALLRIGHT!" A Stalchild crowed, fist-pumping. "We got three more party-goers! Awesome! So let's see… A floating blue ball, a spider and a crossdresser. They MUST party hard!"

Link's eye twitched. Before he could maim the offending Stalchild, Navi grabbed his collar.

"You had better run." She advised.

"KILL!" Link howled, running in place towards the Stalchild, who took the hint and fled underground.

After that they partied. Drugs, beer and fast electronic music followed.

That was when a group of soldiers came out of the town.

"Aw, man." Moaned the Stalchild with sunglasses. "It's the fuzz! Can't they just let us have our fun?"

"Alright boys," Said the lead soldier, "Party's over-" Before he could say another word, Gohma pounced out and proceeded to eat him.

"We," She said coldly "Are gonna party 'till the sun comes up. Any objections?"

The soldiers decided not to object. The party went on, with much congratulatory patting of Gohma's back.

Link had ended up in a dance battle with a gigantic Stalchild. His opponent was finishing a fast dance that looked suspiciously like the Foxtrot. He got a six, a three, and four and a half from the judges.

Link came up then and did a mixture of dances including a Russian dance, a headspin and a backflip. He got a nine, an eight and nine and a half.

The party ended when the sun came up, and Link and Navi had to dunk Gohma's head in the moat to sober her up.

"You were drunk." Navi apologized.

"I was not drunk!"

"Dude," said the last Stalchild, "You were screaming 'I love Rebecca Black's 'Friday'." Before he vanished underground.

Gohma was silent for a moment.

"Holy shit, how much beer did I have?"

Castle Town.

Since Castle Town is currently panicking due to a giant spider having eaten four people, we have no information of what was going on.

Hyrule Castle

Link carefully climbed up the vines to try and get into the castle. Judging by the screams, Gohma was enjoying herself.

After sneaking past the guards and swimming through the moat, Link came across a guy who was sleeping. Link calmly stabbed him in the arm. The man woke up, screamed something about his daughter and ran, somehow not drawing the attention of the guards.

Link used the well placed boxes to sneak into the storm drain. He crept past a few of the guards.

"You know something?" One muttered.

"What?"

"If we weren't walking in circles, it would be almost impossible to sneak past us!"

"LUNATIC!" Shrieked the other guard, who impaled him on his spear.

After easily sneaking past the guards, Link came into the courtyard.

"Umm…" Before he could address the girl who was spying through a window, a shadow appeared next to him and Gohma crashed down.

"I'M BACK!" Gohma howled, quickly getting the attention of the girl at the window.

"AAAAAH! SPIDER!" She shrieked, grabbing a flyswatter. "Wait…" She muttered. "You're from the forest right?"

"Uh, yes…" They all answered at once.

"I see… I had a dream that the world would be saved by a crossdresser from the forest."

After that, she related her dream to them, explained who she was and asked them to get the spiritual stones.

"What's in it for us?" Link asked, suspicious.

"Well, first of all," Zelda said. "You can keep whatever items you get in your journey, secondly, you gain access to Death Mountain and Zora's Domain. Thirdly," And when she said this she gave Link an evil look, "I might let you-" And then she whispered in his ear.

Link's eyes widened in terror, but also in hope.

"I'm in." He said suddenly.

"Eh, I need something to do anyway," Gohma shrugged.

"Well…" Navi muttered. "I guess it will be fun to watch Link getting ferociously torn apart by monsters."

They made a deal and got a letter to give them access to Death Mountain.

When the three adventurers turned, they saw a ninja woman who appeared from nowhere.

"NINJA!" She yelled, grabbing them and dragging them out of the castle, dumping them out in the field. But not before teaching Link a song that was supposed to help them somehow.

"How will a fucking song help us?" He yelled at the ninja lady, who merely threw down a Deku nut and vanished.

"Ninja bitch." Navi muttered, as they headed towards Kakiriko Village.

Raven: WHEE HEE! WASN'T THAT FUN!

Link: I hate you.

Gohma: Review.