I made ANOTHER chapter! ANOTHER ONE! W00T!

Link: Soooo… When will you work on EVIL or Invader X?

Raven: SILENCE!

Barinade: Isn't it ironic to yell the word silence?

Raven: *fuming*…I…Own…Nothing…

Chapter 5

In which Link refuses to do the main quest

(until he finishes all of his errands)

Link, Navi, Gohma, Kingy, and Barinade all stood outside of castle town. There was a short pause.

"Oh yeah…" Link realized. "We have to wait until daytime to get in."

"But that means…"

"PARTY TIME!" A Stalchild suddenly burst from the ground. "Get the DJ!" He shouted. "Get the chips! Get the milk!"

"Milk?" Kingy snorted. "N00bs. You can't get anything from milk."

"Youse has never had Chateau Romani?" Gasped one of the Stalchilds.

"What…the…FUCK…is Chateau Romani?" Barinade asked.

"A foreign import." Another Stalchild cackled. "Costs a ton but it is WELL worth it. Half a bottle can make you drunk for an entire DAY!"

"Whoa!" Kingy was impressed. "And it's…milk?"

"Yup. Strong milk. Milk that could beat ya in a boxin' match."

"I TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE!" Gohma boomed.

The following scene was so incredibly AWESOME that it had to be censored for the viewer's safety.

"Un…be…liev…a…ble…" Gohma choked out, staring at the bottle of milk. "I will never challenge you again…"

"ON WIT' DA PARTY!" Screamed the DJ, spinning the discs wildly.

The party was even more awesome than the first one, with a group of Guays joining in along with a giant Stalchild.

The next morning, Link was sprawled on the ground with a milkstache. Navi was rolling in circles, Kingy was sprawled on his back like a dog, Gohma was nursing her injured pride(And head) and Barinade was going for a swim.

"What's wrong with you guys?" The oversized anemone asked. "I thought you were supposed to be all tough."

"Shut up… just shut up…" Navi hissed.

They stood up and approached the now-open gates. Except they weren't open.

"What the-?" Link yelped, as he barely avoided falling into the moat. Slowly the bridge creaked downwards. As it sank lower, Link saw a horse charging towards him. He was about to jump aside, but he had slow reaction time. He was swiftly trampled. Slowly he sat upright weakly. Only to be hit in the head with an ocarina.

Slowly Link teetered… and was knocked back again by another horse. The horse stopped on top of him and leaned down and began to eat him. It shuddered but somehow survived.

Ganondorf, Gerudo king and all-around asshole glanced about. He noticed his ex-minions standing right near him.

Albeit, this was not exactly an impressive feat.

"YOU!" He bellowed, randomly pointing into the group. "Where did she go?"

"Uh… that way!" Barinade said smartly, pointing in the wrong direction.

Ganondorf nodded and kicked his horse, which tore off into the distance.

"Well. I guess that we lost. Ah well. Adventure's over. Dang it. And I could have fu- I mean… met Princess Zelda…" Barinade whined.

"Hey Barinade." Gohma hissed. "Go into that building there for a minute."

Barinade shrugged and went in. An instant later, he burst out screaming like a little girl.

"THE POTS! THE POTS!" He wailed, shuddering in terror. "So…Many…Evil…Pots…."

Gohma smirked to herself. But no one could see it because no one knew where her mouth was.

Link stood up, muttered a few choice words about horses, then declared that he was going to do all of the side quests that were possible at this time, much to Navi's annoyance.

She struck him over the head.

"Important stuff first Link!"

"NEVER!" Link hissed, running into the shooting gallery. He ran out ten minutes later with his prize. He efficiently moved to the mask shop, and decided to skip that quest because the salesman gave him the creeps.

In Kakiriko village graveyard…

Link changed day into night…and back to day. And then to night. And then to day… and then to night…

"LINK WOULD YOU FUCKING GET ON WITH THE ADVENTURE!" Navi howled.

Meanwhile…

Gohma was drinking beer.

"I wash…hic! Raped by milk… hic! MILK!" She moaned to the bartender, who nodded sympathetically.

"It happened to me. And my cousin. And his daughter… And that guy." He said sadly, jabbing a finger at the man who was always prancing around. "He never got over it and has always been a little jittery since the day it happened."

"Hic!" Gohma nodded. "I'm jush… havin some drinksh… gotta get over thish… I shtill don' get… how it kicked my assh so hard…"

"Chateau Romani?" The bartender asked. Gohma nodded bitterly.

"I tink… de only ting… dat shtuffs… good for… is gettin drunk…" She moaned, before passing out.

Back with Link…

Link played Saria's song and became a Skull Kid's friend.

"DADADADAAAA! YOU GOT A PIECE OF HEART! COLLECT FOUR PIECES TO GET A NEW HEART CONTAINER!" Underpants man again.

"What the hell is a heart container?" Navi wondered briefly as Link played a game that involved repetitively firing his slingshot at a small circular piece of wood, and giggling as numbers mysteriously rose up from it.

At the same time…

King Dodongo rolled down death mountain at obscene speeds, racing Biggoron to the bottom. He had fallen in the random crevasse several times, and been allowed to start over each time.

"I WILL WIN MY FIFTY RUPEES!" He roared as he barreled ahead of Biggoron.

With Link…

Link entertained himself by wildly swinging his sword at the walls in the Temple of Time while he waited for the others.

I'm not entirely sure where this is at…

Barinade was flirting with girls, who typically ran away at the sight of the giant… thing. Finally he got sick of failing, so he *CENSORED* them instead.

Finally, when everyone was done with their respective… Errands…

"I still think we should have done the main quest first." Navi pouted.

"Are you kidding?" Link asked. I got two more empty bottles, two more songs, these weird skull shaped tokens, and these seemingly useless pieces of heart."

"Oh joy. Useless things." Navi snorted.

Link placed the three jewels into the little slot thingies where they probably belonged and then played a seemingly random series of notes.

With a slow grinding sound, the door of time slowly moved out of the way.

"Oh god!" A soft voice hissed. "I bet those assholes think that the door is moving itself. Oh my spine… I don't get paid enough for this…"

"You're getting paid!" Another voiced hissed sharply in shock. "THOSE BASTARDS IN MANAGEMENT WILL ANSWER TO THIS!"

"Shh… They aren't supposed to hear us!"

"Fuck that! I need to get paid! I will be- GKKK!"

Silence.

Navi blinked.

"O….kay… Wow." She mumbled, before entering the room along with the others.

Link was tugging wildly at a long, rather cool-looking sword in a pedestal. He pulled for a minute, before studying the blade for a moment. He gave it a firm tap with his sword hilt, and then yanked on it hard, yanking the sword out of the pedestal, successfully this time.

Suddenly, they were surrounded by a wall of blue light.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!" Gohma wailed as they were dragged into a white void.

Suddenly Ganondorf appeared in front of them.

"Good work my minions!" He cackled. "You successfully helped me get the Triforce by pretending to join this little kid and letting him live long enough to remove the barrier keeping me out of the Sacred Realm!"

"Yeaaaah…" Kingy said. "That's what we were planning. Mmmyep. All along…"

"YOU BASTARDS BETRAYED ME!" Link wailed. "And I thought we were friends!" He began crying wildly. "Damn you all! May you die in a fire!"

Barinade electrocuted him into unconsciousness.

"Hopefully the little fairy boy won't remember that…" He muttered.

The void began to close in once again…

"DAMN THESE CLIFFHANGAR ENDINGS!" Navi howled.

MWHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! AHHAHAHAH- *cough, cough*

Ehem. Review plz!