Chapter Eleven – What To Do When A Mental House Elf Decides It Is Your Slave

I don't own anything. Except Chuck.

Run.

Very fast.

And as far away from the mental house elf as possible.

It all started on a dark, stormy day (actually it was really sunny, but dark and stormy sounds more SPOOKY) and I was going to HOGSMEADE with a big group of my friends.

So James, Fred, Kayla, Sophie, Lorcan, Lysander, Vicky, Ruth (Vicky's friend) and Teddy (Vicky's boyfriend and honorary cousin) and I were standing in the line that was edging forward VEEEERRRRYYYYY slowly so the caretaker – Grumbles – could tick us off the list.

Isn't Grumbles a really EPIC name? Especially as Grumbles is so grumbly.

Is that a word?

Grumbly...

It should be.

Let's write to the dictionary.

Sorry – getting sidetracked... Where was I?

Oh yeah.

We were standing in line, contemplating how amazing it would be to visit Hogsmeade for the first time EVER.

"It's really cool," Teddy said, shoving his hands in his pockets. His hair was blonde today – to match Vicky's. Aren't they so CUTE?

"Zonkos is amazing," Ly agreed.

Vicky looked at us – me, James and Fred – with a bit of anxiety in her eyes at the mention of Zonkos.

I better explain this. Zonkos is the joke shop – it's like Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, except less cool and orange.

Me, James and Fred – or as Fred INSISTS on calling us The Fantastic Four Minus One Pranksters.

See how lame a name that is?

See what I must put up with EVERY DAY?

Do you feel sorry for me?

I feel sorry for me.

ANYWAY...

The Fantastic Four Minus One Pranksters (TFFMOP) are – as the name suggests – PRANKSTERS. We like jokes.

And playing jokes on the Slytherins.

Like, one time, we put the Gryffindor house colours on their table and turned all the snakes on their robes pink.

Of course Teddy helped, and all our dads. EXCEPT Uncle Percy. Who thought it was 'disruptive' and told us off.

Which meant us pretending to be ashamed while he listed all the names of people who had been mean to Slytherins and... died or something equally nasty... While all the rest of the family rolled on the floor cheering us and in fits of laughter.

Anyway.

"And Honeydukes is gorgeous!" Vicky said, probably trying to distract us from the whole Zonkos thing.

"I wanna go to Honeydukes," James said, eagerly. "And Zonkos!"

A sugar high James with a bag full of practical jokes is a scary thing, and I was busy being scared by the scariness of this scary image when a house elf waddled up to me.

"MISTRESS DOOOOOOOM!" he yelled, so a lot of people looked at me. Well, it did sound like my name was Doom, not Dom.

Which would be very cruel of my parents.

"Um... Hi Random House Elf Who Has A Tea Cosy On His Head... Oh! Hi Chuck!"

"You know this elf?" Vicky asked, seriously.

"Kinda," I said. "It's a long story involving lawn furniture, brothers and FRIED CHICKEN!"

Vicky rolled her eyes.

"Sup Chuck?" Fred asked.

"YOU SAVED MY LIFE MISTRESS DOM!" Chuck roared.

OK, seriously, can someone gag this elf?

Wait – when did I save the life of a house elf?

Oh, there was that elf who Lawrence Zabini threw into the Lake, and was about to be squished by the Giant Squid, when I accidentally threw The Egg's shoes at the Squid, and the elf was...

Basically, I've saved the life of an elf.

"No problem," I said, airily. "I didn't mean to – I was just throwing The Egg's shoes into the water, really."

"You SAVED my LIFE!" Chuck screamed.

"OK, OK!" I said, hurriedly. "What about it?"

Chuck got down onto his knees and bowed very low.

This can't bode well.

"I AM YOUR –"

Finally Grumbles had reached us.

"Tedy Luuuuuuuuuuuupin?" he droned.

"Yessir!" Teddy said, sounding like a soldier.

Teddy the Soldier.

It doesn't sound scary for some reason...

"Victoiiiiire Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasley?" Grumbles sighed.

"Yes," Victoire said, primly.

Chuck was now hanging onto my leg sobbing.

"Can someone get Chuck off me?" I asked. Kay and Soph tried to coax him off me.

"Come on Chuck," Kay said.

"Come on," Soph echoed.

"Lorcan ?" Grumbles snorted.

I shook my leg, and the elf clung on.

SERIOUSLY?

"Hey Chuck, if you get off Dom's leg we'll bring you some chocolate back from Hogsmeade?" Soph said, desperately.

Chuck hopped off my leg.

"What's your name Mistress?" he asked.

"Sophie..." Soph said, cautiously.

"I LOVE YOU MISTRESS SOPHIE!" Chuck yelled, and backed off – worshipping us from afar.

Well that was probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me...

Please review and tell me what you think! Next chapter will be about what they get up to at Hogsmeade.