I actually wrote this yesterday, but my internet went weird, and it wouldn't let me publish it. So – practically everyone who reviewed (thank you if you did!) said Dorpius? was a good idea. So there is a little bit of it in here, and there'll be more in the next few chapters. I own nothing, except Gorilla.

Chapter Seventeen – How to Have Fun At Your Uncle's Birthday Party

It's quite easy really. If you like your cousins, that is. If you don't, you're MORE STUFFED THAN A STUFFED PENGUIN IN A TOYSHOP!

Er... Yes. Let's pretend that never happened shall we?

"DOM! WE'RE LEA-VING!" Maman screamed up the stairs.
"COOOOOMIIIIIIING!" I called back, shut my book, and hopped downstairs.

(Hopping is a MUST if you want to have fun. Not enough people do hopping these days. It's a wrong we must as a world right.)

When I got downstairs, I found my family assembled. Maman was (as usual) the only one fully ready. Victoire was brushing her hair in front of the mirror, despite the fact it was already perfect, Dad was doing up Louis shoelaces - it's a sore spot with Louis that he can't do up his shoelaces without magic – and Gorilla was sitting on the door handle, peeping Here Comes The Sun.

I gave him an odd look, as I sat down next to Louis to put my shoes on.

"We're apparating to the Potters' place," Dad said. "You and Louis will be coming with me."
"I hate apparating," Louis said, putting on his best 'puppy in the rain' expression.

Which is really good.

But my Dad has a cold heart – a heart of ICE – and he simply grinned, and ruffled Louis' hair, before going to the door.
"Dom, get Gorilla off the handle," he said, withdrawing his hand immediately.

He once got a nasty bite from Gorilla, who doesn't like being touched by anyone except me.
"Here, Gorilla," I said, holding out my arm. He flapped his wings, and soared (as well as a slightly chubby, fluffy owl can soar) over to me.

"Now, stay here," I commanded, putting him on the step. He blinked at me, and fluttered up the stairs.
"Good boy," I said, before following my father and brother outside.

I grabbed Dad's hand, and we turned on the spot. It felt like we were being sucked through a tube, and I closed my eyes against the sensation, grinning as I thought of Vicky's face when she landed, and realised her hair had been messed up by the ride.

And then my feet hit solid ground, and I stumbled forward. Someone righted me, and I opened my eyes, to see...

THE EGG.

Dun dun dun.

(This is when the audience boos).

He smirked at me, and I glowered.
"Thank you," I muttered.

Stupid manners.

Stupid Egg.

I wondered if his parents would miss him if I fed him to some ninja sharks.

"Dom!" James and Fred had pushed Scorpius out of the way and hugged me.
"It's been so long!" Fred said, dramatically.
"I think I'd begun to forget what she looked like!" James agreed. I rolled my eyes.
"It's only been a week. You guys are so normal."
"You can talk."
"Yes I can. I am the QUEEN OF NORMAL!"
"Obviously," Fred said.
"Why is The Egg here?" I asked, as they 'escorted' (which, to normal people, would mean frogmarched) me into the garden.

Candles were hovering all around the perimeter *fancy word alert!* of the garden, which was absolutely MASSIVE.

"Dunno." Fred said, looking to James.
"Al invited him," James said, glaring in the general direction of his younger brother – who was standing some few feet away from us, getting his cheek pinched by Great Auntie Muriel.

She's actually our great-great Auntie Muriel, but she doesn't like to be called that. She says it makes her feel old.

She is old.

She's like... Six hundred.

Give or take a few years.

"I'm going to go say happy birthday to Uncle Harry," I announced, as the old woman turned, and began picking her way towards us. I escaped, and James and Fred glowered at me, as Auntie Muriel screeched –
"Why hello boys! James and Fred, isn't it? You Weasleys breed like rabbits.
"You're a Weasley too," James said, angrily.

As tempting as it was to listen to their conversation *coughonesidedargumentcough* I made my way over to Uncle Harry.
"Hi Uncle Harry!"
"Hey Dom," Harry smiled at me.
"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks love. Uh oh... Sorry, going to have to – LILY POTTER!"

He practically sprinted off in the direction of the house.

He must have some sort of radar that tells him when Lily's in trouble, cos I couldn't see anything...

Oh, except the redhead climbing out of her second storey bedroom window.

With a pig on her back.

Wrapped in a blanket.

It puts a whole new spin on pigs in a blanket, does it not?

I watched as Harry appeared, and yanked his daughter back through the window. Luckily, Ginny Potter hadn't seen – or there would have been a lot more yelling going down.

I saw Teddy, and went over to him.
"Hi Teddy Loops."
"Wotcher Blondie. What was Lily doing?"
"I don't know."
"Oh, I thought you might. You guys are never part of a one man operation, you see."
"Well that's true," I said. "Nice hair, by the way."

He winked. Teddy's a metamorphmagus like his mum was, and he'd changed his hair to be exactly like Uncle Harry's for the party.

"Oh Merlin, Muriel," Teddy winced, and he disappeared between two people who may or may not be related to me so fast I thought he might have disapprated. I turned around, but before I could flee, Auntie Muriel's clawed hand was on my shoulder.

"Which one are you?" she demanded.
"Dom."
"Dominique, eh? The veela's girl?"
"Yes," I said, wondering how I could make a quick escape.

"Your sister's better looking."

Gee, thanks(!)

"I know," I said, attempting to duck out from under her arm.
"But still. You're all French."

Racist, much?

"Yes," I said. "Half French."
"Pity," Muriel said.

I disliked her more and more by the second. Which is quite a feat seeing how much I already dislike her.

"Um..." I said. "I'm gonna go –"
"Clever?"
"Pardon?"
"Are you clever girl?"
"Kinda... I think..."

Muriel pulled a face.

"Vain as well. They're all the same, these veela."
"Excuse me, ma'am. Can I borrow Dom for a second?"

A voice to my left made me look around to see who my saviour was.

Oh Merlin.

What do you have against me?

"Who are you?" Muriel demanded, squinting at The Egg.
"Scorpius Malfoy, ma'am."
"Malfoy, eh? Alright, Dominique, you can go."

Thank Merlin!

"You're welcome," The Egg said dryly, as he escorted me (and this time I don't mean frogmarched) away.
"Yeah. Thanks."
"You looked like you wanted to punch her, so I thought I'd help."
"Yeah. Thanks."

There was a pause.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I asked, at the same time as he said.
"I was wondering... ifyou'dliketogooutwithmesometime?"

OK... What?

"Sure," I heard myself saying.

Ok... WHAT?

"Cool," he said, steadily blushing more and more by the second. I think he might be a Weasley, cos it wasn't a good look. Actually, I hope he isn't a Weasley, cos then this whole situation would be incest-y. "Um... Maybe... Next Saturday?"
"OK," I heard myself say. Again.

Mouth. This is Brain. STOP TALKING.

"Um... Maybe we could go to a cinema?"
"A whaty-ma?"
"It's this Muggle thing... They show moving pictures on film..."
"Oh, I remember them from Muggle studies," I said, appreciating that he was trying to prove how un-Malfoy-ish he was.
"Cool," he said, again. "Um... So..."
"I'll get my Da-Maman to drop me off," I said. "Where d'you live again?"
"Malfoy Manor," he said.
"Cool," I said, then mentally slapped myself.
"Cool," he agreed, and we both backed away.

OK... WHAT ON EARTH JUST HAPPENED?

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