Chapter 12
Breaking Point

The next morning…

Joe came down the stairs to see Tommy standing at the bottom of the stair well, in a tux.

"Wow, who are you trying to impress?"

"You…"

"What?"

"I assume you'll be needing an escort to the AMA's and I'm available."

"Tommy your straight aren't you?"

"Oh please what straight man can make out with another man, sober, almost every night for 10 months?"

"Your gay?"

"Yep!"

"And I didn't know until now why?"

"I don't know this seemed like the best time, but only you know the truth… so don't go blabbing to everyone else…"

"Okay, well in that case, yes, you may escort me to the AMA's next Wednesday night."

"You do know we won't be able to sit together, I'll have to sit with Adam, and the others."

"Oh…okay."

"Yeah… I bet you'll get a good seat to though, I mean last year we got to sit near Paul McCartney."

"Yeah, and the last time I went I got to sit with my brothers, I certainly hope I get a better seat." Joe laughed.

"Well you have a Radio interview at 9 so you better get going."

"I guess so."

Next week…

Joe stepped out of the limo, Tommy and he had talked and laughed and joked about each other's outfits the whole ride, and Tommy had complained that his jacket was to itchy, and to tight.

"JOE! JOE! OVER HERE! JOE DID YOU BRING A DATE?" Joe laughed and said.

"No, but he's my best friend and in Adam's band, he decided to ride along… remember he's straight!" Joe said trying to hide the smirk. Tommy stepped out of the Limo and they made their way inside. Joe had been talking to Ryan Secreast when he saw Sauli and Adam a few meters away.

"Well it's been nice speaking to you Ryan but I think it's about time to go find our seats! Going to start soon!" Joe said with a smile.

"Yes, thanks for talking… I'm going to go catch Taylor before she heads in." Ryan said.

Tommy grabbed Joe by his jacket and pulled him away from Adam because he could tell he was on the verge of break down.

"It's okay.. Joe calm down if you can't stand being a few meters away from him, then how the hell are you going to perform that song without breaking down?"

"I don't know…"

"Now the show starts soon… collect yourself and find your seats, I'll see you after you perform."

Joe nodded and took some deep breaths, stepping out from the shadows with Tommy. He had a good 15 minutes before the show started, and he had a pretty good seat, even if it was separated from the RCA label, Behind him sat, Carrie Underwood, and her husband Mark, and in front of him sat Jason Aldean and Brad Paisley and his wife Kimberly. How did he get put in the group with all these country singers? Though he must admit, they were extremely nice and supportive, and good to converse with, he was a fan of all their works and told them that, Brad gave him a good laugh, and Carrie was a sweetheart. They all commented on his new song and he was flattered by it. Then the show began.

He had 6 numbers before he had to go on, as in 4 awards and a performance, he was nervous as hell and as he walked towards the backstage area he saw Tommy give him a thumbs up, but then his eyes wandered to the PDA that Adam and Sauli were doing, it made him want to revolt all he had eaten prior. He prayed that they didn't decide to do it while he was singing. He took his place behind the screen with the electric guitar on his lap, positioning his fingers he waited for the count in… 3,2,1…

I remember the way you made love to me like that was all you'd ever need did you change your mind? Well I didn't change mine.

He kept his eyes adverted out to the crowd trying to look anywhere except were Adam was. He kept his gaze on Tommy, most of the time who he could tell was nodding along with the smooth beat. Then he felt himself lose sight of him eyes darting trying to keep himself from looking at Adam, whom he could find easily.

You ripped my world apart…Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby, his eyes found Adam and Sauli, they were cuddling.

"I gave you everything every part of me… didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby? Baby tell me didn't you know how much I loved you?" He felt the tears well up in his eyes… shit not now he thought. He had to compose himself. He closed his eyes for a second and finished out the chorus opening them, his eyes wandered right back to Adam, who was now nuzzling against Sauli's neck not even acknowledging him. This made his emotions go haywire. Handing his guitar off to a stage hand he stood up and kept singing. His voice quivered.

I can't get you out of my head, I still feel you in this bed, left me all alone you couldn't be more gone, from falling apart, to fighting mad, From wanting you back tonight to not giving a damn I've felt it all… Joe looked out once again to find Adam kissing up Sauli's neck and Sauli giggling. "Damn it Adam listen to me!" He said before he could think about what he was saying. Adam's head snapped up as that oh so familiar, but now angry voice said his name and it echoed through the Arena.

Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby, I gave you everything every part of me, didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby! Baby tell me! Didn't you know how much I loved you… his voice broke giving into his emotions, he felt so weak up on that stage.

One day justice will come and find you… and I'll be right there in your memory to remind you… he let his head drop against the mic stand the music paused, he heard applause and cheers sound through the arena, his breath was caught back in his throat, he felt like he was going to break down on that stage right there, but he couldn't he had to get through this song… the music had paused, but as Joe lifted his head, and he looked straight to Adam.

Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby…I gave you everything every part of me! Didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby…baby tell me…didn't you know how much I loved you…" He choked out the last few words as a standing ovation rang through the arena. He practically threw the mic down as he ran off the stage, pushing past all the others around him, escaping down a hall that led to the dressing rooms, he heard someone behind him. They spoke as they ran.

"Joe wait!" Adam said.

That was the last thing Joe wanted to do. Anyway, how the fuck did he get back here so fast? He ran faster to his dressing room. He didn't care if Adam found him now, he just wanted to curl up and cry, he couldn't handle this. He knew it was a bad idea.

Arriving at his destination he collapsed to the floor in a fit of tears, he heard the door swing open and someone shout "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WTH YOU!" Joe looked up to see Adam.

"What do you mean what the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you is my question!"

"Oh nothing is wrong with me! This is your fault! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"What exactly is my fault? Tell me what I did to you?"

"You left me! You left me! After you promised that you would come back! You fucking promised me that you would be back when I came home. You promised and then you kissed me, with tears in your eyes, I used to be your best friend, I used to be everything you ever wanted, you would hold me and kiss me and make me feel like I was the only one, you made me feel like I was the only one you had eyes for, and you made me feel like I was the only one you would ever love. I left everything for you… I came out to my family lost them, and my career; I left it all for you… because you promised you wouldn't leave me! And now look where I am! I am living with Tommy, who's not really even associated with me, but he is my best friend now, and I have no family, and I'm just starting my career, I hate you for it!"

"No you don't, if you did you wouldn't have yelled at me to listen you still love me."

"FUCK YOU!" Joe shouted before stomping towards the door.

"You can if you want, but I think Sauli would get mad."

"Shut up!" Joe shouted.

"I hate you, I hate you! I hate you!" Joe repeated anguish flared from his eyes.

"You love me…"

"I CAN'T HELP IT!" Joe said tears streaming from his already puffy red eyes.

"I hate myself for loving you! Every single time this happens, I commit to someone and then they find someone better, sometimes before sometimes after we break up… it hurts when it's before, because they put on their fake smile, and there fake love charade, and you just go along with it, because you want to believe that they still love you…it hurts so god damn much, and yet I let myself fall anyway. I'm so fucking stupid! I loved you so much!"

"Joe-"

"NO! It's my turn to talk!"

"I loved you so much and you ripped my heart to pieces. I thought when you married me, that for once love was actually working out…but no I should have known better…" Joe turned away and dropped his head. "How long had you been seeing him before I left?"

Adam looked astonished. "How did you-"

"After almost 8 failed times I should be able to tell, now answer the damn question."

"A year."

"So we hadn't even had sex yet, out whole relationship has been a lie, the whole time, and you didn't even stop me before you took my virginity? You're so sick!" Joe shouted.

"And had you fucked Sauli yet?"

"No, I didn't fuck him we made love!"

"So that's it, you fucked me, and made love to him?"

"No!"

"Then who did you fuck because you can't make love to two people at once!" Joe shouted.

"You… I fucked you…"

"I loved you so much…"

"I'm sorry." Adam said.

"I hate you!"

"Joe please, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry for what? Being an arrogant dick? A cheating husband, or just a sick basterd in general.

"I loved you so fucking much!" Joe said before turning and running out the door, Tommy stood outside of it, he looked as if he had been about to open it but was cut off either by shouting, name calling, or just him opening it instead

He took one look at Joe and opened his arms for him Joe fell into them and kissed his forehead,

"Not here, not here you don't." Tommy said leading him to the waiting car. Joe sat in the back seat nestled into the crook of Tommy's left side, as he rubbed his back and soothingly whispered calming words to him.

"H-he cheated on me…"

"He thought you were dead…"

"No! he really did cheat on me he admitted it! He told me that! He told me Sauli and he had been dating for a year, and he knew about me…even after we were married, he even admitted to having sex with him before me… and I-he-he didn't even…he, I gave him everything…I really thought I was special to him… he told me I was… he took everything…he took my first virginity…and then he…with Sauli…" Joe couldn't finish his sentences.

"Shhh I know calm down it'll be okay…it doesn't mean you're a bad person…"

"But now I can never get it back…"

"I know…"

"I just loved him so much…" Joe said before letting his head fall.