Disclaimer- I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

Chapter name borrowed from a movie I saw long ago.

Lyrics borrowed from Gary Jule's 'Mad World.'

Alana's song to Odette belongs, of course, to Suzanne Collins.

Ah, both of them make me sniffle!

I find it kinda funny,

I find it kinda sad,

The dreams in which I'm dying,

Are the best I've ever had.

CHAPTER THIRTY- REALITY BITES

I let out a long, slow breath, staring at myself in the photo album.

I looked different.

My hair was shorter, my skin darker, but that was irrelevant.

I was staring at my twenty-four year old body.

The Odette I saw looked strong, dependable.

She looked happy.

And why wouldn't she be?

I glanced across to Jared, passed out on the couch, snoring lightly.

I ran a hand over his tousled hair.

Twenty-five, and unbelievably, miraculously, alive.

I flipped through the pages, and my family smiled out at me from the pictures.

Mom, eyes bright and green, Sammy, carefree and playful, tall and lanky, just like another Sam I knew.

I froze.

Sam.

Dean.

Cas.

Where were they?

Guilt washed over me.

They might be in danger, but here I was, living out a paradise the djinn had sent me to.

I remembered Dean, slumped on the floor, unconscious.

And I hadn't been able to warn Sam in time.

I stiffened as something glinted on my hand.

The album fell from my hand as I stared at my finger, at the slim golden band encircling it.

A wedding ring.

I was engaged.

~Supernatural~

I ran up the porch steps, ringing the bell frantically.

My mom ran out at once, eyes happy and clear.

"Odette!"

She wrapped her arms around me, and I breathed in the familiar scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

In that instant, I was five years old again, sipping hot chocolate and curling up against my mom after a particularly bad nightmare.

I stared at her heart-shaped face, at the almost-red curls of hair bouncing around it, at the faint wrinkles around her eyes that showed she'd lived a long, happy life.

She pulled away, glancing at me curiously.

"What are you doing out here? Where's Jared?"

My eyes instantly flashed down to the ring,

Mom didn't miss the direction of my gaze.

She smiled slyly.

"Wedding jitters?"

She pushed me inside our red-bricked, pretty house.

"Say no more, mija. Come on in."

I curled up on the couch, watching as Mom sat down beside me, pressing a cup of hot chocolate into my hand.

Tears sprung to my eyes at the familiarity of it.

Mom sat beside me, patting my cheek.

"You love Jared, don't you?"

I swallowed, fighting back my tears.

"More than anything, Mom," I whispered.

She laughed.

"And heaven knows he's smitten with you, Odette. Everything's going to be fine, honey."

And here, with my family around me, I could believe it.

She smiled, brushing my hair slowly.

"You know how I knew?"

I stared at her in silence.

"You were six, I can remember so clearly," Mom's eyes unfocused.

"You and Jared were on the swings, and you were going so high, and I was getting worried. You fell, scraped your knee, and started crying."

Mom looked at me, her eyes shining brightly.

"And I ran forward to help you, but Jared got there first."

Her eyes glimmered with tears.

"He picked you up, and you stopped crying at once. Jared smiled at you, and said: 'Don't cry, Odette, I'll always be here to protect you.'"

I'll always be here to protect you.

"I remember that," I choked out.

Mom smiled, eyes wet.

"And I knew, from that moment on, that as long as Jared was with you, nothing could go wrong."

The tears spilled out of my eyes, then, and I sobbed into her shoulder.

She shushed me, rocking me back and forth.

I rested my head against hers.

"Will you sing me that song?" I whispered.

She raised an eyebrow.

"The lullaby," I murmured. "The one you always sang when I got nightmares and couldn't sleep."

Mom looked at me, worried.

"Are you sure you're all right, mija?"

"Yeah," I nodded jerkily. "Just sing it, please."

She stared at me once, then began to sing.

I closed my eyes as her voice rang out, high and clear and sweet, the notes ringing out pure and true.

"Deep in the meadow, hidden far away,

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray,

Forget your woes and let your troubles lay,

And when again it's morning, they'll wash away,

Here it's safe, here it's warm,

Here the daisies guard you from every harm,

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true,

Here is the place where I love you."

I let a tear trickle down my cheek as she lulled me to sleep.

After six long years, I'd fallen asleep in my mother's arms.

~Supernatural~

"Wake up, sleepyhead!"

I moaned, pressing my face against the upholstery of the couch.

I knew that voice, but it'd been high and reedy once, not deep and self-assured.

"Odette…."

I rubbed at my eyes, and looked up to a familiar mop of honey blonde curls.

"Sammy!"

I had him in a vice-like grip in an instant.

"Whoa, there!" He laughed, placing a hand in my hair.

I pulled back to look at him, drinking in the sight.

His face was tanned and healthy, this wasn't the little boy I'd taken care of.

No, this was the broad-shouldered, strong Sam that should've been.

That would've been.

I was crying again, wrapping my arms around him.

"Easy there, Odette," Sam chuckled. "Save the waterworks for the wedding."

I smiled tremulously.

"Speaking of," He cocked an eyebrow.

"You scared the hell out of Jared with your little disappearing act last night."

I flushed.

"Where is she?" I heard him yell, and Sam grinned at me.

"See?"

I heard the footsteps coming closer.

"I'll give you two a moment," Sam quickly kissed my cheek, inconspicuously closing the door behind him.

Jared glared at me.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Sorry," I wound my arms around him.

Home.

"Just needed to see Mom."

He relaxed against me, kissing me gently on the mouth.

"Just don't do that again."

"I won't," I said against his chest. "I promise."

I curled up against Jared, flicking on the news.

"And this is the sixth death reported in Jericho, on the same stretch of highway….."

The remote fell out of my hand.

No.

This couldn't be happening.

Couldn't I even have this much?

~Supernatural~

I drove all the way to Illinois, stepping down on the accelerator.

I'd shut my phone, anticipating the calls I knew they'd make.

I staved off the guilt.

They weren't real.

It didn't make it any less.

All the people we'd saved.

Dead.

Gone.

I ran into the warehouse, searching for the djinn.

I remembered the blood bags I'd seen, the bodies hung up.

I understood everything now.

Even why he'd sent me here in the first place.

I knew what I had to do.

I picked up the knife hanging on the wall, steeling myself to plunge it into my chest.

"NO! STOP!"

And suddenly Jared was in front of me, thirteen year old Jared with the bullet hole in his forehead.

"Don't!"

"Put it away, honey," Mom looked at me aggrievedly, wearing the orange top she'd worn the day she died.

"Don't do this," Sam lisped, his face white and pale, once again nine years old.

I closed my eyes, holding back the tears, because I'd been stupid enough to keep hoping, somehow, that it was real.

That I could be happy again.

"You're not real," I stammered, backing away.

"It doesn't matter," Jared shook his head sadly.

"You'll be safe here. At peace."

I hung my head.

"But the djinn'll kill me, Jared. I'll die in a couple days, you know that."

Mom stroked my cheek.

"It'll feel like a lifetime here, sweetheart. You'll have everything you ever wanted. You'll get married, get to watch Sam grow up, you'll have me."

"I'm sorry," I let my tears fall. "I can't."

"Why?" Sam hung onto me.

"Why, Odette? You wanted your life back. You'll have it here."

"No," I whispered, because they were getting to me, and all I wanted to do was stay.

"Not like this."

Jared cradled my face in his hands.

"Stay with us, Odette. You'll be happy here."

I shook my head faintly.

"Do you really want to go back? Want to see all the blood and pain and misery? Want to always live a half-life? Please, I'm begging you. Drop the knife."

I wasn't strong enough.

The dagger clattered to the floor.

They smiled in relief, flickering back to their original forms.

"Let's go, honey," Mom looped her arm through mine.

I hung my head in shame, swiping at my tears.

I was a coward.

I couldn't face reality.

As I walked forward, something caught my eye.

A flash of blue.

The exact color of Cas' eyes.

I jerked to a stop.

They looked back at me.

"Odette?"

The tears streamed down my face noiselessly.

I had to do this.

"I'm sorry," My voice cracked. "But I have somewhere to be."

Jared stretched out a hand and I caught it in my own.

"I love you, I love all of you, but if this is supposed to be my family, then where is Dean? Where is Sam?"

"Where's….." I blinked hard. "Where's Cas?"

I kissed Jared one final time.

"I wish I could stay."

And the hole in my chest ripped itself open, because I was throwing away the one chance I had to be happy again.

"Sorry."

I picked up the knife and thrust it into my heart.

"NO!" Jared's yell morphed into Sam's shout, as I landed face first on the warehouse floor.

"Odette!"

Dean flipped me onto my back.

I'd made it, then.

Every particle of me wanted to go back.

I vaguely noticed the djinn lying on the floor.

"No, no, no no no," Sam muttered, propping me up.

"Don't. Don't do this, Odette."

I spat out blood, blinking at their flickering faces.

"S… sorry," I whispered, because I knew I was dying.

Strange, there wasn't any pain.

Just numbness.

"Damn it!" Dean held me up almost aggressively, and I could see in his eyes that he'd been sent there too.

"Don't you dare give up, Odette! Don't you dare!"

I shook my head slightly.

"I can't… I c…can't g….go…"

I couldn't talk, and my eyes fluttered shut.

"NO!"

Sam shook me desperately, and I flopped onto his lap lifelessly.

"CAS!" Dean suddenly yelled, and that made me start, because this was Dean calling for him, when he'd never liked him in the first place.

"Cas, you've gotta come! You have to save her!"

I wanted to see Cas, too, but it was too late.

My eyes opened to slits.

"Y…you c….can't save me, I've…. I've gotta go."

"You're not going anywhere."

Cool hands lifted my head up, and I stared into the same blue I'd seen at the warehouse.

"C…Cas, I'm… it's t..to late..…. y….you…"

"You're not going to die, Odette. I won't let you."

"Close your eyes," He said gently.

They fell shut easily, and white light flooded around me.

Cas' hands remained around my head.

My eyes fell open, and I was definitely feeling the pain now.

I caught onto Cas' sleeve.

"Thank you."

His eyes softened as he lifted me up by my jacket.

"You're always welcome."

"Oh, thank God," Sam breathed, hugging me hard.

"I thought…. I thought you were going to…."

He wrapped his arms around me tighter.

I breathed out, clinging to him.

I peeked at Dean's face.

He was motionless, working his jaw silently.

"Sorry, I-"

I stopped with a squeak of surprise as Dean pulled me away from Sam, grabbing me in a rib-cracking hug.

I felt his hold on me tighten, and I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Don't you dare do that to me ever again," Dean growled, refusing to let go.

I smiled tremulously into his jacket.

"I won't. Promise."

He finally released me, and I instantly fell to the ground.

Dean caught me at once, picking me up gently, and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

He shushed me quietly, swiping at my cheek with a callused thumb.

I hid my face in his chest, trying not to think about what I'd just given up.

I tried to muffle my sobs as the tears soaked his shirt.

He lifted me up carefully.

"It's okay, Bambi, I'm gonna take care of you. It's gonna be fine. I gotcha."

~Supernatural~

I put my head between my knees, burrowing into the bed.

"You made the right choice."

I ignored Castiel as he sat beside me.

I didn't want to think about the flash of blue I'd seen in the warehouse.

Didn't want to think about what it meant.

"Odette?"

I looked up at him, and something in his face changed as he saw my tear-streaked face.

"For a moment, when I was healing you….." Castiel paused.

"I wasn't sure you were going to live. I wasn't sure it would work. It…. it upset me. I didn't like it."

Color flooded into my cheeks.

"I am…. glad you are safe, Odette."

I jumped as Cas uncharacteristically placed a hand lightly on my shoulder for a brief minute.

And just for a second, I could hope.