CHAPTER 6
Previously...
"What got into her?"
Ivy stepped out of the dressing rooms, feeling chagrin blow through her every nerve.
She did swallow those pills, she did. But when her life went crumbling down the hill at rocket speed, no one was there to pick up the pieces and hand them back to her all glued together to start over again.
She did think it was far-fetched of her to rely on someone to heal her insincere heart, of course she did. However feeble, some common sense was still left in her after betrayal swept her wonderful life.
She simply wanted to have a real friend, a person to share the weight on her shoulders with, and spring into the exciting adventures of life with.
For a time, she thought Derek and her had something. Something... special. Perhaps she stayed up all those nights, dreaming eyes open, that she had swarmed into his heart and used a key to open it to others as well.
"I love you," he told her. She remembered. She believed it meant something for a long time. That he was actually able to provide humane reactions to rare emotions like love.
But then he had to go and sleep with Rebecca Duvall. The person she watched being loathed by Derek's foolish mouth, and then suddenly under his sexually driven thumb. Maybe a little much to say. Although Ivy didn't think she was really far off the track with that statement.
"She needs my attention," he told her. She remembered. The way it dried her throat and eyes. They were both little pawns in his game of chess against his own self.
And then there was Karen Cartwright who also seemed to gain his undivided attention. She didn't blame him – considering the way he plays, she guessed the girl probably refused to be his white queen advancing in all directions under the subtle influence of his seducing manipulations, swallowing every threat in the way.
The show goes no where without the director, and when he stood up for Karen, it was a bullet to the chest for Ivy. Dry and bloody, the shot, silenced by Karen's beautiful, luscious lips lulling him to sleep, she imagined.
"I see her," he told her. She remembered. The flurry it gave inside her once realization dawned on her. A small gulp. Dry again. Everything is so dry with him.
So that's why things were going to change now.
Amanda entered the dressing rooms with hushed fury. "Karen, I need you now!"
As the brunette left her friends, she saw a choleric Derek at Amanda's heels, inhaling like a beast through flared nostrils with a hot fire Karen had never witnessed from him before. She though his anger would make him burst into a million little flames that would light the world.
He took her forcefully by the arm, and dragged her to the costume room, Amanda following them at a fast pace.
"Derek, you're hurting me," Karen protested, but didn't dare say it too loud out of fear that his state would worsen.
He simply ignored her pleading.
Once they came to the room, he nearly shoved her in there. As though what they found in there was entirely her fault.
Karen gasped at the view before her.
Torn dresses sprawled over the cool cement floor of the room.
Shredded collars trailing after the rivulets of colours already torn on the floor.
Broken heels scattered all over the cold place.
Rests of shoes decaying over the gory scenery.
Beaming shades of paint all across the damaged clothing, glaring at her nastily.
It reminded her of the blood that is shed in rivers from a broken heart.
Karen scurried away from the glorious murder of her brightest dream.
"Karen... Karen! Karen..?"
Karen heard a female voice. She didn't want to be found. This time, she accepted Derek's advice, and took precautions with the breadcrumbs. Maybe it was the perfume?
"Karen... I'm so sorry..." It was Amanda. "Here, I brought napkins."
Karen took them voluntarily, wiping away tear stains.
"It's going to be alright, you know. We'll figure something out. We'll order new ones."
"You'll never get them in time for tonight," Karen sigh and her breath tripled in her throat.
"We will. Wait and see. Especially since we've got Derek on the team. He'll never let you go out there naked, except maybe for his own pleasure."
They chuckled. Karen pictured the scene. She laughed even more.
"Anyway, we're all waiting for you to practice. We can't stop now, not when we've already begun."
"Yeah, of course. I'm coming. Just give me a minute."
Amanda nodded, and left silently.
Karen thought for what seemed to be a long time, despite it being only a couple of minutes.
She never imagined she could be hated. She wasn't the most popular girl in school, but boys weren't denying her either, even when she didn't crave the attention.
Now she was in the adult world, where every little issue became a hundred times more important, and under scrutinizing criticism of the general crowd.
A while ago, she would have thought she was going along fine with her stage teammates. However, after this incident, her whole world came crashing down on her with a completely incurable headache that pounded not only in her head.
Finally, she decided she couldn't give up just because of someone's resentment towards her. It would hurt her terribly, she knew, but as her mother always taught her, Never give up.
The images of the room flashed back in her mind.
Torn. Broken. Painted.
Somehow, they reminded her of someone.
They rehearsed the show with Karen doing every dance move and every song in yoga pants. It didn't affect her performance in any plausible way.
Derek was sure it might add to the authenticity of the heartbreak. Marilyn was heartbroken all her life long, although he didn't wish such melancholy for his young star. She was a fine creature that seemed too fragile to be touched in every angle someone could think of. Although she did always muster the strength to prove a stance. Perhaps it was that pureness that initially drew him to her.
"Karen, relax. We'll deal with it just fine," Derek tried reassuring her after they had finished rehearsing. She wouldn't even look into his eyes.
"Karen, listen to me," he cupped her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. "It's going to be fine. We're ordering the costumes in, and they're being urgently tailored to fit your size. Don't worry a bit," he added, smiling warmly, hoping to affirm himself.
She nodded with a faint tenderness that made her look all the more delicate. "I know they'll be here. You've convinced me about that. But... I just don't understand – who did I – did I do something – why?" Karen begged, searching his eyes for answers.
Unfortunately, Derek couldn't provide them. He regretted that so much. He wanted to soothe her vulnerability with every ray of hope he had left in him.
The costumes came. She fit them perfectly, except for one that was one notch too big. But Amanda had time to fix that.
"You're all good, Marilyn," she zipped her up for the last song. The dress absorbed Karen's perfume the second she slipped into it.
Derek came in behind her, like for the opening night. "You'll be great. You've been so brave," he whispered into his ear again.
Karen couldn't help tensing under his touch as his hot breath that trickled off his tongue tickled her reddening ear.
Once Joe DiMaggio was off the scene, he gave her a quick smile, and it was her turn to own the stage.
Karen stepped in, and delivered the melody with a tremendous gracefulness that held great hints of courage.
They thought they could dispose of me
They tried to make me small
I suffered each indignity
But now rise above it all.
She thought of how the lyrics followed her path. She hoped they would until the end.
She exited the elevator straight into the bar as she saw it for the first time after their first night there. The lights, the crowd, the music, all so jumbled in her mind that she needed to squint. Her mind was raging, and she began to feel nauseous after a mere moment spent in the bar. A headache overwhelmed her, and she stopped in her steps just to rub her temples. Of course, no guy on the dance floor had any sense of chivalry or elegance, so she was pushed around a few times. Now was the time for the goddamn drink.
As she shakily approached the stool she was aiming with her still half-shut eyes, she heard her name being called out. Once. Twice. Another final near-yell was hollered her way before she finally looked up to the source.
It was Derek. Who else? Karen thought, frustrated. She didn't wish to encounter anyone she knew. An escape was what she needed. How could she have been stupid enough to think of isolation in a bar?
"Karen?" the director called out again. Karen finally fully opened her eyes to greet a sight that disappointed her even more.
Derek Wills looked horrible. Her heart jumped as she took in the sight of his air. The man she came to know to be so powerful was now streaked with glamorously fluorescent lights that blazed three decades worth of wrinkled on top of his usual lightly sanded ones. His hair was more salt-pepper than she had ever seen before, as though the stress made him age beyond discretion. And finally his eyes. His eyes that made her see mostly anger and deceit in him were now ransacked with the violence of pain to the point where they felt... empty to the pit of the iris.
"Derek..." Karen managed to whisper, and her sole sympathetic call out to him, he caught over the deafening music and beyond the dimness that floated over them like a cloak. He even managed a weak smile, loosely gripping a whisky between his fingertips.
"Karen, please, sit," he invited her to join him, and they sat as they did the previous time they met at the bar.
"Derek, you look really... Are you okay?"
"You would know if I lied. And anyway, I don't have enough strength to tell lies now," he said, and the way his voice wavered made shivers bruise her spine. She burned.
They sat with some silence as they absorbed themselves in their thoughts. They didn't even hear the entourage. It disappeared, and they were alone, trapped in the depths of their heads.
Both wanted to cry out for help in desperation. Both heard their cries resonate between the walls of their minds, but they didn't fly out to the other.
They suddenly looked at each other. Two broken souls seeking some closure to their lives. They thought the answers lay on the tongue and lips of the other.
"Derek... does it end? The pain? The hate? Does it last?" Karen took the chance. She wanted to know the truth for once. It was no use bathing innocently in the subterfuge created by those around her.
"I won't sugar-coat it – it doesn't end. People hate because they are jealous, and because they envy others' success. Especially hypocritical assholes that live on the roof of the 'B' in 'Broadway', over mountains of deluded money. Of course Ivy will never let go of the fact that a small-town newbie like you was able to outdo her just by being yourself. I wish she would know how to be just Ivy Lynn, one day," Derek explained, shushing Karen once more into her confusion.
"Don't forget that we all still support you. Julia, Tom, Eileen... I will, too. It won't be easy, but God, is it worth it," he chuckled in triumph, no doubt remembering his path onto his pedestal of success.
"It better be. We've all been fighting for something in our lives, and it better be within reach at some point," Karen gave a smile of understanding. A look passed between them, expressing the same thought of compassion. So tender, never judging. A most achieved mutual feeling she was glad they had relied on each other for in the past few weeks.
"Trust me, it is. Especially when it's so close," Derek whispered with a gaze directed her way that made her think he was being terribly ambiguous. Though that was the usual with him.
Her heart leaped in her chest. They're so close, she couldn't help thinking, and her eyes fluttered close for a moment. A feather covered her cheek, and it took her some time to realize that it was Derek's peck that she felt, followed by a warm, "Goodnight, Miss Cartwright."
Karen sigh, and smiled in defeat. That man was always snaking his way in to rustle her emotions.
A/N : Loved writing this chapter! I hope this was filling. Two chapters in one night. My eyes...
It was probably the hardest one yet, except for "A Broken Chord, And Arpeggio".
Thank you so much for reviewing, it keeps me going!
More drama is coming...