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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO- THE ROAD TO DAMNATION

I sat with Dean, keeping my arm around him resolutely, even as he tried to shake me off.

Both of us stared at Sam's dead body.

Bobby stepped in with a bucket of chicken, and the smell of it made the bile rise in my throat.

"Dean?"

Dean did not shift his gaze.

"No thanks, I'm fine."

Bobby knew better than to ask me, with my face as green as it was.

"You should eat something."

There was no mistaking the bite in Dean's voice as he answered.

"I said I'm fine, Bobby."

"Dean… Odette," Bobby looked away.

"I hate to bring this up, I really do, but don't you think it's time….. we bury Sam?"

"No!" We both said at the same time.

If we buried Sam…. then I wouldn't be able to deny it anymore.

I'd have to face the fact that I'd lost another brother.

A brother I couldn't save.

Again.

I could see Dean was thinking the same thing.

"We could," Bobby sighed. "Maybe…."

"What?" Dean glared at him.

"Torch his corpse? Not yet."

Bobby set down the bucket on the table.

"I want you to come with me."

Dean set his jaw.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Dean, please," Bobby pleaded.

"Would you cut me some slack?" Dean's eyes tightened, and I stared at Bobby accusingly.

"I just don't think you should be alone, that's all," Bobby shrugged.

My head snapped up, and I locked gazes with the old hunter.

"He's not alone."

Bobby measured my expression, and backed off.

"I just think I could use your help."

Dean snorted.

"Something big is going down," He insisted. "End-of-the-world big."

"Well, then let it end!" Dean yelled suddenly, and I had to hold him back from getting up.

"You don't mean that," Bobby said softly.

"You don't think so?" Dean gritted his teeth.

"Huh?" He suddenly seemed to remember me.

"You don't think we've given enough? You don't think we've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. And if you know what's good for you, turn around, and get the hell out of here."

"Go!" Dean roared.

He breathed hard, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just go."

"You know where I'll be," Bobby said quietly, closing the door after him.

We looked at Sam's motionless body in silence.

~Supernatural~

The minute Bobby left, Dean gave up, and I squeezed him tighter as the tears rolled down our cheeks.

He didn't fight me this time.

Dean leant closer to Sam, and I closed my eyes as he started speaking.

"I just wanted you to be a kid for a little while longer, Sammy. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job."

Dean hitched a breath.

"I had one job, and I screwed it up. I blew it. For that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love."

"Stop," I snapped, wrapping both my arms around him this time.

"That's not true. Stop that," I said sharply, because I couldn't let him think the way I had.

"It is true," Dean lowered his head.

"I let Dad down. I've let you down so many times, Odette."

Dean didn't let me object.

He looked over to Sam.

"And now I guess I'm just supposed to let him down, too."

I moved away from him, cradling Sam's head in my lap.

"Sammy," I whispered, bowing my head.

"I'm so sorry. If I'd just thought of using my visions earlier, you'd still be… you'd still be…."

I choked on my words.

"I couldn't save you any more than I did my little brother. I've just lost one more."

I burst into tears, kissing his forehead gently.

Dean pulled me away, and suddenly it was he doing the comforting.

I sobbed into his chest.

"What am I supposed to do?" Dean murmured, not tearing his gaze from Sam.

"How am I supposed to live with that?"

"What am I supposed to do?" He suddenly shouted, jumping to his feet.

Dean thrust out a slip of paper at me.

I took it numbly.

"Bobby's address," Dean said shortly. "I need you to stay there."

I looked at him confusedly.

"I'm not leaving you."

"You don't have a choice," Dean growled. "I want you to go."

"But-"

"GO!"

I stopped at once.

Dean's eyes softened.

"I just…. I just need some time alone, Odette. Before I…. before we….."

Dean was an excellent liar.

And fool that I was, I believed him.

"Okay."

I jerked in shock as Dean pulled me into a hug, squeezing tightly.

That should've been my next indication.

He didn't let go.

"You're a good kid, Bambi. Closest I have to a sister."

His grip tightened.

"Take care of yourself."

I could've stopped him then, but at that moment, all I could think about was how Dean sounded so eerily like his father before he died.

~Supernatural~

I bit my nails anxiously.

Dean should've been back by now.

Bobby looked at me grumpily.

"Get some sleep, idjit," He said gruffly.

"Dean's not gonna be happy if he sees you like this."

I didn't add that Dean was probably worse off than I was.

Neither of us would be sleeping, I was sure.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped up, desperate for something to do.

"I'll get it!"

I walked dazedly to the door, pulling it open.

I froze.

Sam was standing in front of me.

Healthy, perfectly breathing, Sam.

"Hey, Odette, h-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off as I flung my arms around him tightly, burying my face in his broad shoulder.

I hid my tears, refusing to let him go.

"Um," Sam shifted uncomfortably. "Odette, um, ow."

I pulled away at once.

"Sorry, it's just good to see… you up and about, Sam."

Bobby jolted to a halt as he saw Sam.

And then it hit me.

I glared at Dean.

What had he done?

Sam distracted me.

"Hey, Odette, where's Cas?"

I blinked.

"Cas?"

"Yeah," Sam looked at me worriedly.

"Dean said he patched me up. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Um," I twitched. "Cas has his…. uh, orders. I'm sure he'll come soon."

"Anyway," I grabbed Dean's arm.

"Bobby has some old books in the truck. We'll just lug 'em in."

Bobby scowled at me, but I needed to talk to Dean first.

I dragged him to the junkyard, making sure we were out of earshot.

"You stupid ass!" I pushed him hard. "What did you do? What did you do?"

I wanted to punch him in the face.

"You made a deal…. you made a deal for Sam, didn't you? How long did they give you?"

"Odette," Dean said softly.

"How long?" I screamed, shoving him again.

Dean didn't meet my eyes.

"One year."

The books in my hands clattered to the cement.

"Damn it, Dean!"

"Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch," Dean ignored me.

"That's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I got nothing to lose now, right?"

I seized him by the collar, shaking him hard.

"I could strangle you, Dean!"

Dean snorted.

"And send me downstairs ahead of schedule?"

I let go.

"What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, John. You're both just itching to throw yourselves down in the pit."

"That's my point," Dean insisted.

"Dad brought me back, Odette. I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? At least my life could mean something."

My mouth fell open in shock.

"And it didn't before? You're the bravest person I know, Dean! The best! Can't you see that? Have you got that low of an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?"

I grabbed him again.

"I couldn't let him die, Odette," Dean said haltingly.

"I couldn't. Wouldn't you have done the same, if you had the chance to save your brother?"

My retort was lost, and I fell against him in tears.

"So, what?" My lips trembled as Dean held me tightly.

I put my hands on either side of his face.

"We've got Sam, but I'm gonna lose you now, is that it? You're going to die, you think I'm going to live through that?"

I cried into his jacket as he put a hand on my head.

"What've you done, Dean?" I whispered inaudibly.

"What've you done?"

Dean straightened as something clanked in a distant part of the junkyard.

We crawled to the car, and Dean caught hold of the intruder.

I recognized the blonde hair at once.

It was Ellen.

~Supernatural~

Cas leaned against Bobby's table.

"Wyoming. That's where you need to go. Azazel, the demon that killed your family, he's trying to open a portal there. And he's going to use the boy that killed-"

He broke off as Sam entered the room.

"Hey, Cas," Sam smiled. "Thanks for patching me up."

His eyes tightened, sweeping across the room to Dean.

Play along, I pleaded. Please.

He surveyed me intently for an immeasurable amount of time before dipping his head.

"You're welcome, Samuel."

Ellen eyed him warily.

"What sort of portal, Castiel?"

Cas looked up at us grimly.

"A portal to hell."