A/n: Once again, a reminder, heavy stuff coming. Please check the trigger warning in chapter 1 if you have trigger issues. (Nothing graphic, but it is very heavy subject matter.) You have been warned!

Chapter 20

By eleven, most people were either on the dance floor or had left the main hall to check out the silent auction items. And by midnight, Addison had had a lot of champagne and was feeling quite tipsy. She wasn't alone, however, as Callie was slopping wine all over the table when she stopped to take a break from dancing and Mark was having trouble not swaying when he walked. Addison couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun.

Jack too, had had quite a bit to drink, though he was not quite as far gone as some of his friends. He was also having a fantastic time and half-wished the night would go on for days.

At one point Jack needed a break from dancing, so he dragged Addison back to their table, sweating and panting and grinning the whole way. She collapsed unsteadily into a chair and he laughed heartily.

"Don't laugh," she said, slurring somewhat. "You're not so smooth yourself, there, Shephard."

"I hide it better," he replied. "Plus I'm not wearing high heels."

Addison glanced down at her feet, which she realized only now, were sore. "Why am I still wearing these?" She kicked off her shoes unceremoniously then told Jack abruptly, "We should go look at the silent auction. Maybe there's something I'll want."

She grabbed his hand and he followed.

Outside the hall in the expansive foyer area, it was much cooler and Jack exhaled in relief at the drop in temperature. They sidled up to the nearest table to survey the goods.

"Ooh, look!" Addison gushed. "There's a boat! Look there, that picture. Jack, you should get a boat!"

"You are drunk."

"So are you," she poked him in the chest. "Don't even try to deny it."

"I am," Jack laughed. "I told you, I just hide it better!"

Addison had already moved on and was exclaiming over a small but lovely pair of diamond earrings.

Jack leaned forward and glanced at the highest bid, which was in the low 400s.

"Awfully small to be that expensive."

"Means they're real. Is it hot in here too? It feels like it's hot in here too." Addison fanned herself.

"Let's go outside." Jack attempted to grab her arm and missed, sending them into a fit of laughter. When he had more or less regained the ability to stand, he firmly grasped her hand and led her outside.

There was a smattering of people outside the building, some calling cabs, some having a smoke, and others simply escaping the humid hall same as them. Still holding her hand, he led her away from the door to a bit of an alcove so it felt more private. She complained loudly about the cold cement on her bare feet and he could hardly stop laughing long enough to say that she was the one who had just taken off her high heels.

She wobbled suddenly and he, sufficiently drunk though he may have been, hastily caught her before she completely lost her balance and fell. All at once as they straightened, they were extremely close and he felt miles more sober in one crystalizing instant. Her eyes sparkled and he couldn't look away from them, from her, and overwhelming emotion collided inside him.

Maybe the alcohol was helping things along, but at that moment, it didn't matter: he'd wanted to do this for a very long time. Jack leaned forward, swiftly closing the gap between them until his lips were on hers. He kissed her fiercely as one hand moved to her neck. She pressed against him, kissing him back just as hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck and one hand snaked up into his hair.

He didn't know how long they were like that, until the sound of his cell phone jangling in his pocket made him pull away with a start.

It was closing in on one in the morning by that point, so he had no idea who could possibly be calling. His hand went to his pocket to answer it, but halfway there he changed his mind. Instead, he asked Addison quietly,

"Do you want to get out of here?"

They ended up at Addison's place because it was closer (as usual). As they stumbled into her apartment, it was way more than alcohol that was making their minds buzz.

Jack slid the straps of her dress down her shoulders while she unbuttoned his shirt. They stayed connected at the lips as much as possible. He gently pulled pins from her hair, letting them fall on to the carpet and she grinned and shook her head with relief when it had all been released. He didn't know if he'd ever seen anything more beautiful.

They fell onto the bed together and she breathed his name in his ear. He ran his hands over her smooth skin, over her breasts. She captured his mouth with hers and trailed her fingers over his back, giving him shivers.

Jack raised himself up on his arms so he hovered over her. Her brilliant red hair was fanned out on the pillow like a flaming halo and she smiled the most intimate, sexy smile he'd ever seen. He wished he could stay in that moment forever, with her looking at him like that – wished he could cast it in amber so it would never, ever change.

"I love you."

She reached up and pressed her hand to his cheek and whispered, "I love you too, Jack."

For a split second when Jack awoke, he thought he'd been having a wonderful dream. But then he realized that the warm body curled against him was Addison's, that it was still dark outside and that it hadn't been just a dream after all. He smiled and inhaled the scent of her hair, something vaguely like lavender or cucumber, something fresh and intoxicating. He didn't know how he had never noticed it before, but then again, he'd never been this close to her.

He heard a muffled beep and lifted his head slightly in confusion. The noise sounded again and Jack carefully extracted himself from the tangle of Addison and sheets to investigate. He assumed it was one of their cell phones and then belatedly remembered the call he had earlier ignored. Jack confirmed it was his phone beeping insistently when he found his discarded pants, and rummaged in the pockets to retrieve his phone.

1 Voicemail

Jack's brow furrowed and he promptly dialed his mailbox, assuming he would listen to the message, save it, and head back to bed. It was nearly 5 in the morning, after all, and the sun would be coming up in an hour or two.

"Jack…"

It was Kate.

He immediately felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. And as he listened to the message, all previous feelings of contentment, relaxation and happiness drained out of him faster with each successive word.

"Jack… I… I don't know… what time it is…"

There was some muffled noise which he couldn't discern, and then he heard her crying.

"I can't run anymore. I… wanted to see you. I came to Seattle – I wanted to see you. Jack, I… I should have listened to you – I'm sorry. Back in LA… you were right. I shouldn't have run…" She sniffed loudly. "I would've said yes… and… I'm so sorry."

Jack's pulse was racing with dread. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with her voice – she sounded exhausted and terribly sad, but something went way beyond that, something much deeper. He knew her too well and he could tell: something was horribly wrong.

"Jack, I loved you. I should have… stayed… and I… can't…"

It sounded like she dropped the phone and there was an agonizing few seconds before she picked it up again, her voice now sounding slurred.

"I wanted you to know… that it's over. I… I'm not… running anymore. Goodbye, Jack…"

The rest of the message was simply dead air until it ended, a solid ten or so seconds later.

"Jack?" Addison's sleepy voice mumbled and he heard her stir behind him.

With shaking hands, he pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call to his electronic mailbox.

"Jack?" she sounded more awake and concerned, but still he didn't turn around.

He hit the button that showed him the caller ID for his recent missed calls, heart pounding so hard he thought it might burst through his ribs. When his eyes registered the number, he was fairly certain his heart stopped altogether. It was his apartment.

For an instant, he was frozen solid, hardly daring to believe, suddenly unable to comprehend. And then he whipped around and began throwing his clothes on, severely startling Addison.

"Jack! What is it?"

"I don't have time to explain," he said hastily. "I have to go. Right now."

"What's going on? Who was on the phone?"

When he didn't respond, she almost shouted his name. He stopped briefly to look at her.

"It's Kate. She's in trouble, and she's at my apartment – or was, several hours ago. Are you coming?"

Addison was stunned and opened her mouth to reply before closing it again.

"Addison," he snapped.

"Yes, of course." She finally said and jumped out of bed, throwing on the first set of clothes she had folded in her dresser.

Jack grabbed her car keys from the hook by the door and in less than a minute, they were hurrying at top speed down the stairwell because Jack couldn't stand waiting for the elevator for more than five seconds. It wasn't until they were in her car and Jack was speeding down the empty roads that Addison was finally able to get a straight answer from him. He explained the voicemail in clipped tones and silently urged the car to go faster.

Don't let me be too late, he thought desperately. Please God, don't let me too late…

The fear that he was in fact too late was nearly crippling, and he had to force himself with everything he had to concentrate on the road until they had pulled up in front of his building. He was out of the car like a shot, leaving Addison to retrieve her keys and lock it up, while he fumbled to open the door to the building. Once inside, he headed straight for the stairwell again, taking several at a time, and Addison struggled to keep up.

The closer he got to his apartment, the more that paralyzing fear bubbled inside him. His mind played worst case scenarios of what he was about to find. His door was unlocked already and he banged it open at once with no regard for the noise it made.

"Kate?" Jack called frantically.

He didn't see her in the living room or kitchen, and for one small moment, he thought his fear was unfounded. But then he realized the bathroom light was on in the bedroom and he bolted towards it, shouting her name.

"Kate? Kate?"

The light from the bathroom spilled into the bedroom, casting a dim glow and he spotted her form immediately on the bed. He rushed forward and in one silent moment, his world came crashing down.

Addison was panting hard when she made it into his apartment, moments after him. She heard him calling Kate's name and saw him disappear into the bedroom. She followed and stopped in the threshold, covering her mouth with her hand as she took in the scene before her.

Kate was on the bed and was visibly too thin (far thinner than her photographs on the internet). Even in the pale light from the bathroom, Addison could see bruises and scabbed gashes on her limbs, her dark hair was matted and the dark circles under her eyes were so pronounced it almost looked like makeup. The cordless phone she'd used to call Jack was on the floor, probably where it had fallen from her hand, beeping softly because it was out of battery. There were two bottles of medication on his nightstand, empty and laying on their side. The drawer to his nightstand was ajar, a ring box lay open beside Kate and the ring it had once held was sitting on her delicate ring finger.

"Kate! No no no no…" Jack was at her side, shaking her shoulders as though she might just be sleeping. "Kate, wake up, come on. Kate – Kate!"

He wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to him, but she didn't embrace him back. Her head lolled to the side and her arms were limp.

"God, she's cold – get a blanket!" He put his ear to her lips and checked her pulse. "And she's not breathing – call an ambulance!" he shouted.

Though to Addison it seemed clear they were much too late, she didn't hesitate and ran to the living room to place the call. Once the paramedics were on their way, she hastened back to the bedroom with a thick blanket from the linen closet. In the bedroom, Jack had laid Kate back down and was desperately doing chest-compressions.

"Kate, come on, come on!" Jack cried out. "Don't do this to me – you can't do this!"

"Jack…" Addison approached slowly but he didn't seem to notice her or hear her.

"Kate, please, come on… Kate!"

"Jack, she… she overdosed, there's nothing you can do."

"You don't know that," he growled, finally acknowledging Addison. "I can save her. I can still… save her."

"No, you can't," she said gently.

"I have to!"

She reached for him but stilled her hand when he snapped coldly,

"Don't."

Addison pulled back, slightly stung, and said nothing while Jack continued fruitless chest-compressions. When the paramedics arrived, Addison explained what had happened and how they had found her. It was only when the paramedics had checked her over and determined she had been dead for more than a couple hours that Jack – there was no other word for it – broke.

"God, no… no! Kate… no…" he covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook.

"I'm so sorry, Jack," Addison said, her heart breaking and tears clouding her vision. "I'm so sorry."

It was absolutely unfathomable to think that a few hours ago they had been blissfully making love. A few hours ago, while Kate was committing suicide, while she was dying, they had been ignorant and happy and saying I love you.

The paramedics took Kate's body away and Jack's legs gave out beneath him. Addison dropped to her knees on the floor beside him and wrapped her arms around him immediately. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and wished with all her heart she could make this go away, make it better, anything.

They stayed like that until sometime after the sun had risen outside his window.

A/n: Thanks for reading! Any and all feedback SO appreciated!