I do not own Naruto! Or any of the music in this fanfic! I will do my best to cite my music sources in the end of the chapters in the A/N! I do, however, own the OC's.
"Show me Naruto Uzumaki," I told my mirror, and it showed him on his training trip with Jiraiya. I was still lying in bed, so I was technically obeying orders, and Akuma was lying in his basinet nearby gurgling happily as orochimaru dangled a snake over his crib.
"Why must you show an interest in the kyuubi brat?" Orochimaru growled angrily, and I sighed.
"Because, he's a friend of mine, and I don't leave my friends behind. Now, is there a way to get him some mail, or not?" I asked, and Orochimaru snorted.
"Most definitely not! The Orochi chooses its host, and has chosen our son – I shall find him a tutor eventually," Orochimaru ridiculed.
"Ooh, it found him!" I grinned gleefully. Naruto was with Jiraiya in a hotel/spa combo, and had just picked up the mail.
"Ero-Sennin! It's from Konoha! And it's yellow!" Naruto yelled urgently, and Jiraiya yanked the letter out of the envelope. "What's it say? What's it say?"
"Orochimaru attacked again," Jiraiya said dumbfounded, and Naruto growled angrily. "Among the dead are…well, see for yourself. Nobody you know, I think."
Mitarashi Anko – Injured
Morino Ibiki – injured
Yuhi Kurenai – Injured
Hyuga Hiashi – Injured
Hyuga Neji – Injured
Senju Shiragi – Deceased
Kagami Hiragata – Deceased
Uchiha Sasuke – Missing
Hyuga Hanabi – Missing
Aburame Kira – Missing
Inuzuka Shirai – Missing
Inuzuka Hirana – Deceased
Hatake Kirari – Missing
Denina Akuma – Sacrificed as Tribute
Denina Sarah – Sacrificed as Tribute
Please help us heal or find as many of these ninja as you can. Konoha is also in desperate need of your help if you are a Konoha Ally. If anyone sees Orochimaru, kill him on sight, and bring Denina Sarah & Akuma home safely.
"What does it mean 'sacrificed as tribute'? how the hell does that happen?" Naruto asked angrily, and Jiraiya put his hands up to calm the jinchuuriki. "And who the hell is Akuma? Sarah's brother?"
"Naruto, when someone is sacrificed as Tribute, they're forced into exile for the sake of the village. Whether it's as a rogue or into a new village's hands, I'm sure she'll be fine. Besides, that's the Hokage's place to judge, not ours. As for Akuma – that's Sarah-chan's kid, Naruto," Jiraiya said calmly, and Naruto stared at him. "It's kind of like you being sacrificed to host the Kyuubi. It's to keep the village safe."
"I looked to Sasuke like a brother! I looked to Sarah like she was my sister, and that bastard feels free to take both my brother and sister away? I'll kill him!" I saw Naruto yell angrily, the Kyuubi's chakra getting out of control.
"Show me Samuel Denning," I said, switching so that the Kyuubi's chakra wouldn't take over. The mirror glowed purple again, and my brother showed up on it, apparently on a date with one of my female friends from Anime Club.
"So, you know the Denning's daughter, right? The one that disappeared mysteriously," Zoe said awkwardly, and Sam nodded. "Well, I knew her back in high school really well. We were practically sisters and almost joined at the hip. I wish I could go back and tell her that I'm sorry I got on her case so much. I was just so angry back then because of all the crap my parents gave me."
"Yeah, I agree," Sam said gently. "My sister always was a crack-head, even though she never did drugs. She would often call herself 'Orochimaru's wife' or 'Kabuto's sister' or something like that. She was way too into Naruto. She was always writing self insertion fanfics in her free time, until she got stuck and started writing novels based off of her life instead, with her main male character based off Orochimaru in appearance, a completely separate one in personality."
"Are we talking about the same one, here?" Zoe asked, and Sam nodded.
"She went to Ramay Junior High for three years, Fayetteville High for her sophomore year, Conway for her junior year, got her GED about a week into her senior year, and started College that next spring. Always wore a sound headband?" Sam asked, and Zoe nodded.
"Yes! She's your sister?" Zoe asked, and Sam nodded before sighing heavily. "Well, at least she went down defying school. I'm sure that made her happy."
"She's alive, you know. She's just hiding in another country," Sam told her, and Zoe stared. "Nobody knows which one. She sends us mail once a month and then moves to a different country once she does."
"Heh, I'm not surprised. Hey, have you heard about that serial killer out in Vegas? The one they're calling 'Naruto' because he's leaving tattoos on people to make them look like Naruto characters?" Zoe asked, and I gasped in shock. I was obsessed with the show, I knew, but this was absurd. "So far, there are nine different people – Naruto, Iruka, Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, Kiba, Neji, Jiraiya, and Tsunade. They say that it's going in order of people Naruto fights for respect. Well, they forgot Mizuki, Zabuza, Haku, and Orochimaru, so every Naruto fan is waiting to see which one of those four comes up next."
"How interesting," I laughed. "Should we go help them, or just watch?"
"Watch, of course!" Orochimaru cackled evilly. "I'm beginning to like this serial killer. Making dead men out of Naruto-kun and Jiraiya – this I can live with."
"And if they make a dead man out of you?" I asked with an eyebrow raised, and his chakra was once again filled with blood lust. "Never mind, I can already tell your answer."
"Bed time," Orochimaru said with finality, taking the mirror from me. "Now, and I don't want any arguments – we've both had long days."
"You brought that one on yourself, mister," I laughed, but crawled under the blankets anyways.
"The Chunin exams are coming up in a few weeks' time. Do you want to go?" Orochimaru chuckled as he changed his clothes behind a curtain.
"You're married to me and you won't change in front of me? You're going to get me paranoid that you're cheating on me!" I teased, "I kid! I kid! Do you think I'm ready?"
"Do you honestly think I would cheat on you?" Orochimaru growled darkly. "You are the first one to bear the child of a Sannin, and you think I would cheat on you?"
"No, I was joking!" I argued. "Good grief. Why do you not want to change in front of me?"
"Why must you insist on changing every subject I bring up?" Orochimaru countered. "Do you want to attend the Chunin exams, or not?"
"Well, yeah, but…" I grinned evilly, a plan already in motion. "What about Sasuke? What about Akuma – he needs me! And while I'm at it, who are you going to use to infiltrate Iwagakure and Kumogakure? And finish up Kirigakure? You know I got nowhere close to being done in Kirigakure."
"I'm not sure. Perhaps a small child, or someone that they'll…recognize," Orochimaru said, his eyes lightening. "Your Kaguya Kunoichi, of course, will go to Kirigakure. She can etch the jutsu signs on the inside of the bones that she'll make. As for Iwagakure and Kumogakure – I had you in mind, since you would have been able to play the part extremely well. Now, do you know where I can find an over-obsessive child who will show complete fidelity to their master?"
"Yes, I do," I grinned, thinking on the same track of evil that he was. "Do you remember the female cousin that was younger than me that looked more pregnant than me?"
"You aren't serious. That little brat wouldn't know heads from tails about jutsu!" he said indignantly in disdain. He then realized what I was thinking. "So, what you're saying is that we get her to learn the more basic jutsus. Then we get her to leave and head to the other village to do the same thing."
"Right. We then get another one of my friends, one of the skinny and fit ones to help us out by getting the more advanced ones, since she can pass off for the apprentice or lover of Jiraiya," I explained further.
"Wonderful," he grinned maniacally, kissing my lips. "Tomorrow, we go back to your world and ambush your cousin and friend."
"Joy," I grinned, eager to deliver the hell to my cousin that she'd given me. I was extremely hesitant to bring my best friend into this, though. "On second thought, why not get one of my younger cousins to help us out with the advanced jutsu? Or maybe just send one cousin to each village instead, and have them report only during the Chunin exams?"
"Perhaps. We'll discuss this further in the morning, pet," he said as he lowered himself into the blankets.
"In other news, the Naruto killer has struck once more – this time, a whole array of victims was found. They are represented in the show by what the Naruto fans call Team Six, Team Five, and Team Ten. We have also found the bodies that represent Mizuki, Zabuza and Haku, and Uchiha Itachi," I heard a news reporter say a few weeks later. I realized dimly that thanksgiving was today, and that Akuma was almost a month old.
"I know how the serial killer does it," Orochimaru chuckled. "He recreates the scene that they were defeated at. Think about it – Sasuke-kun in his home, Sakura in a clearing, Naruto-kun in a classroom, Iruka on the outskirts of Vegas, Kiba surrounded by dogs, Kakashi from drug overdose – drugs representing the Sharingan – Jiraiya surrounded by women, and some that had numerous body piercings, Tsunade in a bar drinking poisoned beer, and Neji from a traumatic shock from below his jaw."
"You're right," I realized. "It all fits! So that means that Haku will have a hole in one shoulder, Zabuza will have multiple lacerations all over – either that he'll have needles in his neck – both on or under a bridge of some sort. Mizuki will have multiple trauma wounds in a forest, and Uchiha Itachi will be killed by something bursting inside him."
"Kukuku…you're correct, Kit," he chuckled, referring to how he'd started calling me kitten. Akuma was still an extremely quiet baby, and I wondered vaguely if he was alright. "Relax – Kabuto's running a few tests to see if Akuma needs any health help or medication."
"Good to know you care," I huffed.
"I always have, pet," he said gently. "Ever since that day that you knew who I was and had pictures all over the back of that book, I knew you were the one. You hadn't even met me, and were obsessed with me. You'd even found pictures of me as a child, and people don't do that. I saw your handwriting of 'adorable' on the pages next to the photos of me as a child, and the ones that said 'sexy' next to when I was staying still, as well as the ones that said 'epic' when I was performing a jutsu. Truth be told, I was obsessed with meeting you once I learned who you were. I couldn't resist – someone from a completely different world with so much knowledge and power that hadn't even been tapped into yet. I couldn't get you out of my thoughts. So I took you, and made you mine."
"Are you going to give me a curse mark to make it final?" I asked hopefully, and he frowned.
"And risk losing you? Absolutely not!" he scoffed. "I may be a mass murderer, but I have my limitations. You, Akuma, and any other children we'll have together are my limitations. I'll even kill Kabuto if the need arises. This conversation is to remain top secret, by the way."
"So, should I go get my cousins?" I asked. "Or should I go have Otonin kunoichis rape Sasuke into oblivion?"
I was met with loud laughter and guffaws.
"I don't think that wise, Sarah-sama," Kabuto said warily as he watched Orochimaru laugh uncontrollably. "Perhaps another option can be found – that won't betray the sound? Or maybe… we can brainwash a child! Akuma-sama is perfectly healthy, I can assure you. He's just a quiet one, that's all. Much like his father used to be before he married you and you came to stay with us permanently."
"Thanks, Kabuto. Hey, would it kill you to try to find a spouse?" I asked innocently, and he gave me a look that gave no room for argument as he hurried to put Akuma in his cradle.
"I'm afraid that's out of the question," he said at last as he put his recently un-gloved hand onto my forehead. "Hm, you don't seem to have a fever…"
"Kabuto, you should know by now that I'll ask random questions and say random things like I'm on crack or drugs or something and I'll have nothing whatsoever in my bloodstream aside from my blood vessels," I scolded.
"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "I'm still not used to it, that's all. What did you say?" he asked after lowering his voice to where I could barely hear him over Orochimaru's continued laughter.
"I asked if I should order a few sound kunoichi to rape Sasuke into oblivion," I told him quietly. He chuckled slightly before leaving quickly. I knew where this was going – he'd go into one of the labs and laugh his head off like my husband was recovering from now.
"Do you want me to?" he said through his laughter, and I nodded eagerly. The more Uchiha babies the merrier, right?
"Do it," I grinned, but he shook his head. "Why not?"
"We need to wait until his hormones are at their peak," he scolded gently, and I nodded, realizing that he would know when the best time to pounce on Sasuke would be. "Now, your cousins?"
"Yeah," I yelled eagerly, and leapt to get Akuma out of his crib so I could show him to my family. Orochimaru teleported the three of us back to Arkansas. I grinned as the Boone Clan yelled out in shock at our arrival. They'd planned ahead, but so had I. I grinned, and pulled a box of dango from a sealing scroll I'd had.
"In honor of the tradition," Orochimaru said with a shrug. "They aren't poisoned. Speaking of which, is there a tradition to bring food as a married couple, or no?"
"No, it's a tradition," Kim assured him quickly. "It's just – what is that?"
"Dango," Orochimaru said as if it explained everything.
"It's kind of like a Japanese shish kabob," I explained, and it finally clicked. "So, what's all this I've been hearing about serial killers on the loose? And do I get to sit at the adult table now that I'm married with a child?"
"Wait, boy or girl?" Bobbie asked, and Orochimaru smirked evilly in her direction. Bobbie then let out a loud and terrified whine and hid behind her mother.
"His name is Akuma," I told them, and Orochimaru pulled the blanket off of our son's face to reveal him.
"Oh, he's so cute!" I heard my three aunts croon quietly so as not to wake him.
"He looks really pale," one of my female cousins said warily. "are babies supposed to be that pale?"
"it runs in the family," Orochimaru growled harshly, leaving no room for arguments on skin, eye, or hair color of our child.
"Oh, that reminds me, the presents were great," I grinned, and the others eyed each other nervously. "What?"
"Sarah – we'd only gotten you those because we thought you were dead," one of cousins said warily. "We only got them because we knew you'd have wanted them if you were alive."
"That explains why they got you a bunch of Konoha looking clothes," Orochimaru murmured, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"You're not staying in our world, are you?" Bobbie asked sadly.
"No, but I do have a limited time offer – two of you get to come to ours to learn with us and help us out with our studying," I told them happily. "Free food, room, and at no cost at all! Well, except when you're abroad, but that'll still be halfway covered by Otogakure finances."
"Wow! As much food as we want?" Bobbie asked eagerly. "And we won't have to do homework for the school systems? Count me in if that's the case!"
"Bobbie, you don't even know the rules of this offer!" Chrissie yelled angrily, and I laughed.
"Claire?" I asked, and she shook her head. "Randall? Maddy? We might even be able to help with a few medical issues. I mean, look at me – they managed to get my shunt safely removed and my ventricles fix that it replaced!"
"I'm in!" Maddy yelled, and I knew I had her hooked, lined, and sunk. "You already know why."
"Indeed – Bobbie, Maddy, you'll be coming back with us once Thanksgiving feast is over," I smirked maliciously, knowing that they couldn't go back on their word. I'd already clued Orochimaru in on Maddy's condition that caused her to lose all her hair, and knew that Bobbie was lazy and would do anything to get out of school and get free all-you-can-eat buffets.
Akuma put up a fuss right before prayer, so Orochimaru and I took him outside for some fresh air. I grinned at my son's wonderful timing, and kissed his forehead gently. I sighed heavily, and no matter what we tried, Akuma just kept crying. Finally, Orochimaru got tired of waiting and summoned a snake and dangled it above him. Akuma began gurgling happily, and I shook my head in exasperation at it all.
"Daddy's boy," I grumbled as we went back inside, the snake still around Orochimaru and hovering over Akuma's now-sleeping frame.
"And, without further ado, let's eat!" my aunt announced fearfully eyeing the snake, and I vaguely realized that my parents weren't here. "Sarah, you and your husband may join us at the adults table since your parents aren't here."
"Hey! We're older than she is!" Sam, Joe, Chrissie, Cassy, Randall, and Jenny objected angrily. "That's not fair!"
"Nya nya!" I teased silently behind my aunts' and uncles' backs.
"Her parents are missing, and she's the one out of the three of you that is married – and has a child, no less! Speaking of which, what's your husband's name?" Rebekka scolded, and then turned to me gently. I sat down hesitantly at the adult table, not used to it in the slightest. I was used to sitting with the Nintendo nerds outside – but this was good, too. They'd probably done it out of respect for Orochimaru and the fact that Akuma was still less than a month old.
"Orochimaru," he replied moodily before leaving for the adult table. I grabbed some Ham, Turkey, my aunt Rebekka's infamous rolls (which there never was enough of, no matter how many she brought), and, of course, four sticks of Dango, to put on my plate. His plate had the same layout, only it had a little bit of everything – I'd decided to put in a little fruit salad and sweet potatoes on it. Blegh – I most definitely wouldn't want to be eating off his plate.
"So, what'd I miss out on?" I asked as I sat down next to Orochimaru at the table once more. I handed him his plate and smiled eagerly. He sighed, but hesitantly picked up his fork to eat. He eyed the knife warily, not sure of what to do.
"You lost your scholarship at UACCM!" Sam hollered over the din, and I frowned.
"Like I care, Stupid!" I retorted, pulling a Naruto vs. Konohamaru out of the hat. "And for the record, Naruto got through the Chunin exams with a blank test! How's that for scholarship?"
The house became immediately quiet. More than twenty people and you could hear a pin drop – which never happened at my family reunions.
"Sarah," Kim said testily. "You do realize that there's a serial killer on the loose? One who relates people with Naruto characters and then kills them after he gives them tattoos like the Naruto Characters?"
"N-no," I lied wide-eyed. "H-how? W-why?"
"Nobody knows," my uncle said. "They haven't caught him yet, but the bodies are piling up, fast. Twenty-three people! And they're still trying to catch him!"
"How'd the newer ones die? Teams Team Six, Team Five, and Team Ten die? Does anyone know?" I asked between bites, and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.
"No," my three older cousins snapped, and I backed off. "How could we?"
"How were they failing in the exams, pet?" Orochimaru asked, and I realized it then.
Hinata had had Ventricular fibrillation. Kiba – kicked in the back of the head. Shino had yielded to Kankurou's poison. Kurenai – I had no idea on this one. Lee had overused of the gate of life. TenTen, weapons all around and probably stabbed numerous times or a broken back. Choji's only demise was the red pellet when he was fighting Jirobo or dizziness after fighting Dosu. Shikamaru's was probably fear and heart attack, needles everywhere, shuriken everywhere – his possibilities were endless because he forfeited so many times. Ino – hallucinations and/or traumatic blow to the head. Asuma's was likely a stake to the heart. Guy – over-exercising. It all made sense. They were all likely to be found in forests or arenas of some sort since that was where most of them lost their fights.
"They fell into traps," I replied as I put the pieces together. None of the Otonin had died yet, but they would have been if someone had gone through with it. Whoever it was, they were favoring the Otonin as their final victims. We ate in silence the rest of the meal, and then finally, at length, we all began talking again hesitantly. I didn't want to stick around for the 'Family Tradition' of watching Elf, but I was coerced into it temporarily if only for watching the news later.
"Guys! There are more deaths!" Randall called out, and Orochimaru and I left the food for the news. I handed Akuma to Orochimaru, knowing that the Sannin had a much stronger stomach for things like this.
"There have been eight more Naruto bodies found. They have all been represented by the leaf Village up until now. There have been five from the Sand identified. The names of the characters weren't identifiable at first, but it has been confirmed that the youth of America are no longer the only ones in danger – Gaara, Temari, Kankurou, Baki, and the Kazekage. The third Hokage was also found, from the leaf, as well as Hayete Gekko and Morino Ibiki. Please, let us know if there is anyone that you may suspect," the reporter announced. I stared in shock, and then raced to the bathroom to pretend to vomit while I grinned in excitement.
Gaara was going to be surrounded by sand, which was for sure, since he always had sand with him, and possibly by a bomb or mine. Kankurou probably died by beetles or fire ants, since he lost to Shino. Temari was an unknown, as well as Baki. Hayete was going to be killed with a blade in an alleyway. The third Hokage was probably on a roof somewhere and the Kazekage was probably in a ditch or sewer covered in sword marks. Ibiki, on the other hand, was probably covered in scars and looked like he was used for target practice. I then realized something – Kabuto and the Sound Five, even Orochimaru, would have all been killed by now. Our killer favored Otonin, and Mitarashi Anko was still alive. Anko, Nawaki, Dan, and any Shippuden characters were next on the target list.
"Kabuto," I gasped as I walked out, and Orochimaru's eyes widened. "I think we'll need Kabuto…I can't…mmngh!" I cut off, pretending to try to keep myself from vomiting.
"I think it's time we went home," Orochimaru said dragging me back to our scroll to take us home. Bobbie and Maddy rushed up to meet me.
"Our killer is extremely meticulous. They clean up after themselves," I said calculating it out as we got home. "They've attacked Konoha ninja, Konoha rogues, and Sand ninja. Whoever this is has access to sand, keys, animals, poisons, and the Naruto profiles."
"Wait, what if they're not Otonin?" Kabuto asked, and we all froze. "I mean, there's a Sunagakure tracker who's been missing since the day that Sarah got transferred to our world. There was a Sunagakure ninja tracking me using my headband."
"Wait, a jutsu gone wrong – it's possible that he was transferred to my world while I was transferred here on accident!" I shouted with revelation. "Is it possible that the Sunagakure ninja's head got screwed in the process if he was holding Kabuto's headband?"
"Yes," Orochimaru replied. "It's also possible that the man came to think that he or she is Kabuto, and sees any non-otonin look-a-like as an enemy. We need to find a way that he or she will stay in that world so that Sarah can stay in ours."
"Or," I argued. "We can get him killed in that world."
"But then we wouldn't know what our world will do to him! You immediately thought of yourself as an Otonin when you were transferred here – maybe that was a reflex for the both of you," Kabuto argued.
"Okay, someone needs to tell me what's going on here, cause I'm not getting any of this," Bobbie and Maddy argued cheerleader-like. All three of us adult Otonin scowled in response.
"I'll be sure to dumb it down so that even a dunce can understand," Orochimaru sneered. "A jutsu went wrong. As a result, your cousin was transferred here and the ninja performing the jutsu was transferred to your world. Now, both of them are stuck in the worlds they've been transported to. Sarah has become an otonin while she was here. The Sunagakure nin – the Sand ninja – now thinks that they are an Otonin – a Sound Ninja – as a result of said jutsu being mis-performed. Did I use small enough words for you to understand? Or do I need to spell it out so my newborn can understand me?"
"No, we got it," Bobbie said shakily. "But how do we turn this guy in?"
"I've got that one covered," I grinned. "I've got a contact that can help us out. Orochimaru, you remember Carl?"
"Well, I can see where this is going. You'll find his laptop any time of day and write a message on it for him. If we can get the Suna-nin's name then we can catch and trap him," Orochimaru summed up. I loved the man, and it was wonderful that we were able to get inside each other's skins and heads, but sometimes it just became too much trouble.
"There may be a way," I murmured. "That he was in this world while I went back home."
"Highly improbable, but not impossible," Orochimaru countered with a disgustingly satisfied smirk. Maddy and Bobbie looked like they were about to puke, much to my dismay. Oh well – the latter could stand to lose more than a few pounds. A lot of pounds would be more exact. She and Jirobo would be soul mates with how much time they spent eating. Bobbie weighed more than I had when I'd been pregnant at my heaviest, and she was a virgin. She'd make the perfect Akimichi clan member.
"Can we change the subject, please?" Maddy asked as Bobbie raced over to puke on Akuma.
Orochimaru beat her to him, and snatched him out of the cradle just in time. Akuma and his blanket were clean, but his crib was far from it.
"Go," Orochimaru ordered. "Maddy, let Kabuto take a few blood samples so he can discern what caused your hair loss and how to prevent it. Bobbie, get out of my sight – if I ever see you go near my son again with the intent to make him dirty in any way, I will personally kill you and feed you piece by piece to the snakes. Tayuya, inform Bobbie of her mission."
"Hai, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto and Tayuya said in unison as they led the two teens away, and I sighed sadly.
I knew Orochimaru pushed me away an awful lot, but I still loved him more than my own life. He was my hero, the man who'd saved me from myself. I'd have gone crazy in the ninja world of learning jutsu without restraint, and then I'd be in jail. He'd assigned me mission after mission of learning the new jutsu, which was a shared hobby of both of ours. It was one of the tying bonds we had together, and it was a much stronger bond than the one I shared with my birth family.
"Should we tell Earth about their serial killer?" I asked, and he laughed.
"We'll see how long it takes them," Orochimaru chuckled.