I do not own Naruto! Or any of the music in this fanfic! I will do my best to cite my music sources in the end of the chapters in the A/N! I do, however, own the OC's.
"After weeks and weeks of looking for our mysterious Naruto killer, we have found an alarming amount of more bodies as evidence," a news reporter said on Christmas Eve as we watched the news before the party at Michelle's House by using the mirror.
"Oh joy, I wonder who it is this time," Orochimaru said gleefully. "Is it Anko? Please say that Anko is one of them."
"The Naruto names of the new deceased are Anko Mitarashi, Nawaki, Dan, The First, Second and Fourth Hokage's, Kisame, Hidan, Deidara, Sasori, Chiyo, Gato, Kakuzu, Pein, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, and Madara. Nobody knows how this person has been transforming these innocent people, but one thing is for certain – no man, woman, or child will be safe in public until we catch this serial killer," the news reporters finished.
"Huh," I said numbly. "Anko by snakes; Nawaki by explosion; Dan by explosion in the kidney, I believe; The First and Second Lords from heart attacks; the Fourth one from fang marks from the Kyuubi, or a variant thereof; Kisame from Suicide; Hidan from decapitation; Deidara from explosion he set up; Sasori had a blade through his heart; Chiyo died of medical jutsu, so probably medicine overdose; Gato from decapitation with kunai; Kakuzu from wind needles, so Senbon everywhere; Pein from being made into a human porcupine; Konan, drowning since she was an Origami specialist; Zetsu in a greenhouse; Tobi through I don't know what; and Madara through his eyes getting gouged out."
"Well thought," Orochimaru praised. "You've gotten into the mindset of a serial killer – put yourself in his or her shoes. If someone said that you could do that the day we met, I'd have killed them for lying. But now – I can see I've found a like soul. I just needed to unlock that gate."
"I was already on the way to unlocking it with novel writing – meeting you just sped the process up by a few dozen years," I teased. "So, here's our problem – I've gotten reports – police reports – about the deceased. What should I do? Their bodies are in morgues all across the U.S. – we're not going to be able to get in that quickly."
"Perhaps," Orochimaru said quietly. "They know a few medical ninjutsu from Kabuto by spying on him like you knew ours."
"Yeah," I said sternly. "But, then if I reveal myself to be alive, they'll think I've lost my marbles. I'm the only one who can stop him – it's got to be me since I'm the one who got transferred as well."
"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said rushing in. "There's been a few more ninja that have turned up missing from Konoha – a female Akimichi, and an Aburame kunoichi. Should I go hunt them down, sir?"
"Yes," Orochimaru grinned maniacally. "However, you'll be tracking them using our two newest recruits – two of Sarah-chan's cousins."
"With all due respect, sir, I don't think it wise that they were sent to Iwagakure and Kumogakure," Kabuto objected. "They barely know the hand signs!"
"Precisely," Orochimaru said gleefully. "Which is why if they don't get at least fifty jutsu in this one months' time, I'll be sending Sarah in with a disguise jutsu of mine after stealing a face of one of their Chunin or their version of ANBU. It shouldn't be too terribly hard for her to do."
"Yes, sir," Kabuto said bowing once more. I sighed in exasperation, bored out of my mind, more than eager to get back to spying and training once more.
"Can you handle Akuma while I'm gone?" I asked, and he glared at me. "You'll be on your own – I won't be able to help you hold or cradle him when he needs me in the middle of the night."
"Ah, Sir and Ma'am, Bobbie and Maddy have returned," Tayuya reported as she bowed when she entered the room. "They want to go home, sir. They grew tired of their spying and miss their families. They also said something about medical conditions…."
"Very well," Orochimaru smirked. "If it's medical help they want, it's medical help they'll get. Send Maddy to lab twenty-seven with Kabuto – tell him that I said to give her the cure for her hair loss. As for Bobbie – I've got just the thing for her weight problem in lab Thirty-One."
"Let me give Maddy the cure, and let Kabuto deal with Bobbie," I said quickly, grimacing at the Lab number Bobbie had been given – it was known for its deadly experiments that succeeded for a few days, then went haywire in about a week. "I want her to trust me and for them to know that I'm not the serial killer. Bobbie – well, do with that bitch as you please."
"Turning into a sadist, are we? Excellent," Orochimaru purred as he extended his tongue to fill in the gap between his lips and the left side of my jaw.
"Hai, Orochimaru-sama, Sarah-sama," Tayuya said before heading off to her task.
I raced to lab Twenty-seven, and stopped short at the door with Kabuto next to it. I quickly donned a lab coat and gloves, eager to begin work on my cousin. This experiment had been tested on hundreds of ninja, and was specially designed to attack the disease in Maddy's bloodstream – she'd have a full head of hair before her birthday in March.
"Merry Christmas," I said walking in, testing the syringe. "Thanks, Kabuto. I'll take it from here – you go tend to Bobbie."
"Hai, Sarah-sama," he said bowing before leaving. "Well, ready to get your hair back, little cousin?"
"Why did you guys do that? You never mentioned that we would almost be killed," Maddy practically yelled. "Do you have any idea how many assignments I declined? I had to beg to stay inside the village!"
"Are you kidding me? I was practically begging for missions outside of Konoha for a week before they sent me on a petty one with three supervisors!" I said incredulously. "Getting missions outside of a shinobi village is the best way to find out a ninja's potential and their jutsus! If you're too cowardly to leave a ninja village, then I can see why you want to go home! Damn!"
"You did not just cuss!" she yelled at me, and I immediately stuck a kunai next to her throat.
"Just because you're my cousin, doesn't mean that I won't hurt you. Left sleeve up, now. You're heading home as soon as that damned cure is in your veins – and if something goes wrong, you signed the contract and you agreed to the terms and dangers of a spy. It's all right here in the plain English," I said sweetly, holding up her file.
She grudgingly did as she was told, and I injected the cure into her bloodstream. I opened my scroll, shoved her on top of it, and yelled out the coordinates of where I wanted her to go. She vanished in a puff of smoke, and I was more than happy to see her gone. I'd gotten ten times more work done in one village in a month than they had. Of course, I'd been using doppelgangers to help me, but still.
Bobbie was also transported home that day, and Orochimaru and I decided to pop in for the Christmas Eve dinner. Bobbie and Maddy flinched and raced to hide behind my aunts. Orochimaru and I laughed.
"Where's Akuma?" Sam asked, and I realized vaguely that mom and dad were now home. Crap.
"He's at home with our medic for his ear infection," I lied smoothly. "We didn't want it getting worse or him getting sick with something else."
"Sarah Naomi Denning, you get away from that pedophile right now," my mother scolded, and we knew we'd hit our main snag after the one at my birthday party.
"So, you did your research this time," I said smugly. "Not bad, mom, not bad at all. But you forgot to take one little thing into detail – marriages and children. You see, where we come from, divorces are almost impossible to get, and you have to have an extremely good reason – like attempted murder or severe child abuse cases – to get a divorce. Besides that, how do you think my son will react when mommy or daddy doesn't come home at night?"
"You – what?" she screeched, and I raised my eyebrow in amusement. "Don't you dare tell me that you've had this pedophile, snake-vomiting, sword-wielding freak's bastard child before you married him! And what are you talking about? Naruto isn't even real! Get a life – your husband's probably next on that serial killer's list since he looks exactly like Orochimaru!"
Normally I would get terrified of my mother, but that was before I became a ninja. Now, the only acceptance I needed was from Orochimaru and my Otonin family. I had already become a sister/mother figure to the Sound Five (depending on which one you asked), and most of the Otonin knew I was married to Orochimaru, so they automatically accepted me as a part of the village with no questions or qualms. However, the only thing I was scared of now was Orochimaru, since my mother had just broken any and all rules that he set.
Don't call him or me a freak or patronize him.
Don't call him a pedophile or insult his family. Snake vomiting and sword wielding was true, so that wouldn't have made him angry unless you said it to him directly like it was curse words – which my mother had.
Don't threaten his family unless you want to die – this rule was added after I came into the picture. (I was so shocked to find that he actually loved me! XD)
Don't try to boss him or me around like you have power over him unless you've kicked his or my butt in more than four battles – even Tsunade hadn't done this one yet, so nobody could do so. This also depended on which one of us you were trying to boss around. So far, Orochimaru had made challenging me off-limits to any and all Otonin except Kabuto, who never had time to do so.
No attacking his students that he was currently training – I was still a genin, so I counted under this rule, too. He got really overprotective once he figured out I was pregnant. He'd busted a lung when Kabuto had told him, but he'd become extremely overprotective once I'd told him that I had 1000% fidelity to him and him alone.
Once Orochimaru's brain wrapped itself around my mother's insults, his chakra became visible and it was filled with an extremely high amount of blood lust. It even took me a while to figure out what she was talking about as well – she's just threatened my husband with a serial killer.
"You know him," I screeched angrily. "You know the serial killer! You know who it is and where they are, don't you? You hate Naruto (the show, not person) and wanted it to stop so badly you'd destroy it! You're trying to destroy it by killing people in this world who look just like the characters! Or, for all we know, you're the serial killer! Well guess what – if you so much as lay a finger on my son without my permission, I'll hack you into bite-sized piece by bite sized piece while you're alive and force you to watch as I feed it to snakes!"
Orochimaru stared at me in a combination of shock, amusement, love, delight, and excitement. The rest of the clan gawked at me looking like fish out of water, and everyone was once again so quiet that you could hear a pin drop, the clicking of the clock, and my heavy breathing.
"Did you…just threaten me?" My mother asked finally getting her nerve and brains back.
"Good to know you can actually remember something for five seconds that I told you," I shot back moodily. "And I wasn't lying about feeding you to snakes – no matter what day and age, no matter what world I have, will or would have lived in, I will always put my children's lives and safety before yours."
"You! You little brat!" she screamed angrily, and lunged for me. I raced forward to meet her, my hands stopping hers like Ino's had Sakura's in the Chunin exams preliminary fights.
"You'll never hold any more power over me again," I taunted as I half-drug her outside, Bobbie opening the door for me fearfully. "Not now that I'm a ninja, and you're just a worthless, invisible accountant! Face it – I'm stronger, faster, younger, smarter, and more heavily armed than you!"
"Get it into your head! You're not a ninja, you bitch!" she screamed, pulling a gun out and pointing it at me. I took one, two, three rounds to the chest. I fell backwards onto the concrete, and let my mother process what she'd done.
I grinned from atop the rooftop as I stared at the substitution I'd performed at last minute out of desperation and using a metal lawn chair. I kept it up, wanting it to be a reason for her to go into Traumatic shock, but it never happened. I leered, and Orochimaru stared at it as though it were really me, his mind still wrapping around the whole "gun" weapon's speed and accuracy.
"No," he murmured. "No!" he yelled and lunged for her.
She shot a round to his stomach, and he gasped in pain. He quickly weaved hand signs and began to shed his skin as though he were a snake. His mouth became enlarged enough for him to fit through, and he thrust himself out as he fled into the filthy water of the swimming pool. His shed skin disappeared into the wind in a wave of dust, but the blood-covered bullet remained.
"I'm not afraid to kill you," my mother growled out as Orochimaru dived to the bottom of the deep end and I ducked inside the pool house silently and invisibly, just barely using any chakra. "I have no reason to let you live now that my daughter is dead because of you."
"Me?" Orochimaru growled incredulously as he sent his Mizu-bunshin up to speak his mind. He'd created an air bubble down there out of chakra, something I didn't even know possible. "You're the one who used that weapon on her chest! If I hadn't shed my skin, I'd be dead as well!"
Orochimaru and I froze as we heard approaching police sirens in the distance.
"They're too late," my mother growled as she, too, began hearing them. "I'm not the serial killer, but I'm more than willing to take the blame if it means killing you!"
I released my jutsus (except the substitution) that I'd created at the edge of the pool, giving the appearance to Orochimaru that I'd just died.
"Gah!" my mother screamed in shock, and fired two rounds in that direction. Orochimaru quietly slipped out of the pool, and began to weave hand signs to perform a genjutsu.
"Ma'am, you're under arrest for the murder of Sarah Denning, and the attempted murder of the Orochimaru look-a-like. You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law," he said firmly as he yanked her hands behind her back.
"No! He killed her! He kidnapped her! He kidnapped my baby!" my mother began screaming angrily, tears streaming down her face, the trauma finally fully kicking in.
"You're wrong," Orochimaru panted heavily, putting on an act of near-death experience. "She came to me for help. She wanted to be free of her family, this town, this country. So I led her away to Alaska, where she could finally be as free as she pleased as she lived in the middle of nowhere in an abandoned old cabin. We really did love each other, and our son. I only wish that he could see her alive once more…"
"I'm so sorry for your loss," the female cop said gently as she put a blanket out to him. "If there's any way I can help…"
"No… just leave me alone with her body…that's all I ask…" he sobbed, holding his arms across his chest like he was trying to keep it from ripping apart. "My wife…my companion…my angel…why? Why?"
"We've got witnesses, and the bloody bullet is more than enough proof," the first cop said as he walked back into the front yard. "Let him keep the body and bury it as he pleases – we've got more than enough witnesses to prove that she's the one who did it."
"Yes, sir. We're so sorry for your loss," she repeated, and Orochimaru pulled the scroll into the pool-house I was in, and I crept behind him silently. His chi was so out of whack, he didn't even notice I was there, not even when Kabuto was staring right at me and the substitution.
"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto began, but Orochimaru cut him off.
"If you so much as think about trying to get me remarried, I'll kill you!" he sobbed, and I raised my eyebrows in shock.
"Who's getting remarried why?" I asked, and he wheeled around in shock.
"You – how-?" he sputtered, and jumped slightly as I released my substitution.
"Wow," I smiled widely in pride and love. "You do love me."
"You're alive," he breathed as he yanked me into his chest. "Oh, thank Kami you're alive! I thought I'd lost you…"
"That was the point," I said like it was obvious. "I had to make sure that my mom got arrested for murder, and in order to do that, I had to trick even you so you could pass a lie detector test should they make you take one."
"You will never do that to me again without warning me first with a Mizu-bunshin underwater, is that clear?" he said sternly, love, affection, sorrow, pride, worry, pain, betrayal, and relief all dancing behind his golden orbs.
"I promise I'll warn you of any backup plans I may have," I said holding up my left hand.
"Kabuto, get out," he growled, and Kabuto silently hefted the used lawn chair out of Orochimaru and my bedroom, sensing wisely that we needed a lot of privacy for a while.
"Well, now that that's over, we can – " I cut off as Orochimaru pushed his lips fiercely onto mine, passion flaring behind them.
"Promise me," he whispered, and I nodded. "Promise you won't scream?"
"At what? Well, either way, I promise," I grinned. I almost broke my promise as he finally pulled me into the shower together for the first time.
"I know, it's hideous," he sighed. "Almost all girls think that."
"No," I said quickly. "It's just – I've never seen a naked man before aside from Akuma. And I don't intend to ever again with anyone but our children."
"Thank you," he sobbed as he lifted me into his arms, curling my small-ish body around his tall, lean one.
"Orochimaru, if it'll make you feel better…we could try again," I said sheepishly, and he forced his tongue down my throat for a few seconds. "Mn, I'll take that as a yes."
"Take me," he whispered. "I – you're dead. Kabuto's drugged me up with a relaxant and forced me to go to bed. This is all just a dream, a nightmare that my mind wants so desperately to believe."
"No," I said looking into his pain-filled eyes. "This isn't a dream. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"Nnm," I moaned as I woke up on Christmas morning. "Orochimaru-kun…Oh!" I gasped as I realized we'd probably passed out in the shower. I squeaked as I realized he was moving and talking in his sleep. Not something I expected from the great Orochimaru. He must have been half-asleep. I breathed heavily, realizing what had happened last night.
"Orochimaru," I said gently, putting my hand on his chest. "Orochimaru, wake up."
"No…" he murmured, and I realized he was probably still drugged up. "Scream…"
"Orochimaru," I said a little louder, leaning up towards his head. "Ow!" I yelled in shock at his sudden movements, and his eyes flew open.
"Sarah?" he asked confused, then realized what he was doing as I bit my lower lip in pain to keep myself from screaming. I was breathing through my nose, keeping it even. I looked up at him, happy, yet in pain.
"Merry Christmas," I muttered, and he immediately flipped us over.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he chuckled and flushed in embarrassment at what he'd done. "Wait, no. no, I'm not sorry. I loved every second of that. I didn't rape you in your sleep, did I?"
"It's not rape if it's willing," I told him, blushing.
"Yes," he murmured, cradling my head against his chest. "Yes, I suppose you're right. You do know I love you, don't you?"
"You wouldn't have thrown a tantrum over my fake death if you didn't," I replied logically. "I didn't want to trick you, but it was the only option I had aside from death. We should probably be checking on Akuma," I smiled, before flinching.
"Turn around," he said sternly.
"No. I'm no fool. I know what's down there," I retorted, and retreated under the covers.
"Sarah! You'd better-!" he cut off with a low moan. "Pet, Akuma-kun," he gasped in reminder.
"Just reminding you about last night," I said sweetly as I resurfaced. "And for the record, my clan may not have been happy with your behavior last night, but I most certainly was!"
"The fight with your mother, or the sex?" he asked.
"Both!" I laughed. "Besides – they can't do diddly-jack about it now!"
"My," he grinned. "You have been corrupted to the core!"
"Because of the ultimate influence of perfection that I married," I retorted. "Now let's go, before I miss Akuma's first Christmas."
"Thanks, pet," he said softly so that I barely heard it before Kabuto barged in.
"Ah, Orochimaru-sama, Sarah-sama, I – I just thought you ought to know," he began without the slightest ounce of fear, if only a smidge of embarrassment, "About yesterday's events… Sarah-sama's entire country, possibly the entire world, is in an uproar about it. They're going to pass a law that states that a woman may marry whoever she pleases as long as she is pregnant, but it must be to the father if she is still a minor. Also, the law states that men who are more than forty years older than a woman can't marry her, and anyone who does so is going to jail for statutory rape."
"It won't have any effect," I told him. "I'm eighteen. He's fifty. That's a thirty-two year difference."
"Oh, Snakes," Orochimaru grumbled. "Now I feel like I – how would your cousins put it? ah, yes, robbed the cradle."
"Well, this is one cradle that I'm more than happy to let you rob," I smiled over to him. "No, strike that. You're not robbing this cradle – I'm giving it to you. On a silver and gold platter lined with Obsidian, diamonds, and all manner of precious metals and jewels of every kind."
"Well, I'll leave the two of you be. I can see I'm not useful in this kind of atmosphere," Kabuto said hesitantly.
"Kabuto," Orochimaru said suddenly, and the medic stopped in his tracks. "Go find yourself a wife. That's an order."
"S-sir? You want me to get married?" he asked confused.
"A man is virtually nothing without a good woman at his side," Orochimaru snapped. "Whether to aid him in wisdom, cleaning, or childcare and childbirth, it doesn't matter – men have always needed women. We hate admitting it – I more so than most – but it's true. Without women, we wouldn't be born, and our lives would be much duller. There's also something I realized in my youth when watching Tsunade and Dan, as well as Sarutobi-Sensei and his wife. Love knows no limits, nor time, just ends."
"Try to find someone named Kyri," I joked, and they looked at me like I was crazy. "What? It's something I read once about names that matches their first two letters being more compatible."
"O…kay," Kabuto said warily. "I'm going to assume this is one of those times that you spout of nonsense like a monkey on crack when you've got nothing in your bloodstream."
"Try not to get laid!" I called after him as he left, and Orochimaru shook his head.
"Do you have any shame or decency?" he chuckled.
"Nope!" I said loudly like a little kid. I felt like one, yet at the same time, I felt like so much more. "And you've got less than I do when the pants are down!"
"Sarah!" he scolded/hissed under his breath. "Not now."
"Just making sure you're alive," I joked as I yanked his rope off of his tunic and darted down the hall at top speed.