I do not own Naruto! Or any of the music in this fanfic! I will do my best to cite my music sources in the end of the chapters in the A/N! I do, however, own the OC's.
"What is this, some sort of new jutsu?" I asked, and she shook her head.
"No – it's a file on a crime that was never solved. My name is Ruka, head of the Konoha Military Police, and … I need your help to solve it, and…" she cut off wary. I noticed that her hair color was the same as the first Hokage's. "Will you listen to me? Will you hear my story?"
"I don't see why not," I said blandly.
"I became the first non-Uchiha leader of the Konoha Military Police – or ANBU as some people call it, KMP for others. My ANBU animal is a snake, since I can be as cunning and traitorous as one when I need to be. I'm a Jonin – I've been an ANBU ever since I was a small child, I was raised ANBU – but I began teaching a team of Genin since the Third Lord thought it would be good for me. When we were out on an assignment, for some strange reason, we were attacked by a ninja – a Konoha ninja. I don't remember the jutsu he used, but the next thing I know, I'm lying on my back and everything hurts like I've been exploding a million times over and my three Permagenin – permanent genin – were all dead from the jutsu. They'd been behind me and took the blunt force of the jutsu, and I, their leader, the one who was supposed to be protecting them, survived. Their insides were everywhere, and their hearts were still beating, the poor angels. The ninja picked up their hearts, holding each one in his hand before biting down and letting the children die. But not before he raped them. My precious children, the only family I'd ever had – I was forced to watch in pain as they writhed and screamed in agony at that man's disgusting – disgusting thing!
"It wasn't until years later that I realized that that ninja had been assigned to kill them, and fatally injure me. But by then, it was too late – every nerve in my body had been severed, and everything that touched me or was chakra related hurt me. If someone taps me gently on the shoulder with one finger, it would feel to me like one of Sakura's strongest karate chops to you. I began looking into my students' murder, desperate for information. I had gotten so close – so close – before it was all destroyed. I walked into my office one day to find it on fire, starting with the files on my students' deaths. I was in the hospital for months after that, just trying to calm down and remember all of the evidence. I'd narrowed it down to a list of suspects, but they slipped through my grasp.
"So, I went AWOL. I left Konoha for first a week, then a month. I needed to get out – but I didn't want to back. Not with my students' killer there. So I forced a deal on myself: I'd go back to Konoha, but wouldn't stop being a ninja until my students' murderer was found and killed. However, in order for me to do that, I need your help," she said, looking at me.
"You want me to heal your nerves," I said quietly, and she nodded.
"Allow me," Kabuto said walking in with Akuma. "Your son, Sarah-sama."
"Thank you, Kabuto. Ruka-san, this is Kabuto. I'm sure you've heard of him," I said pointedly as I took my son into my arms.
"Orochimaru's right hand man," she nodded. "How interesting that he's been resorted to – babysitting…it's his isn't it? The child is Orochimaru's."
"Yes, Akuma-san is Orochimaru-sama's offspring," Kabuto verified. "I'm going to need to lift up your shirt to get a better view of your back so I can assess the damage. Would you…?"
"Fine," she grumbled, lying on the floor. He gently lifted her up, touching her back ever so slightly as she winced in pain.
"Sorry," he murmured. "I see – I've seen this before. It's a result of taking partial force of a powerful jutsu. I've only seen this once before, but you're very lucky. I know how to heal you. It will hurt, but I can heal you."
"How much money do you want from me?" she asked, and Kabuto chuckled.
"No money – just information. I'm researching things, you see, and…well…there's a few jutsu that you know that I'm intrigued with," Kabuto said slowly.
"Forget it," Ruka said.
"Then perhaps a different deal? If I completely heal you of this, will you at least consider one of a few options?" he asked, and she glowered at him.
"That depends on the options," she retorted.
"I can easily replace your reproductive system with a fully functional – and non-painful one – without the slightest problem. But, there's a catch – there's four options I want you to consider if I completely heal you. One is to become a Sound military leader, in the same position that you have in Konoha. Your second option is to let Sound spies come and go as they please for jutsu research. You don't have to extend that to human and ability research as well. The third option is that you can become a surrogate mother or nanny for Sarah-sama and Orochimaru-sama's children since she insists upon remaining a ninja, even though her children are very obviously too young to walk. The Fourth is that you become my bride," he explained.
"And I choose after you heal me?" Ruka asked, and Kabuto scoffed.
"No, before. Although, I warn you – I can heal a part of you here and now for a small price," he coaxed. Ruka nodded, and Kabuto gently turned her over on her back. "Lie still – this will hurt."
I watched Kabuto stick his hand inside her mouth, moving his fingers around slowly until she bit down in pain. Wanting peace and quiet, I left. I headed over into a different section, and found myself surrounded by Hyuga clan members.
"What did you do to Hanabi?" they growled, and I stared at them.
"You do realize that if you touch me, Orochimaru will have full rights to kill you all and your clan for violating the treaty that he and the Hokage made? I go to the Sound as tribute, and they stay out of Konoha unless they're in the Chunin exams. That's the only reason I'm here," I told them.
"Then what's with the kid?" one of them asked, and I sent out a powerful genjutsu, showing Orochimaru and I together, with Akuma in his arms and my own on my stomach as though I were pregnant once more.
"N-No way! You're – Denina Sarah and Akuma!" they cried in fear, running for their lives.
"Took you idiots long enough," I yelled out, and looked down at Akuma, who was staring in the direction the Hyuga members had fled in. "When are they going to learn, Akuma-kun?"
"You're wanting," Orochimaru murmured into my ear. "It's been more than a month, pet. Where's Kabuto run off to?"
"To heal an ANBU in exchange for some…favors," I replied warily, walking off.
"Don't you ever turn your back on me," Orochimaru growled, the Kusanagi at my throat. "Or you will regret it for months to come."
"The only thing I regret is coming to live with you!" I snapped, and I immediately found him backhanding my face harshly, and I was forced to curl up in a ball to protect Akuma.
"Don't you ever disrespect me again," Orochimaru hissed into my ear. "Or you'll regret it so dearly you'll be begging for mercy and death."
I bit back another retort, wanting away from him, and he dragged me off into our holding area for the ninja who were in town for the Chunin Exams. Hesitantly, I created a Sound bunshin, and slipped off invisibly towards the Forest of Death. I knew I'd just left there, but being in there was much better than being with an angry Orochimaru. The forest of death looked like a walk in the park in comparison to that. When I reached about six kilometers in, I sat down to nurse Akuma. I was tired, and quickly fell asleep.
I awoke to Kabuto shaking my shoulder gently.
"K-Kabuto?" I murmured, my glasses askew. "Where's Orochimaru?"
"Frantically and angrily looking for you," he said shuddering. "You scared the daylights out of him with that Otobunshin. Well done, we didn't even teach it to you yet."
"I can do almost any elemental bunshin if I wanted to," I told him. "I might not be very good at it, but I can do it. I – I wanted to get Akuma and me away from him. I could tell by the way he was dragging me back – he was going to – going to-!"
"Rape you? Yeah, he was. He needed to though to vent," Kabuto said looking me in the eyes. "If you'd asked me to I could have drugged you up so you wouldn't feel it, though. But why Akuma-sama?"
"He-he hit me," I sobbed. "Orochimaru hit me! He threatened me twice! He threatened me not to turn my back on him, and I retorted without thinking, and he hit me for it! Then he said that if I ever disrespected him like that again he'd make me beg for mercy and death!"
"Shh, it's alright, Sarah-sama. He just needs to calm down. He's upset about all the crap Sakura dished out towards you and about him. He managed to get into her house and ram an extremely large sake bottle up her vagina in punishment, with her chakra completely sealed off using spell tags," Kabuto chuckled. "Oh, you should have seen the look on his face when he threw those insults back in her face. She would have been screaming her lungs out if he hadn't threatened her to keep quiet. Truth be told, he was extremely angry. He blamed her for you being in a bad mood. I saw the skin shedding during the preliminaries. Your performance of the jutsu was perfect."
"You don't know what it's like, Kabuto! I do everything for him, to please him, to impress him, to placate him! He never once praises me unless it's on sexual topics, he doesn't tell me what I'm doing wrong with jutsu so I can fix it, he doesn't even help me with my chakra control, genjutsu or taijutsu! All he cares about is getting his kids out of me," I sobbed on the medic's shoulder. "He spends more time in the labs with you than he does with me!"
"Sarah-sama…" Kabuto said gently. "You misunderstand. He holds his praise back in front of you for a reason. He knows that that is the drive that keeps you learning more jutsu and to improve upon your jutsu, so he holds his praise back to help you get better. He doesn't help you with chakra control because he knows you can handle it eventually as long as you keep trying your hardest. He doesn't help you with genjutsu and taijutsu because he rarely uses them himself. He doesn't tell you what you're doing wrong with jutsus because that is part of a ninja's task is to find out what they're doing wrong and fix it themselves."
"So – he's being cruel…because he loves me?" I sniffled.
"That's right. And just between you and me – whenever we're in the lab, it's hard to get him to be quiet and stop talking about you whenever he's not talking about the experiment," Kabuto said hugging me gently. "Although, I agree with you – some praise is deserved, no matter how small the accomplishments. You've been learning so many new jutsu – you're putting Orochimaru-sama's learning rate to shame when he was your age, did you know?"
"No," I said shocked. I was learning faster at age nineteen than Orochimaru had been back then? Wow, I must have been doing something completely different.
"I'm sure this will all blow over once you show back up," Kabuto said gently.
"No! I'm not going back!" I said defiantly. "I can't put Akuma through that pain while he's growing up…"
"Relax, Akuma-san will begin chakra manipulation at an extremely young age, probably three or four, and genjutsu and ninjutsu at four to six years old," Kabuto soothed.
"I – no. I can't do this," I sobbed, lowering myself back to the ground.
"Perhaps a night where you were in charge for once would be a change of pace that you need," Kabuto suggested, and I stared at him. "I could easily tell Orochimaru-sama that you're suffering withdrawals and he needs to wait on your every need, hand and foot."
"Just what the doctor ordered," I joked weakly.
"That's it," Kabuto chuckled, giving my shoulders a light squeeze. "Everything will be just fine, you'll see."
"I hope so," I murmured. Kabuto left then, and I was once again left semi-alone.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Kurenai asked gently, and I clammed up. I didn't know or care how much she'd heard. "You're feeling an awful lot like Hinata – I can see it in your eyes."
"It's not fair," I whined. "Everyone else get praise from their Sensei – why can't I? Why am I so different? I get praise from everyone except Sensei!"
"I'm sure he's just trying to make you feel like you need to improve a little, although you're already at Jonin level from what I've seen. No normal ninja could have performed a healing jutsu that you used when you turned yourself into a snake and healed yourself," she assured me.
"Case in point," I screamed, almost tempted to throw Akuma down angrily. "You're all the same! Power this and power that – it's like I never even left my own world!"
Kurenai gave me a pained look before leaving. "You're wrong, Sarah-chan," she murmured as she left.
I cried myself to sleep once more, and woke up in a bed, Akuma in a bassinet, and Orochimaru on top of me.
"What now? Come to torture me and make me regret that disrespect?" I said sourly.
"No – I came to apologize," he murmured, and I stared at Akuma, not wanting to believe it. "Kabuto said that you were upset and not healthy. Physically healthy, yes, but mentally and emotionally – no. but, I regret to say that my own actions have had a hand in that."
"Damn right you did," I growled, and half expected him to kill me for it.
"Sarah," he said trying to mask the anger in his voice. "I know you're upset with my behavior, but I do it for your own good."
"My own good? My own good? How can you be acting for my own good? I train my ass off from dawn until dusk, and never once have I heard you compliment me on my genjutsu or taijutsu improvement. Never once have I heard you say 'Well done for practicing and mastering this many jutsu in this amount of time'. Never once have I heard you compliment me for my efforts, or even take a break unless I was pregnant!" I yelled at him, my anger flowing out at him.
"Enough," he hissed, squeezing me tightly. "Enough. I realize now that I've been hindering your progress more than helping it as of late. Sarah, nothing can change the fact that I'm proud of how hard you work. You work harder than Naruto-kun chasing Sasuke-kun, or Sakura for Tsunade, or even the green-clad…thing…for Might Guy. You work harder than all of them combined, and I'm glad that you do. It makes me happy when you do, to watch you train, to see how much you've grown. I don't express it because…I can't. I can't express the feelings that I have inside when I watch you fight and train. Sarah, I know you're angry, but…for the next week, from dusk until dawn, you're in charge. You'll lead in the sex, should that be what you wish. We'll … we could train some more… of course that wouldn't be very smart of me to say that right now, but I will try harder to compliment you as you train. We'll – we could go out to eat, go exploring, sight-seeing, see some monuments, visit my parents' graves; we could -!"
I silenced him by putting my lips over his. I felt him buck slightly – he was still completely hard.
"Shh," I whispered. "Just…don't let me go… Don't – you know what, screw our location. Take me. Now."
"What?" he asked, and I grinned.
"With your tongue," I finished my sentence, and he stared at me.
"You want my tongue…" he questioned, looking where he was implying, and I nodded. "Oh, good snakes. Kabuto what have you done? That boy will be the death of me, I swear he will."
When I awoke, Kabuto was standing over me, his eyes alight with worry. I pushed it away, wanting to go back to sleep, and I did. I could hear their conversation in the background. I'd apparently gotten three more orgasms before Orochimaru finally caved in. he'd redressed me sloppily and dressed himself and carried me back as he stumbled through the streets. Kabuto gasped as he looked at the remains of the broken condom.
"Your condoms are shit," Orochimaru retorted. "It broke long before we were done."
"I'm sorry, sir – I'll try to make a stronger one that will hold for about twenty orgasms or so," Kabuto said sheepishly. "Ruka-san – an ANBU that desperately wanted to be healed from her injuries – she, well… asked to come to sound and create an ANBU sort of faction. Excluding your activities, of course."
"Tell her yes," Orochimaru panted. "I hope this proves to Sarah how much I love her – I wouldn't have let her lead if I didn't."
"You – you let her lead?" Kabuto asked, so shocked that he'd dropped the tray he had unloaded. "Did I honestly just hear you say that you let her lead? During the sex?"
"Yes, I let her lead. She was damn good at it, too," he grinned. "Knew exactly what she was doing, and when to do it to bring the most pleasure. I might even venture to say that she'd read porn in her time in the other world, for all of the knowledge she had. Then again, she had to pass a sex education course…"
"Sex education class?" Kabuto asked, and his glasses almost slipped off his face. "As in, a class purely devoted to sexual activity and issues? Wow, now I know I've heard it all. What age group is this at?"
"Twelve to thirteen," Orochimaru scowled. "Far too early for my taste. Let them find out on their own once they're married, I say. Speaking of which, is there any bruising?"
"N-No, sir," Kabuto said warily. "Not aside from her and your hips. Why?"
"She bit me," he grinned.
"Hickie?" Kabuto asked incredulously.
"Down there," Orochimaru spelled out, and Kabuto's brain shut down.
"She bit…your penis?" Kabuto verified, and Orochimaru glared at him. "Did you do anything to arouse her to do this?"
"That's what I just said, you twit," Orochimaru snapped. "Pushed my tongue to deep into her…you know."
"Oh my," Kabuto said shocked, obviously not used to getting details on sex life from anyone, much less Orochimaru. "Was she unhappy last night?"
"No. Not even when I showed it to her," Orochimaru said happily. "I'm glad you gave that order – it helped us blow this entire thing over our heads and under the rugs. I thought for sure she was going to scream when she saw it, but somehow – I think she knew what it was that I needed for her reaction to be."
"I'm happy for you, sir," Kabuto stammered. "Um… if I may…may I have Ruka to be my wife, sir?"
"What?" Orochimaru said, instantly alert. "The one whose nervous system is a complete mess? Absolutely not!"
"Sir, I've halfway healed her! It took all night, but she's halfway healed!" Kabuto said excitedly. "I've made it to where it hurts half as much now for her. And besides that, once a week is over, I can finish and she'll be cured! Well, except for the two days a year that her nervous system will create phantom pains, but otherwise she'll be cured!"
"Kabuto," Orochimaru hissed, his breathing becoming ragged. "She's ten years older than you. Forget it."
"You're thirty-two years older than Sarah-sama," Kabuto argued.
"She's a female," Orochimaru retorted. "And the females are supposed to be younger than the males, not the other way around!"
"Orochi," I sighed, in pure ecstasy, then coughed.
"Oh dear," Kabuto murmured. "You really got her going. She's still secreting vaginal fluid, and your semen inside of it. Good gravy."
"She'll get over it," he smiled. "She always does when given sex."
"On her terms," Kabuto muttered, and Orochimaru glared.
"Sarah, Orochimaru – oh, Kami!" Tsunade yelled in shock as she walked in. "How long did you two have sex?"
"That's none of your damn business," Orochimaru smirked, blushing slightly as he held the blankets over his chest. Shizune almost followed until Kabuto walked out and pushed her way while shutting the door behind him.
"Orochimaru," Tsunade breathed. "I can tell by the smell, and – is that condom broken?"
"Yes," Orochimaru grinned, then groaned in pain.
"You had so much sex that you broke a condom?" she asked in disbelief. "And judging by her heartbeat, you almost killed her! How long did you two do it? How many orgasms did she have?"
"I don't know," Orochimaru shrugged. "Twenty for her, four for me, I think."
"What in heaven's name possessed you to take her for that long?" Tsunade scolded.
"She did," Orochimaru murmured sheepishly. "She was upset, and, well, wouldn't take no for an answer. Once I got started, she wouldn't let me stop without throwing a fit. That, and Kabuto said it would be therapeutic for her."
"You could have killed her!" Tsunade yelled, and I coughed a few times, waking up groggily, reaching clumsily for a cup. "Easy, Sarah," Tsunade said gently, helping my fingers curl around the cup. "Nice and slowly, kid. Nice and slowly."
"Nah, I like fast the way Orochi does it," I said groggily, not getting what she was saying.
"Now look what you've done," Tsunade snapped at him, and he plopped back onto the bed to face the opposite wall. "You've gone and made her insane!"
"Better intoxicated from hormones than causing havoc," Orochimaru retorted, and Tsunade gaped. "She was plotting massive riots and hysteria. Caused by leaf ninja fighting amongst themselves."
"Well then," Tsunade said in a much quieter tone as I lay back down. "Perhaps you could explain this bedpan to me?"
"Excess body fluids," Orochimaru explained. "Her body's been doing that since I lay her down on the bed."
"I see. Give me that bottle," she ordered, and he handed her one. "Hold her up – yeah, like that."
I felt quite a bit of fluid drain out of me, and I was extremely tempted to piss on her. She removed the cold vial, then put another up to me. She removed it once more, and I couldn't hold it in any longer – I pissed.
"Augh!" she yelled in disgust. "That is so – rrrgh! That is the last time I'm helping you in situations like this!"
"She can't control it," Orochimaru chuckled. "She's like a two year old in a teen's body. It's kind of endearing in a way that only she can do."
"Did I just hear the word 'endearing' come out of your mouth?" Tsunade asked, and Orochimaru muttered something.
"I'm not ill you know," he said loudly, then fell off the bed with a large thud right as Shikamaru and Sakura walked in.
"I thought I told you two to wait outside," Tsunade growled angrily.
"Sounded like a fight," Shikamaru said.
"Nice boxers, Orochimaru," Sakura grinned. "Did you-?"
"Sakura, if you even think about asking anything sex related, treaty or not, I will kill you where you stand!" Orochimaru growled leaping up. "I'm no fool – my Jonin reported every last thing that was done yesterday in that arena, and you are already skating on extremely thin ice. Don't make me angrier at you than I already am!"
"Orochimaru, if you're going to get pissed off, at least have the decency to not take it out on your poor wife," Tsunade said exasperated, practically throwing me back on the bed. That woke me up in a jiff.
"Snakes galore!" I yelled suddenly, still not quite mentally awake yet. "What? Where? When'd we get home? Did I miss the exams?"
"No, Sarah," Tsunade growled. "You're not at home, you're in the Uchiha condo."
"Ha-ha, Condom!" I laughed, and Orochimaru shook his head.
"See what I put up with?" he asked Tsunade. "Do you blame me for entering her into the exams and avoiding her?"
"No," Kabuto said as he and Kimimaro walked in, both of whom were used to me being loopy and high off myself and hormones without the slightest encouragement. "How much longer do you think she'll be like this?"
"Let the estrogen high run its course," Tsunade said firmly. "One to three days, a week tops. And Sexual activity is strictly prohibited until she finishes the second round! I don't care how desperate she gets – don't give it to her!"
"Don't have to tell me twice," Orochimaru grinned. "That's one medic's orders that I'm more than happy to comply with!"
"Pretty colors," I said staring at the ceiling. "Lookie, nakie Orochi!" I said pointing up, and Tsunade looked up at where I was pointing.
"All I see is a bunch of dots," Sakura and Kabuto said in unison.
"Has she finally lost it, Kabuto-Sensei?" Kimimaro asked, and Kabuto shrugged.
"She's probably hallucinating from dehydration," Tsunade diagnosed. "She'll be fine in a while."
"Snakie perfect," I said trying to get out from under the blankets.
"You did cover her, right?" Tsunade asked, and Orochimaru flushed beet red.
"What kind of fool do you take me for? Of course I covered her with more than that blanket!" he snapped, his eyebrows twitching.
"Good," Tsunade said before releasing me to crawl over to her teammate.
"Dang," Shikamaru grumbled as he saw me clumsily stumble across the bed. "What the hell-?"
"Hormone overload," Kabuto said simply, picking up Akuma who had begun crying. "And for the record, this is their child – no touching. Off limits to everyone but the four Sound ninja in this room. Well, and a fifth one."
"Wow, a prince only being handled by five people including his parents," Shikamaru said with his eyebrows raised. "Damn."
"He's spoiled, we know," Orochimaru grinned as I began climbing on his back. "And he's not the only one, either, is he, pet?"
"Nope-a-doodle-poddle-puddle-poodle-ding-dong!" I chirped. "Pikashichunari is turdy…and smokie is an ugly bear! And scarecrow is brainless and caterpillars make creepy eyebrows!"
"Oh," Orochimaru sighed fearfully, wondering how someone like me could creep him out when he was supposed to be the one doing the creeping. "What the hell have I created?"
"An idiot," Sakura retorted, and Orochimaru and I sent out a glaring genjutsu in unison that envisioned her in a massive amounts of pain, and I was imagining her writhing under the cruciatus curse from Harry Potter.
"Now, now, you two, let's not get hasty," Tsunade warned.
"Hasty, pasty, lacy, or nasty? Which one did she say?" I asked Orochimaru, who contented himself with chewing on his tongue and lips.
"Hasty! Hurried!" Sakura spelled out to me, and I stared at her.
"Secret for flower girl!" I yelled jumping off Orochimaru's back and walking over to her. I got close, leaned into her ear, and belched.
"That's it," Orochimaru snapped. "No more. Back to bed, now."
"No, no bedtime until she's tired," Tsunade argued. "It's better to let it run its course while she's awake. My advice is to get her to rest as part of her training or act like a hyper monkey on crack more so than normal. As long as her pranks are non-violent, I don't care! Just don't drag me or any other Konoha ninja into this!"
"You're telling me to terrorize Konoha?" Orochimaru asked excitedly. "Pranks and harmless humor or not, I'm in! All of you, out, now!"
"I didn't think that you of all people would fall in love, Orochimaru!" Sakura sneered, then screamed as snakes surrounded her.
"Orochimaru may not be allowed to kill you, but I can!" I growled angrily, blood lust permeating my very existence. "Make one wrong move, and you won't be seeing another Uchiha for as long as you live. On that note, you won't be seeing anything but blackness! Got it, slut?"
Sakura stayed still, shivering in fear, Shikamaru also gazing in fear towards me.
"Kukuku…an amusing performance, pet," Orochimaru chuckled before putting a shirt on. "The two of you aren't in the Chunin exams this year – you've failed," Orochimaru sneered to Sakura, "insulting me quite a bit while you were doing so. And you," he said looking at Shikamaru. "Have already become Chunin when you clearly withdrew last year. What was Sarutobi-Sensei thinking?"
"You know Asuma-Sensei?" Shikamaru asked, and Orochimaru burst out laughing.
"You've mistaken your teacher for mine! Hahahah, no boy! Your teacher is the son of mine!"
"Oh," Shikamaru said simply, and Ino walked in. "Ino, Sakura, let's give them some privacy. I know I'd want the same if I were changing clothes. Geez, girls are so troublesome."
"Shikamaru-kun, they only get worse!" Orochimaru called through the door, still bursting into chuckling fits. "If you don't believe me, look at your Hokage and Sarah and tell me otherwise!"
"What's fur training?" I asked, grinning wildly.
"Playing pranks on the village," Orochimaru chuckled darkly. "And I've got just the one, too!"
"What?" I asked, and he grinned widely, and I grinned alongside him as I finally understood.