Chapter 2 - Bacon, Bacon, and More Bacon

As the Griffins sat around the table at Red Robin, Peter and Lois were starting a conversation about why it's not good to have bacon around the house.

"Lois," explained Peter, "I only bought bacon, because it was all half off on sale."

"But that doesn't give you an excuse to automatically buy a shitload of bacon," responded Lois, "the bottom line is that it just isn't healthy. That is why I want you to to get rid of that stupid bacon."

The waiter came to the table.

"Is everyone ready to order?" asked the waiter.

"Yep," answered Peter, "I'll start off with an appetizer...deep fried bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers...for the entree, I'll have the triple bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon...with bacon and cheddar fries with jalapenos and extra bacon bits and a side of bacon ranch dip...and...can you pour a lot of bacon all over my entree, too?"

"Sure thing, sir," responded the waiter.

"I'll have what my dad is having," shouted Chris, "Because I love bacon..YEAH!"

"And for you, ladies," the waiter asked Meg and Lois.

"Can't I have something that does not have bacon in it?" complained Meg, "Like just a plain Caesar salad?"

"Yes, madam," responded the waiter.

"Not much room for me," sighed Lois, "I just lost my appetite."

"I'll just have a heaping plate of bacon!" shouted Stewie with joy, "Because I love bacon and it would be so much better than the time I was having sex with Kate Hudson."

[cutaway]

Stewie and Kate lay in bed feeling disgusted.

"So is this how you 'Lose a Guy in Ten Days'?" asked Stewie, "Or is it that I don't know much about 'Bride Wars'?"

"You are so full of shit, Stewie," complained Kate.

[end]

Later, Peter and the Griffins sat there feeling full of food.

"Wow," said Peter, "I am so full of bacon food. That was the best bacon dinner I've ever had."

"What is this with you and bacon?" complained Lois, "You really disgust me, Peter."

"Is everything okay?" asked the waiter.

"Yeah," said Peter, "May I have a two bacon sundaes to go for my son Chris and I?"

"Sure thing," answered the waiter.

"And I'm ready to pay with my CapitalOne," said Peter.

"Goddammit Peter!" shouted Lois, "What the fuck is wrong with you? I keep lecturing you to quit obsessing with the bacon shit and you continue to not listen to me."

"Cool your jets, Lois," responded Peter, "The bacon at home will disappear tomorrow. I promise."

"Oh sure, Peter," complained Lois, "You told me the same thing about the Tiki man in the basement."

[cutaway]

Mort Goldman appeared in the basement of the Griffin house, and the Tiki man turned Mort into stone.

[end]

The next morning, Peter cooked up several pounds of bacon. He packed some bacon in paper lunch sacks for Chris and Meg. Lois came into the kitchen, shocked to look at large piles of bacon on the breakfast table.

"Good morning, everybody," greeted Peter, "Nothing puts a good start to the day like bacon."

"PETER!," screamed Lois, "YOU KNOW WE DON'T WANT GODDAMN FUCKING BACON FOR BREAKFAST! YOU SAID ALL OF THIS WAS GONNA BE GONE BY TODAY!"

Chris, Brian and Stewie were scrounging into the bacon, eating it pound by pound, while Peter gave another lousy excuse about the bacon.

"I mean, I will get rid of it later today," responded Peter, "I'm just cooking it up, and trying to have the family eat it before it goes to waste."

"That was not what I meant when I told you to get rid of that bacon today," complained Lois, "When I get back home from work, that bacon better be gone."

Peter ignored Lois, and gave Chris and Meg their bacon lunches. As Chris and Meg left the house for school, they looked into their lunches. Chris was happy with the lunch, but Meg was very upset.

"This is so gross," complained Meg, "Nothing but bacon in my lunch, like the time when my dad gave Axl Rose a can of Pepsi and set his hair on fire."

[cutaway]

Peter gave a can of Pepsi to Axl Rose, the lead singer of Guns N' Roses.

"Thanks, man," said Axl.

As Axl started sipping his Pepsi, Peter flicked on his lighter and set Axl's hair on fire. Axl was screaming and running around while his hair was on fire. Then, Axl dunked his head into a bucket of water.

"WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Axl, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM? MICHAEL JACKSON?"

[end]