9 - Wasted (warning: language)
John was drunk when he entered 221B Baker street. It was well after midnight and he staggered up the stairs trying very hard to fit his key in the lock. Sherlock opened the door. He was in his pajamas. A blanket on the couch suggested that he had been there for some time.
"Stanford called." He said, "He wanted to make sure that you got home alright." Sherlock walked over to the table and picked up his phone to send a text. "I'll tell him that you're in shall I?"
John took off his coat and after two attempts to hang it up he dropped it on the floor. Sherlock walked to the window and looked out. The light of the street lamps illuminated his striking face in the darkened room. John stood and stared at him.
Sherlock was beautiful. His hair ethereal floating around his otherworldly face. John walked over to him and put an arm around him. "Kiss me Sherlock." he said.
"You're drunk." Sherlock replied turning his head away.
"You told Mary we kissed. What you didn't tell her was what a tease you are. Give us a kiss." John tried to kiss Sherlock who disengaged him and walked across the room.
"Come back here." John said, " I want to have sex right here." John started to strip off his clothes. Sherlock walked over and laid a hand on his arm.
"You're in the window, John. Someone might see you."
"What does it matter now?" John said, "Who cares if other people know about us? Damn them. Maybe we should just go have sex in the street."
"That would be remarkably cold and uncomfortable." Sherlock said steering John toward his room by holding on to his shoulder and his arm. Sherlock got John to the base of the stairs before John sat down suddenly. "I have to go to the bathroom." He said so Sherlock helped him to the bathroom door.
John twisted around and pushed Sherlock up against the door pinning his wrists against it as he planted a kiss on Sherlock's mouth. Sherlock stood up a little taller pulling his face away from John's.
"Tease" John said. "I thought you wanted me."
"John. You might consider taking a nap."
"I don't feel like napping." John said as he rubbed himself up and down Sherlock's leg while keeping his wrists pinned. Sherlock stood in silence staring at him.
"John, you are very drunk. Your judgment is impaired. You might want to go to bed before you say or do something that you'll regret."
John laughed, "I might do something I regret?" He laughed again, "Like boffing you? Yes, I regret that."
"John, please go to bed." Sherlock said. "You're not yourself."
"I'm not?" John said, "Then who am I ? Oh that's right. Mrs Hudson will be pleased. Now she has a pair of married ones just like Mrs Turner. I can hear her now saying 'Oh don't mind the noises deary, It's just my married ones. They like to have a good bang in the afternoon." John staggered back across the room.
"Oh come on Sherlock. Bend over this chair and I'll do you right here."
Sherlock stood a little taller and then turned toward his room, "I'm going to bed."
"Oh no you don't" John said running across the room to tackle Sherlock so that they both fell to the floor. Sherlock turned and tried to push John off of him, but John moved his arms to pin him like a wrestler.
"No. You're staying here. This is your fault." John said, " Years we lived together and everything was fine until you had to have more. Me thinking that you were a saint, and you having your dirty-minded thoughts just like the rest of us."
"John. Get off of me." Sherlock said menace in his voice. "Get off of me or I'll throw you off."
John glanced up at Sherlock. The stench of his alcohol-filled breath caused Sherlock to turn away. "See what I mean?" he said. "tease."
Sherlock bounced John off of him rolling him over as he rose nimbly to his feet. "What's wrong with you John? You're being really annoying. If Mary could see you, she'd be ashamed."
"Don't you mention Mary." John said, "Don't say a word about her. You Holmes. Your hands can go anywhere, do anything. Making a man question his own manhood. I'll have you know that I've fucked women. Women! No one ever doubted the virility of old Jumpin' John."
"You can shut up now, John." Sherlock said.
John stood up and swayed back and forth. "Tore me apart you have. Till I don't know if I'm coming or going. Made me want you so bad, I'm going mad from it. Went to a gay bar today. Stanford didn't want to. I said I wanted to see how the other half lived. " John laughed, "The other half?"
"But John. Why does this bother you so much? Your own sister is gay."
"My sister, your brother. Nothing wrong with being gay except I'm not. Guy tried to pick me up. I said 'no'. He was insistent. I said I had a jealous husband at home." John laughed again and then pushed himself up.
"Mike left me after a while. Said I was too much for him. Met a couple of nice guys. They helped me find a cab. "
"Did they hurt you, or do anything to you. Did they take your wallet?"
"I told you I took a cab. My wallet is right here." John twisted around trying to reach into his pants pocket. But he got dizzy and had to put his hands on his knees. "Ooo too much." he said. Sherlock reached out as if to help him and John yelled, "Get your hands off of me you fuckin' queer!"
Sherlock jumped back. He stared at John with a look of shock and hurt. John stared back at Sherlock and his face changed from anger to despair. He sat down on the floor and began to cry.
Sherlock came over and knelt down a yard away from John watching him without touching him.
Tears streamed down John's face and he cried, "What am I to do? What am I to do? Which of you should I betray? I thought that you would be easiest, but this is so difficult."
"I try to make you pull away from me. And when you do, I feel the rip as if you are peeling off my skin when you leave me. Mary says choose. But everything is painful. Oh God, I'm going to be sick." Sherlock reached out and helped John into the bathroom where he vomited into the toilet.
John washed his mouth out in the sink. "Awful words taste awful don't they?" John said as Sherlock began to fill the bath with water. "I'm sorry Sherlock."
"Come on now." Sherlock said, "Get out of those clothes."
John slid down against the bathroom wall and Sherlock helped him get undressed. He walked him over to the bathtub and lowered him in. Some water splashed onto the floor as John sank into the water until it was right below his nose. Sherlock could clearly see his exposed skin reddened from too much alcohol. John dozed off, and Sherlock sat on the toilet watching him to make sure that he did not drown. Sherlock pulled his feet up onto the toilet lid and wrapped his arms around his knees.
Sherlock was lost in thought. John had been abusive, and a bit scary. Was that real or an act? He said that he wanted to drive him away. Did that mean that he had already chosen Mary? Sherlock gazed at John's compact body. He wasn't getting any younger. This dangerous life that they led would eventually take its toll on him. Was it wrong of John to want someone who could take care of him? Give him a pipe and slippers or whatever else married people were supposed to do?
Sherlock couldn't imagine remembering to give John a pipe and slippers every evening. Too much else to do. Too much else to think of. Besides, John didn't smoke.
John's nose sank beneath the water and he jumped. Sherlock hopped down and put an arm under John's shoulder. "John, John, wake up. Time to go to bed."
John's eyes slid open slowly and heavily. Sherlock helped him up, set the water to drain and wrapped a towel around John as he slowly led him through the apartment and up to his room. John leaned against Sherlock as they took the steps one by one. Then Sherlock sat John down on the edge of the bed and he toweled off his chest and hair before laying him down and covering him up. Sherlock sat on the edge of John's bed and simply stared at his face. He lost himself in memories.